A/N: This is pretty close to straying into M- rated territory but then again.. I don't think it crossed that line just yet. Thoughts? Otherwise, enjoy. x
Jane was on her way out of the locker room, biting her lip while she was looking at her phone. She smiled at the message she had gotten just then, and was about to reply when she heard another voice calling behind her.
"Jane!" she turned around to find Kurt walking towards her, appearing to be ready to head out as well.
Her small smile turned into a full one once she recognized him "I thought I was the last one here" she told him putting her phone in the back- pocket of her jeans without replying. Instead she took her leather jacket she had carried slung over her arm and put it on.
"No, I think I haven't not been the last one here in quite a while" he grinned at her and getting a hold of the second sleeve of her jacket he held it up to help her get in.
"Thank you" she smiled at him, moving her hair from underneath her the jacket in a swift motion before closing the coat.
"You're welcome" he looked as if he wanted to say something more but he shut his mouth again and they walked together in silence for another minute before they both started to speak up at the same time.
"So, what keeps you here so late every day?"
"Wanna get a drink?"
They stood to stare at each other, Jane grinning, Kurt blushing.
"Do you want to get a drink?" he repeated after clearing his throat "We could go to a bar. Or just to my place.. I have beer and-"
"Um. Kurt?" Jane interrupted him "I would love to… but…" she looked down to the floor "I kind of can't today" she tried to not look up at him, remembering that time when she had asked him for a drink and he had still been with Allie. Why did that moment still leave such a sour feeling in her mouth and a pang to her chest?
They're not together anymore and Jane and Kurt… Well they never had been together to begin with, so she really had no right to feel this way. And still, that didn't stop her from feeling these feelings. She looked up at him, meeting his eyes uncertainly and was surprised as to what she saw in them. She couldn't identify it at first.
"Still that guy?" he asked plainly, rubbing his hand over the back of his head.
Jane nodded slowly "Yeah. We don't see each other that often… I don't have that much free- time" she shrugged looking up at him, still uncertain about his take on her date. She shouldn't care, right? It wasn't his place?
"If you-" he put his hand in his pocket awkwardly "You know, you don't have to stay here this late all the time when you have somewhere better to be."
"I like working" she smiled shyly. She also liked being around him because he still made her feel safe and she liked knowing that he was safe as well because things tended to get messy real quickly around here and she worried for him, knowing he didn't worry much for himself. But she couldn't really say that, could she?
When he didn't reply to that she was about to say something but was interrupted by her phone's ring tone. "Hey" she greeted Oliver, a smile returning to her face at the cheerfulness he was always sporting "I'll be right out. See you. Yes, me too." When she put down her phone she was practically grinning and had to adjust her facial expression when she looked back at Kurt who was frowning at her, seemingly lost in his thoughts.
"Um. I gotta go…" she expected some kind of farewell but when he didn't move she simply waved at him and turned around stiffly. After she had almost reached the next door she could hear his voice again, telling her to have fun, but she didn't turn around. She was lost in her own thoughts, still trying to figure out his facial play.
Had that been what – disappointment? Because she didn't have time to go for a drink? Did he have something burdening him that he wanted to talk about? But there was something else, like a spark in his eyes when he had tried to put on a blank expression on the rest of his face… It couldn't be.. It wouldn't be jealousy, right? He didn't have the right to be jealous. Just like she had never had the right to be jealous about Allie. And still…
Why did it feel like a betrayal going out with Oliver now? She had been looking forward to this date the whole day. Oliver was nice and funny and good-looking and he took good care of her. Why did she feel so uneasy then? Why did she always find blue eyes looking back at her instead of Oliver's green ones?
Her mind was somewhere else for most of their ride back to his apartment even though she tried to cover it up, asking about his day, what he had prepared for them today. She smiled at the handsome man next to her who was so excited to tell her all about some new project he wanted to tackle soon that would get clean water to another two countries but she couldn't concentrate on it.
"And how was your day?" he asked then "Caught another bad guy?"
She shrugged being pulled out of her thoughts "It was okay, I guess. Nothing too adventurous."
"Your whole job is adventurous. And so are you." Oliver replied with a grin obviously trying to get more of a reply this time.
Just then he pulled up next to his home and he got out, walking around the car to open the door for her and pressing a quick kiss to her lips when he took her hand to lead her to the door.
Jane sighed inwardly and she felt sorry for Oliver but she couldn't shake this feeling in her stomach that maybe she was missing something and her mind still wandered to the last look in Kurt's eyes when they had talked and how she still couldn't figure it out.
They stepped inside and she slipped out of her jacket and shoes in a practiced manner, not thinking about it much when she felt his hands coming up at her sides and she was about to tell him that she wasn't feeling it just then when she felt them move against her belly, tickling her.
She tried to keep a straight face but after a moment burst out in giggles, trying to wiggle out of his strong hold on her "Stop it!" she squealed breathlessly "Seriously, Kurt-" Suddenly the hands were gone and she stood there frozen in place. She could feel her cheeks heat up while her hands were suddenly really cold and the knot in her stomach only intensified.
"I am so sorry" she whispered, turning around to face Oliver slowly. She met his green eyes that were full of hurt and anger and betrayal. "I was just-"
"I know what you were" he shot back, taking a step back to bring some distance between them "Do you really think I haven't seen the signs? Whenever I visit you at the office or pick you up-" he glared at her "Don't you think I haven't realized how he's always in your close proximity? I thought – I hoped that maybe it was only a temporary thing, maybe there used to be something between the two of you but I could make you see how good we could be together."
"I know, Oliver. There's nothi-"
"Do you think I'm stupid?!" he raised his voice at her now "I know there is something. And I like you a lot, Jane" his voice softened at her name "I think you're an amazing woman. I think you're strong and beautiful and funny and soft but also not weak. That's why I've been fighting for you for almost three months now. But I don't think you even realized it." He sounded so sad and Jane's heart broke for him. She wanted to say something, anything, to take that pain away from him to reassure him- but she couldn't. She didn't want to lie to him.
Understanding seemed to dawn on him slowly as they stared into each other's eyes and he nodded deliberately "I think this is it. I should have seen the signs before" he sighed in defeat "I hope you can be happy one day, Jane. But I refuse to be a replacement for the guy you really want to be with."
She shook her head but she didn't know if it was more of a head- shake- no or a shrug or even a nod. She felt tears come to her eyes but she blinked them away, he didn't deserve to have her crying when he was the one hurting.
"I think it's better if I go now" she whispered taking a step back to grab her jacket and slip into her shoes. With one last look back at him she opened the door "I am so sorry, Oliver" and then she closed the door and she was outside on the street.
Jane stood there for a moment, unsure where to go, before she took the first step forward and then another and then another and before she knew it she was downright running and the streets flew past her in a blurry – she didn't even see them.
Somewhere along the way the rain started but she didn't feel the water running down her form, into her jacket and inside her shoes. She didn't hear it splashing with every step she took and she didn't care anyway. Her mind had gone into flight modus and she just wanted to get away from everything right now, she didn't want to think, she didn't want to feel - it was all too much for her.
She wasn't looking where she was going, her feet had their own mind just then and when she ended up on a very familiar doorstep she couldn't have said how she had gotten there. Somehow she always ended up here - wherever she went, he was there.
Feeling all strength leave her Jane simply dropped down on the bench in front of the building and pulled her knees to her chest, hugging them tightly. She wanted to scream and she wanted to punch something and she wanted to let all her anger out on Kurt because how dare he?! How dare he be jealous or disappointed or feel betrayed or whatever he had shown her earlier that day? He had no right. He had no claim on her.
But then again - hadn't he?
Frustrated she buried her fingernails in the side of her legs to let out some of her aggression but it did her no good. She felt tears pool in her eyes and she didn't have enough energy left in her to blink them away, instead she simply let them run down her cheeks freely, joining the rain that was still pouring. The first sob she let out was liberating. The second was anguish and after that she couldn't even wrap her head around her emotions anymore.
For the first time this night she felt the cold of an early November night and she shuddered unintentionally. By now she was thoroughly wet. Beneath her leather jacket the rain had soaked her sweater and even her bra, her jeans was drenched and clung to her legs, making her shiver once again. Even her shoes and socks were completely wet and from her hair she felt the water drip onto her neck.
She didn't care. She simply sat there and let the rain pour over her, staring straight ahead, not seeing anything. Every once in a while she saw people pass her by. Mostly they were getting out of their car and walking to one of the buildings nearby, probably to get home. One of them was a neighbor of Kurt's, she had seen him before. He didn't have an umbrella but still when he saw, he stopped to look at her in worry.
He was an elderly man and he had greeted her friendly whenever they had met in or around the house, his wife had passed away and, one day he had told her, his kids weren't visiting a lot and so he had started to make everyone in this house his child, taking care of whoever needed help. Be it a baby or dog sitter or simply someone to talk to.
Now he took a step closer to her, putting a hand on her shoulder to get her attention.
"Are you lost, child?" he wanted to know in that soft voice of his and she felt new tears making their way to her eyes at his gentleness. Was she lost? Not physically at least.
Jane shook her head and even though she could see he didn't believe her he didn't ask again but left her to get inside. Here she was again. Cold. Alone. Quiet. Even the sobs had stopped at some point and now she was just sitting there, shivering, freezing but not able to get up and get going. Maybe she was lost after all.
It had to be about five minutes after the elder neighbor had left her when she felt another presence and she didn't even have to look up to see who it was. She tightened the grip around her legs before she looked up to meet those blue eyes that seemed to follow her everywhere. He didn't say a word and she was grateful for it.
He bent down to her, covering one of her cold hands with his warm one and once she released the grip she had on her legs he took it, pulling her up and into a half embrace. They stayed like that for a bit.
The rain had eased off a little but she was still wet and cold and so, when he had felt her relax against him, Kurt slung his arm around her waist and started leading her towards the door. After a few hesitant first steps, she complied and with her last strength she stepped onto the elevator with him. Now that she was in the building and it was a little warmer she started shivering uncontrollably and she could feel him pull her even tighter against him until they reached his floor.
He still hadn't said anything to her when he lead her inside his apartment and helped her get out of her jacket and shoes. Now she was standing there in the hallway, dripping and freezing and he handed her a towel to dry her hair.
"Do you want to take a shower?"
Jane shook her head and even though she could see that he wasn't happy with her answer, he didn't pressure her to take one. Instead he took her hand and let her sit down on a dining chair.
"I'm gonna get you dry clothes" he said and this time it wasn't a question and she didn't argue, she didn't have that much energy left. Instead she started rubbing the towel through her hair and once it felt dry enough she tried pealing of her pants which was easier said than done.
When Kurt came back with a stack of clothes for her she was still struggling with them and she didn't protest when he squatted down next to her and helped her taking them off completely. She sat back on the chair and watched him throw the jeans and her socks on the floor before taking another towel to dry off her legs that were covered in goosebumps.
He was so gentle with her and once he was done she immediately missed the close contact and the warmth of his hands but he didn't get up. He simply took a pair of shorts from the clothes on the table and helped her put them one carefully. When she had pulled them tight around her waist with the strap – they were way too big for her – she sat done again and he pulled out thick woolen socks to put them on her feet and smiled up at her when she wiggled with her toes once she was inside them.
"Cold feet are the worst" he stated softly and kneaded her feet for a moment.
"Thank you" she whispered but he shook his head.
"We're not done yet." He got up from the floor and sat back down on a chair beside her "You still need to get off the sweater" he pointed at the wet cloth hanging down from her shoulders "I can leave the room if you want-"
She shook her head "It's not like you haven't seen it before" she told him before pulling the sweater over her head and throwing it on the floor next to her pants and socks. She could feel his eyes on her but when she looked up he was looking into her face and she smiled a small smile at him. This was Kurt Weller, he would never take advantage of someone in need of help.
Jane was only in her wet bra now and she could feel her nipples peak through the thin material. She knew he had seen it, too, and she had seen his eyes darken ever so slightly but now he was back to staring straight into her eyes. She grinned at him in mischief when she reached behind her back to pull the clasp open, the bra was still hanging over her breasts but she could see him catch his breath.
"I think I should go-" he started but she shook her head.
"Stay" she whispered and to her delight he didn't try to object, he simply stared at her with his mouth open.
Slowly, deliberately she pulled down each strap before getting rid of the whole thing, dropping it down next to her chair, feeling his eyes travel down her form and enjoying the heat she could see in them, she started toweling off her upper body, never taking her eyes off of him.
"Jane" he tried again when she had dried her arms and started on her chest but she shook her head and he grew quiet again, watching her with so much longing that she wondered how he could've hidden it so well this afternoon when she told him she had a date. Had he always felt like that? Or was it just the physical attraction?
Having dried her front she held the towel out for him and for a moment he simply stared at her in confusion before she turned around on her chair "I need someone to dry off my back."
She waited with anticipation. He needed longer than she thought he would, deciding on whether this was inappropriate – she was pretty sure that they both knew that it was – and shooting the rational part of his brain to hell. When he finally did just that, she closed her eyes at the touch of his warm hand on her back.
He moved the towel over her back very thoroughly but she was left with even more goosebumps when he had finished. She was about to turn around again, to thank him, when she felt his hand on her hip, without the towel, and she stayed quiet.
He caressed her side gently and she could feel her nipples harden again, this time for another reason as the cold, and she was glad she had her back turned to him.
"Kurt" she whispered, his name a quiet begging, when he moved his hand over her back lightly, leaving goosebumps in his wake.
"I can't."
And suddenly his hand was gone from her back and she heard his chair move and him stand. She turned around to find him pacing up and down in front of the kitchen counter.
"I can't do this" he repeated and he wouldn't even look at her until she had pulled on the t-shirt he had brought out earlier and even then he would solely look into her eyes.
"What can't you do?" Jane wanted to know, getting up as well and taking a step towards him, reaching out her hands for him. To her surprise he took them and caressed them gently, their eyes locked.
"I can't touch you and not-" he stopped and looked down at their intertwined hands "I want you" he said simply "But not just your body. I've never wanted just your body." He took another step forward, pulling her to him until their bodies where flush against each other. With a sigh he let go of her hands and raised them to cup her cheeks softly.
She stared up at him, not being able to breathe, waiting for his next move but he just stood there, his hands framing her face, looking at her with so much warmth. "You can have all of me" she whispered hoarsely after she had pulled herself together, reaching for his hand with her own and caressing it gently.
"What about-"
"We broke up" she declared watching his expression closely "Because I couldn't stop thinking about you." He opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off, stepping onto her tiptoes and pressing a kiss to his lips. It wasn't a very long or very heated kiss. It was merely a peck but she felt the warmth spread through her whole body and she smiled at him.
"I want all of you, too, Kurt" she whispered against his lips before pressing another kiss to them and this time he reacted. He pulled her even closer and deepened the kiss and when they both came up for air he rested his forehead against hers, pulling her tighter to him.
"I'm never going to let you go again."
She hoped so.