Awake
Author: LonelyWriter42
Summary: Byakuya wakes up in bed with Kyoraku and then spends the rest of the day trying to figure this out, not knowing that it was April Fools Day and it was just one big prank by Rukia, Renji and Ichigo.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Byakuya's hair, Renji's hair, or the Key to the dimension where the King is. Sorry.
Sakura blossoms, drifting in the sunlight.
That was the first thing that Kuchiki Byakuya saw when he opened his eyes. It reminded him of Senbonzakura in it's released form, thousand of deadly pink blossoms flying though the air. Groaning, he rolled over, trying to find a more comfortable position. Sighing contentedly, he closed his eyes then opened them again when his brain registered that there was another person in the bed with him.
At first glance, he thought that it was Hisana but he rejected that idea because he knew she was dead and never coming back. On closer inspection, he realized that it wasn't even a female in his bed.
"What happened?" He asked aloud in shock, he mind blank. He remembered that he went to bed late, as was his custom, but not with anyone. Upon further reflection, he decided that nothing too bad happened the night before, his body relaxed as always.
"Umga?" The person groaned in his sleep, rolling to his side so Byakuya could see his face not just his back.
"Kyoraku-taicho?" Byakuya said in horror upon seeing the man's face.
"Huh? Whazzit?" Kyoraku opened his eyes. "Nanao-chan? Is that you? Oh," Kyoraku's eyes widened. "Kuchiki-taicho."
"Kyoraku?" Byakuya's mouth pressed into a thin line. "Why are you in my bed?"
"Why are you in my bed?" Kyoraku made a face. He sat up and in that moment Byakuya realized that neither of them was wearing clothes.
"Um," Byakuya averted his eyes as Kyoraku stood, reveling to the world why he was a ladies man. "I'm confused."
"So am I." Kyoraku replied, pulling on his robes. "But that's okay. I'm usually confused."
"But how. Why? I don't..." Byakuya pressed his hand to his forehead, feeling like he did the one time he was foolish enough to let Rukia drag him to a party hosted by Matsumoto. He hadn't been able to think straight for a week after that.
"Should I go out the window?" Kyoraku asked. "Or do you want everyone to know that we are in a relationship?"
"Go out the window," Byakuya growled, groping for something to throw at the man. His hand can into contact with a small hard object and without further thought, he threw the shoe at Kyoraku. "If you say anything to anyone I will personally kill you."
"Jeez," Kyoraku said, easily catching the shoe and tossing the it back. "You act like that was your first time." Kyoraku giggled at the thought. "Was it?"
"Just leave." Byakuya hissed, seriously contemplating taking out Senbonzakura and finishing off the Taicho of the Eighth Division.
"Sure." Kyoraku laughed, opening the window. "See you later, Byakushi." He called over his shoulder as he dropped out the second story window.
'I am going to kill that man.' Byakuya thought as he rose and went into his bathroom. He took a long, hot shower, lathering up several times, trying to get the dirty feeling off his skin. He got dressed slowly, making sure to tie everything in almost a death hold, not ever wanting to lose his clothes in that way ever again. He went down the stairs to breakfast wondering how he was going to talk to his sister when a horrid thought hit him. What if she had heard? Blood rushed to his face and he stopped on the steps, not wanting Rukia to see his shameful face.
'Why can I remember anything that happened last night?' He asked himself, pressing himself against the stairway wall. 'I never expected to have another in my bed after Hisana died. What would she think if she knew that it was a man that I excepted into it?' Groaning, he forced himself to regain his composure, knowing Rukia would come up the stairs looking for him if he was late. He took the stairs one step at a time, taking deep breaths, his stoic demeanor slowly returning and by the time he got to the breakfast table he was his cold, cheerless self.
"Good morning, Nii-sama," Rukia said softly, bowing her head as he sat.
"Yes," he replied, biting back his remark that it was the worst morning he had ever experienced and silently consuming his meal.
"Well," Rukia said five minutes later. "Ukitake-taicho is waiting. We're working on..." She trailed off when she saw that he wasn't listening to her. "Good day, Nii-sama."
"Um," was his reply, his eyes a million miles away.
Rukia tried to hold in the giggles as she departed the Kuchiki mansion, the look on Byakuya's face confirming that the evil plan she, Renji, and Ichigo had thought up worked. "He doesn't know what hit him," she giggled as she entered the offices of the Thirteenth Division.
"KNOW WHAT?" Kiyone yelled.
"Kuchiki-Fukutaicho, you are ONE MINUTE LATE!" Sentaro cried, not to be out done by Kotetsu.
"Yes, I know." Rukia said. "Is Ukitake-taicho in his office?"
"Yes," Kiyone said thoughtfully. "Kyoraku-taicho is in there with him, though."
"That's okay," Rukia said with a giggle. "Is Renji here?"
"No. Why?" Kiyone asked with a frown.
"Never mind. I'll speak with Ukitake-taicho." Rukia laughed as she opened the door to his office.
"Ah, Rukia." Ukitake smiled kindly. "Is Abarai-Fukutaicho here?"
"Not yet, but he should be here soon. Ichigo stayed at his place last night." Rukia sat down, a grin playing on her face. "So?" She asked Kyoraku.
He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Ukitake. "Let us wait until the rest of the group is here," he scolded Kyoraku.
"But Jyuu-chan," Kyoraku whined.
"Shunsui," Ukitake sighed.
"Fine," Kyoraku stuck out his tongue like a spoiled child and was silent.
"Yo," a voice was heard outside followed by Kiyone yelling,
"She's in with Ukitake-taicho!"
"Thanks, Kiyone." Renji said, entering the office with Ichigo not far behind.
"Hurry up!" Rukia clapped her hands together in anticipation.
"Rukia," Renji moaned, taking his time.
"Sit, Abarai!" She hissed. "I wanna hear what happened!"
"I want to hear, too." Ichigo forced Renji to sit. "Now spill."
"Well," Kyoraku said thoughtfully. "He threw a shoe at me."
"No!" Rukia cried. "Start at where we left!"
"You mean after we stripped him?" Kyoraku grinned.
"Well..." Rukia blushed. "Just start at when we got him into bed."
"Well, after we relieved him of his clothes, he started stirring, so I had to force another dose of sleeping powder down his throat. He has got to be one of the worst insomniacs I have ever seen 'cause not long after I got all settled in the bed, he started stirring again. It's a good thing I pretend to sleep all the time or he would have realized that it was a setup. Anyway, he just kinda laid there in bed with a blank look as if he wasn't quite sure what had happened, which is a good thing, I'm sure..." Kyoraku trailed off.
"It was! Now spit the rest out!" Rukia cried.
"He asked me why I was in his bed. Then he said he was confused and gripped his head, kinda like the time he came to Matsumoto's drinking party and experienced a hangover after one drink. Then he, he, he told me to leave through the window!" Kyoraku buried his face in Ukitake's shoulder and wouldn't speak anymore.
"There, there," Ukitake rolled his eyes then turned his attention to the other people in the room. "Now, what are we going to do next?"
"Point and laugh." Ichigo said.
"No, dummy." Rukia hit him then turned to Ukitake. "We need to spread the word that Kyoraku-taicho and Nii-sama had an one night stand."
"How am I supposed to go to work while thinking about this?" Renji cried.
"Deal," Rukia glared at the redhead. "Then Ukitake-taicho should challenge Nii-sama to a duel for Kyoraku-taicho's heart about lunch time..."
"Lunch time will work for me as long as I get tea beforehand." Ukitake nodded.
"How are we spreading the word?" Ichigo asked.
"Kiyone and Sentaro need to take some paperwork over to the First and the Fourth..." Rukia grinned. "And Ichigo did promise to play with Zaraki-taicho..."
"Fine. Whatever. I'll tell Kenpachi." Ichigo hissed. "If I don't die."
"That's the spirit!" Rukia giggled.
"How's not dying the spirit?" Ichigo hissed.
"Oh, you'll be just fine. Quit being a baby. Anyway, Renji, aren't you dating that girl from the Ninth? Or you could just tell Hisagi-Fukutaicho. And Kira. And Rangiku... while drinking! Take them out!" Rukia pointed at Renji.
"When am I taking them out?" Renji sighed, his one downfall in life the fact he would do anything for the midget across from him.
"Go find them and tell 'em that you want to see them as soon as possible at that bar. You have very important information to tell them concerning Kuchiki-taicho." Rukia started giggling uncontrollably. "This is so evil. I love it!"
"Alright, does everyone know what to do?" Ukitake asked.
"Yes, sir." They all responded, except Kyoraku who was still mock crying.
"Good. Go forth and spread the rumor. May fate be with us so Kuchiki-taicho doesn't kill us when he finds out what we did." Ukitake looked each in the eye and then nodded. "And remember: have fun."
"Yes, sir." They said, all standing and going to their appointed tasks.
The walk to the Sixth Division office seemed to take forever and Byakuya was sure that there were thousands of eyes staring at him. He passed several unseated Shinigami who stopped and stared at him like he had grown a third head. 'What happened? Kyoraku didn't. Did he?' Byakuya felt anger rush to the surface and he had to fight it back down. 'Kyoraku, I am going to kill you.' He thought as he entered the office and noted the absence of his fukutaicho.
"Renji," he sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. He had thought that Renji had started taking his responsibilities to heart after the failed execution of Rukia but it appeared not to be so. Sighing again, he took the papers off of Renji's desk and transferred them to his own. He spent the whole morning doing the paperwork, never once giving thought to the fact he hadn't had at least five women in the office, ogling at him. By the time lunch came around, he was ready for a break. Thinking it would be nice to see if his old mentor was in good health, he set out for the Thirteenth Division, not knowing that that was the last place he wanted to be.
Rukia had suffered giggling fits all morning and by the time lunch came she had been asked by Kiyone at least five times if she needed to go the Fourth.
"No," was her reply every time though she was having trouble breathing. At ten minutes to noon she got up and made Ukitake his tea, making an extra cup for herself.
"Ukitake-taicho, your tea," she called from outside his office door.
"Come in," he said softly.
Rukia entered and set the tea on the table, noting the fact he had papers everywhere. "Been doing paperwork?" She asked with a smile, handing him his tea.
"Yes. I figure if I die later, I shouldn't leave you with so much paperwork." Ukitake sipped his tea thoughtfully. "Byakuya is always so distant, even when he was a little boy he rarely smiled. His mother wasn't a mother figure and his father was more concerned with the clan. Is doing this really the best thing?"
"Ukitake-taicho?" Rukia whispered, not quite sure how to respond.
"Yes, Rukia?"
"Was Nii-sama really that lonely as a child?"
"Yes. He never had siblings so he latched on to me, who was his mentor for zanjutsu. The first time I truly saw him smile was when he first learned the name of his zanpakuto." Ukitake said thoughtfully.
"Thank you, Ukitake-taicho," Rukia said softly. "For keeping him sane."
"UKITAKE-TAICHO," Sentaro yelled. "KUCHIKI-TAICHO IS HERE!"
"Well, that's my cue. I promise not to beat him up to badly." Ukitake grinned as he pulled his zanpakuto out.
The day was going badly for Byakuya. First he woke up in bed with Kyoraku, then his fukutaicho skipped work this morning and now he was running for his life from Ukitake who had some how heard about the Kyoraku thing and had challenged him to a death duel.
"Get back here, Byakuya!" Ukitake yelled, his swords in their released form.
"For a person who is supposedly dying you can sure move," Byakuya said, barely escaping Sogyo no Kotowari's fury.
"How dare you try to take Kyoraku's love from me!" Ukitake voice was in sub-zero levels, telling Byakuya that if he didn't find a way to stop his old mentor, he would end up a pile of putty.
"Ukitake!" He called. "Let us discuss this rationally!"
"Stop trying to talk your way out of your punishment!" Ukitake growled. "Kyoraku is mine! MINE! Mine I say!"
By this time they had made it to the First Division Headquarters where Byakuya hoped the So-Taicho could talk Ukitake out of killing him.
"Open!" Byakuya growled, pounding on the door.
The door opened an inch and the First Division Fukutaicho's eyes could be seen. "I am sorry, Kuchiki-taicho, but the So-Taicho is busy napping right now. Come back later." With that the door closed and locked.
"Great!" Byakuya hissed.
"And then, and then..." Renji tried to get out but his brain was so addled he wasn't quite sure what he was talking about anymore. "Then..."
"Then!" Kira cheered with a raised glass.
"Wonderful, Renji!" Matsumoto called, a silly grin on her face.
"Whoa," Hisagi sighed. "Was that Kuchiki-taicho?" He pointed at the window. All of the group turned and looked, just catching sight of Byakuya's scarf as he went around the corner.
"What's he running from..." Matsumoto started then stopped when she saw Ukitake rush around the corner. "What's happening?" She giggled.
"Looks like Ukitake-taicho is challenging Kuchiki-taicho for Kyoraku-taicho's love." Renji muttered.
"Let's watch!" Matsumoto cried, jumping up and exiting the bar. Kira and Hisagi followed her, leaving Renji with the bill.
"Yeah, yeah. Just put it on my tab." Renji sighed as the barmaid held out her hand for payment. "And hopefully Kuchiki-taicho will make it through today alive." He sighed, finishing off his sake then chasing after the other fukutaicho.
Nanao found Kyoraku sitting on the roof, a piece of grass sticking out of his mouth. "Gur, it's probably poisoned." She hissed as she went over to him and yanked it out of his mouth.
"Nanao-chan!" Kyoraku grinned. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"We have paperwork to do!" She yelled, the vein in her temple pulsing.
"Oh," Kyoraku frowned. "I was just waiting for Kuchiki-taicho to arrive."
Her curiosity peeked and anger forgotten, she asked, "Why is Kuchiki-taicho coming over?"
"Oh, you know. Right about now he's engaged in a battle to the death with Ukitake for my heart... What are we having for lunch?" He asked.
"A death BATTLE?" Nanao cried. "What did you do!"
"You know, it's a very interesting story..."
"I'm sure it is now spill!" Nanao hissed.
"My darling Nanao-chan needs to get hold of her anger first. It is ruining her flawless face." Kyoraku sighed in disappointment.
"Kyoraku-taicho, I don't mind when you have a drinking party with Matsumoto, I don't care when you have combat practice with Zaraki-taicho, I don't even mind when you disappear for hours when there is paperwork to be done, but when you start using the other Taicho for your practical jokes, that is were I draw the line! Now go save Kuchiki-taicho from Ukitake-taicho!" Nanao yelled.
"It's not a practical joke, mostly..." Kyoraku said thoughtfully. "It's something that they do in the real world on this day and Kuchiki-fukutaicho thought that it would be fun to do it to her brother. And Abarai agreed."
"Renji," Nanao hissed. "And you, too, Rukia. How dare you use a Taicho for a practical joke! And you!" She screamed, hitting Kyoraku. "You went along with it! Go clean up your MESS! RIGHT NOW!"
"Nanao-chan," he moaned as he stood. "She is so mean to me." He sobbed.
"Just go," she sighed, wondering for the hundredth time that day why she had wanted to join the Eighth Division and put up with its taicho.
The clearing behind the Thirteenth Division barracks was full of Shinigami of all the divisions, the word that Ukitake of the Thirteenth was going to kill Kuchiki of the Sixth for Kyoraku of the Eighth's heart spreading like wild fire with more and more people arriving by the second. By the time Ukitake and Kuchiki showed up there was over two thousand people in the clearing.
"Ukitake you have gone mad!" Byakuya cried. "You can have Kyoraku, just leave me alone!"
"Never! I must show once and for all, that he is mine! And if that means that I have to kill you, so be it." Ukitake cackled evilly.
"But I'm straight! I don't want him! I'm a widower for goodness sake!" Byakuya shouted.
"Then why did you bed him!" Ukitake roared.
"I didn't!" Byakuya called back. "I don't want him!" He just barely escaped a death by being burnt to a crisp when he decided that the ridiculous battle should come to an end. "Bankai." He said, letting Senbonzakura fall to the ground.
"So you will use Bankai against me?" Ukitake asked, his eyes glowing with an inner light. "Show me want you can do, Kuchiki Byakuya! It's been a long time since I saw your Bankai, hopefully you have since discovered a new move to use against me!"
Byakuya just gave his former mentor a tight smile. "I wonder if you can keep up with it."
"Then let's really start this fight," Ukitake grinned. "Bankai."
Ichigo found himself laying on his back for the fifth time since he arrived at the Eleventh Division, this time because Yachiru seemed to think he had candy.
"C'mone, Itchy! Candy!" The pink haired fukutaicho cried.
"I already said that I don't have any, Kusajishi-fukutaicho." Ichigo fumed.
"Candy!" She cried, bouncing up and down. "Candy, candy, candy."
"Yachiru, I was tryin' to take a nap. Quit your yammerin'" Kenpachi hissed as he entered the room.
"Ken-chan!" Yachiru called, jumping off of Ichigo and running over to Kenpachi. "Itchy came to play with you!"
"Oh, did he?" Kenpachi's eyes took on a demonic light. "Come, Ichigo. Fight me!" He called, rushing Ichigo.
"Great," Ichigo muttered, getting a good grip on Zangetsu. The first blow landed like a load of bricks and the second Ichigo could barely parry.
"You are gettin' weak, boy!" Kenpachi cried.
"Yeah," the half dead Ichigo muttered. "Kenpachi," he called weakly. "Have you heard about Byakuya and Kyoraku?"
"What about them?" Kenpachi frowned. "You just tryin' to distract me?"
"No! It's true! Byakuya and Kyoraku are a couple!" Ichigo said.
"Really?" Kenpachi's voice said that he didn't believe what Ichigo had just said. "That's far fetched. It's more likely that either of then end up with Ukitake."
"It's true..." Ichigo was cut off by a sudden burst of reiatsu. "That's..."
"Kuchiki and Ukitake's reiatsu." Kenpachi grinned evilly. "Seems you're right, boy. Let's go enjoy the fun." Kenpachi grabbed Ichigo's arm and rushed away to where he felt the battle taking place.
Kyoraku was taking a leisurely stroll through the Seireitei looking for his old friend when he felt it: the Bankai of two captain class Shinigami. "Jyuu is crazy enough to use Bankai against Kuchiki?" He said in fear. "Kuchiki doesn't stand a chance! Dang you, Ukitake! I don't want to save the priss, but now I have to!" He growled, gathering reishi to his feet so he could shunpo to where he felt the battle taking place. He arrived a second later, drawing Katen Kyokotsu and stopping Ukitake's Sogyo no Kotowari at the last second.
"What the heck are you doing, Jyuu-chan!" Kyoraku hissed, dust and smoke obscuring everyone's view of what happened.
"Playing with Byakuya," Ukitake grinned.
Kyoraku sighed. "I think you played your part a little too well."
"Oh, well. Byakuya's out cold anyway." Ukitake said. "Let's get out of here before the smoke completely clears."
"Good idea," Kyoraku said, disappearing along with Ukitake.
Byakuya slowly drifted towards consciousness, his head spinning. "What happened?" He asked.
"Nii-sama!" Rukia cried.
"Rukia," he said, opening his eyes to see that he was in the Fourth Division. "Why am I here?"
"Well, you where fighting with Ukitake-taicho when you kinda both released Bankai. No one is sure about anything else 'cause by the time the smoke cleared Ukitake-taicho was gone and you were laying on the ground unconscious. Someone called for Unohana-taicho then and she healed you, and then..." Rukia prattled on but Byakuya had stopped listening.
"Ukitake," he said softly.
"Eh, Nii-sama?"
"Why was Ukitake fighting me for Kyoraku? It makes no sense. I don't even like him and to think that I would take him away from Ukitake is crazy." Byakuya reasoned.
"Well," Rukia started guiltily. "It's kinda, well..."
"Yes?" Byakuya narrowed his eyes at his sister. "It is what, Rukia? Tell me." He commanded.
"Well," she winced. "It was a... joke. We decided that you were to stiff and it is a holiday in the real world so Ichigo thought that it would be a good idea and then Renji heard about it and had to help and somehow Ukitake-taicho and Kyoraku-taicho got involved and it kinda just went from there." Rukia said as fast as she could, tears coming to her eyes. "Please don't do anything bad to Renji or Ichigo. They were just trying to have fun."
"At my expense." Byakuya hissed.
"I'm sorry, Nii-sama." Rukia whispered, lowering her head.
"I see," Byakuya turned away from his sister. "I shall think up a punishment later. Now I wish to rest. Leave me, Rukia."
"Yes, Nii-sama." Rukia whispered. "I'm glad to see that you're okay," She whispered as she left.
"But you will still be punished." Byakuya said softly. "Now let's see. What can I do to you..."
A week later
"What!" Rukia screamed.
"You will be married to Byakuya-sama at the end of the month, Rukia-san." The elder said, an unhappy look on his face.
"Married to Nii-sama." Rukia swooned, not hearing Byakuya's low, evil chuckle in the other room.