Title: Risk, Stratego, and The Art of War

Author: vashsunglasses

Rating: K+

Fandom: Ninja Turtles

Disclaimer: The TMNT belong to Mirage. The book "Secrets of Dysfunctional Families" was written by the Friels. What belongs to me is the plot line… and that's pretty much it.

Summary: "Secrets of Dysfunctional Families" One-Shot. Leo teaches his brothers the art of strategy, and they use it to trounce him at board games.

Important Note: I highly recommend reading my story "Secrets of Dysfunctional Families" before you read this. Otherwise you'll be left scratching your heads, wondering why everything is so strange…

Two Months After Splinter Left

He'd lost.

He couldn't believe it, but he'd actually lost.

He watched as Michelangelo moved his armies into what had formerly been Leo's territories.

He'd never lost at Risk before, but now after training his brothers in tactics for only two months, they'd completely destroyed him at Risk.

He'd underestimated them, but he wouldn't do it again. Next round, the victory would be his! They wouldn't even know what hit them.

Again?

He'd lost… again?

He watched as Donatello did an obnoxious dance around the lair and practically hissed his displeasure. Donny had gotten way too good at strategy once he'd put his mind to it.

They all had.

Which gave him no lack of pleasure when they fought their foes topside.

But he'd failed to consider the other consequences of his actions. He'd failed to consider that teaching them strategy would mean that he would loose family champion status at board games…

He could practically feel the mocking looks of Michelangelo and Raphael on the back of his head as he stomped over to where Donatello's lurid victory dance, complete with pelvic thrusts, continued unabated. "Stratego," Leo snapped. "I challenge you to three rounds of Stratego!"

Don's froze, then turned his head to his older brother with a grin, "Best two out of three?"

"Dudes, what about us?" Mikey interjected.

Leo glared at his younger brother for a moment before saying, "Fine. We'll do it tournament style. Don and I, and you and Raph. Best two out of three, then the winners face off."

"Mikey, I'm so gunna kick your ass," Raph said as they set up the games.

It had been tough, but in a daring move he had found his brother's flag one move before his brother would have found his. He'd beaten Donny at Stratego, but he felt no pleasure as he watched his defeated enemy pout curled up in Splinter's old recliner. He knew that he still had a tough opponent to defeat. Raphael smirked at him as he set up his side of the board.

"Come on, Fearless. Quit daydreaming and get over here so I can trounce you," Raph said sardonically.

Mikey offered Donny some sympathy popcorn as the two of them awaited what was sure to be an interesting match between their two older brothers. As long as Leo was able to keep his cool against Raph's temper, their oldest would have an edge.

"Noooooooooooooooo!" Leo wailed, banging his head against the table as Raph cackled mockingly. He'd lost again. To Raphael of all people. He'd never live this down.

He got up and slowly began walking towards the dojo, Raph's cruel laughter and the crunching of popcorn following behind him. He knew what he had to do to restore his honor.

"Leon, dude," Mikey asked, "where are you going?"

Leo shrugged mildly, "I'm going to go commit seppuku to restore my honor."

"Huh?" three voices said simultaneously as he entered the dojo and closed the shoji behind him.

His three younger brothers looked stared blankly at the closed door for a moment, then looked at each other.

Mikey laughed nervously, "There's no way he'd kill himself over a bunch of board games…"

"Yeah," Donny agreed weakly, "I mean, it's not that big of deal, right?"

Raph snorted and crossed his arms over his chest, "He's just trying to mess with us."

They paused for a second more, listening in vain for a sound from the dojo to tell them their brother was ok… Then they ran for the door and opened it only to be hit with a sight so horrible, they shook in their shells.

Leo had water balloons, and from the smirk on his face he was prepared to use them.