There wasn't really any place in the damn school Jaime Reyes wanted to be. Every nook and cranny he inspected and corner he turned seemed to have a girl with big moon eyes that were telling him good luck on the hockey match tomorrow, and god he just wanted to curl up and be left alone until hockey season was over.
Even though it was cold enough to freeze the blood in his veins, he grabbed his coat from his locker and the homemade lunch he had packed earlier. He found the most isolated area outside he could and then proceeded to set his coat down and sit with his back against the rough bricks. Jaime began to eat his sandwich in comforting solitude.
He was halfway through the pb&j when he wrapped it up and put it away. His fingers were past screaming at him to go inside, and were now just sort of numb - the perfect que to eat his chocolate bar and then find someplace warmer to loiter.
Ripping open the wrapper, he took a bite and tried to enjoy the nuggety goodness. Just as he shivered and decided that inside was a better place to enjoy nuggety goodness, a mass of blond hair and teenage girl slammed into the spot next to him - narrowly missing the angle that would break his nose. The sniffling and tears and pathetic sobbing made him reject the idea of a harsh objection.
Though she really shouldn't cry when it was this cold out – her face might literally freeze that way.
He watched her with a nearly morbid fascination, knowing the second she realized she was sitting next to someone he'd be dead. She was pretty, even curled in on herself, sobbing so hard that her eyes were clenched shut. He glanced down at his stuff, prepared to leave while it was still safe -
She was sitting on his coat. Damnit.
When he looked back up, she was staring at him, eyes squinted from the effort of keeping them open. Jaime very carefully, very slowly offered her the chocolate bar, chanting to himself the Rules of What Not To Do When Women Are Crying.
After a few seconds where she seemed to decide that killing him and dumping his body in the half frozen lake was too much of an effort, she snatched the Snickers bar from him and tentatively took a bite. Deciding it wasn't laced with poison or coated in laxatives, she finished it off. Jaime remained silent because he actually liked living even if it meant he had to sacrifice his favorite type of candy.
The warning bell rang and she got up so quickly to get to class he was left sitting there wondering whether that really fucking happened.
The next day he brought two snickers.
She continued to sit next to him in that squished little corner on the outside of the school. It was more than a little comforting to know that someone existed to do more than to serve the purpose of a sex object or treat him like he was a god because holy shit he scored three times at the last game. At the same time, it was like she was stalking him because she didn't do anything more than just sit there and not look at him while eating the extra candy bar he brought for her.
And then one day she's talking to him about nothing in particular. English essays and failed Algebra tests and that her parents are divorced and she thinks he's in her French class, and he's trying to pay attention while eating his cheetos but she's talking a mile a minute.
It's nice to let his brain be absorbed in this, by someone who doesn't expect him to be anything or do anything. All that she wants is for him to sit there, nod every once in a while, and make general noises of agreement or disbelief. Fuck nice, it's downright therapeutic.
This goes on until winter is spring, the entire world covered in slush and tentative green. He's learned that her name is Cassie, that she loves superheroes and Tom Hiddleston and Buttercup Cumbersnatch and has something called a tumblr, that her mom has custody and her dad is getting married to a model who's barely older than Cassie.
And the whole thing seems unrealistic because she has such a fascinating life and the most memorable thing he's done this year is not fail that Physics test everyone else did. Then she's sitting next to him in class and he has a reason to get away from the hoard of cheerleaders who are trying to push their tits in his face and asking him if he's going to be playing soccer this year. And then he's programming his number into her phone and going over to her Dad's house with her during Spring Break because she doesn't want to be around him and his whore (her words, not Jaime's). And everything just seems so fucking unrealistic.
Because this cannot be his life - he's the equivalent of her gay best friend and somehow she's his. Jaime, spending time with a girl he isn't fucking or trying to fuck?
At first people gossip, but Cassie's utter noncholance over Jaime's 'relationships' leaves little room to doubt that they have an entirely platonic friendship. Well, that or Jaime is the luckiest man alive. Rumors spread that Cassie is a lesbian, but between Jaime beating the shit out of the guys being assholes and Cassie being… Cassie… to the girls -
There's a balance. And it works remarkably well. The day that they get accepted to the same college, they binge on tv and junk food and lounge around the house in their underwear because no one's there to yell at them not to. It's fantastic, and Jaime realizes that she's his best friend just before she dumps ice cubes down his boxer briefs and he takes back anything good he's ever thought about her.
He's not exactly subtle about asking her to prom, and he doesn't do it in some fancy way like every other girl in the school is talking about. He just kinda looks at her for a second longer than he usually does while she's talking about Maria- her stepmom- and interrupts her with the question.
She drops the apple she's holding and he almost laughs. "I thought you were going with Carly?"
"It didn't work out…." He tries to think of some other excuse but there isn't one. Carly had served her purpose in their relationship, and as per usual, when he's waking up the next morning, he dumped her. He can't help but think some girls are absolute idiots- like he'll actually fall in love with one of them because they're latest in line. Others were more realistic, used him like he used them and those were his favorites.
"You mean you got your work out and then got the fuck out, right?"
Jaime shrugged, because while half of him wanted to protest it being put so - so bluntly - there wasn't really a point. It was what it was, and Cassie had been there for a hell of a lot of it.
Cassie sighs, glaring at the apple. Or, rather, in the general direction of the apple since it had disappeared into her closet. "Tell you what. Buy me a pizza and go shopping for the dress with me. Don't make that face, Jaime, I know damn well that you wanna see Bart dance in front of witnesses."
"Ugh, but dress shopping." He tries to pull the best looking disgusted face he can but it's really hard despite being rigorously straight. Cassie at least makes shopping fun, it isn't like the one time he had to go with his sister and she wanted to try on everything and ended up hating it all. He was there for hours. "Tomorrow?"
"I was thinking right now," She said, smiling wickedly. He really didn't want to move because he was really warm underneath her comforter and he hated the cold and who cared if it was mid-spring he was only comfortable when it was like a sauna outside, so he just groaned and pleaded with her to do online shopping instead of at the nearest T. J. Max.
Finally, she snaps, "You know fucking what? If I do online shopping, you have to pay for the dress AND not say a word if I choose to cosplay."
Jaime quails, nearly breaks under the pressure. But then he remembers how just a few minutes ago they were going to order pizza -
"Done."
He'll just work a couple extra hours, and he can probably talk her out of anything people will remember at the reunions.
She got out her laptop will all of its stickers and little foam flowers and hearts on it and stalls at the search engine, like she doesn't know a good place to find a decent Rogue cosplay or a dress or something and he just pries it from her and types in "Prom Dresses" and hopes for the best.
He clicks on a link and a huge amount of models with coppery red hair and flawless skin wearing ruffled and sequined dresses appear. Cassie suddenly pulls the laptop away from him and clicks on one of the most expensive ones that's blue and has glittering jewels across her rib cage and down her waist to her left thigh. "That one."
He glares at the price. "You know, I like the cosplay idea. You'd look good as Wonder Woman."
She crosses her arms and huffs. "That one."
He looks at the price again, blinking a few times so he could make sure he wasn't hallucinating. "You would make a fantastic Wonderg-"
"Jaime!"
One more try, just one more. "Actually, shopping doesn't sound so-"
He's cut off by the pillow she's smothering him with.
Cassie was certain she turned ten shades of red when Bart passed the key over, but Jaime seemed totally cool and collected and just led her out of the darkened gymnasium with his arm around her shoulder as Bart pelted them with foil packages of condoms until the very last second.
"Dude," she snickered, pushing his arm off her as genius struck. "You know how much fucking money you could save if you-"
But Jaime had already seen her diabolical plot (or maybe her sweeping arm gestures, it's hard to say) and bolted to start picking up condoms as fast as he could. He needed to save every dime he could, was considering how long it was polite to wait before asking Cassie if he could sell her dress on ebay.
The drive to the hotel was a very quiet one, where Cassie just shifted through his glove compartment in his car and counted all the condoms he had collected. He focused on driving.
"Thirty-four. That'll last you like what? Two months?"
"Cassie, have a little faith. At least three."
"I do have faith. Faith that there's a lot of hand jobs in your future if you want these to last three months."
He went to respond then closed his mouth. Did he really have sex that often? He kept his mouth closed while Cassie snickered and dumped the condoms into the glove department. "They really should sell condoms in bulk for guys like you."
"You make it sound like I work a corner."
"Jaime, when you stop this car I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that if you think you could work a corner and get away with it, you wouldn't."
Jaime opened his mouth for the automatic retort but - hmm. Getting paid to have sex?
"Of course, the rates are higher if you service men as well."
That was it, he would nev-
"According to Google, the going rate for giving a blowjob is about fifty bucks."
Holy mother of FUCK that was a lot. But- but he probably wouldn't, like-
"Don't strain yourself stud." Cassie patted him on the arm soothingly. "You're gonna pop a vein in your neck and ruin your sex appeal."
"Thanks for sympathy," he mumbled. "Remind me to not pick your sorry ass up on Monday for school."
"Oh stop being a baby, I was kidding."
"Promise?"
She sighed. "Yes."
"Cause if you're not, you're walking the rest of the way."
"I will never repeat this, Jaime but-" Cassie took a deep breath, letting the teasing demeanor slide for a moment. "-if it weren't for extenuating circumstances-"
"Extenuating circumstances?"
"Yeah, like you being my brother-"
"You remember we're not actually related, right?"
"Shut up, yes! I was there when they vetoed the adopting. So if you weren't like my brother and I was interested in sex before a legally binding ceremony in front of friends and family-"
"Why don't you just call it a wedding?"
"Because for me it is going to be a legally binding ceremony where you can't leave me right away if the sex is shit!"
The car went silent at the raw emotion behind her outburst. It was - well, Jaime had knew she was comfortable with being a virgin and had never really bothered to find out why she was crying that first day but… "Cassie-"
"Shut the fuck up and let me finish." She took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "Anyways, if you weren't my bro, I didn't want to stay a virgin and I didn't know what a womanizer you were, I would totally have kinky sex with you."
He didn't want the silence to drag. Because he didn't want their memory of tonight to be confessions and tears - he wanted it to be fun and loud and obnoxiously happy. So he didn't say what he probably should have.
"…how kinky?"
Cassie cracked up. "Fanfiction kinky."
They bounced jokes about sex and marriage and fanfiction back and forth for the rest of the ride to the hotel, and when they were finally inside the door they just collapsed on each other laughing because Bart had actually bought them a room with one bed. They always slept on each other anyways but still…
"Let's get an apartment together."
Cassie giggled a little bit, but then noticed the serious look on his face. "What- why?"
"Your dad makes me feel uncomfortable anytime I'm over there and I can barely afford condoms by myself, let alone rent."
She glanced at the bed in the middle of the room. "Two bedrooms, right?"
"Cassie, c'mon, give me some credit."
"Alright, fine." She pretended to be annoyed but was actually a little excited. They could make a comedy movie out of them, she swore.
Jaime engulfed her in hugs and even though he had sex with at least four different girls a week, none of them would ever know what it meant to actually be loved by him.
Jaime ended up raiding the mini fridge (cause he didn't have to pay for it, and he certainly wasn't passing up free things) and passed her some sort of fruity wine cooler and hoarded the vodka for himself. She gave him a look and they both took a drink at the same time. She decided it didn't taste half bad but the back label read that it was only 6% alcohol anyways, so.
"Ooh, is that lemonade?" she gulped down the rest of the bottle and reached for the alcoholic lemonade. It didn't taste that different from the normal kind, she decided. Just more like orange juice that left you feeling warm as you swallowed.
Jaime laughed. "You like the girly drinks."
Cassie made a face at him and took another sip. "Yeah, well they taste good and I don't have to posture to keep up the charade of my masculinity."
Jaime blinked at her blankly. "Okay, I'm only a little bit buzzed but I still don't understand that. Was it insulting? I think it was insulting."
Cassie laughed and shoved him a little. "Shut up."
Twenty minutes later, Cassie's body was pleasantly loose and relaxed, dress carefully on hanger and heels kicked off by the side of the bed. They were in their underwear, facing the tv and taking a drink whenever an innuendo was made.
After awhile she was so exhausted she could barely stay awake, so she curled up into a ball under the blankets and asked Jaime to tell her a story. Jaime was one of those people that got really solemn and melancholy when he drank, so he just tucked her in, gave her a kiss on the forehead and started a story in a flat, unhappy voice.
"Once upon a time-" his voice was slurring, but the narrators are very lazy and do not wish to include phonetic examples, "-there was a boy who loved a girl very much."
"Jaime is this boy you?" Cassie muttered into her pillow, and maybe he heard her or maybe he didn't, but he continued the story like he'd never been interrupted.
"This girl was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. She was funny and interesting and the nicest person he knew."
Cassie started to get a bad feeling about where this was going that was immediately allayed by the next sentence.
"When they started dating, the boy couldn't have been happier. It was a dream come true - though there were significantly less talking animals and furniture - and there was sex. Lots of sex. Really good sex. Fantastic, flex-"
"Jaime!" Cassie groaned.
He laughed a little, but it was probably the most horrific laugh Cassie had ever heard. The noise was pathetic, maudlin, broken and so wrong. "The boy had been saving for months to make Valentine's Day perfect. He had a reservation at the nicest place in town, flowers, a beautiful necklace - the works.
"He woke up that morning to the sound of a text. When he opened it, already smiling in anticipation of a sweet message, there was simply a picture of his best friend. Well, not just his best friend. More like his best friend getting a blowjob from his girlfriend."
There was a long silence then, only broken by the quiet sounds of Jaime sliding under the sheets with her and the slide of skin on skin when he wrapped himself around her. When he spoke again, it was into her shoulder.
"The boy broke his phone. He returned the necklace and canceled his reservation. He used the money that he'd saved for the date as well as the rest of his savings and bought a new phone, payed half of the way for a used car he'd been eyeing. The next day in school, everywhere he went he heard whispers and people stared. Girls approached him with offers to 'console' him.
"He ran outside when lunch came, ignoring the cold, just trying to find some place no one would bother him. He eventually did, sitting there and eating his lunch."
"Ooh, I know what happens next!" Cassie said. "In a different part of the school, a girl was hearing taunts. She'd told someone in confidence about a boy she liked and within ten minutes everyone knew. Eventually the girl couldn't take the teasing, couldn't take the fake love notes slipped into her locker. So she ran outside to her special place, where she ate and sat when skipping class because she couldn't take another minute around people. The girl was crying so hard that at first she didn't notice the boy."
Jaime continued the story, smiling through tears that he didn't remember creating. "The boy was sort of scared by this crying girl. He tried to remember the rules for dealing with chicks on their period, and decided that the best defense he had was his chocolate bar."
"He offered it to her, they became best friends and now both want to sleep. The-fucking-end Jaime I'm exhausted." Cassie grumbled, and Jaime's arm tightened around her waist.
She was asleep before he had a chance to reply.
After that night, they didn't talk about what had happened between them, but a silent wave of more respect and a stronger bond suddenly gripped them.
Cassie started looking at apartments near the campus to move into, making sure to brown nose Maria to get a couple thousand dollars to help cover rent for a few months. When she finally found a good apartment a few blocks from the campus that wasn't constantly getting busted for cooking meth, she texted him in all caps about how excited she was and that he needed to start packing.
The week following, they graduated.
When they moved in together her parents freaked a little until she sat them down and explained a few things.
-She was a virgin and liked it, she actually wasn't sure if she EVER wanted sex and definitely not before a legally binding contract because she had abandonment issues, okay?
-Jaime was her equivalent of a gay best friend and vice versa. Just because you are straight doesn't mean you're attracted to every guy or girl you encounter.
-She was on birth control to regulate her period anyways.
Despite this, her father made it his problem to randomly show up and invite himself inside as if he expected to find her having sex with her "gay best friend". He never did.
That's not to say that his suspicions were put to rest - he saw the way they looked at each other, the easy camaraderie and how perfectly attuned they were. He knew that eventually they would realize how stupid they were and how they were practically married already.
He started visiting less after that, because he was pretty sure that after the realization there would be some hardcore marathon sex and just no. No. So much no it hurt.
One morning Cassie woke up, rolling unhappily out of her duvet covers and deciding she should probably get up cause her classes were in two hours, and she had to keep the pajama bottoms she had stolen from Jaime months ago up with safety pins. She grumbled down the hall, wondering if Jaime would be bringing home another 'date' that night when she noticed he had already prepped her cup of coffee and it was on the table and he was humming softly to himself while making scrambled eggs- her favorite- the bastard already somehow dressed.
Her body ached and protested against the cold air, body shivering as she realized that walking around in a sports bra after leaving the comfort of her blankets was possibly the stupidest idea she'd ever had. She grapped the coffee, checking the temperature automatically - perfect, of course - and gulped down approximately half the cup. Jaime glance at her as he set up their plates, throwing some american cheese on top of her eggs. He noticed her shivering and rolled his eyes, stripping out of his shirt and shoving it at her.
"Just looking at you makes me cold. Sorry I turned down the heat, but if we don't cut back on something we're gonna be late on our bills again." He said. He ran hotter than her anyways, and she slipped into the shirt. It smelled like home, like Jaime, and when he handed her the plate she thought -
Fuck.
"I- yeah. It's fine. That you turned down the heat, I mean." God, she felt so stupid - karma had a really fucking bad way of messing with her. The last time she had felt that little spark in her chest, the guy given her unrequited feelings and a complex, so why was it coming the fuck back and making her fall for her best friend?
So. Not. Fair. She stabbed her eggs and relished getting out of the house and going to classes. Maybe it was just the cold constricting her chest, not caterpillars all simultaneously morphing into butterflies.
But in the weeks that followed, she knew that was a lie - even if it didn't stop her from repeating it. When Jaime yelled at her to close her eyes because he forgot clean clothes after a shower and there were no towels she had to literally slam her palms over her eyes to keep from peeking, when he tackled and tickled her until she was nearly hysterical because she made fun of his obsession with harlequin romance novels, when he sexiled her from the apartment and she almost tore the throat out of the girl (sometimes girls) he brought back-
She knew it was a lie. She did, but she held onto that falsehood, whispered it over and over at night to try and make it true, stomped all over that little flicker that had grown to a raging fire. She valiantly attempted to ignore that she loved him so much it was burning her up from the inside out.
It was nights like this, nights when he ignored pickup line after pickup line in favor of staying with her and listening to her complain about classes and get tipsy on schnapps while Zatanna got hammered in honor of her twenty first birthday - it was nights like this that were the most painful. Because every dismissal of a hot chick fed that fire in her veins.
And that night as Jaime took her home, giggling as they stumbled the five blocks to their apartment, he felt the spark of something that he'd been ignoring. And he hated it. He hated it and tried to squash it, but when she stumbled into his bedroom with her favorite stuffed animal squashed to her chest talking about some nightmare-
It wasn't until Cassie got completely hammered that he couldn't ignore the spark anymore.
He really shouldn't have, but the kiss on her forehead and cheek for a goodnight trailed down to her lips and her neck and her body because she was groping him and he was weak. He wanted to touch everywhere, even though he knew it was wrong and Cassie was only tugging on his hair and whimpering at kisses because of pent up sexual frustration. He hated himself, knowing that when he lightly scraped his fingernails against the skin on her back she didn't moan because it was him doing it, but because she was just horny.
He tried to cut it off, but she was pushing herself against him, his voice low in her throat and he wanted to kill himself but-
But she was whispering promises and pleas, moaning them out and nipping them into his skin and he hadn't been this hard in years. She ground her hips down and he was somehow on his back and their whimpers filled the air and so close -
He wants so bad to hear those moans as he thrusts into her, words jumbled into helpless whines but a moment of clarity stops him as he's tugging down the zipper of her skirt and she's spreading open mouthed, hot kisses against his collarbone. And he just stops everything, starts trying to pry her off him, and in a breathless voice, he adds: "Cass- Cassie, we can't."
She whines when she tries to kiss him again but he holds her off. Some part of his brain (or maybe his dick) is telling him that she won't care, she won't remember this tomorrow anyways and she wants it so give it the fuck to her.
The other part of him reminds him about the great times him and Cassie have had and how she's his best friend and he's not about to throw that all away for sex.
That in and of itself is such a stupid concept, that Jaime Reyes cared enough about a girl to not have sex with her.
But Cassie wasn't listening, and telling himself I'll apologize later he shoved her off of him. He didn't look at her, because if he looked at her then she'd lose her virginity which would be so rude of him. He just walked out and hid in the bathroom with the door locked until she fell asleep.
Once she was unconscious and slumped against the wall outside the door, he carried her to her bed, put her back in pajamas, tucked her in and made sure to leave a glass of water and an aspirin next to her. He tried to go to sleep but the night just kept playing over and over in his head, trying to find some sort of evidence to grab onto that she was generally interested in him, in Jaime, not in just a warm body against her's.
Eventually too tired to keep caring, he fell asleep and figured if Cassie really wanted to be in a relationship with him she would've dropped hints or something.
The next morning, as expected, she doesn't remember anything. It feels like she's ripped his heart out and danced on it when he hands over her morning coffee.
But from Cassie's point of view, all she can see are the fresh hickeys lining his neck and collarbone, all she can think about is how the reason she got so drunk last night was to forget that Jaime had another 'date'. So she tries to make him jealous, talks about how she tried to pick up guys but Zatanna kept cock blocking her, almost tells him she went out and had sex but pulls back at the last second because what if her virginity is something he likes or whatever? Some guys are into that, right? The few times she's watched porn it'd seemed like a big thing.
So instead she just complains about how horny she was, and both of them hide their splintering hearts behind smiles as fragile as frozen glass.
Eventually the constrictions in her chest got so bad whenever she saw Jaime with a new girl (though they were down to about one a week) she confided in her step mom, and hoped to god she'd know what to do.
Maria had been married twice before her dad, despite being only 25. Cassie figured if anyone knew an iota about love, it was her. Or Bart, but Bart was Jaime's friend too and she was scared that Bart would go behind her back and blab everything to him because that was totally some well intentioned shit he'd do.
"Why are we even having this discussion?" Maria deadpanned, flagging down a waiter for a refill on her raspberry lemonade.
"Well- I just-" God, this was a bad idea.
"I mean, I'm happy you're confiding in me and all. I'm not an idiot, I know how you look at me. But Cassie, sweet heart, you two are so obviously in love. I thought you were just in an open relationship or something."
"An- an open-"
Maria rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her newly filled drink. "Yes, I thought that you might have been into that kind of thing. Some people are, they share or whatever. And your father is terrified to visit the apartment now in case he walks in on something."
"What?!"
"Yeah, he said that's why he calls you guys like a week before in case you guys needed to-"
"I get the picture," Cassie mumbled. "It's just that he doesn't like me like that and it just feels so… hopeless."
"Oh, sweetheart, you're so blind, it's positively adorable. Sickeningly so."
Cassie sputtered indignantly. "Hey-"
Maria interrupted her, half falling out of her chair when she checked her phone. "Shit! Fucking- sorry Cassie, I've gotta run, one of the models for - oh never mind what it's for but there was candle wax involved-" Maria dropped a quick kiss on Cassie's cheek and rushed for the exit, throwing down a wad of cash.
The waiter returned, his face a little pale. He looked exhausted, the bags under his eyes black and features gaunt. "Is everything alright here?" he said in the most monotone voice ever.
Cassie looked at the stack of twenty and fifty dollar bills her stepmother had left. "I think we're ready for the bill."
He glanced, then did a double take, then started crying. Completely at a loss as to what she was supposed to do, she stood and gave him an awkward hug. He returned it, clutching onto her with a surprising amount of strength for someone so malnourished.
Well, this wasn't how she anticipated spending her day, but whatever.
Somehow she ended up with the waiter's number and texting him later that night the dates and times he needed to remember for US History. The poor guy was over worked and she had taken pity on him.
"Who are you talking to?"
Hearing the unexpected bass Jaime's voice as he dumped his coat and cup of coffee on the table in a hazardous heap made her lose hold of the phone and he scooped it up, peering at the name. "Jon, huh? Isn't that a guy name?"
She opened her mouth to retort the fact that he was gay and she was just helping him with some History work he sucked at and then realized it would be the perfect time to test Maria's theory. "Yeah, he's really cute too. Dark hair. Green eyes. Freckles." She fluttered her eyelashes in the most obnoxious manner possible. "Not a whore."
Jaime dropped the phone back in her lap and said with a decidedly strained smile, "Associate with whores often, then?"
Cassie almost said it. She opened her mouth to get it out, but then changed her mind for something less friendship-ruining than Well, I room with one so I'd say. "More and more these days, it seems."
There was a very tense pause, before Jaime finally spoke back. "Yeah, well that is your choice."
She gripped the phone so hard she was afraid it was going to crack, the buzzing reminder of a text numbing her hand. "Well, maybe that whore should stop being such a dick."
Jaime heard something entirely different than she meant, because honestly she wasn't being very clear at this point and was trying to break her phone just as another text came. "Wait, I thought this guy wasn't a whore? What'd he do? Where do I find him?"
Cassie just looked at him, anger sapped for utter and complete disbelief. This fucking idiot. But she couldn't exactly clarify and be like 'you, Jaime. You're the whore.' It was supposed to be one of those arguments where you never said the names but it was perfectly clear what you were arguing about and -
"You know what, just buy me some Chinese food and I'll feel better. No need for murder." Unless you murder yourself. That would totally make it up to me. I could resurrect you and kill you again. The perfect crime. At the most I'd get busted for mutilating a corpse.
Jaime smiled and nodded, obviously happy to be of some use.
Once Jaime left, remembering that Cassie liked her fried rice with water chestnuts, and got into his car.
Cassie looked at her phone, checking the question.
When did the Hundred Years' War happen again?
Cassie racked her brain and sent back the year, and added: Do you think you could do a favor for me?
If you tell me when it ended and how, I'll clean your cat's litter box for a month.
I don't have a cat.
Even better. What's the favor?
Cassie chewed on her lip as she typed her answer back slowly, pressing send before she could talk herself out of it. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend for a week.
Jon's text back was strangely sympathetic. Problems in your love life?
God, how did everybody know that right away?
Well, asking for someone to pretend to be a love interest was probably a good tip off but still-
Yeah. It's complicated.
You and your roomate are madly in love, but both too stubborn to say so first.
WTF HOW DID YOU KNOW
Your stepmom announced it to like the entire restaurant while I was filling up her drink.
Oh. Right. So will you help me or…
She waited for his response, tapping her feet impatiently. Yeah, sure. I'll be passing my class thanks to you, so I owe you one.
Cassie grinned, deleting the chain of texts so that Jaime wouldn't be able to snoop. Like, he didn't have a habit of doing that but, better safe than sorry or whatever.
Meanwhile, Jaime was driving back with Chinese food, pondering the meaning of the conversation they'd just had. It felt like there was a lot of subtext he was missing, and he had to stomp down the urge to call Bart and have a detailed discussion about facial expressions and words like a middle school girl.
He thought that Cassie was 100% against boyfriends for forever and eternity. Hell, he'd started to think that she might be a lesbian. It seemed unfair that when she finally decided to show interest in a guy that she'd choose a guy he'd never even heard of before today and not the guy she had know for fucking ever. Then again, he hadn't exactly put aside his sexual tendencies and she probably thought he was content with always being a manwhore-
The car swerved, and he had to count to ten to calm back down. She hadn't been talking about Jon with the whole 'whore' thing, she had been talking about him. Jeez, he was such a fucking idiot.
And it wasn't like she had said they were dating - not in so many words, or anything. So unless she was just sick of being woken up-
He pulled over because he had to call and tell her now before he lost what little courage he had.
Jaime grabbed the phone he had tossed on the passenger seat and dialed her number.
A ring and a half and she;d picked up just breathe dude, just breathe.
"Why are you calling me? Aren't you like five minutes away?"
Well, yeah, but he was a wuss and probably would chicken out before then. "I needed to tell you something."
"And it couldn't wait?"
"Well- no, not really-"
"Good, because I needed to tell you something too."
What?
"Okay, fine but it's really important so-"
"Let's go at the same time then."
Seriously, what the fuck. Were they heading for a romantic comedy moment or something?
"Okay. 1, 2-"
"I love you." Jaime said.
"I have a boyfriend." Cassie said.
"Wait, what?" they said together.
"I- what? You love me? I- what. When? Why?!"
Jaime didn't respond right away because she had a fucking he had known that he would have just kept his mouth shut. So, he just tried to laugh it off. "Ha, I was kidding, why would anyone love you-"
Oh fuck. Why would he fucking say that.
"I mean, you obviously have a boyfriend so even if I wasn't joking it wouldn't matter-" He has foot in fucking mouth disease it's the only answer. He needed to get himself to the hospital immediately, it was obviously far too late to consider surgery, they'd have to euthenize him. Only humane answer.
Cassie's voice filtered through the phone as Jaime pondered whether dying would be so bad and if what he'd just said and his sexual promiscuity was bad enough for him to go to hell. "Uh, I was gonna say. Uh."
Stall for time, Cassie, stall for time. He'd almost said he loved you. Well, he did say he loved you and then took it back in the stupidest manner you possibly could. Best lies are based in truth, right? Need to lie. Lie well. "I was gonna say that I have a boyfriend. Have for a while now it just never seemed like the right time to tell you." Good, good, what now? "And turns out he's gay."
There was a roaring silence on Jaime's end of the phone, because all he could think was what the fucking mother of fuck that is the worst lie I've ever heard.
It was surprisingly similar to what Cassie was thinking, minus the whole you fucking shitty liar just throw yourself out the window right now I have never been more ashamed and disappointed in you than right now part.
"I- so are you bringing home food or-" Stupid, that was the most obvious topic change ever, my God what is wrong with you.
"Oh right. Be right there." He pressed the end button about a million times on his phone before it finally worked. He took a really deep breath. It could've gone way better in so many ways.
He sat there, thinking and taking deep breaths for a long time. Then dialed Bart because screw it, he was a middle school girl after all.
Bart answered on the eighteenth ring. "Dude, what the fuck? Tim is over, this better be really fucking good."
"I told Cassie I loved her."
There was a long pause, and Jaime was seriously afraid he had severely fucked up his relationship with Cassie.
"About damn time. Now I've got to go, Tim's-" Bart was off the phone before he finished his sentence and Jaime looked hopelessly at the Chinese food, searching for the key to happiness and all his problems. Maybe it had it. Or maybe it was just the closest he'd ever get. He sighed, getting back onto the road and wondering if opening his fortune cookie would clear anything up.
In the meantime, Cassie was freaking the fuck out.
She'd put Jon on speaker, changed clothes at least five times, redone her makeup three times, and had yet to decide on a plan of action when the door to the apartment opened.
The second the door opened she felt a million goosebumps rise to the surface of her skin and wiped her hands on her skirt, trying to remember how to breathe. What the fuck was she going to say anyways? She bit down on her tongue, peering around the corner and wondering if maybe she should just lock herself in her room for the remainder of her life.
Jaime, however, was either wearing the cunning disguise of Bart and Tim or it was Bart and Tim. Bart seemed extremely disgruntled and was mumbling swears under his breath while Tim just smiled when he saw her. "Cassie, we heard the good news!"
Leave it to them to put her mind at ease in three seconds flat. "Guys, why are you here?"
"THAT'S WHAT I KEEP ASKING!" Bart yelled, obviously upset.
"Babe, I'll give you the best blowjob of your life if you just calm the fuck down, okay?"
Bart paused, clearly conflicted.
"Also you can top next time and I'll even do that thing with my tongue, there, now can you fucking focus!"
"Uhm," Cassie said, clearing her throat. "I thought you guys were here to help me, not argue about sex."
"We are, honey," Bart said, obviously motivated now. "What are you wearing?"
She looked down at the skirt, shirt and cardigan she had thrown on. It all matched.
"Uh, clothes."
"You are really lacking in the sexually appealing field. You're cute. Like little girl cute, not sexy cute. And unless Jaime has been hiding some serious shit-"
Cassie interrupted him before he could continue down that disturbing train of thought."I don't have anything se-"
But it was too late because Bart was in her closet and oh God, why did he have scissors and where the fuck did they come from?
"I'm really sorry about what's about to happen to you, Cassie." Tim said seriously, patting her back soothingly.
Cassie just nodded miserably, having gone through these makeovers before. She would look like a sex god when Bart was finished with her, yes, but -
Bart came back out, holding up a already ridiculously short skirt and began to cut off another inch. She highly doubted it would even cover her ass when she put it on. He threw it at Tim and told him to start redressing her, and she the embarrassment that burned through her when Tim tugged down the blue skirt she had been wearing reached lethal levels even before he held out the one Bart had just chopped to pieces.
That was when Bart caught sight of her panties. "Sweetheart, you can't wear those."
"What? Why not?" She was practically naked anyways,with the skirt and all. She wasn't about to take off her underwear-
"Because if this goes the way it should, he'll be seeing them." Bart dug around in her underwear drawer, looking seriously disappointed with what he'd found.
"Shit." Tim muttered sadly. "Bart, this is for the greater good."
Tim took a bag out of the backpack he carried everywhere (because he may be gay but he didn't do purses) and dug through it before presenting Cassie with lingerie.
"Why do you-" Cassie started, but was cut off when Tim pretty much stuffed her into the skimpy white clothing with all the regard for nerve endings and pain centers he would afford to a life size Barbie doll. She shivered while Bart attempted to "enhance"one of her shirts. Eventually he gave up and disappeared into the other room and reappeared a few seconds later.
"Nothing is sexier than wearing your boyfriend's clothes." Bart informed her sincerely, throwing a wink at Tim while adjusting his hoodie.
Eeew. Today was just one fucking piece of TMI after another.
He then put her into one of the few dressy shirts Jaime owned - black. Somewhere along the way the skirt had disappeared completely and she was just standing there in lingerie and one of Jaime's shirts.
"I- guys, I can't even-"
Tim hugged her reassuringly. "I get it Cassie, I really do. You are sacrificing your modesty and sanity to make Jaime come in his pants the second he sees you. However, I'm sacrificing thirty dollars of lingerie that I could have had kinky sex with."
The front door opened and Bart and Tim were gone, out her bedroom window and down the fire escape before she had even managed to craft a response.
The she realized she was standing in the middle of her bedroom, and oh fuck it was like five seconds before Jaime was in here, what did she do-
Maybe she could put on some pants real quick and at least get out of the lingerie. The idea seemed realistic enough even though she could hear Jaime walking down the hall to her room and oh god if he comes in here while she's dressed like this she's gonna die of embarrassment before he even has a chance to get hard.
Never before had she hated Bart and Tim so much. Not even when they had experimentally put green hair dye into her hair (it took like three months to finally get out).
God, okay, breathe. She opened her pants drawer. Every single last pair was gone and then she remembered oh yeah, it was laundry day and fuck she'd forgotten to switch the loads when the timer went off they were probably just sitting there starting to smell all funky-
"Cass?" He was knocking on her door. And she had no freaking pants on or any to put on. And the skirt wouldn't be much help.
"I- uh- come in." She was a hundred and thirty percent certain that came out more distressed than sultry. She laid down on her bed before the handle twisted to open and just hoped to fucking god the lingerie wasn't showing.
Cassie realized that she hadn't pulled any blankets on top of her just about the time that Jaime saw her. Then everything was happening at once and they were whispering 'I love you's into bare skin that were nothing like the platonic declarations usually exchanged and-
"The fuck-" Jaime's words were slurred, thick and heavy and unfamiliar in his mouth. He was in a hospital, pinned to the bed with exhaustion.
"Oh thank God, Jaime, Jaime." Cassie. That was Cassie's voice.
"Cassie? Where we at?" Why are you wearing so many clothes?
She pressed her face to his hand, crying a little as she carefully avoided jostling the tubes of his IV. "We searched everywhere for a cure, you were in a coma Jaime, we all thought you'd never wake up-"
A coma. He was in a coma? "So we're not like room mates? And we didn't go to prom together?"
"W-what?" Cassie said, and Jaime was too tired to censor himself and his words tasted funny in his mouth so he pushed them out into the world.
"We were living together, went to college. And then Bart and Tim put you in lingerie that they were apparently gonna have sex with later because I said I loved you, I mean they put you in the lingerie because I love you, not they were gonna have sex in it because I love-"
Then the words didn't matter, because that's Cassie's mouth on his, blocking the new words so he just said the old ones again because they worked really well the first time. I love you, I love you, I love you…
He fell asleep to the sound of Cassie saying them back.
A.N. Yo, this is cannibalswelcome. I co-authored this and beta-ed Figuring out the Mechanics.