Title: A Pirate's Life For Me

Author: JeffroMattyHardy

Disclaimer: I own—OMG I own something! I own Alexis Michaels! Yes! Finally! Actually, I always owned her, so I don't think that really count. Darn.

Summary: Jeff Hardy is a Carolinian nobleman living in England. Adam Copeland is the notorious pirate captain, Edge. When Jeff is kidnapped, Adam takes on the role of teaching him to be a pirate. But when Jeff's father wants him back… Jedam, slash, language, alcohol, violence

I actually got this idea when I saw Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides with Cody. Opening day, baby!

.*.

"Oi! First mate!"

"I have a name, asshole. Use it."

A blonde woman, her hair cut to jaw-length flipped out at the ends and falling over her left eye, glared at the man in front of her, her hands on her hips. Brown boots ended halfway up her calves, loose black pants taking over after that with a long piece of blue and white striped cloth around the waist as a belt. A white tunic-like top hugged her torso and a brown vest hung loosely over that. A sword rested on her hip and a gun right behind it. A bandana kept her hair out of her eyes and thin black fingerless gloves covered her hands. Alexis Michaels, the first mate on the ship, Rated R Opportunist.

The man she was glaring up at was the captain of the ship, Adam Copeland, or as pirates knew him, Edge. His long blonde hair was kept back with a rubber band, the top of his head hidden by a black hat. Black boots encased his feet and likewise brown pants on his legs with a thick black belt around his waist. A loose white shirt covered the top half of his body and a large brown coat went over that. Twin swords rested on both hips and a gun was tucked into the back of his pants.

"How far away are we from London, wench?" Adam teased with a grin.

Alexis growled low in her throat, hand resting threateningly on her sword. "You're such a bastard," she cursed. "And about 10 minutes." She spun on the heel of her boot and walked down the deck of the ship away from the captain. "Stupid Copeland," she muttered under her breath. "Calling me a wench."

"Edge getting on your nerves again?"

Alexis looked over and saw Jason Reso, Adam's younger brother by 2 and a half years. He was leaning on a mop and a grin was on his face, his short blonde hair spiked up with gel he'd stolen from a recent town. "I slept with him one time and suddenly he's able to say whatever he wants to me," she muttered. "Should've never gotten drunk."

Jay laughed. "Just wait 'till we hit London," he said. "He should be out of your hair faster than you can say 'Blackbeard'."

~.**.~

"Jeffrey?"

Jeff Hardy looked up from his sketchbook when he heard his name called. He looked over at the door and saw his father, Gilbert, standing in his doorway. "Jeffrey, I'm going out for a bit," Gil said. "Will you be okay here?"

Jeff nodded. "If I need anything, I'll ask Matty," he replied. Gil nodded and walked out, leaving the blonde to his drawings.

Jeff and his older brother, Matt, were both Carolinian nobles, living in England because of their father's work. Jeff's light blonde hair was tied back with a black ribbon at the nape of his neck, his emerald green eyes trained on the paper in front of him. His black boots were sitting on the floor beneath his crossed legs. A pair of loose black pants were rolled up to his knees and a black vest was on over his bare chest. His pencil made long graceful lines on the paper on his lap, an eraser resting on his leg.

"Jeff!"

Jeff looked up when he heard his name once again. Matt stood in the doorway, his raven hair lying loose over his shoulders in a pair of brown pants and a white shirt. "Jeff, what are you doing?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"Drawing." Jeff held up his drawing, a picture of a pirate with his hair and clothes blowing freely in the wind. "You like?"

Matt shook his head in disappointment. "Jeffro, what have I told you about drawing pirates?" he asked.

Jeff shrugged slightly. He stood up and tore the sheet out of his sketchbook, using a piece of tape to tape it up on the inside wall of his closet where his father wouldn't see. "Pirates are so much more interesting than the people here," Jeff whined, putting his things away. He lay back on his bed, yawning. "Imma go to sleep, Matty. Will you sleep with me?"

Matt rolled his eyes, but got in beside his brother in the bed. "You're such a baby," he joked lovingly.

Jeff just smiled and kissed his brother on the cheek. "Night, Matty," he said. He yawned again and snuggled under his blankets. Matt smiled and went to sleep himself with his back to the blonde.

~.**.~

"Hey, Adam! We're here!"

"Woman! When you speak to me, you will speak to me correctly!"

"Asshole. Captain, we're here."

"Better."

Adam grinned when he heard that. He looked over the side of the ship and saw London in the nearby distance. "What's the plan?" he asked.

"You know, pillage, steal, destroy, all that good pirate stuff," Alexis replied nonchalantly as she looked at her nails. "Rumor has it that there's a couple nobles from America living here."

Adam's interest was peaked. "Find them and bring them on board," he ordered, a grin growing on his face. "I'd like to meet these…American nobles."

Alexis nodded. She turned to look over the rail on the deck at the rest of the ship. "Alright, listen up you swine!" she yelled. The crew immediately looked over at her. "There's a couple nobles from America in London. Captain wants them as prisoners. Reso, Mizanin, Hennigan, you're with me to find them. Everyone else, take whatever you can find and destroy everything else."

"You are a wonderful first mate, love," Adam said. He lifted her hand to his face and pressed a kiss to the back of it. "What would I do without you?"

Alexis just rolled her eyes and pulled her hand back. "Trust me, you'd find a way," she told him. Adam laughed.

It took several minutes, but soon the Rated R Opportunist was anchored in the water and a couple boatfuls of pirates rowed their way onto shore. Adam chose to stay onboard, so Alexis had to take charge. She drew her sword with a sinister grin. "Have at it, boys," she ordered. Most everyone ran off, yelling with their swords drawn, but Jay, a man with spiked brown hair, and a man with shoulder-length wavy brown hair stayed with Alexis. "Let's go find some nobles."

~.**.~

Jeff stirred slightly when something broke downstairs. His eyes slowly opened and he sat up, yawning as he stretched his arms over his head. Matt was still asleep, snoring softly beside him. The blonde looked over when one of their maids burst into the room, slamming the door shut behind her. "B-Brie?" he asked, recognizing her a bit.

"Sir, pirates are here!" Brie cried, close to tears.

Jeff immediately woke up. "Matty!" he hissed, shaking his brother awake.

"What do you want?" Matt mumbled into his pillow. "Leave me alone."

"Matty, pirates!"

Matt shot up, blinking. "Brie?" he asked, noticing the maid in the corner.

"Sir, you and your brother need to hide!" Brie begged hysterically. "They're inside! They—They killed Nikki!" She burst into tears at the thought of her twin sister.

Matt immediately grabbed Jeff and shoved him in the closet, closing the door just as the bedroom door opened. Alexis walked in, grinning when she saw Matt standing in front of the closet. "Well, hello there," she said, walking closer. She pointed her sword at the raven, moving him away from the closet. "And who would you be?" He didn't answer. "Come on, don't you want to talk to me? Tell me your name and I'll tell you mine." He still didn't say anything. "Fine." She brought her sword up to rest against his collarbone. "Fine, tell me your name and I won't run you through."

Matt glanced at the closet, a motion that was no unnoticed by the blonde. "Matt," he said.

"You got a last name, Matt?"

"Hardy. Matt Hardy."

Alexis glanced over at the closet. "You hiding something in there, Matt Hardy?" she asked. The raven shook his head. "So…you won't mind if I do this?" She pulled out her gun, pointing it at the door.

"No!" Matt tried to move, but she pressed her sword against his neck threateningly.

"Don't move, Hardy," she warned, then looked at the closet again. "Alright! whoever's in there, come on out or Matt's dead!" The door slowly opened, Jeff peeking out fearfully. "Come on out." The young blonde hesitantly walked out. He immediately rushed over and hid behind Matt.

"I told you my name," Matt said, struggling to keep still. "Tell me yours."

Alexis smirked. "I'm a pirate, mate," she said. Jeff perked up slightly. "That's all you need to know." She looked at the door. "Jay!" Jay quickly walked in after a few seconds, sword drawn. She nodded at Jeff. "You take him, I've got the other." Jay nodded, taking Jeff out of the room. Alexis looked Matt up and down. "You remind me of a younger me, Matt Hardy."

"I doubt that," Matt shot back. "I was never a filthy pirate."

"Ever hear of a Texan noble by the name of Alexandra Shawn Hickenbottom?" Alexis asked. She circled around the raven, trailing the edge of her sword along his clothes.

"Michael Shawn Hickenbottom…He was kidnapped by pirates…" Matt's eyes widened. "Alexandra ran away." He looked at the blonde. "Alexandra Shawn Hickenbottom."

"At your service," Alexis said, mock-bowing to the raven. "Though, neither me nor my brother are recognized by those names anymore." She blinked. "Why…am I talking to you again? Come on. Ship's waiting."

~.**.~

"Oi! Copeland!"

Adam looked up from what he was doing when there was a knock on his cabin door. "We got your nobles!" Alexis called. He grinned.

Matt stood in between Mike (the brunette with spiked hair) and John (the brunette with shoulder-length wavy hair), Jeff slightly behind him. Alexis stepped back when the cabin doors opened and Adam walked out, his hand resting on one of the swords. "Excellent job, love," Adam said. Alexis just rolled her eyes and flipped her hair out of her eyes. Adam walked forward and crossed his arms, looking down at the two nobles. "So…names"

"That one says his name is Matt Hardy," Alexis replied, pointing at the raven. "I didn't get the other's name."

"Who are you?" Matt interrupted. "And what do you want with us?"

"Edge," Adam introduced with a cocky grin. "Captain of the pirate ship, the Rated R Opportunist, the deadliest pirate ship in the Caribbean, rivaled only by the Heartbreak Game." He motioned at Alexis. "And this is my first mate, the lovely Miss Alexis Michaels." Adam looked at Jeff, nodding at Jay. "And what's your name?"

"Jeff."

Adam looked up at Matt. "His name is Jeff," he repeated.

The blonde frowned and looked back at Alexis. "Can he not speak?" he asked. She shrugged. Matt suddenly rushed forward and grabbed one of Adam's swords, holding it out in front of him. "And just what do you think you're doing?"

"You will drop us off in London," Matt ordered. "Now."

"No can do, mate." Adam motioned around him. "We're out at sea now. No going back." He held out his hand. "Give me my sword before you hurt yourself."

"No." Matt's hands shook slightly. "Take us back. Now."

Adam chuckled, drawing his other sword. "Give it up. You can't beat me." He lunged forward, swords clashing when Matt barely pulled himself together in time. Adam kept lunging forward until Matt tripped over a board, his sword sliding along the deck. The blonde held his sword to the raven's neck. "Now, will you stop being a royal pain in my ass?" Matt hesitated, but nodded slowly. "Good." Adam slid his sword back in its place, catching the other as it was tossed to him and doing the same to it.

"So, what are we gonna do with them?" Jay asked, watching Jeff run to his brother's aid.

"What do you think?" his brother asked smugly. "We're gonna teach them to be pirates."

.*.

Done! Finally! Yes! *evil maniacal laughter*

And I just saw Bret "the Hitman" Hart at Over the Limit on Sunday! XD I can die happy. Lol:)