So this is a short one shot set pretty much at the end of Final Fantasy X, after the gang defeats Sin and Tidus starts to fade then hugs Yuna then jumps off the airship. This is my take on what must have been going through his mind as he was seemingly falling into an abyss. Granted he had a smile on his face but I made sure to mention later on in the oneshot about Yuna and the infamous Luca scene. You know the one with the laughing and smiling and such! I was listening to a song called Hold On To You by Nathan Sharp aka NateWantsToBattle over at Youtube and the inspiration hit me like a truck. Even though that song was inspired by Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, the memory aspect helped fuel the idea train hence the title of the oneshot and a tiny lyrical reference at the end. Anyway enjoy and hope you like!

Hold On To You

I passed right through her and I had no choice. I didn't want to leave but I had to considering I was no longer allowed to stay. My story had came to an end and I had to make my grand exit as all fated heroes do. I could feel the very tears she wanted to shed but I didn't turn to see if any had fallen. I just kept running because I didn't want to see her cry coupled with the fact it already hurt too much. Knowing I would never see her again filled my heart with angst. I had fallen so deeply in love with her in the short time we were able to spend together.

We experienced many ups and downs, we shared many moments of happiness and sadness. It hurt to know that those moments would be memories because I didn't want them to be memories. I wanted them to be moments that we could recall together while laughing or as we reflected deeply on our past actions. All of the instances, circumstances, trials and tribulations we faced, we could remember and look back on together.

I never wanted to fade away due to the fact I wanted to be with her. I had this idea of living out the rest of my life with her and that we would share our dreams and hopes simultaneously. I thought we'd be able to build a future alongside one another carving a path to a better tomorrow.

I guess that wasn't meant to be considering we weren't from the same world but from two different ones that existed synchronously side by side. The past nestled within the present with a menacing aura. A past that lived within the present that everyone was fearful of for the previous actions caused deep scars across the land. The past that still causes destruction in the present after brief periods of reprieve. If I had my way and everything were to work out how I envisioned, we'd be together right now laughing and smiling. Yet I'm here falling into the water making my return to the dream from whence I came.

Yes, I am smiling but only because the very idea of leaving her behind has wounded me extremely but I won't show it. She taught me to smile when feeling upset because she believed it could help when feeling saddened or hurt. Even though I'm descending from the world I started considering as my new home, I continue smiling to reassure myself.

I remember everyone thought we were crazy standing there in Luca laughing for no reason. I recall how upset I was learning the true nature of the summoning of the Final Aeon and how she was going to sacrifice her life. Even with that knowledge I watched her persevere with determination to complete her pilgrimage. On the other hand I was the one agonizing over the thought of losing her while she kept a brave face for the people of Spira.

When we got to Luca, I could no longer hide my pain and she could see it… everyone could. I was surprised she came to me when she did because at this point I was ready to let the unexpressed emotions consume me. Nevertheless, there she was forcing me to smile and laugh awkwardly which ended with genuine ones.

Still I guess I'm suppose to be happy about returning home and in some ways I am although more of my heart is pulling forcefully back to her. I miss my old man Jecht and I feel him nearby waiting for me. However, I still can't help but feel something in my soul as if something in my very being is missing. There's a void that makes me ache so much it feels like physical pain shooting all through out my body. A perpetual empty space and the only one who could repaire it is the very woman I'm leaving behind.

I can feel a lump in my throat form and tears burning my eyes as I forcefully fight back my overwhelmingly soul shattering emotions. My old man would chastise me for crying like a baby all the time when I was younger but this… I can cry about this right? My tears would be justified right?

I want her to know that I didn't want to go but I'm so grateful for all she has taught me also for showing me such kindness. I'm indebted to her for all of the compassion and understanding she had imparted to me after first arriving in Spira.

Aside from that I feel like I'm mourning you even after all of the battles we fought, even after not using the Final Aeon. I know you're alive and well and I'm so relieved that you'll live a happy full life with Wakka, Lulu, Rikku and Kimahri. Still I'm mourning you and I'm in anguish over leaving you behind along with not being able to see you smile.

I'm falling back into the dream and it feels like I'm falling down to hell. I wish that I could stay just a bit longer so I could embrace once again. To have another fleeting moment of bliss in the twinkling of Macalania Woods. She means so much to me but I know she knows how much she does. Some words are better left unspoken because they are better spoken in the silence of one's own heart.

I can't stay but you'll always be with me and I'll keep dreaming even after the dream is over. I know this nevertheless it really does nothing to comfort me. It doesn't stop the hurting deep within my soul. It pains me so much to know I'll never hear your laugh again or just to even hear your soft gentle voice cheerfully conveying messages of hope.

Instead of being saddened by our fateful separation I should remember what you taught me. Even though I'm missing you I'll smile because that's what you'd want in these last minutes right? I'm almost back home and when I get there my journey will be over. Never forget me because I'll never forget you. Keep me in your memories even though the recollections of times spent might be painful more than that they keep our friendship and love alive.

Remember, please remember me. As I will always continue to hold on to you even after I'm gone.

~XxX~