A/N: I listened to "You Love To Fail" by the Magnetic Fields ten times in a row, and this happened. Also, I haven't seen any Season 4 episodes, so this is probably way off. Part one of two.
...
and I wanna take you out, but you always refuse
cause you only play the games that you know you can lose
you love to fail, that's all you love
...
Annie and Britta rent a townhouse together, and everything is pretty nice. Annie gets the larger bedroom because Britta says she prefers a room with a view, and they work out a shower schedule that doesn't inconvenience either party too terribly, and it's nice, Annie thinks. Living with Britta is different from living alone, but not worse, and Britta is clearly making an effort because she wants this to work. They both do. It's nice.
One Saturday, Britta invites Dean Pelton over for an impromptu dinner party. She tells Annie the day of, in a text message.
Annie: Why on earth would you do that?
Britta: 4 the lulz
Annie: Cancel!
Britta: u will luv it
.
Annie: Do you want to come over tonight?
Jeff: when
Annie: Eight.
.
Britta: can u pick up wine?
Annie: I hate you.
Britta: lies
.
Annie brings home the wine, along with bread and shrimp, because she has no idea what Britta is planning to serve at this little shindig.
"Honey," she calls, walking through their front door, "I'm home!" It's their standard terrible joke.
No answer. She sets the wine on the dining table and brings the grocery bags to the kitchen. Britta is sitting on the counter, covered in flour. Her forehead is stained purple, and it almost complements the blue streak in her hair.
"Um," Annie says.
Britta holds up one hand and shakes her head. "Don't."
"Um," Annie says again. Dontlaughdontlaughdontlaughdontlaugh.
"I ordered Italian. I'm picking it up at six, and the Dean will be here at six-thirty. That's all we're going to say about this."
Annie bites her lip because don't laugh, and lets it go. "I invited Jeff."
"Really? Why?"
She makes air quotes. "The lulz."
Britta snorts. "Gotcha."
Annie: Can you make it seven?
Jeff: k
...
The Dean shows up in a truly fabulous vintage yellow dress and black heels that Annie can't stop admiring. They eat shrimp and veggies and drink wine, and Annie's glad this is happening because the Dean keeps saying things. She doesn't think she's ever seen Britta laugh this hard.
The bell rings at seven on the dot, and when Annie flings open the door, Jeff smiles. His hair is kind of a mess and he actually looks relaxed. For a second Annie feels guilty, but then the Dean flounces into the entryway and slides an arm around Jeff's waist. He says, "Helloooo, Jeffrey," and the look on Jeff's face is priceless. Priceless.
...
"Vegetarian meatballs are heinous," says Jeff.
"Jeffrey!" scolds the Dean. "Be nice." He brushes a fingertip along Jeff's jaw. His nail polish is the same shade of yellow as his dress.
Britta chokes on her laughter and Jeff facepalms and Annie has to bolt from the table to spend a moment alone in the bathroom to laugh and think and feel so free.
...
Later, Jeff sits on Annie's bed and glares at her. "That was cruel."
"You had fun."
"False."
"Well," she says, toeing off her shoes and digging pajamas out of her dresser, "I had fun."
"You didn't have the Dean's hand resting on your thigh all night."
Annie shrugs, and leaves to change in the bathroom. When she gets back, Jeff has stripped to boxers.
"Staying the night?" she asks.
Jeff hums. He's studying his reflection in the mirror over Annie's dresser. "I'm less symmetrical."
Annie watches him. He stares at the place where his missing arm should be, then at her. "I'm..." He trails off, frowning.
She touches him on the shoulder, gently. "You really make it work," she says.
Some of the tense lines in his face smooth over. "I know," he says, then, "Are you making it work?"
She shrugs. "They think we're having sex," she says.
"They?"
"Everyone."
"We're not."
"Oh, I know that, Jeff."
He kisses her, then, teeth and tongue and wet and dirty. His hand settles on the small of her back. "You taste like..." His breath hitches. "I can't give you what you need."
"I can wait for you," she says, curling her fingers into tight fists to stop the trembling. "I can wait until you're ready."
He looks profoundly puzzled. "Why would you ever wait for me?"
...
we don't know why you've been gone
somebody said you're on the run
you're living where wild horses run
well hey, whatever turns you on
...
Jeff moves to California.
"Temporarily," he says to Annie. Over the phone. From California. Where he moved. Without telling her.
Craig is inconsolable. He wears black for weeks and Britta tries to cheer him up by painting his toenails red and pink.
"Look," she says, "I painted tiny flowers! It's toe art."
Craig half smiles. "Do Annie's after this. She needs it, too."
Britta gives Annie a sympathetic look. "Do you need toe art, Annie?"
Annie thinks about retreating to her room and hunkering down, alone and safe. She thinks about drawing the curtains and living in the dark. She sighs. "Can I have purple flowers?"
...
Saturday night dinners at Annie and Britta's become a regular thing. Craig doesn't dress up as much anymore, but he still makes them laugh more than anyone.
They're eating Craig's special stir-fry (don't ask about the secret ingredient) when Annie's phone buzzes with a text from Jeff: a picture of a yellow tulip. The doorbell rings; she jumps out of her chair and races to the door; her hand hovers over the handle for a few seconds before she takes a deep breath and pulls it open.
It's Troy. Sans goatee and Abed.
"Annie," he says, and she squeezes her eyes shut and tries not to remember Pierce (piercepiercepierce) and a gun, her gun, and a fire.
Britta and Craig walk up behind her, and Britta gasps. "Troy?"
Troy shifts uncomfortably. "Can I crash here for a few days?"
Britta raises her eyebrows at Annie and Annie nods imperceptibly, and they have a new roommate.
...
Annie likes having two roommates. Sometimes they rest in puppy piles on Troy's fold-out sofa in the living room, whispering secrets and questions. Annie asks Troy about Abed.
"I don't know how to help him," he says. "He kicked me out."
Troy asks Annie about Jeff.
"He keeps sending me pictures of garbage cans."
"Why would he-?" asks Britta.
"I'm not sure I want to know," says Annie.
...
Annie throws herself into her work at the hospital, and if she finds it less rewarding than she hoped, she decides she'll just have to work that much harder. Her boss is a sweetheart, and Troy likes to come by at lunchtime to eat with her in the cafeteria.
"French fries," he says, by way of explanation. She just nods, and he smiles.
Her boss sets her up with a "very nice boy". He picks her up at home and submits to Britta's awkward questioning and Troy's evil eye. He smiles at her and pays for dinner and walks her to her door at the end of the night. She kisses him, hard, and he moans into her mouth.
She can't really remember his name.
...
Annie: Will you do something with me?
Shirley: Absolutely.
"I've been doing the best I can," says Shirley, over coffee.
Annie nods. "I've missed you," she says, carefully. Then, less carefully, "So much. I miss you so much. I can hardly stand it."
"Oh, Annie."
After coffee, they go back to Shirley's house and watch movies and eat too much ice cream. Her boys hover, stealing bites of mint chocolate chip and smiling at Annie.
"How's Jeff?"
Annie shrugs. "Jeff's fine."
"What's he been up to out there?"
Annie thinks about Jeff's last text - a picture of a broken glass bottle. "I honestly have no idea."
...
Britta and Annie leave Abed dozens of messages. He doesn't return their calls.
...
One day, Annie discovers a photo of Pierce in the back of her closet. Her stomach clenches and she has to close her eyes, but only for a second. She frames the photo and hangs in up in the hallway.
"I miss him," says Britta, when she sees it. "I mean. I think I do. No, I do. Definitely. Probably."
Annie laughs. "I know what you mean."
...
Annie's eating lunch with Troy when her phone rings. It's Shirley.
"Annie, honey, are you free to babysit tonight? We were hoping for a night out."
Annie feels like her throat is going to close up. "You- you trust me to watch them?"
Shirley's voice is soft. "Of course."
"Yes," says Annie. "Yes, of course I will."
They make plans while Troy eats half the food on her plate, and she's beaming by the time she hangs up. She can feel her smile shift into a frown when her phone buzzes again. "A text from Jeff," she says.
Troy's watching her. "Aren't you going to read it?"
She stares at the phone. "It's been almost a year." She taps the table top nervously. "I think I'm going to delete it."
Troy covers her hand with his own and nods. She stands and pulls him into an impulsive hug. Sometimes her friends are perfect.
...
Jeff Winger kisses Annie Edison in her bedroom, falls asleep in her bed, makes her breakfast the next morning, then runs away. Jeff runs away because Jeff is incomplete, incomplete in oh so many ways, and that's what he does.
He tells everyone he cares about that he has some vague temporary job in Los Angeles, and he flies there. It feels just like old times.
He just- exists. He crashes in a guest bedroom thanks to the eternal gratitude of one of his former clients, and thinks about life, and existence, and sometimes Annie. Annie, who is in a situation with a job that actually pays rent. He thinks, not for the first time, that maybe he's the 21 year-old and she's the responsible adult. A grand role-reversal.
...
Jeff can tell that Carol is getting concerned. Partially because she stops him one day and says, "Jeff. I'm a little concerned."
He should thank her for her hospitality and get out of her hair. He should insist. "I'm sorry," he says, because he is a pale, incomplete imitation of his former self.
"Don't be sorry," she says. "Just shower once in a while." She gives him a cheeky grin. "Some people manage it daily."
"Carol," he says. "Tell me something."
"What?"
"Hypothetically, if someone says they'll wait for you. What, uh, do you think that means?"
She doesn't go for the hypothetical. "You need to figure out what you want, Jeff."
"Knowing what I want is not the issue."
...
Jeff doesn't know whether people notice him on the street because he's ridiculously handsome, or because he is conspicuously minus one arm. He winks at a soccer mom, and she blushes.
Make it work, he thinks to himself. Make it work, make it work.
...
He finds a job in sales. He spends a lot of time on the phone. He's very good at it, and he starts paying Carol for the room.
He sends Annie a picture of the stray cat that sometimes hangs around outside his office building. He wonders if she's waiting. He wonders if this is a test. He thinks he's probably failing.
...
Britta calls.
"Jeff, you magnificent douchebag! When are you coming home?"
He can't help grinning. "I don't know yet, Britta."
"Have you talked to Annie lately?"
"Why? Is she okay?"
"Call her and find out. I mean, you could keep sending creepy, cryptic pictures every freaking day. Or you could call and talk to her. Up to you."
Jeff is offended. Those pictures are not creepy. He spends a lot of time figuring out which image best expresses how he feels each day. He's finally in touch with his feelings, and she says it's creepy.
"Whatever, Britta. Annie gets it."
"I think you're overestimating her ability to like, read your mind."
He sighs. "You just don't get it."
"I'm rolling my eyes right now. If you were home already, you could witness the eyeroll in person." She laughs. "God, when we were moving Troy in, he-"
"Troy moved in with you guys?"
"Yeah, like months ago, did you not- oh, shit, gotta go. Craig's here. I'll talk to you soon, okay?"
"Britta? Damnit."
...
He sends Annie a picture of his only hand. It was a bitch to take.
...
He's drinking iced tea with Carol when he asks it.
"What am I doing here?"
She laughs. "Jesus, Jeff, I have no idea. I'm happy to have you, though."
He thinks about his room here, and Carol, and his job. He thinks of Greendale. "I think I'm ready to go home."
...
When he steps off the plane, he retrieves his car and heads straight for the hospital. Annie Annie Annie. A smiling redhead directs him to the cafeteria. "She's with her friend," she whispers good-naturedly. Jeff freezes. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. But he breathes a heavy sigh of relief when he sees that she's sitting with Troy and talking on the phone. She's smiling. Her hair is different. Smiling.
He snaps a photo of her from across the room and sends it to her phone. He kind of can't believe he's going to pull this off. He sees her get the text, and he waits for her to stand and look for him and smile more.
She doesn't. She frowns, and she hugs Troy, who looks a little bemused, and she leaves.
So, he thinks, setback.
When he really thinks about it, this wasn't entirely unexpected.