I was tired.
So fucking tired. It was three in the morning, but there was no way I was stopping now. The Castle loomed in the distance, spotlights guiding my way. I gritted my teeth against the searing pain in my side. I felt half dead but I couldn't stop. Wouldn't.
I had stopped another catastrophe from destroying the Commonwealth. It was actually a little ridiculous how often this place was on the edge of total destruction. I was only twenty-nine. Not even fucking thirty, and I had already saved my little patch of world three times.
Though, I guess that wasn't true either. I was almost two hundred and thirty years old. But that's what happens when Vault-Tec throws you in a fucking freezer. Thinking of that vault made me think of Nate. I grimaced. What would he think of me now? Can't imagine he'd like who I'd become. Not for the first time, I wondered if there was an afterlife as I stumbled towards Fort Independence.
If there was a Heaven, my husband had watched in horror as I shot our son in the head with a railway rife. He watched while I set the Prydwen ablaze, knowing there might still be kids on it. He watched me carve my way through the wasteland with my machete, fueled by my rage at having my family stolen from me. For the millionth time, I wished that we had all died in Sanctuary Hills that day. At least we would have been together.
I stumbled over uneven gravel and fell flat on my face. The pain from my side was so sharp I almost puked up the purified water I had drank before I left The Mechanist sobbing over her mistakes in that stupid factory. I wasn't more than a hundred feet from The Castle but I just couldn't do it. It was pointless anyway. He probably wasn't even there.
Face down in the dirt, I wondered what Nate thought of me moving on. Or at least trying to. He probably wouldn't begrudge me of anything. He never had. He was a good man, my husband. Too good for this world. That scumbag had just stormed in and stole everything I ever loved, ending Nates life. I had watched my husband die, and could do nothing about it.
The synth in Covenant was the perfect replica of Nate when he was younger, but with my blue eyes. Those Institute scientists hadn't missed a single detail. From the exact shade of copper of his hair, to the sneaky dimples that only showed up when he was grinning. Don't get me wrong, I loved that kid. Deacon always groused about being a nursemaid but I needed someone to protect my son. Synth or not, he was all I had.
Well, sort of. But it hadn't ever really gone past harmless flirting. He probably had no interest in someone like me. Why should he? I was just some leftover from another time that spent her days killing people.
Preston wouldn't talk to me anymore, outside of official Minutemen business. I repulsed him. Blowing up all those people in the Institute, he just couldn't fathom it. And I couldn't explain. My son had enslaved an entire race of sentient beings, and then called my husband collateral damage. HIS FATHER! My husband was a fucking war hero that died trying to protect his son. He wasn't collateral damage. But I never said that to anyone. Anyone except him, of course.
I felt myself blacking out. Probably from blood loss, I guessed. That junkbot had exploded when I deactivated it. Definitely wasn't expecting that. I had dug a huge chunk of metal out of my side, the pain ten times what it should have been from the pretty gnarly looking burns I was sporting. I pressed my cheek to the ground, feeling the sharp little rocks bite into my skin and closed my eyes. I was so fucking tired.
The blissful darkness was creeping in fast and I smiled, the gravel digging into my face a little more. I couldn't even feel my side anymore. I was a little cold, but overall, not too bad. Deacon would take care of Shaun for me. In that moment, I was grateful to my son, for creating the synth that let me be a mother again. Even for a short time. Shaun's laughter as I showed him how to foxtrot, his bright smile as we bandaged up one of the cats legs. All the little moments flashed before my eyes, the first time he called me mom, the way he clung to me as I carried him out of the Institute, the way his nose scrunched up when he concentrated hard. Just like his father.
"Caroline?" Someone interrupted my pleasant memories. "Oh shit! Caroline!" I heard crunching coming towards me, but didn't have the energy to worry about who it was.
"Caroline, can you hear me? Caroline, it's me, it's Hancock." His voice sounded so urgent. The name cut through the fog. Hancock? He was here! He hadn't left! With the last of my energy, I lifted up my head and looked at him through a curtain of my blond hair.
"John!" I croaked out in elation. My head was so heavy. So I put it down. But I was smiling.
"Let me get you up to the fort sweet thing, you're bleedin out on their lawn." He said, hoisting me up like I didn't weigh a thing. Guess being tiny had its advantages sometimes. My head flopped onto his shoulder and I knew I'd be okay with dying just like that. The darkness finally took me, but I really didn't mind.