Testing

Stella sat on the bench in front of her locker, it was only half way through her shift but she needed the quiet that currently only the locker room could give her as it was the only place that wasn't occupied by one person or another. She bought her hands up to her face and let her face rest in them as she let her eyes close, chastising herself internally. How could I lose track? How did I not notice? When was the last time? She was so lost in her thoughts that she jumped as she felt a warm body sit next to hers. She turned her head quickly to see Kelly sat facing her with his legs on either side of the bench around her.

"Sorry... you alright?" He asked softly as he placed his hand on her back feeling how tense she was.

"Hmmm..." She hummed out softly as she let her eyes close, not giving an answer to his question. She was unaware that he had spent a few minutes watching her deep in thought before he had approached.

"Want to tell me what's going on?" He asked quietly, his lips brushing lightly against her ear. He felt the shiver that went down her spine underneath his hand.

"I... I'm just tired." She stopped herself as she opened her eyes before lamenting that she was tired. It was easier than facing what she didn't want to, and wasn't ready too. Not in the firehouse. Not with Kelly being as caring as he was.

"Seems like there is more..." He trailed off sensing he had pushed to far as she pushed herself away from him slightly.

"I'm going to get some sleep." She pushed herself to her feet and looked at him, regretting it immediately. He looked lost, confused and a little hurt. "I'm sorry." She told him softly as she wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

"I'm here Stella." He told her needing her to know. She stepped closer to him and reached her hand out to his face, and gently caressed his jaw line, her thumb running over his bottom lip for the briefest of moments.

"I know." She replied before she pulled herself away from him, turned away and walked away.

He watched as she walked out of the locker room and was immediately worried. He was already worried but now he was really worried. He let out a soft sigh and then scrubbed his hands over his face tiredly.

*Chicago Fire*

Stella laid staring up at the ceiling as she couldn't sleep. She let out a quiet frustrated sigh before she pulled herself up. She glanced over at Kelly's quarters to see that they were encased in darkness. She stood up and quietly moved towards his door but stopped herself instead turning and heading for the apparatus floor.

She pushed through the door and let it close quietly behind her. She shivered involuntarily as the coolness of the evening encased her as she hadn't thought to grab her jacket. One simple question, one simple question has me panicking. How could I be so reckless? This isn't me. I mean what if it is? How does this work? Is this what I even what? Is this what Kelly wants? The thoughts were endless as she paced the concrete staying out of sight in between the Truck 81 and Squad 3. Maybe I'm just getting ahead of myself... maybe it's just stress. She stopped and shook her head letting out a tired groan knowing her overthinking wasn't helping herself.

*Chicago Fire*

Kelly has spread himself out on the sofa as soon as he got home, his shift finally over. Stella had been gone before he had left and he was worried. He had seen how distracted she was, had felt the way she jumped, and he was sure she was avoiding him. He hadn't slept, his mind going through everything as he had tried to figure out what he had done wrong. He was sure it had to be his fault. And now he was worried that she wasn't home; she had been exhausted, anybody could see that, could hear it.

*Chicago Fire*

Stella spent the day walking aimlessly around as she tried to figure out what she was going to do once she knew. She'd made one stop all day and that was straight after leaving the firehouse, to the pharmacy where she had purchased a multitude of tests needing a definitive answer. She was exhausted, physically, emotionally and mentally. She knew she couldn't avoid going home any longer or seeing Kelly.

She paused as she got to the door and took a deep breathe. She had come to the conclusion that she had to tell him, had to at least give him the chance to be there when she took the test, and it would go some way towards explaining why she was so off suddenly. She had seen the look of hurt on his face and she hated to think that she was the one that had hurt him.

She unlocked the door and pushed it opened, a small smile crossing her lips as Kelly turned and looked at her from where he stood in the kitchen. She could see the relief that flashed across his face. She closed the door and then dumped her bag down on the kitchen counter.

"Hi." She said as she stepped closer to him.

"Hi, you alright?" He asked as he opened his arms allowing her to step closer and wrap her arms around him as he closed him bringing her in tight against him.

"I...um..." She started but stopped instead she buried her face into his chest and inhaled his scent which calmed her immediately. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and held her a little tighter. This was uncharacteristic for Stella, and it was really concerning for him.

After a few moments, he reached down and picked her up, lifting her up on the edge of the counter top. He pulled back just enough to see her face. He lifted his hand to her cheek and he could see all the conflicting emotions flickering through her eyes.

She uncurled herself from him just enough to lean back as she blindly reached for her bag figuring now was the time to tell him. He was so concerned yet had been so understanding despite not knowing what was going through her head. He reached out and grabbed her wrist gently stopping her movements as his eyes filled with curiosity.

"Sylvie asked me a question whilst on shift..." She started pausing as she felt him let go of her wrist and his hand find its way to her waist. She stretched her hand out a little further and finally reached her bag, letting her fingers curl around the nearest strap.

"What was the question?" He asked after she hadn't continued speaking; his mind instantly thinking of the worst case scenarios.

"If I had a tampon." She answered, avoiding looking at him ,then gave her bag a quick pull not realising the other strap was hooked around the corner of counter top sending it hurtling to the ground before she could stop it. The bag hit the ground and sent it's contents scattering everywhere across the wooden floor. Her eyes landed on the pregnancy test boxes that now lay there. She hadn't realised that he hadn't stopped looking at her.

"Alright?" The question clear in his voice. She turned her face back to his and met his eyes.

"I didn't have any, I should have... I lost track." She told him without explicitly stating her thought process, instead she flicked her eyes back to the floor before looking back at him. This time though he had followed her gaze and his was now firmly fixed on the scattered contents on the floor.

"You think you're pregnant?" He asked as the pieces suddenly fell into place in his mind, and he couldn't blame her for freaking out.

"I don't know, I'm late and I'm never late. I've been trying to work out the last time I had it but I just can't remember." She blew out a frustrated breathe. She was terrified. Terrified of so many things.

"Stella, look at me... please." He implored before he lifted his hands to her face, gently tilting her face up to look at him. He could see how uncomfortable, how scared she looked, and he could feel how tense she was.

"I'm right here... and I'm not going anywhere. We can do this however you want." He assured her sensing she needed it. The woman in front of him was not the woman he normally had in front of him; she was terrified and exhausted. He leaned back into her and let her wrap herself around him, her face buried back into his neck. He held her tightly.

"I don't know if I can take the test." She murmured against his skin before placing a soft kiss on his exposed collarbone.

"It's your choice but I think you'll feel better knowing whether you're pregnant... whether we're having a baby." He encouraged although he did not want to pressure her. He felt her nod lightly against his neck but she made no effort to move and neither did he.

Chicago Fire

Kelly sat on the end of his bed as Stella walked out of the bathroom having just taken one of the numerous tests she had bought. It had been almost three hours since she had gotten home but she wasn't any less relaxed. She looked up at him as she placed the test down on his dresser not wanting to watch it whilst they waited.

"Come here." Kelly implored reaching his hand out to her but letting her come to him as he wasn't sure what exactly she wanted therefore letting her make the decision. She slowly made her way over and slipped her hand into his as she crawled onto the bed so she was sat between his legs with her back to his broad chest. She tightened her hand around his.

"How are you so calm right now?" She asked so quietly he wouldn't have heard her if it hadn't of been for the silence of the apartment.

"Because… whatever the outcome we are here, together, and we will figure anything that comes our way out. It's you and me, Stella." He told her honestly. They were two consenting adults, and he was just as much a part of this as her so he was there no matter what.

"I'm terrified. Terrified of being. Terrified of not being. Terrified." She let herself be exposed as the words came out uncontrollably. "I didn't mean for this to happen, I wasn't trying to trap you. I would never..." She rushed out.

"I know you wouldn't." He stopped her immediately hating that she would think that he would think that little of her in this situation. She settled back against him even more although it was nearly impossible. He pressed his forehead against the side of her head inhaling the smell of her hair as he felt her relax just a little into him.

"Has it been three minutes?" She asked breaking the silence after another minute or so.

"Yeah... Do you want to check or...?" He asked trailing off.

"Could you?" She asked as she wasn't sure she could.

He nodded before he unwrapped himself from her body and stood up. He made his way across the room to his dresser knowing she was watching him very closely. He reached out and picked up the test seeing the result 'NOT PREGNANT'.

"Kelly?" She questioned unable to read his expression.

"It's negative." He said softly as he put the test back down on the dresser.

She lifted her hands to her face as she began to cry, she wasn't sure why she was crying, if it was sadness or relief, or if it was the exhaustion overwhelming her, or if it was everything. He hurried back over to her and effortlessly lifted her up and laid down with her laying on top of him. She buried her head into his chest. His heart was breaking hearing her cry. He held her tighter as her body was racked with sobs.

Chicago Fire

Kelly knew that Stella wasn't asleep but she had stopped crying and calmed considerably. Her grip on his shirt hadn't lessened but he couldn't care less about that, all he wanted was for her to be okay.

He hadn't said anything more since he had told her the test was negative but neither had she. He felt her shift slightly so he loosened his arms; she moved so that she was laying on her side facing him as he had turned on his side maintaining physical contact with her as their legs remained entwined. She lifted her hand to his neck and let her thumb rest on the edge of his jaw as her eyes searched his.

"What if it had been positive? What would you have wanted?" She asked needing to know his answer.

"What do you mean?" He asked softly sensing there was something unspoken lingering behind her words.

"Would you have wanted..." She faltered seeing his realisation of what she was asking.

"Stella, I would never even suggest that... however if that was what you wanted then I would support you. It's your body and you have every right to make a choice." He paused before he continued, "I'm with you Stella. If you had been and you made the decision to have the baby I would be with you every step of the way. I am with you every step of the way. I'm here, I'm here with you." He told her firmly.

"Do you want kids?" She asked, it wasn't something they had ever talked about but considering the situation that had found themselves in, it seemed the right time to talk about it. She had watched him with children of various ages, and was always amazed at him. She knew he would be a great dad if and when the time came. Suddenly she didn't know why she expected any less that the reaction she received from him throughout this whole time.

"One day, do you want them?" He replied before he posed the question back to her. He had seen her with the little boy that she had rescued from the pool before he was electrified, watched the way she cradled him in her eyes and reassured him. She would be an amazing mother.

"I didn't really think about it till now. I spent the entire shift freaking out when we weren't on a call, and then today I walked around... When you said it was negative I don't know whether I was relieved or disappointed. I still don't. But what I do know is that one day sounds good." She told him subsequently filling him in on the last thirty or so hours.

He pulled her body towards him and rested his forehead against hers after kissing her. They were both exhausted.