SILENCE
I write
It's what I do
It helps me get emotions out
Until recently
Recently
All my writings have been about
You
I didn't know how to react
When I looked back
And noticed
I love you
I've never been in love before
Hell
I've never really liked anyone before
Before you
I didn't know what to do
But I knew one thing
I love you
And nothing would change that
Not even knowing you were a bloke
And blokes shouldn't love other blokes
And you might
Probably not
Definitely not
Feel the same
And you might hate me
And James might hate me
But I felt you needed to know
Because I'm a selfish idiot
Because I hoped
So
One day I left all my writings
On your bed
And left for a walk
And then I came back
Only slightly terrified out of my wits
To see you
Sitting on you bed
Holding what for all purposes was my soul
In your scarred hands
Not reading
But waiting
"These are yours."
You said carefully
Always careful
I nodded
Unable to speak
"The poems are quite good"
My heart twisted
Could you not see?
Could you not understand?
Did you not know what to say?
Did you hate me?
"Remus…"
"I haven't read the journals yet.
And I won't unless…"
"Read please"
My voice was choked.
Half begging
And I sat beside you
So close
Almost touching
You reading my soul
Me reading your face
You turned to me when you had finally finished
Such sweetness in your golden eyes
You knew how I felt
And you looked at me like I was normal
Like I was worth something
And that meant so much to me
At a time when I felt like and idiot
A freak
Nothing
But you saw something in me
What, I still don't know
You turned and said
"How long?"
"Always" I realized
And it was true
Silence
You looked at my hands
At my left wrist
At the heart I'd drawn there for as long as I could remember
"I draw it for you." I realized
And it was true
Silence
You turned over your hands
Where they rested in your lap
A small heart
Inked onto the pale skin on the inside of your right wrist
Silence
"Why?" I asked
Hoping
Hoping
"You"
Silence
"How long?"
Holding my breath
Hoping
Hoping
"Always"
Silence
Silence
Like the silence before a newborn's first breath
Fragile
New
Tender
Expectant
I leaned closer
Carefully
And you leaned closer
And our hands met in the middle
The silence was protected in the cage of our fingers
And our pulses beat together
Our hearts touching
The idea came from an actual event, but the final version is so far removed from the original, we'll just call it new. The bit about hearts drawn on the inside of wrists really happened between me and a then crush, and that incident was the inspiration.