A/N: hey everybody! My friend and I were bored and decided to write a crack fic that actually has very little to do with Pokemon. I don't know which crazy person would enjoy it, but one way or another, please drop a review if you want me to call a doctor. (I won't, but I would appreciate it if any of you wee concerned for me and my friend.)
Charmander and Squirtle were walking down the street with their feet when suddenly Squirtle was attacked by a rabid Chicken. The chicken used its almighty powers of seduction and managed to lure Squirtle into a deep far away cave.
"Oh no!" cried Charmander, "An alien has abducted my friend!" Charmander grabbed his bazooka and got ready to fight.
"Mwahaha!" cried the chicken, "This is just one small step towards world domination!"
Spreading his tiny wings, he attempted flight, but was crestfallen when he realized that his wings were of absolutely no use.
"Agh!" He cried, "the only thing my wings are good at is providing a whole healthy meal for small children."
The ceiling began to crack and all three of them looked to the sky, which was blocked away by this roof of the cave.
BOOM!
Through the roof came Pink Floyd. His head was on fire. Striking a pose, he promptly thrust the entire cave into darkness.
From the roof floated down a RAINBOW disco ball, its glittering lights reflecting off the polished walls of the cave and turning it into a dance room. Pink Floyd thrust one finger to the sky, strummed his guitar and cried:
"THE ROOF, THE ROOF, THE ROOF IS ON FIYAH! EVERYBODY GET DOWN AND DANCE!"
Through the flaming pit of Despair emerged a hard, throbbing, leaking, pulsating water bottle. The bottle cried, "I am thy lord! And thou shalt service only me!"
Suddenly, the hard, throbbing leaking pulsating water bottle burst into a cloud of hot pink emo tears.
"Oh no!" He screamed in agony. "It seems that memories from my high school years are beginning to reappear."
Pink Floyd looked slightly upset as the room's flames were being put out by the exploding hard, throbbing, leaking, pulsating water bottle. He threw his hands up in the air and cried, singing:
"AYO! GOTTA LET GO!"
Charmander had long since retreated with Squirtle over his head, as if he were a princess. Charmander cried:
"We've got to get out of here! They'll force us to dance forever with those mad beats!"
Squirtle struggled in Charmander's grasp, trying to go back so he could break dance with the three competitors. He had hoped to show off the skills he learned in the Samurai Breakdancing Club he had joined in his youth.
"Don't even think about it!" scolded Charmander. "You break dance enough on patrols."
"I will not listen to you this time Charmander!" Cried Squirtle. "You have failed me once with your restrictive orders! I will not allow you to fail me again, Peasant!" He spat, the words like venom on his tongue.
"Close yer mouth, Squirtle, or I might have to close it for ya!" Charmander said seductively.
Squirtle admitted that he may have wet his shell a little.
SIKE it was the water bottle the entire time!
Yes, the hard throbbing leaking pulsating and currently exploding water bottle.
"YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You can never escape the true water bottle king! You shall try, but you shan't ever succeed!"
"A terrible choice, really," Squirtle commented disdainfully. He pulled a giant wooden sword out of his shell and swung it into the water bottle at high speed, breakdancing with the sword lodged in between his shell and his side.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cried the hard, throbbing, leaking, pulsating water bottle as he burst into a beautiful fountain.
"Oh, thank you brave and dance-savvy swordsman!" The fountain thanked profusely. "I will forever remember your good deed." WINK!
Squirtle was already headed back to the dance party.
(he couldn't just leave Charmander to get rekt, could he?)