Title: Christmas
Rating: PG
F.Type: OneShot
Pairings: Slight SJ
Summary: For all they thought they knew, they never saw this one coming.

Suspension of disbelief is required anytime one thinks about SG-1 and the Stargate, but more so in this one-shot. And if the characters get a little... out of character towards the end, I'm sorry. -g-

-Christmas-
OneShot

"It's Christmas. Christmas. December 25th. Does this mean nothing to you?"

"Hey, if I could tell the universe to take a day off, you can be sure I would. Now stop yapping and keep walking."

"There should be a tree and lights and presents under the tree and-"

"Could you please shut up? I know."

"It's Christmas…"

:Merry:

"Computer dialing."

Pause.

"Chevron One locked."

Whir. Click.

"Chevron Two locked."

Whir. Click.

"Chevron Th-"

"Look, Walter, we know. Now this is one of them non-working addresses; why are we bothering with this?"

"Because it's something to do. Do you want to sit here and wait for the Goa'uld to knock?"

"Sure- that'd be nice. 'Hey guys, we're just going to bombard your planet until you all die or become our slaves, by the way, merry Christmas, happy Hanukah, all that crap.' Yeah, that could- holy cow!"

Gulp.

"Wormhole… engaged?"

"Go tell General Hammond."

:Christmas:

"SG-1, you have a go."

Those words lingering in their ears, the four strode up the ramp and stepped out onto another world.

"Sweet Jesus, it's cold!" Jack pulled his hat farther down, already shivering in the intense wind.

"Funny you should mention Jesus." The man on his right muttered, hunching his arms in a vain effort to keep more body heat in.

"Well, the MALP said it would be cold." Carter remarked, trying not to let her teeth chatter.

"Teal'c, please put on some more clothes! I'm freezing just looking at you." When the Jaffa raised an eyebrow and started to ask a question, O'Neill waved it off. "Never mind. At least it isn't snowing."

"Do you really want to jinx us, Jack?" Daniel muttered, kicking the frozen MALP.

"Y'know, I don't give a d-"

"A-hem." Sam interrupted. "The MALP said there were life signs before it died; can we please go look around and get back to the SGC?" The three men looked at her and she scowled. "What?"

"Well, normally you'd be standing there hypothesizing as to exactly why the Stargate hadn't worked before this." Jack tested the snow on the ground, making sure it wasn't too deep, and began wading through it.

"It's not usually 20°!" She shouted back as they followed, passing what would be trees on Earth.

"She has a point-" The sentence died as Daniel squinted. "Are those reindeer?"

Sure enough, giant deer-like creatures bounded away from the strangers on their planet, tossing their horn-heavy heads and snorting.

"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer…" Somehow the merriness of the song was lost when it was uttered by one Jack O'Neill. "C'mon; let's go farther up and then we can turn around."

Teal'c caught Carter's puzzled expression.

"What is it, MajorCarter?"

"Something's kind of… familiar about this place."

"Now that you mention it…" Just as Jackson was about to finish his musings, they were cut off by a voice.

"Hello? Down here."

And with that, SG-1 found themselves face to face with a little man, no taller than three feet, bedecked in red, white, and green.

"Did you come through the Stargate? Oh, dear. And on The Big Day, too." He tsked slightly. "We'll have to get you back soon. But before that- Merry Christmas." The beaming man seemed happily oblivious of SG-1's stunned faces.

After a moment, Jack managed to wipe off the strange expression on his face.

"Carter, are you hallucinating a little man with curly shoes too?"

"I hadn't noticed the shoes, sir." She replied in a slightly strangled voice.

"Excuse me, but- are you an elf?" Daniel asked, crouching to get to eye level. Teal'c, in the background, cocked his head.

"Are not elves an imaginary concept thought to be 'Santa's Little Helpers'? I was under the impression that there was no such thing as your Santa." His grave voice clearly enunciated the quotations and implied that he had been lied to.

"No, T, there really are no such things as… elves. Or Santa." O'Neill poked the little man with his P-90.

The elf glared back at him.

"Jack O'Neill, I would like it if you would not do that again. After all, we all know you weren't on Santa's bad list for nothing most of your teenage years." He turned back to the blinking archeologist.

"Yes, I am an elf. It is a pleasure to meet you, Daniel Jackson. Your requests for books were much appreciated by our academic section."

"So wait- if you're an elf, that means Santa is actually…" Sam was still having trouble grasping the idea that elves existed, let alone St. Nick himself.

"Yes, Samantha Carter, Nicholas is very much alive. And he remembers you personally- it's not often a smart girl like you gets put on the banned list- in second grade, no less."

Jack shot a surprised look at his 2IC, who was openly gaping now.

"Why haven't I heard this story before, Carter?"

"And you, Teal'c- surely you have noticed the resemblance between their Christmas and your Kel'Shri Noc?"

The addressed Jaffa blinked, taken aback. Well, for Teal'c, that is.

"The Day of Giving? I had not."

"Wait wait wait- the damn Goa'uld go around giving out Christmas gifts?" SG-1's leader shouted, clearly exasperated.

"There are innocents among their followers that do not deserve to be shunned, Mr. O'Neill." The elf said levelly. "And our policy has always been to give to those that have no one else. Among the stars, many fit that description."

Daniel, who had been musing while the conversation had been taking place, rocked back on his heels abruptly.

"Assuming we're not under some kind of alien influence- Saint Nick is an Ancient, isn't he?"

The others stared at him as the elf looked secretly amused.

"But have not the Ancients told us multiple times they do not interfere with the lives of mortals?" The shol'va asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"Well, think about it," Carter said in her 'isn't it logical' tone. "How else would Santa get presents to everyone in under a day? He's got to have a ship of some sort- and the legends been around for centuries in our world, not to mention Teal'c's culture if I'm right…"

"Okay- this is all just a bit too much for me." Her commander interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Now, I'm going to turn around and go back through the Stargate, and we're going to pretend this never happened, all right?"

"Are you sure you wouldn't want a cup of cocoa to warm you up first?" The elf asked, the perfect host. Instantly Jackson and Carter perked up as Jack hunched his shoulders; even T looked a bit frozen around the edges.

"I'll take that as a yes. This way, please; and look out for the reindeer- they tend to be frisky on Christmas Day."

:To:

"Mmm, this is gooood hot chocolate…"

Slurp.

"Yeah- just like Mom used to make it."

Clink.

"Geez, Teal'c- I know you're cold, but could you stop chugging the pot down? I want some more."

Grab.

"Looks like our fearless leader has a soft spot for cocoa."

Chuckle.

"I'm sorry that Nicholas isn't here to meet you, but-"

"Oh, don't worry; I think we're all over the 'sit in Santa's lap' stage."

Eyebrow lift.

"No, T, don't ask."

"It's surprising how young you look, Mrs. Claus."

Elbow.

"Daniel!"

Laugh.

"No, it's okay. But sometimes there are… advantages to being young."

Blink.

"Anyway, I think it's about time you should be getting back. After all, it is Christmas and I'm sure you all have other things you'd like to do."

"Yeah, see, if we had lives we wouldn't be here."

"I find that hard to believe, dears. Oh, you'd better hurry- poor little George will start to worry in a few minutes!"

Whisper.

" 'Poor little George' ?"

"Don't ask her, please. I really don't want to know."

Squeak.

"Goodbye! And have a Happy Holiday, children!"

Cough.

" 'Children' ?"

"Oh look- she's old again. How does she do that?"

"Well, it could be a holographic projection, or-"

"Let's just get home."

"… you know, no one's ever going to believe us."

:All:

"Welcome back, SG-1. What did you find?"

"…"

"I have a sudden urge to throw tinsel around…"

"Indeed."

:And To:

In the end, everyone got a little something they wanted. A tree mysteriously appeared in the 'Gate room with addressed presents underneath; tinsel and mistletoe were liberally strewn about the premises by an unknown benefactor; unexpected family and friends were waiting when SGC personnel finally went home.

As for SG-1, they found that they were not left out either.

Daniel discovered a rare book that he had been looking for stuffed under his bed; Teal'c was able to go home to see his son for the first time in months due to the lack of 'Gate travel.

Oh, Jack and Sam?

They ended up snowed in together at his house after the party. Fringe benefits of usually heavy snow storms, one could say.

:All, A:

In the night sky, in a spaceship cloaked in a sleigh disguise began the ascent to break atmosphere, a cheery figure with a nose like a button and a belly like a bowl full of jelly was laughing merrily.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

:Good Night:

And, far away on a battleship traveling through hyperspace, a little red and white hat was perched atop Thor's head as he thumbed through a copy of 'The Night Before Christmas'.

Merry Christmas indeed.

The End