It was quiet in the Test home, which sat- as it had most of its life- in the humble town of Porkbelly. The block was devoid of any activity, except for the occasional car passing through. From behind a shrub, young Johnny Test peered over at his front porch to be sure no one else was home. His mother had left only moments earlier for work; his father was out of town on business and his sisters were away at college.

Johnny had intentionally skipped school (author's note: I do not endorse skipping school [unless you do it because you're already pretty smart]) to play with Dukey instead. His "fuzzy buddy," as Johnny affectionately referred to him, had been feeling a bit down as of late, and Johnny figured spending more time with him might just cheer him up.

Johnny crossed the street after looking both ways and very cautiously approached his front door. It was locked, of course, but Johnny knew where the spare key was hidden. He picked up a cleverly disguised rock-like contraption his sisters had built, and a number pad shot up from a hole in the ground. Johnny input the four-digit code: "6-9-6-9," which sent the keypad reeling back into the front lawn before a hidden compartment on the door revealed the spare key.

The key just barely fit into the lock. Johnny stepped into the house anticipating a tackle and a face licking dog, but was instead greeted by silence. Perplexed, Johnny walked upstairs.

"Dukey?" Johnny called. Everything was still.

Johnny turned the corner and headed towards his bedroom before noticing that his door had not been shut all the way. He tried peering through the crack for Dukey (that is not a double entendre do not laugh please), but couldn't see much of anything. Pushing the door open, Johnny stepped inside.

"Dukey?"

Dukey sat completely exposed atop Johnny's bed: the dog was hunched over one of the pillows on Johnny's bed. His tiny, veiny, pink dog wang was clearly visible against the stark white of the pillow.

"Dukey?!" Johnny screamed, taken aback by what Dukey was doing. "What are you doing?!"

Dukey turned, surprised to see Johnny standing in the doorway, and was taken aback.

"Now, it's not what it looks like, Johnny. Eh-heh-heh," the dog chuckled his signature chuckle, perhaps to ease the awkwardness of the situation, but to no avail. Johnny passed out on the floor in shock.

"Oh boy," Dukey sighed. He finished his business with Johnny's pillow- which I'll be honest has a pretty hot bod- before heading into the bathroom to fill a bucket with cold water. Dukey poured the bucket of water on Johnny's face, jolting him awake.

"We need to have a talk," Dukey said taking a seat on Johnny's bed, patting the spot next to him (a universal sign for "Sit Here" in case you didn't know).

Johnny in turn walked over and sat down next to Dukey. He turned to his fuzzy buddy awaiting an explanation.

"Johnny," Dukey started, "have they taught you anything about sex in school?"

"Sex?"

"Yes," Dukey said understandingly. "It's something you'll come to understand more as you get older. Sex is a thing of nature. It makes you and one or more special someones you care about feel good. Really good."

"But what exactly is it?" Johnny inquired. "Is that what I saw you doing?"

"Well, sort of," Dukey replied, "although sex usually takes place between two or more living things."

Johnny nodded in understanding. "So my sisters could have sex?"

"Well, in this universe they most likely wouldn't," Dukey said, turning to the Fan Fiction-dot-Net readers knowingly. "But perhaps in some other parallel universe. You see Johnny, they're sisters. That would be considered incest."

"Incest?"

"Incest, you see, is when two or more members of the same family have sex. It's usually... uh... frowned upon," Dukey explained.

"Oh. So, you and I couldn't have sex?" Johnny suggested.

Dukey was surprised. "Well we're more family in a 'I'm your pet' sense. We're not blood relatives."

"So we COULD have sex?"

"Technically." Dukey turned to the Fan Fiction-dot-Net readers once more.

Johnny sat quietly for a moment, staring at his thumbs that were twiddling. He finally broke the silence, turning to Dukey. "I'm ready."

At the time, Dukey had been drinking a glass of water, which he suddenly spit out. "You're what?"

"Ready for sex."

"Johnny-" Dukey was about to protest, but his sheathed pink warrior had already unsheathed itself. Dukey sighed, "Well, you've never steered me wrong before," he said to his doggy slam hammer.

Dukey jumped off of the bed and turned to Johnny. "In order for this to work, you're going to have to do everything I say."

Johnny nodded excitedly. "You got it, fuzzy buddy!"

"Take off your clothes."

Expecting protest from Johnny, Dukey was surprised to find him completely compliant. Johnny removed his clothes and was bare-naked within seconds.

"Now," Dukey said, "turn and bend over on your bed."

"Sure thing," Johnny said, turning and bending over on his bed.

"Your parents are going to euthanize me for this," Dukey sighed. He walked slowly over to Johnny, sniffing his light red-tipped hair before running a hand... uh, paw? Something. He ran his hand-paw down Johnny's back in a very big sexual way.

Johnny tensed as he felt something poke at his virgin butthole. "Shh," Dukey whispered endearingly. "This is what sex is all about."

Dukey forced his little bratwurst into Johnny's rectum. It didn't hurt in the least, Johnny decided, it just felt a bit weird. Dukey, meanwhile, was having the time of his life doggy humping Johnny. (From an outsider's perspective, it looked pretty pathetic. Like, you've probably seen videos on Youtube of a dog humping someone's leg or something. That's pretty much what this looks like except with a young naked cartoon character instead of a leg.)

In the most anti-climactic manner possible, Dukey finished. Johnny felt a little squirt of Dukey's puppy pulp line his insides. Dukey let out a satisfied sigh and pulled out, jumping onto Johnny's bed and lying down.

The young Johnny rubbed his lower back. "I think you gave me rug burn."

"Eh-heh-heh," Dukey laughed, "Fur will do that to you."

"Maybe next time we can switch spots," Johnny suggested.

The two laughed while unbeknownst to them Gil, their neighbor, skated away, having watched the whole thing go down. He reported the incident to ASPCA. Johnny was sent to be rehabilitated and was eventually locked away in a mental ward because he was convinced his dog could talk.

THE END

Don't miss the next chapter, where Susan and Mary get down with Mr. Black and Mr. White in: Johnny Test – Susan and Mary Make a Reverse Oreo while Mr. Black Goes Grocery Shopping.

(Special thanks to my editors, Kevin Spacey, and the person who gave me the title. You know who you are.)