Catching Fire Parody Part 1!
Well, I'm back with a new Parody! Please Read, Review, and enjoy!
I watch as the sun comes up, still clutching a cup of Gaderade…..it's high in electrolytes. I'm still stiff from the beating prim bestowed on me. If a pack of wild ducks were to attack me right now there's no chance of me escaping their bills of death. I should get up and kill something. Madge comes out of nowhere, "Hey Katniss, what are you doing out here?" she asks. "I was gathering some none of your business!"I say. "Oh," she says. "Why are you here you blond poop ball?" I ask sharpening a rock that will soon find its way to her head. "I like to come out here and scream….," she says. I chuck the rock at her and she falls to the ground. I start the two minute walk back to the fence that borders District 12. My prep team is coming today to get me ready for the victory tour. It's something I've been looking forward to for months. No, not seeing my gay prep team, but the victory tour! I get to look down into the faces of the tributes' families and rub it in that probably ½ of them are dead because of me .
I make it to the fence and listen for the careful hum of electricity. I do hear a faint noise. "I don't have time for this!" I scream. I grab the wire and electricity pulses through my body! I smell something delicious cooking and realize it's me! After three hours of being toasted the electricity is turned off. I sit up and realize that my braid is now a million spikes in the air and my face is black as a banana! The minute I slip through the fence I'm attacked by hungry people! "I call her leg!" "I want the arms!" "I call her Golgi Apparatus!" Even I find it hard not to eat me! I manage to make it back to my house in !#$%^&*'s village. I slam the door! Prim is staring at me from across the room. She slams her fist into her hand, "Come back for more?" I do a spinning wheel kick and hit her in the face. "You little chipmunk!" she yells. She runs around the room slamming random objects on the ground. I ignore her and walk up stairs. I walk into the bathroom where my mom is meditating on the floor. She has switched from a gothic menace to a 60's flower child. Her long wavy hair flows to the floor covering her body. Thank gosh because she doesn't believe in clothes anymore! "Hello young sasquatch I have drawn you a bath," she says moving her arms in a wave motion. I stare at her as she holds up a poorly drawn picture of a bathtub. I crumple it up and throw it out the window. "OW!" Peeta screams from below. I close the shutters after I fire 8 rounds at him.
I run to the meadow in my birthday suit and find a skunk. I spray it all over myself, "Nothing better than all-naturel!" I skip back to the house where my prep team waits nervously. There's a replacement for Octavia. She too is fat. "What's your name?" I ask in baby talk. "My name is..," "I'm gonna call you chubby! Do you like your name?" I ask. "Actually that was my childhood nick name," she says wiping a tear from her eye. "Good, now I know how to crush your spirit!" I say cheerfully. I do squiggly dance and back it up like Micheal Jackson. Oh My gosh did you guys hear he died! I start doing the reject all around the room. They finally just get up and leave. I continue my dancing long after they've gone. I finally collapse after 5 hours of rhythmical movements! Prim walks over and beats me with an umbrella. There is a nock on the door and I know the cameras are here to film me and peeta's "reunion". I go to the kitchen and wrap myself in tin foil. I open the door, "Look, I'm the world's biggest baked potato!" The camera crew just stares at me. I walk barefoot out into the snow. Peeta runs towards me! I duck and he flies over me into the snow! I start punching him in the back. "Ah, young love," sighs a camera man. I throw a snow ball at his face and he falls. I can see myself on the big screen in the square. I look like a Katniss-popsickle!
Everyone on the crew shakes their heads, "This is pointless! We'll be back for you in the morning," they say and walk away. I slump my way over to Gale's mom's house. I sit on the stool in the kitchen and she walks in the room holding a knife. It's got some strange red substance on it. "What's with the weaponry?" I ask spinning around in my chair. She shifts her eyes nervously, "Rory was….punished." "Oh good Gosh did you eat him!" I ask. "He was sooooooo chubby!" she cries. "It's ok, I can't judge. So where's Gale you fat cow?" I ask. She giggles, "MOOOO! He's working. He likes to mine coal to get his anger out." I can't help but blush, not because of Gale but because my tin foil has lost its luster and is now on the floor. Gale's mom pretends not to notice but I know she was checking me out, I rush back home to find a big black car in front of my house!
I grab my rifle from the closet and shove it into the person's head! I realize it's my mother and that the real person is in the living room. I walk in and see him stroking Buttercup. "Ohhhh who's a cute kitty! You are! Oh yes! Oh yes!" he says. "What do you want!" I scream so loud the house shakes. "Oh, President Snow wants you. He's in the office," he says. I thank him, shoot him, and go to the office. I stop before entering and skin Buttercup using his pelt as a dress. I walk in and stand there in the door. "Hey…did your prep team design that?" he asks. I wheeled the knife in my hand aimlessly. He gulps, "I see….well, won't you sit down?" he asks. I see a tack on my chair. I look at president Snow boredly, walk over to the chair and sit on the tack emotionless. President Snow's mouth drops, "Didn't that hurt!" he asks. I sigh, "No!" He lights a match. "Fire is catching! Fire is catching!" he screams and runs out of my house. As soon as he's out of ear shot I let out a scream of pain and pull the tack out of my thigh! "Next time I see him this is going in his headddddddddddd!" I scream. To Be Continued!
I promise guys, this story is just getting started! Please review! Thanx!