We Were Soldiers But Always Friends
The hardest part about any operation was the waiting. It was one of those things that tested your patience and really separated out who was good at their job and who wasn't. Well that was a lie since even guys with little to no patience could do the job but in spec ops… that was a different story. Sgt. Casey Ellis, better known as Sandman, knew all too well what could happen on an op. This was no different and yet it was.
Sandman had been on ops for a long time. He was Delta Force and had been a part of restoring some measure of piece to the world after recent events. Yet it felt empty once he sat down and thought about everything that it took to get to that point. At some point the shit added up and weighed you down but it wasn't that. It was the task that he had given himself to do and it was like a looming shadow over his head.
There were a few things that he was afraid of. He had taken bullets and shrapnel in the line of duty; it was the job. He had seen comrades in arms getting killed from explosions, bullets or even vehicle accidents. He had seen blood being spilt and had been knee deep in the grime. But it was nothing compared to the mission he had before him; those were simple compared to bringing the personal effects of your best friend's brother.
Sandman sat in the 'waiting room' of the safe house that he had been directed to by Price. He thought about what he was doing here and if it was a good idea to be here. He was elated that Price had found her but the sense of dread that filled him… It came down to telling her how her brother died and to fulfill a promise that was made in an almost childish manner. That made him terrified more than anything.
She was his best friend, his Nicky. He was older yes but they had always been friends no matter what. Her brother was his brother; that made them family… more or less. They had done almost everything together and stuck by each other. The funny thing was that it was always him and her brother that got into the worst scrapes but somehow she managed to bail them out and tend to the wounds. Then they were back at it again.
He and his brother moved on when they joined the military, each serving their branch and making their way. But that never stopped their friendship. Their paths crossed time and time again as they did their jobs of making the world a safer place. Maybe they were idealistic fools at times but they did want to do some good even if they had to take the ugly part of it too. Yet they always maintained good spirits and Sandman figured that was part of the reason why he ended up with a good group of guys in his squad.
It was like old times these past few months. First in New York in gaining the upper edge and a bit of friendly fire and cussing and that was followed by Germany. The mission didn't go too well in Germany since he had a building dropped on top of him and then they just missed rescuing the girl. But that led them to Russia and the mine. What happened there…
Sandman looked down at his hands. He noticed they were red from clenching what was in his fist too tightly. He opened it and saw the dog tag and the one thing he knew was going to send his Nicky to tears. He felt his throat constrict and looked up at the ceiling while he clenched the 'package' in his hand and brought his fist towards his mouth. "Sonofabitch," he muttered softly. His eyes felt watery but he refused to let the tears fall and instead lowered his head to look at the ground, looking much like a man with a headache.
It was how she found him when she came in with her quiet tread and queried, "Casey?"
Sandman looked up and took in his best friend. Price had warned him that she wasn't exactly a looker at the moment but that was downplaying it. He took in the bumps, the bruises, the scrapes and the tired expression on her face. The broken arm had him blink in surprise but then he felt anger. He wanted to know exactly what the bastard did and if he suffered for it. He didn't let it show as he slowly stood up and looked at her. "Hi Nicky," was all he said at first.
It sounded stupid to say but it was all he could get out at the moment. After all how was he supposed to work his way into this? He stared at her, not sure of else what to say. He studied her and decided he couldn't stand it anymore. He turned to look out the window to think. He let out the breath he had been holding when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
He didn't waste a second and turned to pull her into a hug. His arms wrapped around her and gently squeezed her, breathing in her scent. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
The fingers that raked through his hair and the arm wrapped around his body soothed him as she said, "It's okay. I'm glad you're here." Her hand gave a gentle pat to his back since it was casted and her fingers raked his hair.
Sandman sighed as he hugged her once more before breaking the embrace. Standing back to look at her, he breathed, "I'm glad you're okay, Nicky."
She looked at him and gave a slight smile and replied, "And I'm glad that fucking Delta made it out." Her eyes were watery.
Sandman felt the guilt hit him. He felt the lump in his throat and swallowed and in the process gasped for breath, "I… It wasn't supposed to be this way."
"Since when is it in this line of work?"
Sandman looked at his friend. She wasn't really crying but he could see her eyes watering. He hated that and he hated that he was bringing it up. He choked out, "Expect the unexpected." It was automatic to say that motto of theirs and one that he had carried into the army.
She gave a watery smile. "Exactly." She swallowed slightly as she continued, "We did what we had to do. You did what you had to do. And I don't blame you." Her expression became sober as she folded her hands in front of her. "Price told me about Kyle. How he ordered your guys to get you out."
Sandman sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked down at nothing and nodded, "Santana…" He went silent and instead extended his hand with the dog tag and offered it to her. "Here."
He watched as she took the tag and the silver ring attached to it. His throat convulsed as he watched her finger her brother's tag and the silver ring he kept on the chain. He watched her face become sad as she fingered them. It was awkward in her movements since her right arm was in a cast but her fingers were free to move around.
It was quiet for some time. It was enough for Sandman to feel the need to squirm or say something. He didn't have to though since she asked him softly, "Can you tell me what happened?"
Sandman swallowed slightly, "I thought Price told you."
"Just that Kyle died," she replied, "But I want to know. Can you tell me? Please?"
Sandman studied her. She had asked. That was all she could do. He could deny her and quite possibly hurt her worse than she already felt or he could tell her and perhaps in some way help with her grief. He chose the latter and also out of respect for the fact that she trusted him as a friend. He began, "We were on exfil from the mine with the Russian president. His daughter was already exfilled.
"It was bad Nicky. We were outnumbered. If it weren't for Frost on the mini gun and your friend Yuri… It would have gone down a bit differently." Sandman took a breath as he paused in his tale. He stole a glance and found her still watching him, her hands folded in front of her. "It was bad."
"I can imagine."
It wasn't a polite nothing. Sandman knew that she knew what he meant. He kept her secret after all. He knew that she wasn't really a soldier but working for CIA. He knew what she did and he kept it from her brother. That's what made it hard. "It was hard, Nicky. It was hard keeping what you do from Santana."
"I didn't ask you to."
"But I know him… knew him." Sandman sighed and looked down at the ground. He really didn't want to turn this into a sort of pity party. It would make things just worse. "And it was probably better. He didn't know about you being kidnapped and..." He cleared his throat and continued where he had left off on his account, "Anyway… We were waiting for our ride and then it was business as usual; we shot our way out but it was heavier fire than anticipated.
"The mine was going downhill and we were in danger of being buried alive down there. We had to get the president out. So we beat feet as best as we could. Yuri was injured by an RPG and we managed to drag him closer but we had to dig in. I told Price to go."
The next part was the hardest part. Sandman wasn't sure he was going to be able to tell her. He was still seeing it play out in his dreams and nightmares. Absently he rubbed his temple forgetting that it was his tell that he was getting a headache. He might as well be getting one considering that so far he was getting no reaction from his childhood friend except that earnest look of wanting to know and understand.
"Headache?"
Sandman shook his head. "No, just… It's hard."
"I know. I had to watch and thought my friends were dead. I wasn't allowed to see anything. I only had what I was told and shown and even then I suspected it was selective. Mind is a hard thing to beat." She paused a moment before adding, "And you know how I am when I'm the one that walks away and everyone else…" She left off, leaving him to fill in the blanks.
Sandman looked at her. It took him a moment to realize she shared a part of what happened to her and that had to be ten times worse. He could only imagine what that sonofabitch had done. He also understood why she was telling him. She understood his position and had every right to say so. Even though she was not officially a soldier, the men she had served with… She was one. He could do this.
Giving a slight nod, Sandman managed to continue, "I told Price to go and by large that meant Santana." He took a breath and continued, "And I was prepared for the fact that I might not get out of it. So were my guys." He reached up towards his right shoulder and started self-massaging it; it still ached on occasion. "I was hit… twice."
"And being a stubborn ass you got back up. Like the soldier you are."
Sandman looked at her and saw the slight smile and managed a small one in return, "Yeah. We were going to hold the line and I yelled at Price to take off. I ended up getting hit three times. The last one had me down and…"
"Kyle took over."
It was a matter of fact statement since they knew what the man had been like. Sandman nodded and continued, "Yeah. Told my guys to get me out… And you know me. I protested even though I'm the sergeant and he's the captain. He had to make it an order."
It was getting easier to tell. Sandman knew that she wouldn't judge until she had the facts. Whether or not that meant they were still friends was something else. He decided to continue and let the axe fall if it was going to. "He made it an order and I risked being insubordinate in my refusal."
We can't stay here! We gotta leave!
"No!" Price was shouting, "Get us back down there!"
Copy that Hammer 1. Get them out. We'll take care of this.
"Kyle, don't!"
The memories came back. Sandman could almost hear the sounds, smell the blood, and grime… It was like being back there as he thought about his next words and looked at her. He remembered the pain. Most importantly, he remembered the look on the man's face and what had been tossed to him; a promise.
The silence seemed prolonged until she asked, "Did he say anything to you?"
Don't worry about it Case. I know it's gonna be okay. No regrets. Watch out like always. Same to you Price. See you on the other side.
Sandman blinked as he recalled what his friend, his brother's last transmission was. Finally he said, "He said it was going to be okay and that he had no regrets." He took a breath. "And he said to watch out like always." He pointed at what he gave her. "He tossed me his tags and ring and I knew I was to give them to you." He gritted his teeth slightly as he recalled hearing the static and then nothing. He relaxed his features and looked at her.
Her expression was not recognizable. It was unnerving and he didn't know if she was thinking about everything or she had made up her mind and was waiting to tell him that it was over. That was the thing that sucked about this job. Sometimes you lost more than what you gained and sometimes it was everything.
It felt like an eternity and not being able to stand it, Sandman gave a slight movement to indicate that he was going to go. At least he wasn't going to be rude. He just had to go. He couldn't stand it.
"Case."
He paused at the use of his shortened name. Turning slowly to face her, Sandman took a breath. This was the moment. And…
The arms that wrapped around him surprised him. Maybe it shouldn't have but it did. It was automatic for him to return the gesture and he wrapped his arms gingerly around her. That is until he heard her say, "It's not your fault."
Taking a step back, Sandman looked at his friend with a slight incredulous look, "Nicky… I…"
She shook her head, "It's not. Your superior officer gave you an order. You know that soldier." Her tone had taken that hardened edge like a good CO would get. "It wasn't your fault and it wasn't Santana's. The only one to blame is Makarov and that bastard got what was coming to him."
The tone startled Sandman a bit but he didn't blame her in the least. But he was astute enough to realize that it wasn't just for his benefit but for hers. "And it's not yours."
She looked at him with a slightly raised brow like she was surprised but she wasn't. She nodded, "Thank you."
It didn't feel like it was enough and Sandman added, "But I should have…"
"What would you have done? Taken his place? Then I'd be having this conversation with Kyle than you and it would still be the same." She paused only to emphasize her point. "You did everything right. We all did. That is why I can stand here and be a pain in the ass."
Sandman couldn't help but choke out a chuckle, "You're always a pain in the ass Nicky. It's just… We were friends once and Kyle… became the brother I never had." He picked up her casted hand and looked at it more for something to do. "And I wouldn't blame you if you were angry with me and didn't want to be friends anymore."
The snort she made had him look up. Once he did, he was treated to, "You think that I would be pissed at you?"
"Wouldn't blame you."
"That is stupid. I know you Case and I know you would do everything even it was Boy Scout by the book." She paused to catch her breath and looked down for a moment before resuming, "If there was ever something that would break what we have, it would have to be something beyond forgivable and… I don't see that with you." She smirked at him and gave a playful punch to his good shoulder. "You were always the Boy Scout."
Sandman couldn't help the chuckle. He felt better and absolved from his guilt. "Me?"
"Yep. Always the one telling us what was regulation or not… And we still corrupted you a little." She was smiling at him. Her expression was still sad with grief but she was not devastated. "Just as you corrupted us. Two-way street."
Sandman could agree with that and her smile was infectious. He returned the smile with one of his own and nodded. "Most definitely Nicky. Thank you."
"We're friends... family."
Sandman was still smiling but was surprised when she held out Kyle's ring to him. He looked at the proffered gift and then at her with an eyebrow raised, "What…?"
"I want you to have it," she said plain and simple.
"But…"
"Everyone in the family has one," she explained. "Now you do. It's something that should have been done a long time ago and… Kyle would want you to have it."
Sandman looked at the ring. He could refuse but then that would spit on everything they had been through. It would be painful since he would still have some guilt because it was Kyle but… Slowly he reached out and took the ring and held it in his fingers. He looked at the plain silver band. There was nothing special about it until he looked at the underside and saw all the names engraved sans Kyle's name. He looked at it a moment longer and then said, "I guess I need to add a name."
"Same here."
Sandman looked at her and they locked eyes in understanding. There would always be sadness and Kyle would be missed but they were still there. They were there to keep on living. Taking the ring he put it on his right ring finger and watched her lip twitch into a smile. He said, "I really am sorry, Nicky but…"
There was nothing more to be said. She merely patted his shoulder in understanding. They were soldiers yes but at that moment, they would always be friends.
A/N: Just a one shot of when Sandman comes to see Nicolette after she is rescued. More filling in some holes. Enjoy.