Title: "Little to Do About Romance"
Author: Legal Assasin
Summary: Anders and Fenris hate each other and that's that…or is it? Hawke has her own ideas…
Pairing: First ever official Fenders story! Woot! Also some F!HawkexIsabella on the side
Disclaimer: It would be possible to get these two to hook up in DA2 if I owned it. Sadly-or fortunately, depending on how you look at it-I don't.
WARNING! There are two guys and two girls together in this fic. And they aren't going with the opposite sex. There is GAY in this story (and yes I mean that in a good way). If you don't like it, then use the back button instead of complaining!
Before I begin…This was requested on the kink meme and-since I'm such a Shakespeare fan girl and love Fenders-I fell in love with the prompt right away. I also re-watched the scene in Kenneth Branough's version to get an idea. So yeah, that's all I have to say. Enjoy!
==+O+==
The clinic was out of bandages. Again.
Hence why now Anders was making his way towards Lowtown to ask Lirene if she had any. Sure he could use his magic to patch up his patients, but between helping Hawke fight bandits, Tal-Vashoth, or whatever else was brave/stupid enough to attack them and healing people who were close to death, he used mundane methods as much as he could to preserve mana Hawke let him keep for those who really needed it.
He ended up taking a path by the Hanged Man, where he overheard a familiar voice.
"You're kidding? The elf likes Blondie? As in 'likes?'"
Varric. And there was only one person he called "the elf," seeing as the only other elf Anders knew-an insanely stupid and careless blood mage-was affectionately called "Daisy." No, the elf Varric was talking about was most likely Fenris, who shouldn't have any reason to like Anders.
Still, the apostate found himself stopping and hiding behind a wall to eavesdrop on the conversation between the dwarf and Hawke.
"I heard it straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak. And he was quite serious about it as well. You see, Fenris apparently can't get his mind off Anders. And not in the 'oh, he is such an annoying pest' kind of way but the 'oh Maker, he's dashingly handsome' kind of way."
Anders nearly laughed aloud. Fenris? Ser "No, we can't let the mages go free, Hawke; they'll all turn into abominations or magisters" Fenris? In love with an apostate and host to a spirit of the Fade? The darkspawn would start giving out free hugs before that would happen.
"So how come Broody doesn't just tell him?"
"Fenris is sure that Anders would torment him relentlessly about his feelings if he found out. You know how much Anders detests him; he would spurn the tender, honest affection Fenris has for him. No, it's best if Fenris finds another to give his heart to, someone who wouldn't break it."
Now that was a complete lie! Anders wouldn't tease anyone who liked him in that way, even if they were Fenris. And he'd have to admit, were it not for the way the elf got under his skin with his anti-mage sentiment, he wouldn't mind being around him so much. He might even like him back…
"You sure, Hawke? Blondie doesn't seem the type to do that. And he isn't that bad."
"No, no; he would surely laugh in poor Fenris's face. I'm going to get Fenris to find someone else for his own sake."
Anders wanted to go out and tell them both otherwise. Sure he and Fenris didn't get along that well, but he would never stomp all over someone if they said they loved him!
Plus, he admitted, were it not for the way the warrior got under his skin-which, now that he thought about it, might have to do with keeping his feelings hidden-Anders would've been attracted to him long ago. He wasn't bad looking at all-though that was an understatement-and although he was surly he still showed compassion for others. And since Hawke had eyes only for Isabella, he couldn't really continue longing for her. It would be better to move on. His mind continued to dwell on this as he left the two gossipers, got the bandages he came for, and returned to the clinic.
~O~
Hawke waited until Anders disappeared from her sight, then turned to Varric grinning.
"He heard it all!"
"But the real question is, did the trap work?"
"I know what Anders looks like when he's seriously thinking about something and that he was doing when he left. We got him!"
Varric chuckled.
"Never thought you were the match-maker type, Hawke. Much less the kind to set up these two. Speaking of which…I got an idea. Why don't we send Broody to ask Blondie to meet us at the Hanged Man?"
"Excellent idea! I'll go ask him while you make sure Merrill and Isabela are somewhere Fenris will go by."
"If this works, this will be quite a story."
"Oh, it will work! Trust me!"
~O~
Of all the people Hawke could decide to send, she had to pick Fenris.
He was not at all happy about going down to Darktown, into the abomination's clinic, just to deliver a message because Hawke was busy. Were it not for that, he would never set foot in the place.
So he walked quickly into the clinic to get this over with.
"Mage?"
Anders looked up from a patient he was currently treating.
"Oh, Fenris! How are you this fine day?"
Fenris raised an eyebrow. The mage was oddly…cheerful today, considering he was in the middle of treating someone. And that someone else whom he made clear he didn't like just walked into his clinic.
Just get it over with, he told himself.
"Against my will, I am here to deliver a message. Hawke wants you to come to the Hanged Man later tonight."
"You sure it's completely against your will?"
Maker, what was with him today? Did he catch a disease from one of his patients?
"I assure you I take as much pleasure in this as you would thrusting a knife into yourself."
Now that the message was delivered, Fenris left the clinic promptly before the mage could say anything else.
~O~
"Thrusting a knife…was that innuendo I heard?"
Which only served to confirm what he was lead to believe.
~O~
Fenris was making his way to the Hanged Man when he heard a familiar voice.
"Anders is in love with Fenris?"
He stopped. No, he didn't just hear that from Merrill. It was just his mind playing tricks on him after the mage acted so oddly.
"Exactly what I heard from Hawke. And she got it from Anders, himself."
Fenris was expecting a hurlock to come running in and randomly hugging him any moment now. It would be far more likely than what he was hearing now.
"But I thought they hated each other! Or…is insulting someone a way humans show affection?"
"It's one way. And I'm sure Anders would want Fenris to think he hated him."
"Why not just tell him? It seems a lot easier that way."
"Kitten, you do know what kind of person Fenris is, don't you? If Anders confessed from the bottom of his heart, Fenris wouldn't think twice about stomping all over the feelings he carries deep inside him. That's why I'm going to the clinic tomorrow to tell him to find someone better."
"But I'm sure we could get Fenris to at least hear Anders out without ridiculing him."
"No, no; if Ander's feelings aren't returned, he'll be worse off than he is now. And he isn't doing so well at the moment."
Fenris clenched his fists. How dare Isabela assume he would be so…so callous with someone's heart? True, the mage was infuriating due to his ignorance towards those of his own kind-an ignorance he refused to abandon even when facing evidence of the worst-but that wouldn't warrant treatment the pirate described. And, he had to admit, he would consider Anders attractive were it not for that fact.
But for him to be worse than he is now-which was a possessed mage losing a battle with the demon inside him-if Fenris didn't return his affections…
He continued to make his way to the Hanged Man, his mind made up; to save Anders from himself, he would return those feelings.
~O~
"Did it work?"
Merrill and Isabela watched Fenris walk off, possibly pondering.
"Well, he certainly looked like he was thinking about it. I'd say it worked!"
"So…if Anders believes Fenris is in love with him and Fenris believes Anders is in love with him, then what?"
"That's what we're going to find out, Kitten." Isabela grinned.
~O~
Two hours later…
Hawke and Isabela were crouched outside the door leading to Fenris's room while doing their best to keep their giggling to the bare minimum. Both had their ears pressed to the wood, listening to the activity going on the other side.
Hawke was quite proud of her work. Although, she felt that after such toil her work should be rewarded. And of course she couldn't leave Isabela out of it. The offer was open to Merrill and Varric as well, though the former declined as she felt Anders and Fenris should have their privacy and the latter because-understandably-he just wasn't that interested. Which was fine for the two women; it left them more room to listen in.
"Best. Idea. Ever." Isabela grinned.
"Once they're done, we tell Varric of the mission's success. Drinks are on me for the night." Hawke said.
"You sure that's all that's on you tonight, sweet thing? I've gotten a few…ideas, from this."
"Then I'll see you tonight in my room."
Yes; this was the best idea Hawke had. And the pay off was worth it.
==+O+==
So while the prompt asked for Hawke to be a closet lover of BL, I decided to make her Bi just for the interactions with Isabela.
Hope you enjoyed!
BTW, I'm writing a bleach story to experiment with a writing style which could potentially be used in a future DA fic (mainly the other Fenders story I'm working on). If you can and would like to, please tell me what you thought about it as your opinion may influence how the story turns out. That's all!