Title: "Lost in Our Own Hell"
Author: Cat Lea (Ravensgurl41@aol.com)
Disclaimer: Don't own the wrestlers or the men. They belong to NWA-TNA and themselves. Do no sexual preference and mean no disrespect. Own nothing but the wrestling t-shirt I am wearing so please don't sue. Also don't own the song used that is Tourniquet by Evanescence.
Rating: R because most of what I write is R and this way I don't get into trouble with it. R is for implied Slash and possible death or suicide.
Story Summary: This is a one shot about how the Gathering is feeling about betraying Raven.
Paring: Raven and the Gathering of course. Do I write anything else?
Author Notes: This stories I write for my friends and my daughter whose music taste is to blame but not in a bad way. Love Evanescence and Lizard. Thanks to my friends who have been putting up with my Raven obsessions lately. And for those of you who have been asking if I was ever going back to my deadman stories the answer is yes. And soon I promise. Oh and if anyone has not already figured this out it is a song fic.
Lost In Our Own Hell
You said you loved us when you took under you wing. When no one else would even bother to look at us as true wrestlers. Then you told us that you didn't want us helping you because it was your battle. That you didn't want us hurt because of you. So you set the Gathering free to do as we pleased. To find our own destiny as we see fit. We thought that you destiny was more important to you then we were. That pain that caused in our heart was so bad that we begged you to reconsider. But you would not even think about doing that. You said that you just couldn't do it any more with the Gathering. With us so you walked away from us. Betraying us, leaving us.
I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more
So much more
I lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm Dying, Praying, Bleeding, and Screaming
Am I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?
So Raven now it was our turn to hurt you. It was our turn to betray you as we figured that you had betrayed us. We though that you didn't love us any more. Hell maybe you never did love us and had just used us. That in the very least that we were not worth you love any more. So we made our plans and choices to betray you where it would hurt you the worst. To make you bleed and feel the pain that we were feeling too. Then we would be whole again once we had hurt you. That it would stop the bleeding of our hearts.
My God My Tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God My Tourniquet
Return to me salvation
So we did it as we had planned. We betrayed you when you though that you could count on us the most. When you actually needed us the most in life. We took your precious destiny and your dreams away from you. Crushing you right along with them. We left your crushed, lost and broken. We did it just so that we were the ones on top. So that we were the ones who left you hurting this time. We were going to feel great and whole once more. Hell we even joined you worst enemies just to prove that you were wrong. Right?
Do you remember me
Lost for so long
Will you be on the other side
Or will you forget me
I'm Dying, Praying, Bleeding, and Screaming
Am I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?
Well here we sit wondering when that great feeling is going to come. Because watching you sitting crushed and broken in the center of the ring crying isn't doing it. We wonder why we even did it? Why we would hurt you when we still loved you so. See we didn't see that you still loved us completely. Not to you sat in that ring and cried. Cried for us and not that lost destiny and dreams that we crushed so easily. But even we still believed that the tears were for you destiny or maybe your pride. Or for the dreams that we took away just to hurt you like we were hurting. We didn't see that they were for the lost of us. So we had to hurt you even more then we already had. And what better way that to push you till you were willing to meet us in a fight in the center of the ring.
My God My Tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God My Tourniquet
Return to me salvation
We let the devil tell us how much you hated us now. How much you never loved us because who could love a couple of fuck-ups like us. And with what we did we knew that he was right. Fuck-ups we were and fuck-ups can never really be loved. We couldn't blame you for hating us with what we had done to you. So we didn't have a lot to lose anymore because we had already lost all the good in our lives. So we met you and let him help us hurt you even worst. Till the moment he step in all we could see was how mad you where and how much you hated us. What we could not see that as mad at us and as hurt that you still loved us. We hadn't seen that the love for us that you had wanted us to go farther then you though that you could go.
Return to me salvation
I want to DIE!
My God My Tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God My Tourniquet
Return to me salvation
When he took his hood off and you had seen with your own eyes that we had joined the devil himself the look of your heart dying was what we seen in your eyes. We realized then that it was him that you were trying to protect us from. That you had tried to tell us that he would hurt us because of you. But we wouldn't listen because we didn't trust you. And now we know that you had nothing but love in your heart for us. And we had killed it with this final betrayal of you. So a match was set but you didn't even show for it because of our betrayal of you. And now no one even knows where you are. Or if you will even be back.
My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance
Will I be denied Christ
Tourniquet
My suicide.
So we too are now dying inside because of the betraying that we did to you. For the hurting that we caused you instead of trusting you. For damning you to the hell of being betrayed by the ones who were supposed to protect and love you. Tears of blood are what we cry for you our love that is gone. Because it is our dreams and destiny that we screwed up and not yours. Because Raven with outs this love we have nothing. Our hearts are now dead with out you. The Gathering is to Quoth the Raven Nevermore at our own hands. And many told us that love and trust would be hard for you to show and to give but yet it was us that couldn't do it right. That and we were just too blind to see that you where showing it to us everyday.
Return to us salvation
Return to us salvation..
So now we sit here now on the floor in your Lair which once was our Lair till we ruined it all. A bottle of your favorite whiskey is sitting between us. One that some how for reasons unknown did not get tossed with the rest when you quit drinking? Quit drinking not because you wanted to but because of your love for us. We have also placed a bottle of your painkillers with the whiskey. Pain killers that you also didn't use because you loved us. So now a bottle of Whiskey and a bottle of painkillers to finally take away our pain and lost. As we reach for them but you are some how there knocking them from our hands. We look up with tears in our eyes to see that you did it with tears and nothing but a look of love in your eyes. Love for us.
Author Notes: Please Read and Review because I really have a feeling that I am not writing well and would really like to know if I should just give it up. Or maybe I should just not be so hard on myself...? So please review.
Thanks,
Cat Lea
Ravensgurl41@aol.com