Summary: Caroline thinks she may finally be shattered after she inadvertently completes the third massacre. She is utterly numb and the world seems far away. Can she find it in herself to help Klaus when he most needs it and least deserves it? Spoilers for 3x17.
A/N: Not sure what to say about this piece. I had the thought and it more or less wrote itself. It's been so long since my muse has cooperated for anything Vampire Diaries related so writing this was a huge relief. I hope you all like it.
"I just killed twelve people." She breathes; the shock and horror hitting her like a wave. Her breath starts to come fast and too thin as Klaus looks on, his expression softening.
He takes her by the arms, his hands soft and relaxed, meant to reassure rather than confine. "Hey, hey…" He calls, trying to draw her attention. "You look like you're in need of comfort." He offers.
She can hardly believe he of all people is offering her comfort but relief and gratitude overcome her disbelief and she nods shakily, reminded once again of his capacity for kindness.
All of her gentle thoughts are shattered when his eyes harden and he smirks, dark with a twinge of pain. "Why don't you find someone less terrible you can relate to?" He sneers, cruelly spitting her own words back in her face.
She should have known better by now.
Unwilling to let him see her cry, especially over him, she pulls violently away from his hold and marches off into the thickening foliage, erecting another layer of protection over her heart where the cruel and ageless hybrid is concerned.
One day she hopes the barrier will be thick enough that she will no longer be shocked at his cruelty or drawn in by his kindness. One day she hopes he will no longer be able to fool her.
Today is not that day.
She wanders aimlessly, her tears falling steadily as her overburdened mind struggles to process yet another horror, this time of her own making.
The last twenty-four hours have been a new level of painful in a life that, for the last few years, has been one pain after another.
Elena has turned her emotions off, essentially costing Caroline yet another friend in a long line of lost friends. Then not-Elena attacked Caroline's mother, her mother, and Caroline had felt so betrayed. Elena's turning was tragic and Caroline wanted to bring her the cure but until then Elena was supposed to have been a source of comfort, a friend who finally understood what Caroline had gone through in the last year, not another source of fear and distress.
Then, in an even crueler act of betrayal, not-Elena actually tried to kill her.
When Caroline had thought the day could get no worse Matt had texted her, asking her to meet him at the Lockwood mansion. She had felt the stirring of hope in her chest, thinking that perhaps this horrible day could be salvaged with some good news about Tyler. She had made her way to Tyler's empty house. When she ran into the newly erected barrier around the house her heart refused to accept what her mind was telling her, but after reading Tyler's letter she understood. It wasn't good news. In fact, it was the worst news. He wasn't coming back. Ever. And she was once again alone.
And the hits just kept on coming.
Just hours ago she was forced to choose between the life of one of her oldest friends and the lives of twelve strangers. Now she has killed twelve people and the guilt will be with her for eternity.
Really, in light of things Klaus' words should barely have been a blip on the radar, but she rather thinks they were the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.
She finally gives up walking and sinks to the base of a tree, letting her tears and her pain while the day away.
The sun is high in the sky and her tears have finally come to a slow halt when she hears the scream, inarticulate and ragged, like a wounded animal. She lifts her head dully, listening as it comes again, fainter and more pained this time.
With something akin to resignation she rises slowly, looking around her with a heavy head and eyes half lidded to locate the direction of the yell.
She flashes towards it, finding herself back in the clearing where she killed twelve people. The clearing where Klaus dismissed her so cruelly.
The hybrid himself kneels on the forest floor, slumped over and panting in pain. He struggles to raise his head at her entrance, his face contorted in fear and agony.
"What happened to you?" She asks evenly. She thinks she is probably numb which is why her voice sounds so distant to her ears.
She watches herself go over and kneel beside him, supporting him when he slumps against her.
"Silas…" He croaks. "White oak…broken…back…"
She turns, looking at his back. She gasps at the gaping hole on the lower right. His kidneys must be on fire.
She sighs. "Okay. I'm going to help you."
He gives her a distrustful glance. She raises an eyebrow in response, asking him if he sees anyone else rushing to his aid.
He nods slowly, acquiescing when she lays him down on his stomach.
She kneels on his right side, her hands hovering over his wound. She glances at him.
"This is going to hurt."
He nods, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth.
She digs her fingers carefully into his body as he struggles to contain a yell. She can feel the hunk of wood, its tip just scraping his heart and she thinks how easy it would be to just end it all, for the both of them. For everyone really. All this pain would be gone and all the future pain that's sure to come would be prevented. Her fingers brush the wood, splinters pricking her palm, as Klaus fights not to squirm.
She wraps her hand around the stake and yanks it free.
Klaus' back bows and he is not fast enough this time to suppress his cry of pain as his blood spurts forth and stains the forest floor.
She ignores him, digging her fingers back in and removing a few errant shards before his body can heal over them.
Once he is free of the deadly oak, she helps him slowly to his feet, slinging his arm around her shoulders.
"Where are you taking me?" He asks, his voice barely a whisper.
"To your house." She answers.
"Why should I believe you?"
She shakes her head. Even now, when he can barely stand on his own he still has to try for the upper hand, for aloof and detatched.
"Believe what you want." She tells him before flashing them to his front door.
She helps him inside, using one arm to fling a blanket over the couch before settling him down.
"Stay." She orders, before flashing home and returning with an armful of blood bags. She deposits them on a nearby coffee table, dragging it within his reach before ripping one of the bags open and holding it to his lips.
He gulps it down, his throat working to drink as quickly as possible. She knows how much he hates being vulnerable and she almost smirks. She probably would smirk if she weren't still so numb.
When he finishes the first bag she goes to open a second, settling herself on the edge of the coffee table. She can feel him watching her, his gaze a tangible weight on her body. She ignores him, offering the second bag to his lips.
He doesn't accept it immediately, instead staring at her until she finally meets his gaze.
"Why are you doing this?" He asks her, genuinely confused.
She wonders the same thing. It's not like he deserved it after all, especially after what he said to her just this morning. She is not sure that she's ready to hear her own answer. She's not sure he is either.
"I don't know." She replies, though she can hear how false the words sound.
A flash of understanding is there and gone again in his eyes and he finally accepts the straw, docile now and accepting of her ministrations.
He has barely finished the second bag when the door slams and a familiar, grating voice reaches Caroline's ears.
"I'm back!" The voice calls, right before Haley enters the room. She freezes at the sight of the two of them, her eyes narrowing on Caroline.
Caroline's own eyes widen slightly and her nose twitches. She can smell him. She can smell Klaus on her. His words today finally make sense, taking on more meaning than simple spite. He has moved on.
She refuses to be hurt. She is too numb for that. She wonders if this is what flipping the switch feels like.
"What's going…" Haley starts, her voice harsh and territorial.
"I was just leaving." Caroline interrupts, heading for the door.
She pauses when his voice follows her. "Where are you going?" He asks.
She glances back at him, her face expressionless. She thinks she is finally defeated. It had to happen sooner or later.
"I have to take care of something." She says, her voice completely devoid of emotion.
His eyes narrow and he looks like he's about to protest but she doesn't give him the chance.
She walks outside, breathing the cool air deeply. She is mildly surprised to see it is already dark. The day has gone by quickly while she wasn't even looking.
Oh well.
She leaves the Mikaelson estate, skirting her home and instead heading for the one liquor store in town. She sneaks up behind the teller, Larry Jones, and bonks him on the head just hard enough to put him to sleep, feeling no guilt at all. He always was a creep.
She walks out of the store, a bag full of liquor bottles in one hand and the security tape in the other. The latter she crushes in her hand, letting the dust trail behind her before pulling a bottle out of the bag and opening it with her teeth.
She has a long way to walk and she might as well get started.
It is nearly dawn, the sun barely cresting the horizon, when he finds her lying spread-eagled in the grassy field just north of the falls, empty liquor bottles strewn around her.
Her blond hair is fanned out around her head and her eyes stare straight up into the lightening sky.
"You look better." She offers without looking at him.
He glares down at her, ignoring her comment even as he stands tall and perfect as before.
"I'm not going to let you kill yourself luv'."
She rolls her eyes, looking at him like he's an idiot.
"I'm not going to kill myself dumbass." She tells him, wiggling her ring-clad hand in his direction.
He looks confused, settling down cross-legged at her side.
"Then why are you out here, all alone, just as the sun's rising?" He asks.
She sighs. "The last twenty-four hours may very well have been the worst of my life which is, you know, saying something…for me."
She turns her head to look at him, her eyes holding an unfathomable sadness that she knows he can relate to. "I just wanted to get away. Just for a little while. Tyler and Elena, Haley and you, Jeremy and Katherine…it's exhausting and it hurts. I just wanted to go somewhere where it all didn't matter for a little while. I just wanted to watch the sunrise and remember that life goes on and that there's a chance things will eventually get better. That's all. Nothing so melodramatic as 'meeting the sun'." She says, disdain thick in her voice at that last.
Understanding and something similar to camaraderie fill his eyes as he processes her words. He seems to deliberate before shifting to lie down next to her. They stay silent, waiting together as the morning light slowly washes over their bodies.
Just as the light hits her face he speaks.
"I'm sorry." He whispers.
She knows what that cost him and how few people have ever heard those words and lived, and she knows that he's apologizing for more than just his harsh words and his tryst with the were-bitch.
She smiles softly into the new dawn.