Santa's a pervert
Author: Kat-Lady
Disclaimer: Heero and Duo aren't mine and Santa is probably going to skip the coal and just put reindeer poo in my stocking this year. (sigh) But it was worth it.
Warnings: 1x2, yaoi-ness, poking fun at the Jolly Man.
"Santa Clause is a pervert." Duo said one night in January while he and Heero were getting ready for bed.
Heero spat out the mouthful of toothpaste and leaned back away from the sink to look through the bathroom doorway at Duo, his raised eyebrow speaking volumes about Duo's random thought process. "How do you figure?" He turned back to the sink and finished with his teeth before joining Duo in the bedroom.
"If you think about it for a second, there are a lot of signs: first he makes you sit on his lap to tell him what you want, and then he also wants it in writing. And what's with the Ho Ho Ho? Is that some sort of call he came up with?" Duo was really getting into the idea now and when he got excited about a subject he would talk with his hands…a lot. Heero smirked and stood watching Duo try to undress himself while talking with his hands. Halfway out of his shirt he got stuck, just like Heero knew he would. With one arm stuck straight up in the air out of the neck hole, and the other lost somewhere in the sleeve Duo continued in his rant through the belly of his shirt. "Candy canes and Christmas trees can both be phallic symbols if you look right and most times grown men sneaking into your house in the dead of night to leave surprises in socks is not a good thing. And then there are the Christmas carols. 'I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause'? or what about 'He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake'? That's like stalker creepy right there. It reminds me way too much of Relena during the war." He finally managed to defeat his shirt and stuck his tongue out at Heero when he saw the amused look on his face.
Heero turned off the main light and got into bed watching Duo as he finished getting undressed and started unbraiding his hair by the lamplight. Still ranting. "Just think about it. Some old guy is up there in the North Pole somewhere watching us at all times, you can't tell me he's not a pervert! He even judges you on your performance!"
Heero smiled seductively and patted the empty side of the bed next to him. "Well, what do you say to giving the old boy a show that'll put us both on the 'Nice' list for good?"
Duo looked startled for a moment before a wide grin split his face. He laughed quietly as he crawled into bed and reached for Heero. "Damn, I love it when you're being naughty."
--
--The North Pole--
Santa sat in a room full of monitors and smiled lecherously at the show on his favorite screen. He absently reached over to his list that was always kept handy and added both Heero and Duo's names to the 'Nice' column side. He was kind of bummed that Duo had figured him out but if this was the kind of show that he got as a result, he wouldn't mind it a bit if Duo spread his theory. After all, he had to find some way to entertain himself during the rest of the year.
--
Mrs. Clause sighed in exasperation as she heard Chris's perverted chuckles coming from inside the monitor room. "Lucky bastard." She mumbled under her breath as she headed to the kitchen to start making cookies. "The least he could do is let me watch too."
That's right, Mrs. Clause was a firm 1x2 shipper and her favorite time of year was when her husband would go on his rounds Christmas Eve, leaving the TV room all to her. A grin lit her face and she started to hum a Christmas carol happily to herself. "It's the most wonderful time of the year" rang out in the kitchen as she mentally counted down the days until Christmas Eve. 'Only 338 days left!' Yep, even sweet old Mrs. Clause was a pervert when it came to Heero and Duo, after all…who wouldn't be?
-End-
A/N: If you add up the days you'll figure out what day of the year I wrote this down in the first place. Sorry for the random plot bunnies but the whole thing morphed from the "Santa's a pervert" line that popped into my head about 1:30 in the morning.
When you stop to think about it he totally is too.
Creepy old fart.
(grin)
Please read and review, I've found out that the GW fandom people review way more than the DBZ fandom people. So, Yay for GW fandom fans! K, shutting up now.