This is just a comedy guys, so I'm not trying to make things accurate, so just read, review, and enjoy!

Chapter 1: GDI intro

"Alright guys get up and smell the ignition oil!" A sergeant came bursting into the dank barracks covered in his GDI uniform. He was white, slightly angular face, and steely eyes with a grey crew cut. "Sarge, that's not ignition oil, that's Freddy's old underwear." Paul said, groggily getting to his feet. Paul was 22, and very tall, standing at 6'5. He had died green hair, and was slightly muscular.

"I can't help it! I don't have any other underwear, save for these spiffy pajamas!" Freddy got up and started pulling up his pajamas to his ribs. Freddy was 19, and was only in the army for one reason…They kicked him out of his house for setting fire to his dad's mocking bird, he was a exactly the standard weight and height, but mainly because of the nutritionist kept on him about it. Paul, sergeant, and everyone else in the barracks just ignored him.

"We have us a rigorous training detail for us today soldiers, so I want you up and out there in thirty seconds, or we might have a problem with the toilet!"

The soldiers were out of the barracks in less than ten. Later, they were all in the APC, and were moving out. Freddy then piped up.

"Where are we going sarge?"

"We're going on a very dangerous and possibly suicidal attack gentlemen, I hope you're ready to pay your wares!"

"Welcome to McDonalds, how might we help you?"

"Yeah, I want a double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce, a doctor pepper, some fries, oh, and throw in a Mcflurry!"

"Sarge, you said this was a near suicide mission!" Freddy complained, pouting in the back seat.

"It is…for your cash, now everyone pay up, I have no money!"

"Why should we give you are money sarge?"

"Remember…swirleys…"

They handed him the money fast, and he just giggled to himself as he got his food.

"Well, so far today you've managed to steal our food, what now sarge?"

"Well, Paul, now I have to see about getting you guys actual weapons!"

"Man, I hope you don't trick us into firing bb guns at Nod again!"

"Hey, I swear that was not an accident, the captain did that, he just paid me not to say anything."

Everyone in the APC groaned as they rode forwards. Soon, they were back at base, and three of the privates were now covered in ketchup from the sergeant's meal.

"I swear it slipped!" the sarge said getting off the APC.

"Yeah, but three times!"

"It could happen…"

Paul then walked closer to Freddy.

"I think the sarge is losing it Freddy, what do you think?" Freddy didn't answer.

"Freddy, what do you think?" Still no answer.

"Freddy?" Paul finally looked at Freddy to see him picking his nose with a glazed look in his eyes.

"Hey Paul, I hit the sensation part of my brain, and now I fell tingly all over, especially my leg." Paul looked down to see a dog walking on three legs and peeing on Freddy's leg while hopping along. Paul slapped his head, and continued on. The reached the armory and the sergeant stood before them.

"Alright men, now I have to give each and every one of you your very own rifle for your use. I know each of you will use it to the best of your abilities for the astounding individuals that you are…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" The sergeant then burst into laughter. Everyone just looked at him with disgust in their faces. He then finished wiping his tears from his eyes, and then controlled his breathing.

"I held it in longer than I thought I could, astounding, what a joke, the only reason you guys are getting guns is because we couldn't train commando gophers. They didn't like being bossed around, and sergeant Yip should have seen the revolution coming…god rest his soul. So just come up, grab a weapon, and please don't shoot me by accident!" The sergeant then walked away, and everyone grabbed their weapons. Freddy grabbed a disk thrower back pack.

"Do you know how to use that thing Freddy?"

"Not really Paul, but they look like Frisbees." Freddy answered taking one out and examining it, accidentally activating it. He then panicked and threw it out the door. Out of nowhere the dog that had pissed on his leg jumped for it, and exploded into a million bits.

"Wow, he blew up like a constipated wiener dog!"

"Come on Paul; let's see where the other dogs are!"

Paul grabbed Freddy's uniform and shook his finger. They then went outside to the firing ranges. Paul fired at the target, and got a 67.98 hitting percentage. Freddy licked the disks the entire time.

"Tastes like chicken!"

After nightfall, they made their way back to the barracks, and found all their belongings ransacked…with sarge looking in some other private's stuff.

"No…no…no…Hell no, what the hell is that doing…oh, well, can't let that go to waste." He said stuffing a magazine in his breast pocket. He then stood up and jumped at the sight Paul and Freddy.

"God, I wonder how many mirrors you two have broken over the past life."

"What were you doing in our stuff sergeant?" Paul asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"I was looking for…um….stuff. Ha, thought you had me there, didn't you?"

"You were looking for pictures of our homes to see if we had any younger sisters, weren't you?"

"Yes…I mean…um….no?"

"Hey, my peanut butter crackers are gone!" Freddy exclaimed shaking his sack upside down.

"Yeah, they were pretty good." The sergeant said, licking his fingers. Freddy then got a glazed look in his eyes. The next five minutes were of the sergeant screaming in pain, while Freddy slapped him hard across the face saying, "Who's your daddy!"

Later…

"Wow Freddy, you gave the sergeant an ass-licking!"

"I just slapped him where he deserved to be slapped!" At that moment the rest of the soldiers came in the barracks just in time to hear that last comment. They paused, and then all of them ran to the bathroom.

"Well that's one way to get everyone out…"

"Freddy, you idiot!"

"What?!" The sergeant then came bursting in again, he face red where Freddy had slapped him.

"Some news guys, HQ has switched our name. Instead of GDI, we're now GDI!"

Everyone except Freddy looked at him in confusion. Freddy was too busy hitting his head on a pole, "This…Is….fun!"

"Uh…Sarge…what's the difference?" Paul asked, cocking his head ever so slightly.

"Oh, right, instead of Global Defense Initiative, we are now the God Damn Idiots!"

Freddy piped up when he heard the news.

"Woot, now my mom owes me twenty bucks!"

"What for?"

"She bet I would be able to switch the name of my platoon to idiots or something with in two years…It's only been three months! Oh yeah!"

Everyone slapped their heads, and lay down to go to sleep, only Freddy's constant farts kept them awake.

"Smells just like home!" Freddy said rolling in his bed. Everyone ran from the barracks.