Hi guys! I suddenly got in the mood to write, so here's the start of something. Let me know what you think! I like where this one might be going, so i'll probably work on it some more tonight. It's good to be back :) All rights to Stephanie Meyer.
The Not So Perfect Story- How Things Are Now (Chapter 1)
Bella leaned her head back against the cushion, forcing her neck to relax for the first time that week. The next movements came as an involuntary reaction, like clockwork. It had been happening for so long, it seemed as it had always been this way. The iPod found its way out of her pocket, and the music started. The piano began its melody, and I closed my eyes.
Her therapist hadn't liked it at first. She said it was a way for her to block everything out, and that she was avoiding reality. Carmen, her therapist, was right. But it was the only way the world seemed bearable right now. That was the only way she'd been able to open up, with their casual conversations of what she was listening to. Country always meant she was sad, classical thoughtful, and everything else was usually a symbol of happiness, or at least being content.
Everyone said she was too old for her age. She was only sixteen, but looked at least 18 or 19, and acted as if she was 30. Toddlers she babysat were always mistaken as hers, and cashiers had been asking if she wanted to open a credit card to their store for years. Her mother had sent her here. The office smelt like disinfectant and old attic, the combination making her nauseous for the first couple weeks. But, her mother insisted it was necessary. That she had been hiding in her room for too long, sleeping all day and staying up at night, while the world was sleeping.
So far her therapist hadn't been annoying, like her friends said. They'd all been sent when uncles or aunts died. Grandparents, even. They were all old, it was always expected. Bella thought it was stupid, honestly. That's what people were supposed to do. Die. It's the only thing everyone in the world has in common. She was here for a different reason, and yet it was the same. She had been taking care of herself since she was six, her parents had gotten a divorce when she was nine, and her dad had died when she was thirteen.
She hated being known as the girl who's dad died. That look that people get on their faces when they first find out, like they're sorry, only there's no way they could be because they'd never known him. They probably hadn't even known her for very long. Carmen said that's all people knew how to be. That someone in her position scared people; they didn't know how to act.
"So, what's new, Bella?" Carmen always started with this question. It was so predictable, as she walked in the door and flipped the file on her clipboard open, revealing a yellow legal pad with various scribbles all over it.
"I started walking again. Got a new toothbrush. Switched from drinking coffee to tea. Do you know how bad that is for you? It's like those damn energy drinks. Everyone takes them, and no one knows later on you'll regret it. Well, not as severe, but you get it." She rambled on, as always.
"But what about your feelings. Have you been feeling any better?"
"I suppose. I've been staying with Esme lately. At night, after mom falls asleep."
Esme was the mid fifties lady down the street. She was the wife of Carlisle, the town doctor. She was known for her gardens and herbs that she had an entire cupboard full of, and always knew just what type of tea you needed to fix whatever ailment you may have. She had children, but they were always gone. They weren't exactly in her social circle, anyways.
Once in a while Esme would disappear in her pottery shed and come out hours later, claiming that this batch would be the best ones yet.
"Why, Bella?" her pen was poised, ready to write whatever answer he was about to give.
"Phil moved in. He's fine, he's just… not dad. I can't sleep there. Besides, Esme doesn't mind when I leave in the middle of the night. Phil always wakes up to interrogate me. So I just tell him I spend the night with Alice." Alice was Esme's daughter, who was a couple years older than Bella and no way her friend, but no way would Phi know.
Carmen nodded, scribbling. This went on for a while, the asking and answering routine. Soon, they were finished and Bella headed out of the office, pulling her hood up over her head against the rain, and headed to the house that didn't quite feel like home anymore.
As the rain pelted against her back, she came up with a plan. She would head home, grab her bag and pack her pajamas, clothes for tomorrow, and an umbrella. Then she would head over to Esme's for the night. It wasn't worth facing Phil. It just seemed like Renee was trying to replace Charlie, which didn't feel right. It made things seem even emptier and wrong than before, when it was much easier to believe he was just down on the reservation on some long fishing trip with his friend, Billy Black. Now, it was painfully too aware that something was horribly wrong.
When she got home the house was dark. She turned on the kitchen light to find a note on the counter from her mom, explaining that she and Phil had gone out for dinner. Bella smiled to herself, as her plan became even easier now that she had fewer questions to answer. It seemed like all people ever wanted from her was answers she really didn't want to give.
She headed up to her room and grabbed what she needed. She already had her bag half packed with a toothbrush, pajamas, and a few other things she'd need every night. She stopped at the kitchen counter to write a note telling her mom she'd be with Alice, which wasn't exactly true, and then headed back out the door.
The rain was starting to let up as she grabbed her bike and wiped off the seat before hopping on to ride down four blocks to the Cullen's house. She knocked lightly before opening the door- she'd been coming here for a couple weeks, so she figured they were past her waiting for someone to open the door.
The scent of fresh herbs filled her nose as soon as she stepped in the door. The house always smelled of fresh basil, mixed with something you couldn't quite place. It was absolutely lovely, and seemed to follow Esme wherever she went. The outside shed smelled of it, also, even though it was strictly for garden tools and pottery.
Bella slid her bag off of her shoulder and walked across the dining room to the sliding glass doors- there was an unusual amount of windows in this house- and went into the backyard, where she was sure Esme would be. She was always outside in the garden shed later into the evening, when she would suddenly become inspired for a new glaze color, or pattern. She would come inside with her hands full of the light clay she used, and a smile on her face, happy with her work. Carlisle would already be in his study, making phone calls or studying about some sort of medicine. Forks was lucky to have him as a doctor. It wouldn't surprise Bella at all if he suddenly came up with the cure for cancer, or some other incurable ailment.
The rocks on the path to the shed shifted under her weight, which was slightly lit by the dim light coming out of the shed window, and from the setting sun. From here, you could see the back shelves lined with pottery of all sorts. There were pots, dishes, plates, bowls, vases, and other pieces of all sizes. On the other side of the wall, she knew that there were smaller shelves filled with all kinds of dyes that Esme used to color her glaze.
Bella once again lightly tapped against the door, and then opened it. Esme looked up from her potters' wheel and smiled at her, before continuing to hum. After watching her for a while, she sat down in a chair next to her. It always amazed her to watch Esme push down the paddle and send the dish spinning around and around. She had tried, once. Her hands had been uneven, so her vase had instantly collapsed. Esme had encouraged her to try again, so she promised she would later, once she had watched more. Since then this had become their ritual. After she came over she would sit in the chair and watch Esme turn her wheel, over and over until the sun had set and it was time for bed.
"How was therapy today?" Esme asked in her gentle voice. It was easy to imagine it soothing a baby, or singing a small child to sleep. It had that smooth motherly tone, which could make you instantly relax. It could also sharpen into a stern warning that could even make her huge son Emmett listen.
"Like always. I couldn't wait to get out of that place. I don't know why it smells so bad." She wrinkled her nose, "I would like it better if it smelled like here."
Esme smiled back at her, "It's almost time to go inside. It's getting dark early tonight because of all the clouds. The kids are coming back, soon. Carlisle went to pick them up this afternoon."
"I didn't even realize they were gone," Bella admitted. "I never see them, though."
"Oh, they're usually with their friends, Rosalie and Jasper. I think Emmett and Rosalie are together, honestly. And you probably know Alice and Jasper are together. She just came home one day and told me that this is who she was going to marry. Like she already knows." Esme chuckled to herself. "Young love, I guess. Anyone caught your eye, Bella?"
She sighed. "No, I'm the freak, remember? No one wants to date dead dad's girl."
Esme gave her the look. The kind that Bella was sure all of the kids got when they were caught with the cookie jar. The kind of look that made you think maybe you weren't so right, just because she looked so sure. "You know that's not true, Bella. Later on the road everybody will forget about that. Boys just mature slower than girls, and you grew up so fast anyways. You were always ahead of everybody else. See? I talk to you like an adult while I still have to scold my kids." She shook her head, chuckling again. "It's like your mom said, you already know how to behave, and I'll never have to worry about you getting into trouble like the others."
"I think the teachers like it," She thought. "With Emmett in most of my classes, I think the teachers liked the break. He keeps them pretty busy." She chewed on the inside of her lip, her habit. On nights where she was stressed it would be completely raw by the end of the night. The next morning it was always sore.
Esme stood up, her knees popping and set the new jars of mixed colors on the shelf. Bella took this as her signal and stood up too, opening the door and stepping out into the now night sky, thinking about school tomorrow. She'd already done all of her homework either in study hall, or waiting in the therapist's office. She was always early, but she'd rather sit there than do it at home.
Esme shut off the light by pulling on the chain, and stepped out of the shed, shutting the door. "Do you feel like tea tonight, Bella? I know just the one for tonight." Bella nodded.
"Sure."
Esme went inside the house and began shuffling through her pantry, filled with all kinds of teas and herbs. She began brewing it before she sat back down.
"What kind are you making?" Bella asked.
"Chamomile with cinnamon. For your nerves. The cinnamon will help with this damp chill." It was mid May, but unseasonably chilly, especially with the cool rain that had been drizzling since she'd woken up this morning.
They sat in a shared silence while they waited for their tea, and after they were done they put their cups in the dishwasher before saying goodnight. Bella headed up to the guest bedroom that she usually stayed in, and changed into her pajamas. She noticed that the door next to the room was closed, now. The light shining underneath. She wasn't sure whose bedroom it was. One of the boys', as Alice's was done in bright pinks and greens-a reflection of her hyper personality. The walls to the guest room were done in a light robins blue color. It reminded Bella of the color of the sea, deep underneath where it starts to look green. The room had a big canopy bed with a nightstand, a dresser with a small flat screen TV on it, and since she'd been staying here, a desk had been added. A small bookshelf had, also. She laid down in the soft blankets and put the iPod to her ears, listening to the sound of the familiar music put her to sleep.
So let me know if you want more?? School is starting up, along with working, dance, and moving, but hopefully I can find a few minutes to write, maybe a chapter a week? Let me know :)
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