Chapter One

The Accidents

The pale grey sunlight of an early autumn morning peeks underneath my curtains, I look into the face of my alarm clock, it's 7:14 A.M, my alarm goes off at 7:30, I could sleep for another fifteen minutes if I wanted to. Damn it, what's the point, I'm too agitated to relax right now, I may as well get up and start the day a little early.

I unhook the alarm clock and head into the bathroom. I guess I can take a longer shower this time, that's a plus, I step naked underneath the warm pouring water and breathe out heavily, letting out some of the tension.

Today's a Thursday, which means tomorrow's a Friday, that's good, I guess. It's pretty pathetic when all I have to look forward too every day is my work week ending, I'm the only one of my friends who doesn't enjoy his job.

I grab the soap and start to lather up my body, running my fingers down my stomach, around my hips. Huh, it feels like I've lost a lot of weight recently.

It's then that I realize that I've forgotten to brush my teeth, damn it, I never feel right throughout the day when I know I haven't brushed. I could do it after my shower, but that would make my coffee (which I need) taste like hell.

There's only one thing for it, I turn the shower off and climb out. The mirror by the sink is long, so I can see the top half of my body in it. Man, I really have lost weight, I look rather fantastic if I can say so. Now that some of the fat has worn away, my stomach and chest are toned, though still skinny. I turn to my side, wow, my ass looks fantastic now, with the skinniness of my waist it looks like it's really sticking out, pretty sexy.

I give my butt a few light smacks as I inspect it, jiggle it up and down, and then smirk to myself.

"Holy fuck Chandler, nice ass."

The sound of Joey's voice makes me jump on the spot, and I see his smirking reflection in the mirror.

"Joey!" I screech, pulling the shower curtain to cover my pride. "What are you-?"

"Hey it's alright!" he interrupts. "I'd be doing the same thing if I had a butt like that."

He grins with satisfaction, probably a mocking one.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"What am I doing in the bathroom?" he laughs. "The real question is what are you doing here? Something nice I wish I hadn't interrupted, if you ask me."

"I was taking a shower!" I spit. "I just got out because I forgot to brush and- you don't go in the bathroom this early!"

"Yeah I do," Joey frowns. "I do wash too y'no Chandler, I have a ten minute shower at 7:15 in the morning. I dunno why you're up so early today."
I sigh. "Alright, alright. Just leave!"

"Sure you don't wanna turn around and show me some more?" he teases.

I can't think of an angry enough response, but the look on my face is enough to make Joey back off, he heads out the door, presumably back to his room.

I forget about brushing and jump back in the shower, feeling vulnerable for being caught like that. Christ, he saw me smacking my butt around! I've never been so humilliated.

When I'm finally dressed and ready to leave, Joey gives me a smirk as I make for the front door.
"We'll get even," I tell him.

"If you say so," I hear him respond as I close the door.

Work is the same as usual, typing in numbers, getting on the phone with boring people who have boring problems, but I'm happy to be doing it, it keeps my mind focused. It's the breaks I can't stand, I hate sitting around in my cubicle with my lunch, being left to my own thoughts.

Why? It's the same reason that I woke up so early this morning and why I couldn't sleep, there's something I can't stop thinking about, that I wish I could stop thinking about.

Last weekend, at Ross's birthday party, me and Ross... well okay, here's the story from the beginning. We were wasted, obviously, and it was starting to get past midnight so we all decided to go home and go to bed (this was not a cool party, just so you know,) by then I was exhausted since I was used to going to bed early for work, so Ross told me that I could sleep at his place so I didn't have to walk home. I wouldn't have agreed if I wasn't so insanely tired, I felt like I could fall asleep anywhere, so I just took the couch.

Rachel, who was going to stay over at Ross's cos they're back together (don't ask how that's going), she decided that it was unfair to make me sleep on the couch when they went to sleep on the bed, so they thought it would be fun if we both slept on the couches. Ross has two couches, so I had one, and Rachel and Ross shared one.
Pretty quickly as we were going to sleep, Ross woke me up by getting off the couch and going to the bathroom, just then Rachel got a call from Monica inviting her to come back because her and Joey were having more drinks. Rachel said, "I wasn't that tired anyway, tell Ross I left," and went to Monica's.

Because I have this prankster mind of mine, I saw a funny opportunity, I decided to get into the other couch where Rachel was, and wait for Ross to get back. In my plan, when he snuggled up to me I'd say something comical such as "Welcome back sweetie," and then he'd hear that it was me and we'd all have a good laugh and a good story to tell about the party. That's what I wanted to happen, but that's not what happened.

I laid on the couch, and when Ross returned, instead of going onto it from the front like any normal person would, he rolled over the back of it, squishing the front of his body on me, and started... well, basically sucking my face off.

I was in full abort mode, I was yelling "It's me! It's me! Rachel's left!" but he was relentless, he grabbed my wrists and held me down, licking inside my lips hungrily and kissing my neck.

Eventually I managed to roll off the side, at which point Ross was out like a light.

Now, like I said, Ross was drunk, very drunk, and he was also tired. But I really was yelling at him that it was me, and he continued to kiss me for minutes, holding me down. So... did he really think I was Rachel? That entire time?

The worst thing is, I think I enjoyed it. In fact I think I enjoyed it more than I've ever enjoyed kissing or making out with a woman ever.

Maybe not, maybe I'm just remembering things wrong, I don't know, I was drunk too. But still, it bothers me, it makes me really uncomfortable, and trying not to think about it is giving me a headache.

After a long day of work I return home at six o'clock. I expect Joey sat in the kitchen area, ready to mock me as soon as I come in. I expect that, but strangely enough he isn't there. Whatever, he must be in his room.

With the aching memories of Ross's birthday in my mind, I lull back to my bedroom. When I open the door, I... understand where Joey is.

He's on my bed, laid out on his front, butt-naked. The curtains are open so the sun shines on his dark-gold italian skin, he's resting his head on a pillow that he's cluctching between his arms.

"So," he grins, "are we gonna get even?"