Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach skanks!
Rated T for language
Summary: Ichigo cheats on Orihime……with a manlady?? Grimmjow comforts her. Grimmhime.
Ichigo sat down at their table and handed Orihime her ice cream.
"Thanks Ichi!"
"Yeah…" He looked down.
"What's wrong?"
"Huh?? Oh, um, well I need to talk to you…about….something."
"Yeah?" She smiled.
"Um, well, I……well you see Orihime….I…."
"What Ichigo? You can tell me."
He sighed. This was not going to be easy. "Well you know how I have that job on Fridays from 8 pm to 3 am?"
"Yeah…?"
"There is no job."
"Huh?"
"I've been cheating on you."
"…"
"Orihime…don't cry. Please…"
"Who is she?" she asked quietly.
"He's a him….It's Rukia."
"Oh. I gotta go." Orihime got up slowly and ran out the ice cream store. Ichigo, the dick, didn't even try to stop her. How dare he cheat on Orihime, with a man of all people?? Rukia Kuchiki? Was he serious? What does Ichigo see in him?
It started to rain and Orihime sat on a bench outside of Nickel General and sobbed. She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. She loved Ichigo with all her heart, mind, and soul. Looooooved. It just wasn't fair. Orihime wanted to be Mrs. Shinigami Versache. That WAS his last name right? Oh well, who cared. She wanted to have exactly 3 and a half babies with him. Don't ask how she'll make the half. But it just wasn't fair. That man did not deserve her Ichigo. Not one bit. That man loved Renji anyways. And Chad. Rukia was such a manwhore it didn't even make sense. He got like 5 foreheads too. Don't make no sense. No not at all.
Orihime started to cry more.
"You all right miss'm?" Orihime looked up and saw some old hobo. She sniffed and wiped her eyes with her sleeve.
"NO. Go away."
"Bitch that's why I stole yo socks hoe slut whore shitfaceded ape ass wipe shit hole bitch!" The hobo yanked off her shoes, took her socks and ran, throwing her shoes at an old hag trying to cross the street.
"Lawd Jesus help me!" She yelled "By golly it's rainin shoes, hallelujah! It's rainin shoes Oh OH!!!!" she danced, slipped in a puddle and died.
Orihime stared in horror, more tears running down her cheeks.
A car pulled up in front of her, shining its headlights in her face. She squinted her eyes. But ,hot baby, that was not just some car. It was a black Lamborghini with black rims and black tinted windows. The headlights shined black lights. Lil Wayne's Stuntin Like My Daddy blasted from the car, even though all the windows were shut.
'Oh God, please don't let it be a scary hoodlum from the projects,' Orihime silently prayed 'Please O Lord, anything but that.'
The lambo honked its horn. What in the world. Maybe they were waitin for someone. But Nickel General was closed. Gosh dern what did this hoodlum want? Orihime tried to stay seated but her curiosity got the best of her. She got up and walked to the passenger side, in case the hoodlum tried to shoot her. The window rolled down.
"What it do shawtayyy?"
Her eyes widened, "Grimmjow?"
The window rolled down all the way and Ulquiorra was in the passenger seat.
"Ulquiorra??" He turned and was face to chest with Orihime.
His eyes widened, "Holy Jalapeño!" He exclaimed.
"Ulquiorra!" Grimmjow snapped. "No perverted exclamations! I mean it trick!"
"I'm telling Dad that you cursed," he said in his usual monotone voice.
"Tell 'im. I don't give a fuck shit damn."
"Um, well I'll be going now…" Orihime started to back away.
Grimmjow narrowed his eyes. "Hey! You're not going anywhere til chu help us out."
"Help you out?"
"Help us out."
"Help you out?"
"Help us out."
"Help you out with what?"
"Aizen sent us on a mission. His feet is really gross and crusty and stinky so he wants him a 'manly-pedi' set. What that be?"
"What's what?"
"A manly-pedi set."
"A manly-pedi set?"
"A manly-pedi set."
"Oooohhhhh! You mean mani/pedi set."
"Well um you can get one from in there," she pointed at Nickel General. "But they aren't open until tomorrow at 9:00"
"Nine?"
"Grimmjow you idiot," Ulquiorra said. "Like 9 am. Dumb basterd."
"BITCH WHO YOU CALLIN AN IDIOT?!?" Grimmjow yelled.
"You."
"Well I'll be going now…" she started to back away again.
"Hey! Why is chu all alone?" Grimmjow asked. "Where's yo baby daddy?"
"Baby daddy?!?!"
Grimmjow sighed, "Your boyfriend….."
"Oh….um…" she felt the tears welling up in her eyes. "Nowhere. I gotta go."
"You can't be up in these streets all by choself. It ain't safe fer no hoe. Dat's why hoes got pimps. Tah protect them."
"Yeah!" Ulquiorra agreed. "Grimmjow protects girls every night. He even gets paid for it! It's so cool. And he hits them and they don't even do nothing about it. They just give him the money and go make more. It's so totally awesome. I wish-"
"Shut dah fuck up 'fore I shove a shovel up yer ass like yesterday."
Ulquiorra shut up.
"Now," Grimmjow shifted his gaze to Orihime. "I'll drop you off it chu want."
"Uh, ok!" She went towards the door and paused. "How do I know this isn't some plan to kidnap me again?"
"Some plan tah…..Bitch I'm tryna be nice tah yo ass! You bettah recognize hoe! DAMN! Ulquiorra I told you you can't be nice to dem hoes. I told ya twice. They just don't understand when yer nice to 'em. So ya gotta beat 'em!"
"Wait, wait, wait! I'm sorry...Grimmjow…." Orihime burst into tears as thunder rumbled through the clouds, followed by lighting. *the dramatic music from spongebob plays* "It's just….Its just….I really though *sob* he loved me. But *sob* he doesn't he loves a *sob* a *sob* maaaaaaaaaan." More tears rolled down her cheeks. "I look like such an idiot right now."
"Ha ha neener neener," the deep monotone voice said. "That's what you ge~et. You're a h-h-hoe so you don't get love. Ha."
"Ulquiorra!" Grimmjow snapped. "Ori-Woman, just get in."
"Thanks for the ride, Grimmjow. I really appreciate it," Orihime said as she was about to get out.
"Yeah, I bet you do. But uh wait. You said dat store don't open until tahmorrow, right?"
She nodded her head.
"We need a place to stay til then." Grimmjow said.
"A place to….stay? Like where?"
"Like here."
"Here?"
"Here."
"In my house?"
"In your house."
"In my house?"
Yeah this is my first story.
Tell me what you think.