"Dark Road"

By Drdiagnostic

CHAPTER ONE:

On what was supposed to be a happy occasion, Cuddy felt quite the opposite. Sitting through Cameron and Chase's wedding ceremony was pure torture for her, since all that she could think about was House and his future. Although she managed to maintain her composure throughout the day, there were those private moments where a trip to change Rachel's diaper turned into a private moment of mourning. Once she emerged from the confines of her lavatory sanctuary, those questioned if she was okay. With a half-hearted smile she would simply answer with a "yes" and attributed her red, swollen eyes to allergy issues. After dinner at the reception, Cuddy could take it no longer. She needed to leave, especially after seeing the soft kisses exchanged between the happy newlyweds. Seeing that display only brought back memories of her kiss with House when he came to her in a vulnerable time of need. All she kept thinking was "where am I" in his time of need. She wondered how she could be sitting here taking part in this occasion of embracing a new life, when the man she cared for deeply was suddenly seeing his world come crashing down before him? She then proceeded to excuse herself and, with Rachel in arm, departed for what was going to be the longest ride home of her life even though the ride itself was not long at all. As she drove home, tears began to glisten in her eyes as she recalled those last moments she spent with him in her office after he confessed to her that he was "not okay."In a flashback, she recalled her final exchange with him before bringing him to Wilson.

Upon hearing House's confession to her that he was "not okay," Cuddy instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck and upper back, giving him the most comforting hug her emotions could muster.

Accepting her embrace, tears welling in his eyes but not falling, he softly whispered in her ear, "I'm so sorry."

"I know you are," were the words she managed to form though a light stream of tears.

Continuing to seek absolution for his actions he says, "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't," She answered him holding back her tears.

He responded by saying in between pauses, "I don't know what I'd do without you. I need you. I always need you."

"And I'm always here for you, House. You know that," She says. "I would never let you go through anything alone."

In that moment, she was feeling his pain and couldn't help but feel guilty for not seeing the signs of his anguish sooner. She knew something was terribly wrong and she needed to get to the bottom of the situation before House really found himself lost. Breaking from their embrace, Cuddy rubbed the sides of his arms, stroked the right side of his face with her hand, and gently guided him to the couch.

Upon taking their seats, she to his right, Cuddy proceeded to gently take his hand in hers and softly pleaded, "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

Trying to get his bearings together, scared to look into her eyes, he softly answered her, "I've been hallucinating….but now…I'm having delusions. I'm starting to believe in things that never happened, although they felt so real to me. I'm losing it, Cuddy….and I'm scared. I need help"

Of all the sides of House she'd seen in her life, this was something she had never witnessed previously. His deteriorating state of mind and overall being was not only frightening to him but to her as well. For him to even confess that he needed help told her that things were far more serious than she thought. He was desperate to a point where he couldn't overcome it. There was never a time in her life where she felt more helpless than she did right at that moment. But as always, she needed to be the strong one.

Holding his hand in her right, she took her left hand and rubbed his back offering words of comfort as best she could to him, "It's going to be okay. We'll get through this together. I promise. I won't let you go through this alone. We'll get you some help and everything will be okay."

Even though she uttered these words, deep in heart she questioned the truth in them. To her House was in a dark place. A place in which she never envisioned him being during any period of his life no matter how messed up he was.

She says to him, "Come on. Let's go talk to Wilson." She helped him up and walked with him to Wilson's office, resting her left hand on the small of his back for comfort. Before opening the door to Wilson's office, the last thought on her mind was "where do we go from here."

Suddenly, Cuddy was awakened from her flashback by the sound of a car horn signaling her that the light had turned green. She proceeded home but her thoughts of House refused to cease for the rest of her journey.