Title: Waking to the Truth
Name: Liliumscribe/Easter Lily
Pairing: Mal/Inara angst
Rating: PG for minor adult themes
Summary: In all probability set a year or so after the events of the Serenity film... No spoilery references to the film but some references to the television series. I wasn't intending this to be so long but it seemed to take on a life of its own. Hence the delay.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Joss Whedon and Co. I only wish to place them in a situation that I've imagined.

Please review and comment…

Sequel to Dying in Here

In the stillness of the infirmary, the elegant figure draped over the operating table stirs from a deep sleep. Drugged and dulled by painkillers, her eyes struggle to find their focus. Momentarily lost in a haze of fragmented images, she wonders where she is. Her memories of past events are jumbled as she tries desperately to make sense of the fragments. There had been gunplay… furious gunplay. She remembers sprinting across to Mal, pushing him aside… and then darkness… some voices… then Mal again… Suddenly she remembers…

Mal! Is he alright? She has to know.

If only she could move. It was as if her body had turned into stone. After some time, and with much difficulty, she gains mastery over her eyelids and observes that she is in the ship's infirmary. She tries to draw attention. In her weakened state, she manages a barely audible moan. She's soon rewarded for her effort because moments later, she hears footsteps heading in her direction.

"Mal…" She barely whispers… The pain in her chest though dulled, still lingers.
"It's Simon, Inara… How are you feeling?"
"Simon…"
"You were shot remember.? You've been out... for 48 hours…"
"Mal… how's he…"
"He's fine, thanks to you. But I sent him off to his bunk two hours ago to get some much needed sleep. Had to forcibly eject him from this chair as he had no intention of leaving your side. He took some convincing."
He pauses and then adds as if to reassure her, "He never left your side… not once…"

Inwardly, Inara is relieved… Mal is safe… Xie tian xie di…
She tries with some effort to smile
"So glad…"
"Shssh, save your strength… Rest now. We can talk more when you're feeling better."

The conversation has been a mammoth effort. Basking in the warmth that all is well with the universe, Inara finally succumbs to the effects of the narcotic and drifts off into a dreamless sleep…

"Inara, are you really considering leaving us?"
"Yes, Mother… I've made my decision."
"Azrina made hers.
"Yes she did. But aren't we her family? To shun her because she fell in love? To cause her to fall into despair."
"She knew the rules as well as everyone else. These rules exist for a reason."
"Yes, to protect us… to protect our profession… Not to condemn us for being human."
"These rules are the very foundation of The Guild. If we make start making exceptions, everyone will see it as an opportunity to flout them. Inara, you are one of our best. You know what it takes to get to where you are."
"Do I? I'm not even sure I know that anymore. I thought we were Companions… that we were in the business of showing compassion. Or is it just a business?" Inara retorted, more heatedly than she had wished to.
"Don't let this incident cloud your judgment, child. Think on it further and we will talk more later."

Despite her saying so, there was a note of finality in her voice. Inara bit her tongue, bowed respectfully and then gracefully made her way out of the House Mother's quarters. It had been a difficult interview but she didn't expect to it to be other wise. Not because of the grilling she had expected to receive but the memory of finding Azrina's body was still painfully fresh.

She had to get out of the House this very moment… if only to exhale…

She wandered for sometime without thinking about where she was going. But she loved walking along the Sihnon River which eventually led her to the docks. The Denari Docks were especially busy today. Ships were coming and going, making deliveries for Foundation Day preparations. The hustle and bustle, on this occasion lacked their usual attractions. The ships, however, were another matter…

As part of her training, Inara had undertaken a grueling six months of basic flight. She had no intention of becoming a pilot early on but she relished the challenge of doing something that would stretch her abilities. But when she started flying, she discovered that she loved that feeling of freedom that it gave her. Glancing around the docks and looking at the different space vehicles made her nostalgic for those months that she spent in the air. Struck by the possibility that travel might be an escape from the stultifying life she was leading, Inara gave more attention to the vehicles than she otherwise might have.

From a distance, she noticed a rather dilapidated Firefly. An older model. Her crew was disembarking. Among them, a tall, ruggedly handsome figure emerged dressed in the apparel of an Independent soldier, a Browncoat. Obviously, the war wasn't quite over for him. Her curiosity was aroused but she waited until the crew had taken their leave before ambling her way there.

There was something about that Firefly which drew her to it. It wasn't much to look at but against all manner of good judgment, she fell in love with its ragged look and its well-used state. Immediately, she wanted to know its history and more about the kind of people who would call it home. What kind of person would call it "Serenity"… Ning jing… Was this a place of peace? A place for her to find the peace of mind that had so far been eluding her? Then as if yuan fen was giving her a nudge… she saw the sign hanging by the hatch: SHUTTLE FOR RENT…

Mal sits up in his bunk, abruptly, remembering that Inara was seriously wounded and is still lying at the infirmary. He gets up, walks groggily towards the sink and turns on the tap. He douses a little water over his face in an attempt to rouse himself out of this sleepy stupor. I don't know why I let that the doc talk me into going to bed… something could have happened. But then assures himself that Simon would have called him if something were to have happened. He climbs out of his room and heads towards the infirmary, fearing the worse. How long was I sleep?

"Hey, doc… how's our Sleepin' Beauty?" sounding more cavalier than he really felt.
"Never thought you were one for fairy tales and such things…"
"Well, once upon a time and in a land far, far away, I had a mother and she liked readin' to me."
"You were a little boy once? No. That's hard to imagine," Simon grins mischievously.

That was another lifetime…

Mal conveniently chooses to ignore this attempt at humour at his expense. There were more important things to worry about. "So how is our patient doing?"

"Extremely well… under the circumstances… She woke briefly and asked for you…"
"You should've…"
"It's alright…. I told her that you were fine and she went back to sleep not long after… It was important for both of you to get some rest. I've been here the whole time. Kaylee and I."
"Where's Kaylee now… "
"She's gone to get some sleep."
"How 'bout you go get some ya'self doc? I'll keep watch…" That comes out rather more eagerly than intended.
"If I didn't know better, I would think that you're trying to get rid of me." Simon smiles knowingly. "Still, I suppose I should. It's been a long two days. Besides, her condition seems to have stabilized now."

After giving Inara one last quick examination, the young doctor makes his way out of the room…

"Doc…" Mal says hesitatingly.
"Yes?" Simon turns to look.
"I… er… Thanks…" Mal looks strangely vulnerable.
"No need, Captain… she's important to all of us too."

Important to all of us… Yeah, that she is… To me. You gorram fool… you almost lost her… If you had any doubts about her feelings before, you shouldn't now. Practice what you preach man 'cause life's too damn short for ifs and maybes. You let her slip through you fingers the last time 'cause you were too gutless, angry and stupid to see the truth when it hit you between the eyes.

Mal takes a long hard look at the lovely, reclining figure and settles comfortably in his chair. He looks around to see if anyone's watching and then takes her hand, gently kisses it. He notes that some colour has returned to her complexion and assures himself that a recovery is imminent. With his fingers he tenderly caresses her face, marveling its contours and reveling in its softness. He doesn't know now if he wants to live life without her in it. But he's afraid for her… afraid that the life he has chosen will be her undoing.

She stirs slightly but doesn't appear to have awoken. He cradles her hand in his and while staring at the ceiling, deep in his own thoughts, he whispers absent-mindedly:

"I'm in a kind of a pickle… there's this woman I would move the 'verse for but she belongs in heaven and I'm forever trapped in hell and there's no two ways about it. Hell's not a pretty place especially not for someone like 'er who's deservin' of so much better. I thought I was past carin' about romance and the like… Not exactly the kind of life for an educated woman… She dun belong here… 'cause I can't give her the kind of life she deserves.

"Why don't you ask her what she wants?" A hush of words, weak but yet determined rises from beside him and catches him unawares.
"Inara… I thought…" Mal looks like the five year old that's been caught with his fingers in his mother's apple pie.
"Don't I get to have a say this?" The strength in her voice grows.
" Inara… I…" Mal is unusually rendered speechless.
"It was my decision to stay on Serenity and it was my decision to come between you and that bullet. You may be the captain of this boat but I'm still the one that decides where I want to go." Something of the beloved Inara returns.

An uncomfortable silence hangs between as Mal searches his thoughts to gather the words:

"It'll a while before I can stand to see you bleedin' all over me again." Mal tries not to choke.
"Now you know how I feel, every time you go on a job."
"Inara, this is my life of petty thievin'… I ain't got no big plans, no ambitions and I'm damn w'ell never gonna be rich."
"And you're telling me that because…"
"I can't give you the kind of life that you're used to havin'. All I wanna do is just keep flyin'."
"Well, there's only one thing that I want right now… and I'm looking at him…"
"Can ya be sure?"

"Mal," Inara sighs, " Can any of us be sure of anything? But right now, being here in Serenity, with you. That's what I want."
"I can't promise that you'll be safe."
"If I wanted to be safe, I would never have left the House in the first place. Sorry Mal, you're stuck with me…"
"Really?" Mal asks elatedly.
"Yes, really." Her smile should be illegal.

Mal looks like a man who's been given a million credits. He reaches over and fondles her hair, ruminating over what she's just said. A thought occurs to him.

"But dun't this go against your policy of not servicing me or members of the crew…" He grins at her mischievously.
"Who says anything about servicing you…"
Mal looks crestfallen. "Didn't ya?"
"If I was servicing you, Mal it would mean that you're just a client and I'll be playing a part. No, I don't intend for us to play games. Not anymore. We've done more than our fair share of running around in circles. When our time comes, I won't be the companion and you're not the captain… It'll just be us."
"Honest?"
"Kiss me and find out."

What man can resist such an offer?

Glossary:

Xie tian, xie di – Thank heaven and earth
Yuan fen -- fate, destiny