Chapter 1: Too many questions, no answers.

"Jane!" no answer "Jane! Get in here!... now!"

"Geash mum! No need to yell,"

"we'll see about that. Explain to me why your sister is in here crying." She demanded. Pointing to her other daughter Ashley who was sitting on the couch in her mom office who was indeed crying.

"I duno" she said in her most innocent voice 'bloody cry baby!' she though.

"You don't know?" she waited for her daughter to answer but she didn't. "Are you sure you don't know?"

"Uhh, ya I'm sure I duno."

"Liar! You pushed me down! Mummy she's lying! She knows what she did!" her 6 yr old daughter said in anger at her twin sister.

"Ashley, darling let me handle this. Jane, did you push your sister down?"

"No." she said worried that if she did her mum would punish her not only for pushing her sister but for lying about it as well.

"Jane, if you're going to lie to me I will send you to your room, take your TV and computer privileges and not allow you to play with Biggie."

"But, mum that's not fair!" Jane protested.

"It is if you are lying to me. If you lie to me you will be punished more than if you tell the truth."

"Fine.. yes I pushed her."

"Apologize to your sister, then go to your room until dinner."

"Mum!"

"Apologize, then go." She said more firmly.

"fiiiine! I'm sorry Ashley, for pushing you down will you forgive me?"

"ya I forgive, but why d'ya do it?"

"Because*you*were*walking*to*bloody*slow*and*kept*stopping*in*front*of*me." She ran all her words together and said them real fast in hope that her mum hadn't caught that one word that slipped out.

"Jane! Watch your language."

"Sorry mummy."

"go to your room until dinner."

"Fine." Jane stomped off to her room and passed Biggie on her way there and said "Hi." In a mad little girls voice.

Biggie kept walking and got to Helen and asked "What has her all mad?"

"I'm afraid that she is mad at me."

"Ah. Sent her to her room?"

"indeed I did."

"mummy?"

"Yes dear?"

"Where's our daddy?"

Helen was taken aback by that question. It was true they both knew that there dad wasn't in their lives, and they had never asked about him so she had never thought of what she would tell them. In truth she did not know where their dad was, and that was for the best, or so she kept telling herself. She did not know how to answer her daughters question so she answered truthfully saying "I don't know, love. Why do you ask?"

"I just wanted to know where he was, who is daddy? Like what is daddy's name?"

She didn't know how to answer that. Did she tell the truth? Did she think of one of her past lovers that never came around? Did she just make up a name? she finally answered truthfully again. "Your daddy's name was Montegue John Druitt."

"Why did he leave you mummy? Did he leave because of me and sissy?"

Helen was almost in tears at her little girls question. But she hid that quickly and answered saying "Oh no honey he didn't leave because of you, he left before I could tell him. As to why he left me I do not know sweetie. I ask myself that question a lot." She did ask herself that question a lot. And before her daughter could ask any more questions she didn't really want to answer not yet at least she said "Now, why don't you go play with your toys ok?"

"Alright mummy, but did you love him?"

"Love who?"

"Daddy. Did you love daddy?"

"I loved your daddy with all my heart, I never loved anyone more than I loved him. I still love him more than anyone and I always will. If he were still here he would love you girls too just as much as I love you."

"Did he love you?" Ashley didn't know how hard she hit her mom with that question. Why would she know? She was only 6 after all.

"I like to think he did. But I don't know if he still does. Now go along and play I think that is enough questions for one day alright?"

"ok mummy. I love you." Ashley walked over and gave her mother a bug hug and then left to go her room and play with her dolly.

Helen sat down at her desk and buried her head in her hands. She was thinking of all the times she had spent with John as she called him. And she asked herself 'why did you leave? Why did you murder those women John? Did you ever truly love me the way I loved you?' too many questions with no answers at all that was what her life had become.