Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Harry Potter or the rights to the song either. Both belong to far more talented people than I!
Thank you Geekmom13 for beta-ing this for me, you're a doll.
Triggers: May/December, Student/Teacher, Forbidden Love, Unrequited Love.
I am hoping to keep this strictly SNAMIONE - Their relationship will develop pretty quickly in this story. It will need too. Other pairings are my Four OTPS: Molly/Arthur, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley and Neville Longbottom/Daphne Greengrass
Always Is A Long Time
Un Veiled
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
Simon and Garfunkel
HOGWARTS: Thursday 31st October 1996
Have twenty years really passed since he uttered that one word that torn her away from him forever? Have 15 years truly passed since her death, brought on by his hands. Or, more precisely, his mouth? It must have been. He swirled his 36-year-old Fire-whiskey. Sent as a gift from Lucius on his last birthday. Of course, it was more of a bribe than a gift – to keep his sight blind as far as Draco was concerned. However, who was he to turn down a good four hundred galleons worth of alcohol?
"Well," he tipped the glass to something unseen. "Twenty years, Lily," he sighed as he savoured another oaky sip. "Twenty bloody years since I lost you forever."
"Severus!" A cheery voice emerged from his fireplace.
Great, that is all he needs! A heart-to-heart with Albus Dumbledore.
"Ah, a gift from your friend?"
Trust Dumbledore to sniff out the booze: "Birthday gift," Severus sighed. "You are welcome to join in if you so wish."
"Ah, I won't," Albus said. "Just a quick fire call to you – wondering if..."
"No, Albus," Severus sighed rubbing the side of his head. "Draco has not yet revealed his plans to me. Clearly, he does not trust me as much as I once thought, your ploy of favouring my Snakes has not worked. I cannot inspire them into showing confidence in me any more than a third year Hufflepuff."
"I had thought your position as a godfather would have cemented that faith in you more so than others."
"Sorry to disappoint but Slytherins do not offer and accept prominent places of familial connections for reasons of sentimentality the way Gryffindors do."
"The constant struggle of power is unhealthy, Severus," Albus sighed.
He snorted, if that was not a hypocritical statement Severus did not know what was. Albus was in the predicament he was in because of a power struggle, mistrusted all Slytherins due to the folly of youth. Severus knew by now that it was easier if he kept his own council on this matter. Albus eyes lost their twinkle and he became melancholy in countenance.
"A fine witch," he sighed.
"I did know that, it was I who made her aware of the fact, it was I who lied to her."
"No, Severus, you..."
"She asked me if there was anything wrong in her not having magical parents and I said no – only for six years later to call her that most unforgivable of appellations."
"Under..."
"Don't you dare try to comfort me now when none was offered me then!"
Albus sighed: "How I treated you..."
"No Albus, I fight for you, I admire your brilliance. I cannot ever forgive you for telling me, as a frightened fifteen-year-old, that I would get expelled if I told people of Black's intent to murder me or turn me into a monster. Do not try to gloss over it now with platitudes of regret."
Albus sighed and looked up at the young man, already weighed down with the responsibilities of someone twice his age. His hair hung down in hanks of grease and sadness. He felt even worse that it was partially him that had given the wizard whom he now looked upon as a son this unkind burden to bear. That he had always offered forgiveness in one hand and torment with the other.
"Yes, Severus, you are right. It is a platitude – genuine – but a platitude nonetheless."
With that, Albus left his fireplace, allowing him to wallow in misery and whiskey. The clock on the mantel chimed half eleven and decided to haul his sorry carcass off his tattered seat and get to bed so he can be fresh and grumpy the next day. He had dis-robed in his bedchambers and showered what dirt he could out of his body and hair. He hated his body. Awkward, gangly and thin as a youth. Wiry, lanky, and skeletal as a man. Nose too large. Fingers too spindly. Legs too long.
Not to mention the criss-cross of scars littering his back, arms and torso. Even his tadger appeared as if it, along with his nose and fingers, had come from a box labelled spare parts. Hung like it was between his legs like an unwelcome piece of rope attached to his body. He trailed his fingers along his bruised and deformed chest and sighed as he met his reflection in the cracked mirror in his bathroom.
"Who are we kidding Severus Snape," he mumbled. "Why would a Lothlorien Elfling like Lily want to touch an Ork like you? I am as the Hunchback desiring Esmeralda from afar."
With a harshly whispered Nox he crawled into bed; naked, lonely and silently crying. He hummed a song that seemed to fit the situation of his state of mind. A song he and Lily used to sing on a spot underneath a tree. Her head resting on his shoulder. Their hands entwined. Fingers laced tightly together as they watched the odd canal barge chug by slowly. How they managed to in the murk of the water was beyond either of the children's comprehension.
"Hello darkness my old friend..."
He did not feel himself drifting off to sleep but he did. As was evident by the shock of waking up at the darkest part of the night, the odd time where dawn is battling her way through the velvet purple. Hogwarts seemed to be in thrall of an eerie argent glow blinding his sleep-addled brain.
He looked at his watch, the only item he wore to bed and noticed the time to be 3am.
His room was bathed in pure silver as an intense white light drowned the gloom, surrounding him in its glow. Tendrils of smoke wrapped around the posts of his bed. This was either a bloody powerful Patronus or he was dying. Neither seemed viable options, the whiskey was pure unadulterated. A Patronus could sometimes bathe you in its glory, envelop you in the happiness that created it, makes one feel special. This was why Death Eaters and those who were regular practitioners of Dark Arts found it hard to produce corporeal ones. Besides it was a charm not exactly practised amongst Death Eaters, it was considered one of those Light Magic spells. Even the Dark Lord, who despises the distinction between Light and Dark, afforded this spell the right to be known as Light magic, therefore not one of his 'comrades' boasted of being able to perform it. He was the only one that could because the Dark Lord understood that he needed to for Severus to be able to keep the Orders trust. Though even he did not know what form it took and the most precious, guarded memories that were used to conjure it.
No, he surmised, this definitely did not have the feeling of a Patronus. He watched as the light took form.
"No!" he gasped. "NO! IS THIS A NEW TORTURE!"
The silvery glow became distinct by shimmering hues of colour. Green orbs glowed from wide, beautiful eyes. An equally generous mouth wearing plum coloured lipstick, curved in a kind smile. Wavy red tresses ebbed and flowed behind her as she descended upon him like some sort of a vision of seraph used to imbue a sense of guilt.
"What the...?" he gasped.
The woman sighed: "Hello Severus," she greeted. "My old friend."
Severus gulped. The woman before him. No. It cannot be, the one he had been mourning.
"Lily?" he questioned.
"Hello Sev," she smiled again and this time made sure he knew she was there by sitting beside him on the bed. "This may take some time to explain."
"May?"
She laughed. How his heart ached. He had not heard that laugh since he was sixteen.
"Fine, this does, happy now you pedantic grump!"
"That is rather a contradiction is it not, Lily? One cannot be happy and a grump at the same time."
"Did not contest the 'pedantic' though!"
Severus grimaced: "Snarky, grease-ball, bat. Those are the terms that are polite for your ears."
Lily rolled her eyes: "You did not used to be this sensitive to what I might hear."
"I said sorry!" he said crossing his arms petulantly.
"I did not mean that..." Lily sighed. "Goddess knows you have suffered enough without me bringing up such a petty..."
"I behaved abominably to you that day and for many days after."
The vision leaned over and swiped a hand across his brow. A whisper of a move that meant the world to him. He turned chary eyes at her and still could not believe she was there smiling and offering him comfort.
"You have more than made up for it Severus. Many times more," she said. "I am aware it was you that passed the information of the prophecy but the ultimate betrayal should be lain squarely at Pettigrew's door, not yours. You have saved my son time and again. You have looked out for him in little ways as well as big. Why you persist in only allowing him to see the worst of you, I do not know. Pettigrew killed Cedric Diggory. A nice young man, he and I get on really well. James hates it when Ced and I talk. No marriage in the afterlife, Sev. We can have all sorts of fun on Olympus."
"You're drifting from the point, dearest."
"Oh right, sorry." Then she giggled: "No need to be jealous dear. Your chance will be revealed. You can have fun now. Why don't you?"
"Don't I, what?"
"Have fun?"
"Oh yes, I will clear up some time in my busy schedule of not dying to accomplish – fun!" he shuddered at the last word.
Lily rolled her eyes and sat back further on his bed: "All right," she sighed. "So, why do you persist?"
"Why do I persist in what, Lily?" he forgot conversations with Lily could induce a headache. He enjoyed them but not at the witching hour after a hard day's teaching. "Be concise, please?"
"Sorry, why do you not want to show Harry how good, kind and sweet you are?"
Severus felt himself blush and look down on the bedsheets. Lily thought he was sweet and good? Blessed fates, he sighed. Why this exquisite torture? Lily was waiting beside him for an answer.
"Because I will die – he will have one less person to mourn."
Lily shook her head and entwined her fingers in his hands as her head rested on his shoulder, not able to keep the spite out of her tone when she spoke next.
"I hate what they make you do, you know. Lord Voldemort and Albus Dumbledore!"
"I do so due to my own choices."
"No, you do so because you have done nothing but loathe yourself for youthful errors. Not looking forward and seeing benefits to a future."
He held up his forearm: "I am marked for Death, Lily. I have no future. Not one I desire."
"You could do so. That is what I am here for."
"Only you can come from beyond and order me into a quest of fun-filled frolics in meadows, Lily Evans!"
"Oh, Sev, I miss you so much," she smirked. "Back to the point of my reason I am here, you could have a future if you were not so stubbornly blinded by your own guilt."
"Lily – I will die I was marked by the Dark Lord of my own volition. Therefore I am a dark, horrible, evil and ugly."
Lily burst into tears and shook her head vehemently at his statements of low self-worth. "No, Sev, you are not any of things. You are honourable, loyal, handsome, kind and compassionate. You need to use these qualities to the full. Remember Regulus also bowed before Voldemort, but he changed his mind, he did something courageously strong and of good character before he died. He and I sort of... ahem, anyway, I pass his message on to you of thanks and joy – he had no one he desired to see."
"Now you're assuredly not making sense."
"The veil disappeared," Lily smiled. "Only for a time. Myrddin himself stood and asked if there was purpose," she sighed. "I did not know he was a Slytherin."
"I did tell you but you refused to believe me."
"Ah yes," she giggled. "Along with other things. Like your... So sorry I did not believe that either. I have suitably chastised Sirius for it by the way."
"The purpose..."
"Sorry," she blushed well for a dead woman. "The fates themselves formed and stepped forward. They mentioned that they have allowed the portal open for those of us who wish to guide and advise the living. Any of us with regrets to step forward. To see loved ones."
"Why are you not with Harry?"
"He does not need me as much as you," Lily said. "I provided all I can for him. He only has one more year before he reaches the age of maturity."
"Is... Is..."
"They really did a number on you, didn't they?" Lily tilted her head. "The Marauders, you are still frightened of them."
"I had your murderer in my house, how do you think that made me feel?"
Lily grimaced. "I can imagine. It is sickening to know what is going through his black heart."
"What?"
"This is the problem of being beyond you have much more clarity of vision, everyone can become a seer or a Legilimens. I know what he is planning."
Severus sat up and turned to meet his friends gaze. Lily's eyes blazed hatefully ahead as her lips thinned and pursed in a rather disturbingly Petunia-esque manner.
"He desires her," Lily growled. "A young woman who... he is marking her for... it would make me vomit if I could."
"Desires who?"
"Hermione Granger of course," Lily snapped. "Only because her familiar almost murdered him in his rat form!"
He smirked a little at that and the thought warmed Severus for some few moments. Even her pet was an over achiever. He looked at Lily's profile.
"Do you have to be back any time soon?" he asked.
"I will be gone by the moment day begins," she sighed. "It is nowhere near long enough for us to talk."
Severus rested his cheek on the top of Lily's head and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She settled in his embrace even if she could not feel it properly, she had the same amount of grip as a slippery toad. He would take what he could get though.
"Long enough, Lily," he said.
"Oh, Sev, I have so many regrets. Do you wish to know them?"
"One," he said. "We only have two hours!"
She thwacked him, though it did not hurt: "You!" she playfully snarled.
"Me!" he agreed.
"The thing I regret the most is not forgiving you that day. You were genuine and I was … was … Petunia!"
They both laughed, he from the depths from his belly, tears fell from the corner of his eyes. She chortled silently.
"Nay, lass, you were not Petunia," Severus sighed out the dregs of his mirth.
"I was, I would not consider your side of the story. I kept forgetting you had to sleep in the same room as those upper class prats, you had to converse with them over meals. I had girls to share a dorm with. Happy, warm, affectionate girls. You had anaconda's and vipers."
"I still should not have made allow..."
"No, Sev, you've made excuses for me long enough. I cannot let you do so again," she shuffled closer to him and kissed his lips, tenderly – it felt like kissing malleable ice. He did not care though, Lily Evans was kissing him and he did not mind one bit! "Now, to come to the crux of the matter. The reason I decided to talk to you."
"Can we not just kiss?"
Her tinker bell laugh was a balm to his sore heart. Her delicate hand rested on his chest. Severus was thankful that she had not immediately shuddered away from his naked body.
"Stop that!" she chided.
"What?"
"Self-loathing, your body has always been beautiful to me. Your eyes and voice have always intrigued me. Why do you think I came back to you that day when you told me I was a witch? I wanted to look into those eyes again. I have always loved you."
"I love you!"
"However," Severus did not like the tone of that 'however' – it suggested something off. Something that seemed to be taking him away from the delight of hearing Lily Evans tell him that she loved him. "Always is a long time, Sev, not to think of others besides me."
"Do..."
"Don't interrupt," she said as she shifted position in his arms. "I am here to ask you to be kind to someone, to stop hurting them. I am here to make you see you could have someone to live for now."
"You are making me want to be with your son?" he gasped in horror.
"UGH, NO!" Lily yelled. "Not Harry, he has his special someone lined up already in any case."
"One does not have to be a seer to know whom he will end up with, like his father in that respect too!"
"He is not James, Sev."
"No, he has your eyes."
"He has my heart too if you let yourself see it."
"So if it is not your son then..."
Lily sighed: "His friend, Hermione."
"Miss Granger is the bossiest, most infuriating, insufferable know-it-all that is my misfortune to teach."
"You know Sev, she is dying for a kind word from you. If I ever and I mean, ever - meant anything to you, please seek her out. She will need you as there is something she is planning, with your help she does not have to make the sacrifice that will ultimately destroy her..."
"Sacrifice?" he sat up then. All business. The teacher came to the fore. "What do you mean she will destroy herself? She's not suicidal is she? She is not cutting her arms? Because of me?"
"No, will you just listen for heavens sake, Sev, or so help me I will pull a three ghosts thing on you at Christmas!" Lily snapped. With a heavy sigh, she continued. "Hermione is a muggleborn. Her parents are muggles. She is the best friend of Lord Voldemort's foe. Her grandmother could not come through, only the magical folk were allowed, muggles had to stay behind. She knows what her granddaughter is planning. You have to stop her – or find an alternative. You have to work with Remus on this."
"Why Remus?"
"Because he secretly liked you – as a friend before you gasp again – and he cares for Hermione."
"What is she planning that has her grandparents worried from beyond?"
Lily sighed and she looked up into Severus' concerned eyes: "There he is," she smiled warmly. "There is my Severus. Now, show her that."
"What is she planning, Lily?"
The witch sighed as she lowered her lashes: "She is in the process of setting her parents false identities so she can wipe her existence from their minds so..."
"But does she not know that it would be impossible to restore..."
"Precisely, which is why I have come up with a plan," Lily sat up. "If anyone can brew a Forgetfulness Potion that can last for up to a year and it's antidote, it is you."
"But..."
"No more orphan's Sev. Not her, she does so much for my son, it is the least I can do for her. I like her and, judging by your reaction to the thought of her being permanently harmed, so do you."
"I'm not a pervert, Lily."
"I did not say you were," Lily said. "She is 17-years-old, well 18 if you count her time-turner use. Perhaps 18-and-a-half. She is a young adult now, but she is frightened and lonely."
"She has plenty of friends."
"No, she has plenty of people who talk to her when they want their homework to look perfect – she has perhaps a dozen friends – six close ones. Yet none of them understand her, truly. Pandora wishes she had tutored Luna with more fact than theory. Fabian has asked me to tell you to thwack Ronald over the head again because he is being such an ass to Hermione (he assures me, were he lucky enough to be her friend he'd have made his move in third year!)" Severus snorted good-naturedly. Fabian Prewitt was another Gryffindor he liked. "Gideon wishes Ginny would ask after Hermione's feelings more. See how she is cared about? Her kindness extends far and wide Severus. It has extended to you as well."
"What do you mean?"
"She is not one of those who makes fun of you. She respects you. She admires you. If you touched her heart the way you did mine you would have the love of a good witch right there."
"She is in love with a Weasley!"
"She thinks she is in love with Ronald."
"I cannot believe you are setting up someone who is, not only my pupil, but a girl who could have been our daughter and..."
Lily laughed again: "It is either you or Pettigrew or Dolohov or," she shuddered. "Macnair!"
Hermione Granger's admiration was genuine? "Still, even if I was kind to her, offered her an alternative to her plans, saw them through – what is the guarantee she will look at me once I have to k..."
"KILL Dumbledore," Lily snarled. "That meddling, conniving, hateful bastard!" Counting to twenty to calm herself, Lily eventually smiled again: "That is also where Remus comes in. He is being told of the plan by James."
"Firstly: Where did that come from? Secondly: Potter is not with his son?"
"Firstly: I met Ariana, Dumbledore's sister, such a lovely girl. His mother is a Blood Purist. Did you know that? Dumbledore is so much like his mother," she plucked at a a smattering of black curly hair on his chest. "I am also sorry for not being there for you when you needed me the most. Eileen bit my ears off – apparently you let your father beat you over that summer – felt you deserved it. You did not by the way. Remus will work with you."
"You truly absolve me?"
"I was not blameless, Severus. The pedestal you have me on, I don't deserve to be there. Hermione does, she is a special witch."
"I suppose I can sneak in the odd few points here and there."
"No, neither you nor she, has time for the slow build. You have to be kind – use any excuse you like – but you have to get her on side straight away as you also have to gain the trust of Remus. I am not allowing you to go through this alone. Remus has no one left now except for Tonks. You two have to work together, if you do not, you both will die!"
"Can you not stay and guide me through this, you know how I am likely to balls it up without your help," he said stroking her hair.
"Let her guide you – but remember there is no time for baby steps – you must start immediately. You only have about six months left. Please, you must do this."
"I will try..."
"There is no try!"
"Fine – I will do!"
"Use all your ingenuity and charm. Things of which you do possess, you charm well enough and you must make sure no one sees her beauty except you."
"I am not even sure I can see her..."
"You have to, Severus, she is a beautiful girl. No more thinking of me. I have absolved you of all the guilt," Lily sighed stroking his hair. "I loved you – we both suffered due to foolish youthful arrogance – you have to decide whether you wish for death or to love and be loved now."
"Yes but surely there are others in the Order that would hel..."
"Not really, Dumbledore's focus is all on my son, he's not thinking about Hermione – he only views her as Potter's best friend, the one who can get him out of scrapes. He does not see her heart shattering every time she receives a letter from her parents."
"I am still not sure," he sighed. "I have been nothing but a cantankerous beast to her – why would she listen to me?"
"I will give you three tips – they are," Lily sighed. "Request do not demand. Thank yous would not go amiss either. Perhaps one or two public compliments. Nothing drastic but you have her in lessons, utilise her need to be praised."
Severus felt Lily's presence fade from his arms. "Don't go, Lily! I'll cock it up – I know I will!"
"Be kind, be clever, be with her how you were with me. Mess up? Apologise! she's a lot more forgiving than I am. Smile at her occasionally and encourage her. Remember – you have six months to make her trust you, fall in love with you, confide in you and help you."
Severus sighed: "Anything else my dear Jedi?"
"Let her in your personal space," Lily said.
"What about your son he..."
"She can keep secrets, Sev," Lily's voice sounded vague.
Dawn was breaking and his time with Lily was over. The moment the sun broke open he was left alone contemplating all what the apparition had said. Today, he sighed, was going to be the start on his pathway to hell, still that was where the road led that was paved with good intentions.
After he had showered and dressed he thought that there was merit to what Lily had said – seducing Hermione Granger from under Dumbledore's nose held some sort of appeal. The Dark Lord could not object as he was after any titbit of information regarding Potter and the darkness of the act would most certainly hold some merit in his dark heart. He would love the thought of the muggleborn betraying those she supposedly loves.
In fact he began to look forward to the day ahead...
Miss Granger won't know what came to her when he accosted her with Slytherin charms, grace and etiquette. He washed his hair three times that morning, brushed it properly and added a sleek and shine charm that Lucius taught him. He smirked as he abandoned the heavy duty black set and brought out his lighter fabric, emerald green robes he wore for special occasions. He may have to introduce colour to his wardrobe. Making a note to ask Narcissa for guidance in that respect. Narcissa would do anything; even befriend Hermione if he so asked, especially if it meant Draco did not have to kill Dumbledore. He wondered if any of the Malfoy had any visitors that night.
Lily had said there was no time for baby steps, which was his normal approach – he hated to have to be Gryffindorian about this endeavour. If he was going to woo Miss Granger, by the founders and their families, he would do it!
Bewitch. Ensnare. Teach.
A reptilian smirk spread across his face, oh I can do that to her, he smiled. I can unleash myself upon you, he thought as he buttoned up his frilled tunic. By the time I am through with you I will ruin you for any other wizard who comes along, perhaps even make sure no other wizard touches you from the day after I bed you.
Simmer. Boil. Stir.
Just like emotions, he knew he could entice hatred and fear but he had other things he could do for Hermione. The Yule Ball proved that the cygnet had become a flourishing swan. He could entice her heart to yearn, make her ache between the thighs, he could bring out the lusts within her. Use her devotion to study and show her other ways of being studious.
Then when finished he would demand she stayed behind next year – for how could he continue – if she was under the first layer of skin now, then how would it be at the end of six months when he had taken her to bed not once but several times?
Now, what was a good reason to keep her here... something that would stop her well-intentioned but utterly drastic measures she could make for herself. It would change plans but he was adaptable, so was she, it was a trait Muggleborns were good at. Half-Bloods too. Once he used his voice for sensual charm he'd probably have half the witches begging to be bedded.
Why not?
It is about time he had some fun. He will, of course, be only taking the actually graceful Miss Granger to bed. By now he was certain that he would introduce her to Narcissa. It is about time she understood her older sister's decision. If he could re unite a family that would be more of a bonus. Yes, he smiled as he clasped the outer robes together with the silver snake like buckle that rested below the chest bone.
Time to shine, Severus, but only a little. What worked for Ebenezer Scrooge won't work for you, so you have to take this calmly.
Miss Hermione Granger – the bane of his life – would be in for an incredible shock!
Little did he know that he was the one in for the surprise.
