Hey anyone who's still with us at this point and sorry it took forever to crank this one out. hope you enjoy.

Growing beans: Part three

Chapter 1

I shouldn't keep doing this myself, I was slowly driving myself crazy and I knew it, but it was inevitable. Not only inevitable but unstoppable. It was like that asteroid that passed by the earth not long ago, people should have been freaked the fuck out about that in my opinion, but no all these scientist and space nerds and NASA guys were like 'oh no big deal'. They were confident it would just skim by us, how could they just be so fucking calm though? Surely any number of things could have changed, could have altered its course.

Like all things in life nothing is certain until it's actually happened, weather it was a big ass rock flying towards us, the weather guy telling me it would be sunny, or that things were finally going to be okay now. There was no way of knowing, I had a close friend who was a Psychic and there was still no way to ever be sure.

The fight was over, but I still felt like I was on edge. Maybe I just didn't know how to come down. One thing I did know was the nightmares were getting worse, they were becoming more frequent and I knew I was starting to scare the hell out of Skar.

He kept pressing me to go see Carlisle but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, for some reason the mere thought of being anywhere near a Vampire right now brought on waves of terror. I was beginning to wonder if shape shifters got sick, like really sick. Maybe there was something wrong with me? I didn't feel myself at all lately I just felt wrong, and there was this ever pressing feeling of doom hanging over me like cloud. And just like a cloud it seemed to follow me everywhere.

I hated that everyone was so relaxed and okay, I wanted my friends to be happy, I wanted to believe them that it was over now but I couldn't let it go.

Hershel, Cheryl's mate, and a member of the Bette Noire that none of us could remember killing. Skar and Seth had chased him to the coast once on the night of Kaden and Elissa's Bachelor/Bachelorette parties. But no one recalled seeing him on the battle field. That didn't necessarily mean he was out there, he could have easily been killed by Rufus or Jaide, one of the friends we'd lost in the battle. The death toll was huge; it was more than plausible to think one of us had just forgotten we'd done it or not remembered piling his corpse with the others before we struck the match. But to me, they sounded like some pretty big maybes.

I told myself I was being stupid, that there was no danger anymore, it felt like I told myself those very words a thousand times a day but I still couldn't believe them. I felt like I was the only one who saw things the way they really were, but that was the thing, I wasn't sure that I was right, I could never be sure. There was no way I'd ever know for certain if Hershel had perished that day like the rest of his family.

I sigh and roll out of the bed, Skar wasn't next to me, he must have already left for patrol. That or my kicking and screaming in my sleep had driven him to sleep on the floor again. I couldn't feel him near, and a quick glance over his edge of the bed confirms my first thoughts, he's already gone.

I padded downstairs still feeling like shit, I might have been sleeping but the night terrors were still leaving me exhausted anyway. I was just pouring myself a cup of coffee when there was a knock at the front door. I wandered over to the door and saw the UPS guy through the glass; he smiles and waves his clipboard at me. "Morning" I say forcing a smile and taking the clipboard and pen from his hand

"Miss Lushnovic?" he asks and I nod

"That's me"

"Where do you want this?" he asks gesturing towards the large wooden crate he had strapped to a trolley

"Oh just leave it in the kitchen" I say

"Are you sure? It's pretty heavy" he says looking over my slight frame his eyes lingering a little too long over my ass, I raise an eyebrow and he quickly snaps his eyes back to my face and blushes slightly.

"Its fine, my boyfriend can move it for me when he get's home" I tell him and he flushes a little bit redder. "Is that everything?" I ask handing back the signed papers and he nods. He gives the paper work a quick once over and smiles at me.

"Thanks Miss Lushnovic" he says then steps over to the door, he passes a tired looking Micah, as my nephew stumbles sleepily into my kitchen.

"Do I smell coffee?" Micah yawns and I laugh.

"In the pot" I tell him tilting my head in that direction. Micah shuffles off that way and I take my own coffee to sit at the table, crossing my legs and shifting my dressing gown to cover my exposed thighs. I take a sip of the hot liquid and rub my closed eyelids while I ponder if there was a brand of sleeping pills that were proven to stop dreams. I read somewhere that cheese makes people dream, I make a mental note to make sure I don't eat any cheese form now on, thought I don't eat that much of it anyway. I sigh and take another sip.

Micah sits in the chair opposite me with an open box of Lucky charms, no bowl, no spoon and no milk. "Where's this one from?" Micah asks nodding at the crate that just arrived.

"Soho" I tell him swallowing a mouthful of coffee

"New York?"

"London" I shake my head.

"What's in it?" he asks and I shrug my shoulders

"I don't remember the sixties was a very weird time for me" I sigh

"Really? Sounds like you don't actually remember what you and my Dad got up to in London in the sixties" he smirks and I grin back.

"Well times were changing and I'm not gonna lie there was a lot of parties"

"You're terrible, such an awful example you set for me" he laughs and I roll my eyes.

"Shut up" I smirk.

"I think what you're doing is a good thing by the way" he says and smiles at me, I frown.

"And what am I doing" I ask

"Having all of your things moved here so Skar will feel less insecure and stop worrying that you'll take off" he says

"He's over that, he knows I'm not going anywhere" I say

"I know that, but emptying storage lockers and safety deposits from all over the world is a nice touch" he says and I grin. It was the main reason I was having my stuff shipped to Washington, Micah was right but it was also nice to have some familiar belongings back in my life. "Hey I was wondering why you don't ask Skar to move in." Micah asks and I feel my eyebrows rise

"What are you talking about move in?" I ask "Skar already lives here" I shrug and Micah laughs

"Does he, he might sleep here every night but none of his stuff's here is it" he says, I glance around the open plan living space and he's right, it's all me.

"Mich? If Skar wanted his stuff here he'd say something. Maybe he just doesn't have a lot stuff" I say and Micah chuckles

"Yeah maybe, look all I'm saying is maybe you should make sure he knows he lives here, because I think he thinks he just sleeps over" Micah says. I ponder his words for a while, as I finish my coffee, maybe he's right.

"You ok?" Micah asks after a while and I fake a smile

"Sure, don't I look it?" I ask

"No you just look a little tired that's all" he shrugs

"I didn't sleep well" I tell him.

"Why not?"

"I just didn't" I snap suddenly before I can stop myself and Micah recoils slightly, I sigh and feel bad instantly. I shrug it off with a smile. "I was thinking I'd make meatballs tonight, are you around for dinner?" I ask

"Yeah" he says after a second "That would be great, Thanks Fable"

"No biggie, I need to go into town and get some groceries though" I tell him "Do you need anything while I'm there?" I ask

"No" he says quietly and I know he's treading lightly because I snapped at him.

"Ok well I'm gonna go take a shower and get dressed, don't you have school or something?" I say and he frowns at me

"Fable its Sunday" he says

"Oh, right of course it is" and I laugh it off like it was a silly mistake. This was getting out of hand now, I was missing entire days, I needed to do something, anything.

I made it upstairs and into the shower, but before long my knees go weak and I find myself sat in the cubicle crying with my knees tucked up to my chest. The worst part is that I don't even know why.

I took Skar's mustang into Fork's, I was yet to get a vehicle of my own and he didn't need it while he was wolf anyway. I was driving along when I suddenly had to hit the breaks; out of nowhere a vision flashed my mind like a flashback only these images weren't my memories. They were mine in a sense that I'd dreamed them they'd just never actually happened.

I can't walk, my legs broken beyond repair. I scramble backwards across the floor from my attacker clutching something in my arms, I clutch whatever it is against my chest desperate to stop my attacker from taking it .I'm in my bedroom, a low growl fills the room, it sounds like a wolf, my wolf.

I scream and the car screeches to a stop as the breaks take effect. An overtaking car honks its horn at me at the Station wagon from behind passes too, the owner flipping me off as he goes. Tears overwhelm me and I sit there crying my eyes out for the second time that morning.

I have no idea what just happened to me or what that was, but the nightmares have never happened in the day before atleast not while I was awake. I try to push the hideous thoughts away and tell myself I would not let them control me. Maybe I'd walked this earth for too long and now I was starting to loose my mind, it was unnatural for a person to live this long and maybe this was a side effect of that.

Whatever was wrong with me I hoped I could fix it and I hoped I could fix it fast? Because I genuinely didn't know how much more I could take. I'd been depressed before, hell after Russ died I'd been down right suicidal with grief and guilt but even then in my darkest hours, I'd never once felt like my mind was becoming unhinged.

After sitting there by the roadside for the longest time I finally worked up the courage to start the car again. I took a deep breath a twisted the key in the ignition, nothing happened no flashes or terrors, so I applied a little gas and still nothing. I calmed myself mentally and told myself I could do this. I brought the clutch up to the bite and the engine began to purr.

I can do this.