A/N:One of my very first stories is back! The name is Blight! Why? Because...I went through a number of names for this story when my crazy friend and I wrote this...yes, we are both crazy...first it was "Scary Ninjas" then it was simply "Sasuke" because face it, at the time we were both obsessed with Sasuke and wanted him to be the main character, not Naruto. So, we thought, why not create a series where Sasuke IS the main character? First, we tried to make it serious, but it eventually evolved into a parody and into a world of its own. So this fic is extremely OOC. Sasuke is more of a Deadpan Snarker and is more talkative-though he is still emo in his own way, he is just more cheerful, Sakura is still as sarcastic as she ever was, Naruto is dumb-yes, we hated Naruto at that age, and there are a ton of OC's we tossed in here-mostly animals. Enjoy the crack! Welcome to the world of Blight! Oh, and as for why everyone thinks Sasuke is dead, they just...assume that. Okay? AU as well...This story goes between comedy and drama...it's a dramedy.

Chapter 1: The mysterious boy with black hair

It was a lovely day in the city, no town, no village of Konoha/Konohagakure/Leaf Village/whatever the hell it's called. No, this is not Mr. Roger's neighborhood. This is a story of ninjas, a story of love, of tragedy, of sickness, of plague, of pink-haired demons, of space pirates and inanimate talking objects. In other words, this village is...crazy.

The birds were chirping like always, the sun was shining, and all the girls in the village were happy, shallow caricatures except for one gloomy girl. Who was the unfortunate girl? Her name was Sakura Haruno, and she suffered from a most unusual affliction: jumpropeaphobia. Yes, she had a terrifying fear of jump ropes. They just reminded her so much of snakes, which she hated, and of cupcakes, which she hated also.

Said pinkette sighed as she sat in her bedroom, reading a manga. The story was a really weird, poorly written story about a group of weirdos and their adventures throughout their world. Sighing, she closed the book as she realized...that there was a knock at her door. No, a knock is not a type of animal.

The pinkette opened the door slowly, very, very afraid of what lurked behind that door, because behind that door lurked the foulest of monsters, the blackest of demons, and the darkest of...cliched adverbs that have nowhere else to go but in this very paragraph, so please overlook it and enjoy.

At that moment, the poor, unfortunate door was blown off the hinges by an enormous woman with long pink hair and a crazy glint in her eye. This was Sakura's mother, an attractive but sadly delusional woman who was obsessed with one thing and one thing only: aliens.

She believed the Third Hokage was an alien who came from outer space, believed her own daughter to be an alien, and constantly blew up things at her workplace because she decided that they were aliens in disguise when in reality they were just normal, rational people terrified of how insane she was.

Sakura wished her mother could see a therapist, but she had already seen four of them, all of which promptly quit after one session. Three had run out of the room screaming while the last one had never been seen alive again. Sakura had a strong suspicion that the poor woman was tied up in her basement somewhere, surviving on mold and rainwater. If that was so, she was probably dead. Poor thing.

"Sakura, I thought I saw an alien outside!"

Sakura sighed in frustration at how inane her mother could be at times. "No, mom, there are no such things as aliens! How many times do I have to tell you that?"

Her mother started to argue with her and then the argument intensified, to the point that a person outside could hear them as he walked in the pouring rain. No one else was around, and that was even better from his point of view.

His hair was midnight-black and it was dripping wet, much to his annoyance. Onyx eyes paused as he turned to regard the house in question before he raised a curious brow. "Should I...?" He stopped then and there as he stopped to think it over.

The young runaway had only been on the run for a month or so, but already he knew better than to trust in any people or to stay anywhere for long periods of time. He had been lucky so far that no one had found him out. He was good at sneaking around and it was a good thing that he had dark hair-if he were to have bright-colored hair, it wouldn't have saved him from all of those close calls in the past.

He looked at the things he had with him as meager as they were...a few mementoes from his time with his family...his fists tightened slightly. "Well...I might as well sneak in the house for a bit." He thought and smirked.

Sakura sulked as she sat on her bed. "Why the heck did she have to ground me simply for mouthing off to her?"

Suddenly, her mother burst into the room. "You're giving this room to me!"

"No, you're not having it!" Sakura cried as she thrust her mother out and slammed the door in her face. "Good god, can't I ever talk to someone sane around here?"

She went into her bed and frowned as she went to sleep, desiring nothing more than a true companion. She didn't even notice the mysterious figure who crawled in as he smirked upon seeing the girl's prone form.

The next day, Sakura awoke bright and early. She got out of bed...only to realize she had stepped on something...soft. Freaked out by this, Sakura jumped back in alarm, but noticed that the person she had stepped on had messy black hair.

'A burglar? How the heck did he get in my house? I didn't even sense him last night!'

Panicking, she screamed, which woke up the black-haired boy. She noticed his eyes, which were the same color as his hair.

"Must you scream like that? It's most annoying." He said dully.