Hi. How the hell I've actually managed to write this tonight I'll never know. I could have filled a million buckets up with tears, yet I actually managed to write this?!

First things first, it might not make sense because I don't believe in the afterlife or in God, but please bear with me because I needed to write this...

Enjoy. I think..

"In Another Life Steven"

It's been eight years since I'd muttered those words and left the Earth in which Steven stayed. Eight whole years since we'd had an actual conversation and not just me talking to him without him hearing. I'd done that everyday, the first thing I'd do when I woke up was to go to Earth and see him and just literally hang around him all day. It'd watch his every move... Well not every move like when he'd be..inimate with his man...but when he was alone I'd be right next to him. I'd chat to him even, laugh when he told the kids a joke, even told him I loved him a few times. I'd obviously looked after him, been his guardian angel throughout the years, trying my hardest to remove him from horrible situations. I still cared for him, and even though he didn't know it, I still loved him.

I liked watching Steven, it felt a little weird seeing him but not being able to touch or kiss but it somehow brought me comfort that he was actually okay and he was starting to; not forget about me as such, but learn how to function without me day by day. The first few months were the worst, seeing him drink himself into oblivion and I was powerless to stop it. There was one night he was sitting on the kitchen floor, surrounded by vodka bottles, crying and chanting my name. He didn't realise but I was standing opposite him, crying myself. I didn't want the police to shoot me, of course I didn't, but I'd do anything for my sister and if that means giving up my own happiness, well that's what it boils down to. Yet, seeing Steven on the tiles crying over Brendan Brady, I wished I could do anything to stop his pain.

The fact that he'd regained contact with Leah and Lucas brought me so much joy though, no father should lose access to their children, and I'd learnt that in the short time that I was alive. They moved to Dublin in the end, Steven, Leah, Lucas and Amy. I witnessed the conversation how Steven had to "move on" and Dublin wouldn't help him forget me. It made me smile the way he retorted back "Nothing will help me forget Brendan, nothing ain't gonna erase him from my life, Ames. Brendan was my life, I need to be where his ashes are."

I still love him.

I drifted off to sleep, smiling. It's the only thing I actually do in heaven actually. Sleep.

"Brendan?"

I wanted to open my eyes but I couldn't, I knew that voice but it couldn't be surely? It couldn't be.

I was dreaming right? I'm dreaming. This isn't real, he's on Earth. He is not standing directly above me.

"Brendan?" I heard him again and this time my eyes shifted open, facing directly towards him.

It was.

It was Steven.

But why was he here? How was he here?

I'm in heaven. Why is he is heaven?

He didn't say anything, just reached out his hand towards me. I'd never held his hand before, not really. I took it though. He lifted me up, giving me that goofy smile of his, it hadn't changed in all these years/

"Hi. I died."

He said it plain and simple, like I wouldn't react. I've watched him every single day, made him safe every day. I've failed him, why wasn't I there to stop him from doing so?

"Say something then. I'm here Brendan."

"I..I.. Steven?" I literally have no words. I'm speechless.

"I drowned."

I let out a little laugh, he never was a good swimmer so it was quite likely that when he eventually did pass away it would be through the fault of the water.

"Was saving Leah's fucking dog."

"Always were the caring type Steven."

"Do I get the kiss I've been waiting 8 years, 5 months and 15 days for then?"

I let out another chuckle, nothing could stop me giving him that. Absouelty nothing.

"Hows heaven treating you then?" He asked, head resting on my shoulder. I've missed this, just being close to him and feeling his breath on my body.

"I'm never here Steven."

"Where are you then? Hell?"

It's true, I don't blame him for thinking I've gone there. I admitted to the murders on the balcony, granted I didn't do them all. But I did some and one was enough to go to hell.

God must have felt sorry for me.

"No Steven. I'm never here, I'm always with you."

"With me?"

"Steven I've watched you for eight years."

"Watched me? Like.. every second?" He looked worried.

"Not when you were you know.." I don't even want to think about Steven with other blokes, let alone see it. i was supposed to be the one giving him this whole new life, just us against the world. I was supposed to be the only one to make love to him.

"Oh. Good."

He looked embarrassed.

I love him when he's embarrassed.

"So what happens now then?" He asked.

"I was meant to go and start another life, be somebody else. Refused to."

"You what?" He looked confused again.

"I said I'm not starting another life without you with me."

"You waited for me?"

"Yeah. I waited. So you ready? We can choose where we want to go, what we want our names to be, our ages. You ready for another life Steven?"

"Course I'm ready! I love you Brendan Brady."

"I love you too."

"Oh and Brendan?" He smirked. "Don't think about going on any balconys and getting shot, wasn't the cleverest thing you've ever done."

"Promise."

I took his hand. This is our "another life" I promised him.

I'm going to be open.

I'm going to hold his hand.

I'm going to kiss him in public.

I'm going to be proud of who I am for once.

We're doing it properly this time.

Me and my boyfriend Steven Hay.

And I followed him, ready to go and meet God and negotiate our happy ever after.

Reviews? x