Title: The Pendulum Swings

Author: lunar47

Rating: PG-13 for swearing and such

Pairing: Lee/Kara, Lee/Dee, Kara/Sam

Beta: stardust20 and sabrinail

Disclaimer: Yeah, totally not mine

Summary: Lee and Kara shower angst, set after Collaborators (season 3)

The Pendulum Swings

He didn't hear the alarm ring that morning. It took Dee's hand lightly slapping his arm from beneath the covers to rouse him enough to turn the alarm off.

Sitting upright he called to his wife, "You getting up yet?"

"Ugh," She moaned, "Five more minutes."

"Sure." He reset the alarm for her.

Getting to his feet, he proceeded to rummage through his closet for his uniform and toiletry kit. Work was actually fun to get up for again. The fleet was back together for the first time in almost a year and a half and familiar officers and NCOs were busy milling about the halls. Truth be told, he was actually glad to be back in his old job. Commanding a battlestar certainly came with prestige but there was little there to actually satisfy him. Being the CAG, especially being back on Galactica, was far more preferable.

He exited his quarters and made his way to prepare for the day. Pilot schedules and rosters ran through his mind as he entered the head.

As he approached the sinks the sight of Kara standing in the common showers startled him. Her back was turned away from him. She was slowly - almost reverently, removing her clothing, casting off each piece with patience; shedding her layers.

She slipped off a necklace he had never seen before and he bitterly wondered if Anders gave it to her. He had only known of Zak's ring on her dog tags but she wasn't wearing either of those these days. She wasn't fleet anymore, not really anyways. She was too busy spiraling into some sort of self-destructive maelstrom. Not that he should care. She wasn't his problem anymore. She had a husband to take care of all the emotional bullshit. He was the CAG and his duties extended only to how well she could fly a viper.

But her silent form caught his attention. She didn't know he was there, watching. She looked vulnerable, which was a side to Kara that he rarely if ever saw. His eyes followed her as she set the hot water timer, a mandate imposed so that all their extra civilian passengers could partake in some sort of civilized hygiene practice.

She stepped under the water and crossed her arms, each hand covering the opposite breast, and sighed. He saw the rise and fall of her chest. Her eyes were closed as she tipped her head back so her long blond hair streamed free in the water. Her body was suppler than he remembered. Her hips and abdomen more rounded and curved, not the hard muscle tone she had worked to maintain as a pilot. Hmm, he thought with a cold smirk, so I'm not the only one who's gone soft.

He repositioned himself back in front of the sink. Taking his tooth brush out of his kit, he opened a small pack of toothpaste and applied it to the brush. Sullenly he forced the brush into his mouth and focused on the day ahead of him. But like so many times before, he found his thoughts and eyes wandering back to Kara

He felt strange viewing her in this private moment. This was Kara at her most naked; without the anger and virulence of late to get in the way. She was different, somehow. New Caprica changed all of them, but he was only now realizing that she may have been more damaged then they all thought.

He knew very little about how she spent her time during the cylon occupation. Her report was short and perfunctory stating only that she had been held captive for all four months of the occupation by the cylon known as Leoben. She had not been physically harmed but she did state that he had used psychological techniques in an attempt to break her. Other than that, her days went unrecorded. With so many reports filed, the lack of detail in hers had been overlooked. In fact, it was only by seeing her unguarded form that he remembered her report at all. It was funny - back when the fleet was separated, and he wasted his days growing complacent, he often thought of what role she would play in the inevitable resistance movement. Being held captive, and not even privy to the insurrection forming in the city around her, had never entered his thoughts. Hell, Tigh was held captive for a couple of months and turned out to be the leader of the whole fraking resistance.

Four months - the longest anyone spent captive on New Caprica.

Why hadn't he thought of that?

Facing the sink again, he picked up the soap, lathered his day old stubble and proceeded to shave. After the last short hairs had been removed he washed his chin with water and grabbed for the towel on his left. This movement once again put him in Kara's line of sight. She, likewise, had worked up a lather and was scrubbing her body, much harder than was necessary to complete the job.

She paid particular attention to her hands; washing them as if trying to remove some invisible stain. What she was trying to be rid of he could not guess. After the hands, she moved up her arms and down her torso, leaving fresh pink skin in her wake.

As she scoured her abdomen her two scars flared bright red. He still didn't know where they'd come from and had never really had the courage to ask. All he knew was that she left the fleet for Caprica in that raider sans scars and returned with them emblazoned on her skin.

How was it that he knew so little about Kara? They had been best friends, lovers even, yet apparently he'd never really known her. Sadness and longing started to seep through the fragile wall he'd built against his feelings for her.

A timer buzzed from somewhere around him and as he looked for it their eyes made contact. Her body jumped a little at the suddenness of the connection and she folded her arms protectively around herself. She turned the timer off.

He noticed that she hadn't finished rinsing and felt the need to reach out to her somewhat.

"Um," He stammered. "Go ahead and take my rations, I don't need them."

Instead of the flippant reply he expected, she simply nodded and moved to reset the timer. Before things got even more awkward he gathered his kit and made to leave the head but not before giving one last glance in her direction.

That was a mistake. Her eyes were on him but they held none of the vulnerability of before. The stiffness of her shoulders and thrust out chin told him that Starbuck had reemerged.

"What Lee," she huffed. "See something you like? I thought you had a wife for that sort of thing."

The acerbity of her tone roused the anger that had been warring with his sympathy. No one else, save for his father maybe, could produce in him such a drastic swing in emotions.

With a sigh he replied, "Whatever, Starbuck."

He wasn't up for a fight, not when his day had just started. As he exited the head he heard her parting words. "Right Lee, run away. You all are good at that."

He simply shook his head. How long was this war supposed to go on between them? Till one of them broke down he supposed. Well it wasn't going to be him. He loved her. Some small part of him still admitted that. But he would be damned if he was going to let her ruin his life. He had tried with her once and got burned.

Now he had Dee and Galactica and a purpose again. If Kara wanted no part of their post- New Caprica life, then so be it. He wasn't going to be the one to save her. She was on her own now.

The End