A/N: OK, sorry Julia, but I had to separate it into parts. It was wayyyyy to long to keep as one part. SORRY JULIA!!!! TTTT

Ok, well this is my first crackfic, and I will post more on the second part. Please bear with me… I'm soo sorry! Like, really sorry. Really really sorry.

I'll write a longer A/N in the second part, so just wait till then! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! R&R! PLEASE? This is my first fic here and I want to know the good AND the bad. Please have some critique... or at least your favorite part.

THANKIES! xfmaaddictx

The Ultimate Roy Subordinate Costume Party Part 1- By xfmaaddictx

"Oooooh!" Roy was looking at his calendar behind his paper-cluttered desk, due to his well-known hobby of procrastination.

"Um… what is it, Sir?" Fuery, who was sitting in his office, asked.

"It's almost Halloween!" Roy spun around in his spinny-chair-thingy, with his arms up in the air. He seemed to be… celebrating?

"Sir, what the hell are you doing?" Riza Hawkeye, and rightly Roy's babysitter, asked the Flame alchemist.

"I really don't know, but who cares?" Roy proclaimed with a smile. "Wheeee! Muhahahaha!"

"Are you sure you're ok?" Fuery got concerned. Had someone put drugs in his coffee? He was getting almost as exited as Hughes over his daughter.

"Never felt better!" Roy stood up out of his chair. "Because all of you are going to participate in the Ultimate Roy Subordinate Costume Party! I can't wait to see the look on Ed when I get him to do this…" His face was overtaken by an evil and dirty look.

The whole room stared at him. What was wrong with Roy?

"So, what are we gonna do? I mean, are we just gonna come to work on Halloween in a costume?" Jean Havoc looked at Roy, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Everyone awaited his response.

"But I have a better idea. Lieutenant Hawkeye!" Roy demanded.

"Yes, sir?" She snapped straight.

"Could you find where the Elric brothers are currently?"

"Well, they called yesterday. They finished their latest mission recently and are staying at the local military hotel. I believe they are researching here, in the Eastern Library." She replied quickly without error, as though she had practiced it many times before.

"That's great news, Riza. Heh heh heh…" Roy cackled. "Please bring me a phone. And Falman-"

"Yes, Sir!" Falman put down his book, which looked thousands of pages long, down while he stood straight.

"Please, find the number for their hotel. I just can't wait till they come…" Roy gave a small, cunning smile.

A day later

Edward Elric stomped through Roy Mustang's office doors. He growled, thinking that the Colonel only ordered him here to give him another assignment. Just when he thought he had a break, the colonel thought of something else that he didn't feel like doing, candy –coating it with phrases like 'I don't have the time', 'I'm tied to my desk', or 'It's too far'.

"Oh! Hello, Edward!" Breda looked up. Only him and Fuery seemed to notice Edward's entrance into the room.

Havoc was smoking in a chair, leisurely, enjoying his small time off. Falman and Riza seemed to be out of the office, maybe running errands or eating lunch in the cafeteria. And right-smack in the center of the office was Roy's desk. Although, to Ed, it looked more like a fortress, towering over Roy. And officer walking past in the hallway could never tell if Roy was working or not. Actually, Edward Elric was going to personally check what Roy was doing. AL entered a couple of seconds after Ed, wondering what he was doing, walking towards Roy's desk. When Ed gave him a devilish grin, he knew it wasn't gonna be good.

"Big Brother!" Al exclaimed as Ed poked the tallest tower of paper. It tumbled down, right on a dozing Roy. Fortunately, to Al's relief, they only heard a muffled moan, and the disorganized pile of paper shuffled for a few seconds, but suddenly stopped. Roy had gone back to sleep.

"Aww…" Ed stared at the papers with disappointment. He really wanted the Colonel to get 'weighed down' by his paperwork, or at least get a lot of painful paper cuts.

"Well, what a surprise. Hello, Edward" Havoc stood up and walked across the room. He threw the cigarette butt he had in his hand towards the ashtray, which, of course, was covered in paper. Riza Hawkeye came just in time to see Roy's desk start to smoke. Suddenly, the paperwork burst into flames, with the Flame Alchemist under it. Edward couldn't help but laugh. Alphonose, Breda, and Fuery ran around in circles, trying to get water and to get the Colonel to wake up. Havoc only saw it as a great opportunity to light another cigarette. Riza Hawkeye, watching this, put her paperwork down and calmly called the fire department.

A couple of hours and firemen later (Roy being one of them)

"Ok! Roy had newfound confidence in himself after drinking some fresh, hot coffee, even though he had minor burns all over his body. He had no time to be held back by something so small! A/N OMG I JUST MADE A EDWARD ELRIC PUN! … ok… back to the story… sorry… "Your all here, right?"

"I should of put gas on his paperwork…" Ed whispered to Al and sighed. Roy had woken up before he could find the materials to transmute gasoline. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, Ed saw a person, no taller than him, pour something into Roy's coffee. He couldn't see what the person was putting in, but it was a white powder. Sugar? It looked like it. It looked like a girl, or a guy with a ponytail, but the black trench coat hid any gender-defining features. The person saw him, hid the packet of 'sugar', and jumped out the window. He heard the crunching of leaves and bushes. He just brushed d the sight off, thinking that it was hi imagination. And it would've been great if someone poisoned Roy. At least he would get some time off to go to his funeral.

"Well, in celebration of Ha-" Roy started to say.

"I MADE THE MATRIX NOT A TRILOGY ANYMORE! FREE COOKIES!" there was a yell coming from the window. Roy, Riza, Ed, Al, Falman, Havoc, Fuery, and Breda crowded around the window. They say a person running fast, away from the window, the same person Ed saw before. Riza Hawkeye loaded and shot her gun at the person. But the person dodged the bullet by hitting the side of their head on an open door, long ways. They realized it was a girl with the small glimpse of her face. She got back up, rubbing her head. She continued running and eventually behind a building out of sight.

"… What was that?" Al broke the silence. Everyone shrugged, so they resumed to listening to Roy.

"Ahem… ok. So, in celebration of Halloween, I am holding an Ultimate Roy Subordinate Costume Party!"

"Wha…?" Everyone was dumbfounded.

Hah, so you like it? I got the other parts coming soon, so stay tuned! (I sound like a cheesy creepy tv dude...), and please, REVIEW!