It was late when I finally heard the knock, I expected him to come sooner. My Theo's were asleep but I stayed up waiting, no dreading, his arrival. I get up, bracing myself as I walk towards the door and open it. There is he is. The famous, or infamous depending on who you ask, Alexander Hamilton. He looks up at me, his face somber.

"Can I come in?" he asks. I sighed in resignation that this won't be quick, and wordlessly step to the side. Then I do something unlike me, I bring up the elephant in the room.

"Look Hamilton, if this is about what I think it is, I don't wanna-" I never finish my sentence.

"Were we ever friends?" he interupts softly. I quickly look back at him, speechless. Out of everything I expected to come out of the man's non-stop mouth, that was not one.

"What?"

"Were we ever friends," he repeats, "because I know you don't ever want to be rude so you usually just listen to someone when they approach you. Was that the case with us, because I always considered you a friend. Even in our lowest points you were still a respected partner. Did I just barge into your life and you were to polite to tell me to go away."

"Alexander-" I try but he was on a roll.

"I stood by you when needed, I supported you. I even considered your shitty advice instead of dismissing it immediately, whether I followed it is besides the point. I mean, I was even the first one you told about Theodosia. You're one of three people alive who know of Laurens. I thought we were friends Burr."

"We are" Instead of reassured he just looks more betrayed.

"Then how could you so easily and pasionately slander my father in law and I." There it was. The million dollar question. I hesitate. How do I answer that when I don't even know myself. I didn't mean half of what I said, but I wanted influence. I wanted to be the one making decisions for once in my life.

"The seat was open, so I went for it. Don't take it personal"

"But it is personal. The stuff you said is personal. I would never slander you like that before this week." I pause at that. He probably wouldn't. Despite his flaws, Hamilton cares a lot for his friends. If I'm being honest, before right now I wasn't sure I was considered a friend to him.

"I'm sorry it had to be your father's seat that I took, but I would've done the same if it were anyone else's seat, slander them that is." he stares at me. Face full of betrayal, anger, and something I don't quite recognize. Regret? After a beat he finally speaks up.

"It's not worth it." He pauses. I stare wide eyed. "In the end, if you've lost everyone you tried to hold close, the position isn't worth it."

"Politics doesn't make you lose everybody. Not if you're smart" To this he just looks at me sadly and shakes his head.

"You'll see. And once you realize it, it's too late, you're stuck. Getting in is easy, getting out is harder." he turns towards the door, opens it and then stops. He looks back at me.

"Consider me your first." And then walks out the door without looking back.

And I did learn, maybe not at first but I learned. The Reynolds Pamphlet taught me what he meant that night. My Theos leaving was my second. My only friends being political rivals was the third. As the list grew the loneliness festered. There's no out. But it never really hit me until I watched Hamilton fall, and by then it was too late. Just like he said.