Inspired by Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park and Thnks Fr The Mmrs by Fallout Boy~
DEPRESSING STORY: GO!
Today's the day you're going to tell him, you're going to let all the emotional hope flow from your mind and on to your computer screen.
Your name is DIRK STRIDER and you have a very large and very effectionate crush on JAKE ENGLISH. Usually, you'd talk like bros, hang out if you felt like leaving the house, if not, he'd always feel free to come over to yours where you'd have to hide all your pictures of him.
The pictures you'd take of him sleeping or just the ones where you'd hide a camera in the bathroom or in the Brobot, or in that gadget you'd built him ages ago that he accidentally stepped on-in other words, your collection had grown quite big and...perverse.
You don't care though, no one has seen it, no one can.
Back to the subject at hand, you're sitting in front of your computer with Jake's pesterchum chatbox open. You told him you needed to tell him something, and that it was serious. He said that was okay and that you should just be out with it.
So you type it out.
TT: Jake English. I love you.
Then you backspace the whole thing, this is stupid, you think. All your hope is bubbling under your skin, just maybe, maybe, he feels the same. So you try again:
TT: I love you, not like a bro, just...love.
Your fingers can't find the enter key, instead they find the backspace button and you delete the whole thing again. You begin to think this is pointless, you begin to wonder why you bother gathering up your courage just for it to be trampled on by false hope. Then your hands move like lightning over the keys, without noticing, you press enter instead of backspace.
Your heart stops right there.
TT: I'm just going to say it. I love you.
You freeze when he begins to type back. Your breath is caught in your throat, you know you shouldn't have done this, you know you're a stupid, horrible person who just doesn't know when to stop with their obessession. You're sick.
GT: I love you too strider!
GT: Were bros, are we not?
You feel like you're choking on all this, what the fuck were you thinking? When you don't reply, Jake begins typing again. His reply blows a hole in your chest.
GT: Oh, you mean...
GT: Not like bros?
GT: Uhm, wow. Strider, this is very strange to me, i always thought we were very close friends but you obviously want to be more.
GT: Im sorry old chum but i dont...you know.
TT: It's cool. Why don't you love me? Jesus.
GT: I know a confession like that is very difficult to overcome.
GT: Im sorry strider.
TT: I said it was cool bro, don't worry about it. I shouldn't have said anything.
GT: Dont be silly strider, im flattered, really, but youre a boy.
GT: And...that would be strange for me.
Why don't you just fucking rip my heart out and stuff it in a blender along with my pride? You regret everything you should said. Roxy was wrong, you shouldn't have said anything, you shouldn't have told him how you feel.
GT: Dirk? Im sure theres someone out there for you, for this is a very big planet we live on!
I don't want someone, I want you! You rise from your computer chair and head for the window towards the fire escape, you feel the cold night air hit your skin as you climb the ladder to the roof.
You walk to the end of the rooftop once you've become higher than everyone else in the city. Looking down at the bright lights and moving cars you realise what's just happened.
You just got rejected by JAKE ENGLISH. The guy you've been crushing on for ages now, the guys you've jacked off to far too many times to regret it, the guy you've spied on, the guy your closest friend knows you like and suggested you tell him.
All the good times you'd spent with Jake hit you hard in the face and you feel sick. You begin to notice how long that drop is, the chance that you will live is very unlikely. It's still possible. You aren't scared of death, you're just scared of thinking how much it will hurt. Every bone in your body broken along with your heart.
Jake had driven you to this. You don't blame him, but you want to. You need someone else to blame other than yourself, you always blame yourself. You start to feel dizzy and even more sick, so you step back from the edge of the roof and look around you. It's dark still, nothing in reality has changed and it still hurts you where stitches aren't able to reach.
You then remember what Jake had written: 'but youre a boy.
GT: And...that would be strange for me.'
He didn't deny anything, just stated that you were a boy and that it would be strange. That string of hope slips its way back underneath your skin and ties knots around your denial, you are really going to vomit in a minute if you keep thinking about all this.
You don't vomit, but you move towards the edge of the building again and look down. It is a long way, you feel yourself slowly rocking forward and you feel your body give way as the drop pulls you in. Suddenly you're jolted back onto the roof as your name is called.
You open your eyes to see Jake holding your shoulder and arm, his face is bewildered, you're not too sure what your face explains, but you feel small droplets form in the corners of your eyes. He punches you around the face and your shades disappear, he then pulls you forward and wraps his arms around your shaking body, "You're a fool, Strider." He says letting his head fall onto your shoulder. Your legs collapse under your body and he holds you as you cry. You cry like a pathetic little school girl, you feel like shit twisted depression in a layer of clothing, but you cry anyway.
You're not sure how long you'd both been on the roof, your head on Jake's lap as he strokes soft hands through your hair, by now you have both calmed down and are watching the sun rise. He breaks the silence in a sudden moment, "you're going to find someone better than me."
"What makes you think that?" You voice.
"Because you're a Strider." He chuckles. You chuckle back, yeah...I'm a Strider.
There are over 7 billion people in this world, don't let one ruin your life: http: / / www . pieta . ie/ feeling -suicidal . html?gclid = COTnvqPgiq8CFWIntAod-3OE_Q - you're worth everything more than you think.