SIN WITH ME
Summary: When all goes wrong in Harry's life he wishes he were never born. A normal life seems to be out of his league and the continuous jibes and lies thrown at him put him back at square one. But when Harry Potter gets a break the world suddenly hates him for it. HP/?? Slash!
"Fate is a sadistic mistress and we are her toys, Harry," He was told mournfully. "But when we do her bidding she rewards us, we have both served to her amusement, now it's time to be rewarded." Harry answered him slowly moving closer to chaste lips. "Fate rewards no one especially not sinners." he was gently pushed away. "Your lips are like sin, to touch is a sin." "Then we can sin together!" Harry cried out. (little snippet to get you interested!)
Rated: R
Disclaimer: I have nothing that would be worth suing me over, I own nothing in this story except for the plot and a few made up characters, so don't complain if I accidentally use some thing that's not mine.
*..word.* - thoughts //.word.\\ - the 'voice' ************************************************************************
Prologue: No Knight In Shining Armor
In the olden days, centuries back during the medieval ages turning fifteen for a young boy meant he was ready to become a knight. Turning sixteen meant he was fully mature and ready for marriage. Well at the age of fifteen Harry Potter was no knight in shining armor.
Turning fifteen was one of the most awkward and embarrassing thing that the- boy-who-lived had ever experienced. Being rather short and scrawny for his age Harry had long given up hopes of ever having his overdue growth spurt. So while Ron, Seamus, Dean, Neville, even Malfoy were growing into their bodies and acquired deepened voices and body hair Harry sprouted acne and obtained an unsteady voice that would crack and squeak whenever he tried to speak.
To say the least the experience was humiliating and it had started abruptly on the night of his fifteenth birthday. He remembered that summer after the Triwizard Tournament and night of Voldemort's resurrection he had been miserable and for once he craved number 4 Privet Drive and his abusive relatives. There he didn't have to be the savior of the wizarding world. Placed on a pedestal and groveled at or almost being murdered by Death Eaters. There he could do chores like any other child, he could do his homework in peace like any other wizard and he could be mistreated just like he'd always been just like ever since his muggle relatives took him in.
Life could finally have a constant that he could lean and depend on. There would be no surprises and nothing out of the ordinary. Life was simple and normal, or as normal as it could get between Uncle Vernon bellowing at him and slapping him around, Aunt Petunia swinging her frying pan at his head and barking orders every which direction, and cousin Dudley taunting him as usual.
That was until midnight on Sunday, July 31st, 1994 exactly fifteen years since his birth and fourteen since the death of his parents and the temporary demise of Lord Voldemort.
The rest of the summer went horribly between Harry trying to complete every chore he was given the task of doing, getting some food into him, and trying to ignore Dudley's snickering and pointing at his unfortunate situation.
Zits and pimples were popping up on his face constantly, his hair was even more unmanageable if even possible, his voice sounded like a hinge of a door that hasn't been oiled in decades, and his body became gangly and skinny almost all of the muscle from Quidditch he had gained disappeared and Harry with his thick taped up glasses looked like the class geek. Not to mention there was a strange sensation in his back, more specifically his shoulder blades. They ached like there was no tomorrow constantly forcing him to sleep on his stomach and remain ramrod straight in chairs so his sore back would never touch the back of the chairs.
Days before he was supposed to go to Hogwarts he prayed that whatever tragedy had befallen him would disappear by the time he arrived on the train. He wouldn't be able to stand people like Malfoy taunting him about it. Of course he hoped that perhaps he wasn't the only one with the problem but looking back on the years before he never remembered any of the older students looking or experiencing what he was going through.
In his desperation he had even owled Sirius whom hadn't been much help either telling him that his father James Potter had never went through anything like that. He mentioned that a wizard's magic fought off those kinds of puberty problems and helped the wizard's body grow into an adult's as quickly as possible. Not even muggle-borns had problems like that. But his godfather had at least been concerned and if it wasn't for Dumbledore's insistence that he remain hidden in risk of being caught that he didn't come to visit Harry. The old mages advice though was much like everyone else's, he was just to wait the changes out and hope they would go away soon.
That piece of information didn't help but instead made matters worse for the Gryffindor Seeker and he couldn't help but groan at the prospect of being different again! Life never seemed to give him a fair chance for the past fourteen years he'd been handed nothing but piles of shit with the occasional diamond buried somewhere in there, but to get those diamonds he had to dig through the proverbial crap pile.
As he expected that year at Hogwarts had been hell. Malfoy taunted him; the Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Slytherins taunted him, his roommates even fought hard with themselves to keep from laughing when he was around. His best friend Ron would sometimes poke fun at him and Ginny Weasley along with many of his other former admirers dropped him like a hot ember when they took one look at him. Of course Ginny remained the ever faithful little sister, always reassuring him and helping him with research about what he was going through. But like all good things that ended as well when Ginny Weasley caught the attention of Colin Creevey and began dating the Gryffindor boy leaving no time for Harry.
Strangely though someone that he expected to ridicule and snipe at him the most didn't. Severus Snape, the greasy git, the overgrown bat, Head of Slytherin house, potions master, the bane of his existence, and Death Eater gone spy looked upon him with pity. The first lesson of the year almost put Harry into the Hospital wing from a mild stroke, Snape hadn't even deducted any points from him! That still didn't mean he had to be chummy with the guy.
When he had written to Sirius about Snape's odd looks the ex-convict seemed to carry his anger through the letter. He was almost swayed to march up to Hogwarts in front of everyone and 'pluck the greasy git's eyes out' if he so much as looked at Harry again. Good thing Dumbledore stopped him from coming out of hiding otherwise he would have had only a shell of a godfather left after the Ministry caught up to him and the Dementors sucked his soul out. Either that or Hogwarts would be short one less Potions Master by the time Snuffles was done with him.
The only person that had been at all reassuring about his situation was Hermione and only because she was muggle-born, on her insistence he believed that many muggle teenagers went through these changes. The only problem was that Harry was supposed to be stronger than Voldemort, to the wizarding world he was supposed to be some kind of hunk extraordinaire.
Even worse though, when classes started he discovered his magic wouldn't cooperate as well as it used to. When he wanted to light his wand he'd create a dust storm. When he wanted to transfigure a pillow into a kitten he'd turn it into a half sponge half pigeon object. Sometimes he couldn't do a wink of magic at all. Harry was soon pondering if he should quit school early and become an assistant to Argus Filch, a fellow squib. It was quite disturbing, especially when he thought about the possibility of having to duel Voldemort like that. Voldemort wouldn't spare him like he'd offered during their past meetings, he'd go straight to turning him into toast.
Slowly the year went by and slowly Harry was growing even more desperate by the day. For his lack of physical muscle he tried to exercise as often as possible before everyone got up for the day and after everyone was asleep again. For his acne he went to Madame Pomfrey whom had rolled her eyes a bit to dramatically for his taste and gave him a salve he could use along with a separate potion that she had the potions master brew. Unfortunately once again the potion didn't work and the Gryffindor seeker perhaps speculating because Snape hated his guts with the passion of a thousand hells the potions was brewed incorrectly just to spite him and the Gryffindor was forced to go to the library and find the right potion to brew. The one he brewed didn't work either. All hope was pretty much lost and there was nothing he could do with his magic but practice and often time he would blow more things up than Seamus did in his first year.
Sadly both exercising like a madman, using a different salve Snape had concocted, nor practicing magic worked for him. Nothing about him changed and he was almost at his wits end. And his back was only getting worse giving him some sort of hump. It felt like there was something stuffed between his skin and the muscle of his back and whenever he moved he felt something flat slide underneath his skin. At Hermione's insistence he went to see the school nurse and while Madame Pomfrey was greatly concerned couldn't find anything wrong with him and instead suggested he go to Dumbledore, perhaps the aged wizard could help him. He refused telling her it was all trivial and that the Headmaster had enough to worry about between Voldemort, their incompetent Minister of Magic, and keeping the school running to have to worry about his acne problems or a kink in his back. Brushing it off he left to wallow in peace.
Closer to the end of the year something went right for him though, his hair was so unmanageable and his face looked disgusting even to himself that Harry wished for his hair to grow out so at least he could keep it in order as well hide behind a curtain of raven locks. Like he had done when Aunt Petunia gave him that unbecoming haircut years ago he grew out his hair overnight. The curtain of tresses guarded his face and cast a shadow on him better than he expected and Harry sought to isolate himself more and more to keep from the crude jokes about him and the pointed fingers. It was bad enough the whole wizarding world knew their hero was a pimpled teen that just simply wouldn't take puberty well at all, Rita Skeeter whom Hermione had released at the end of the summer and whom had registered herself made sure that she wrote a proper article with a picture enclosed via Collin in the Daily Prophet. The picture had been the breakup of Collin and Ginny's relationship. The redhead stating she wanted nothing to do with a traitor. Of course she had been bitter towards Harry as well, if it weren't for him the whole mess wouldn't have happened.
On top of everything else Harry was sure he cracked when he started hearing a voice in his head. And speaking back with it surely didn't ease his mind. Something was wrong but he didn't dare tell anyone, he'd be locked in St. Mungos before he even had a chance to run.
And so he was utterly and publicly humiliated wishing for the year to end. Due to problems with his magical currents he had barely passed fifth year and only with Hermione's help and numerous extra credit projects was he able to pass that year and earn enough points on his owls not to be at the bottom of the list of ranking owls. The 'voice' didn't help either as it constantly interfered with his studies and Harry was sure that if it weren't for it and Hermione's prefect duties and time spent snogging Ron she could have helped him get a higher position than he currently occupied, third before the end right before Crabbe and Goyle.
"Fate you bitch! Why can't you just let me be! Stop toying with me!" his cry would be heard by no one as each night the slowly darkening figure would stow into an empty classroom on the deserted side of Hogwarts castle and yell at the top of his lungs and crumpled to the floor in a heap sobbing pitifully. Inside his head he would here every time. //But you're fate's favorite plaything, you know she can't leave you be!\\ Sometimes that voice reminded him of Snape, cruel and taunting to the bittersweet end.
And every night the devil himself, Severus Snape would stand outside that door and cast a silencing charm strong enough to block the boy's screams out while silently keeping guard at the door, an anonymous surveyor, an invisible friend, and a dark guardian angel.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was the last day of term and after breakfast Hogwarts students would desert the castle for two months of summer vacation, while others would never come back after graduating. Harry had woken up briskly again to the sound of his alarm clock early in the morning while all the other boys in the dorms had been sleeping each of them content with pleasant dreams and snoring softly in peace. He had in fact not awoken from a pleasant slumber though; nightmares had always plagued him like locusts plagued Egypt at one point. Voldemort was stirring in whatever hole he was hiding in until coming back to full power like he had been fourteen years ago.
He had gotten back to his dorm rather late from one of his nightly screaming fits and just felt like going back to sleep but feeling his hearing his stomach rumble and churn Harry moved his long skinny legs off the bed and placed his feet on the floor getting up unsteadily and clumsily like always. Stretching he winced when a shock of pain went down his back and he slumped a little trying to alleviate it but only made it worse. Straightening up again he muttered darkly about how what a bitch his life undoubtedly was.
Combing his frizzy hair with his hand he decided it was time for Hogwarts ugly duckling to get up for his last day as a fifth year. Grabbing a pair of running shoes and a pair of shorts he slipped them on and made his way outside where the sun was barely beginning to rise and the morning dew on the grass tickled his legs, as it hadn't evaporated yet.
Around the Quidditch pitch he ran, in circles, forwards, backwards, and even sideways for hours before stepping off the dirt path he had worn around it and onto the soft damp grass where he began to execute a mirage of basic exercises neither which had helped him much at all that year, but he was determined. Despite being abused by his relatives and his Hogwarts classmates and other students he wasn't as easily discouraged as other people would have been in his situation. Remember Harry Potter had lived a life of humiliation before he ever knew there was a Hogwarts, he could stand a few more years of it and leave never showing his face to the world again until his puberty problem disappeared. And be sure when it did disappear he would come back with a bitter vengeance.
After his early morning ritual he ran back inside the castle with sweat pouring down his body and drenching his shirt. His heaved breathing began to ease as did the soreness in his muscles by the time he reached the entrance to the kitchens where the Gryffindor proceeded to tickle the pear on the painting guarding them. The pear tittered and the portrait swung open revealing a vast room full of little green house elves preparing breakfast and whatever else needed to be done around the castle before the students left.
Suddenly he was almost knocked over by a short creature that threw itself at him in its excitement and hugged his waste. "Oh Dobby is so sad sir Harry Potter is leaving for summer!" wailed the bursting into peals of hysterical tears and sniffling blowing his nose into the Gryffindor's shirt. Harry who had been glad to know that Dobby, unlike some people *cough* Ron, Ginny, Dean, Seamus, Neville, the whole school *cough* remained faithful to the end patted the elf on the back awkwardly and tried to pry him off before he could get any more boogies on his shirt.
"Yes Dobby I'm sad too but I'll be coming back in two months, it's really not that long." He tried to answer in his kindest voice but hearing it crack and squeak again he scowled darkly and only managed to make the elf go into further hysterics having to actually had to call upon the assistance of a couple of other house elves to pry him off before asking for something to eat.
Like usual he was treated to a king's meal. His plate loaded up so he couldn't see past the food and a whole platter full of other breakfast specialties. Like he had been doing for most of the year he easily finished what could have easily been a breakfast of ten before pushing himself to get up even if he was still abnormally hungry. If he were a normal boy then he'd be bigger than Dudley he suspected by the way he was eating but the hunger he felt was different. It wasn't coming from his stomach like it should but rather from ever single bone and tissue in his body that sang and ached for something he was obviously overlooking.
Shrugging and turning a blind eye to it as usual figuring it had something to do with puberty since he hadn't been able to find anything in the library that year about it Harry left trekking back to Gryffindor tower where he took a shower and got ready for the day before packing his trunk for the journey to Privet Drive.
"Fuck!" Harry whispered under his breath harshly and swiveled on his heel when he saw Draco Malfoy sauntering into the great hall. If he didn't leave then he'd become the butt of another joke, or worse some sort of new hex that Malfoy had 'idly' come across in the library while studying.
Too late though, Malfoy had already seen him and like a sand storm, beautiful from the distance and deadly in all entirety he sauntered over bringing chaos Harry's way. While Draco was the pale pictogram of Greek beauty, his jaw set in stone and face carved to rival those of the gods, his black robes accentuating his silvery blue eyes and silvery hair the moment the boy opened his mouth his exotic features melted away faster than butter over a fire. If it weren't for his wise crack remarks, his crude jokes and bullying Draco Malfoy the thing put on earth solely to drive Harry Potter crazy would caught the eye of even Ron Weasley, whom was considered to be as straight as one could get without being a monk devoted to chastity.
"Hey pimple face Potter!" Harry heard his deep voice yell only a few steps behind him as Draco halted his assent to the Great Hall and directed his goons Crabbe and Goyle to go after him. "Where you going in such a hurry Potter? Lost a zit along the way to breakfast?" snickers could be heard across the entire hall but Harry simply didn't care anymore as he kept his head low and kept walking on his way to the library, one of the only places he could find solace. The Professors had tired of taking points from the Slytherin and others who jeered at him and he was mostly left to his own devices.
"Mr. Malfoy if you don't cease your ridiculous jibes and hurry you'll miss breakfast. I'm sure that Potter won't go anywhere, nor will his pimples so you are safe to leave for now." Then there was Snape whom often mysteriously appeared from around the corner when Harry was about to get into sticky situations. He didn't exactly help with the jibes aimed his way as he chastised a student he added his own amusement at Harry's situation only the way Severus Snape could.
"Mr. Potter." His name was uttered in a soft drawl almost threatening as a dark shadow fell over him. Harry didn't even need to look up to know that Snape's onyx eyes were burning holes through him not with a glare this time but with this blank abyss they had acquired lately. It was a rarity these days that his potions master ever glared at him, just stared like he was staring into an empty hole.
Keeping his head down and his hair shadowing his face he nodded. "Professor." And side stepped the man. He wasn't stopped nor addressed again but he could feel the man's burning eyes on him still as he continued down the hallway. Almost at the very end he began to breath regularly when he was halted.
"Potter!" He snapped his eyes back up and lifted his face this time to see Snape's indifferent face confront him, as he seemed to be battling an inner conflict and muttering to himself.
"Yes?"
"Potter come with me to my office." That was it no explanation no dirty looks Harry was sure it had nothing to do with Voldemort, as his scar hadn't been hurting recently. At least that was one thing gone right; Voldemort had been strangely silent the whole year.
Through the damp and cool corridors he followed around familiar corners and down stone steps worn by many centuries of use. They stepped through the potions classroom which had already been cleaned of most of the materials kept on hand by students during the school year and stepped into the adjacent office where the taller of the two took a seat in a comfortable chair by his desk leaving Harry to stand fidgeting.
"You're not supposed to be here and I'm not supposed to be talking to you. Understood?" the man started off with the sharp statement boring his eyes into Harry's own green ones.
He had absolutely no idea what this was about nor if whatever was going to happen was safe but he went out on a limb and agreed to be discreet and silent about their meeting.
"I don't like you Potter." he started off and Harry had to hold himself back from scoffing. As if it wasn't obvious!
".but I don't wish you dead either." All right, Harry thought. Something is definitely wrong. //Gee wiz you think?\\ The 'voice' as he had dubbed it ever since it appeared said. *Shut up voice!*
Harry remained silent blinking owlishly in mock innocence and waited for his professor to continue.
"Potter, I at one time held great respect for your mother, I still do even after her death and it is only through this respect that I'm helping you." He paused letting it set in with the young man and idly tapped his fingers on the surface of his desk. The Potter boy was starting to realize that he knew something about his situation he speculated.
"My mother? I thought you hated Gryffindors!"
*Perhaps he hasn't guessed then.* Snape rolled his eyes and dug out a thick yellow tinted envelope obviously sealed and carrying a lump of something inside that was bulging at the bottom. The envelope had no words on the outside that indicated it important or interesting in any way. He set it aside for now fighting his growing irritation.
"I dislike Gryffindors that is true, always have and always will but that is not the point boy. The point is that you want to know what is happening to you and I have the answers. Tell anyone what I've told you and I'll have Voldemort on your arse faster than you can catch a damn snitch!"
Harry remained silent growing steadily curious by the moment. He furrowed his brows and bit his lip to keep himself from asking the thousands of questions buzzing around in his head. *He knew my mum, and there's something that people are keeping from me!* He thought glad to hear that the 'voice' hadn't taken up the opportunity to say anything.
Seeing as the boy seemed to understand Severus braced himself for the brief explanation he had planned and rethought ever since the boy came to Hogwarts.
"When your Lily was fifteen she had much the same troubles you do, save the back pains." He explained. "You're probably wondering why that mutt Black hasn't told you this in his letters?" the older man asked obviously expecting it. But Harry was thinking a much different thing.
He couldn't believe that the redheaded woman in the photographs that Hagrid had given him had once been an acne plagued ugly duckling. That beautiful creature couldn't have been something akin to him it was impossible! He speculated. However if she turned out the way she did then perhaps there was hope for him.
"Yeah I was actually wondering that." He lied but the fact that neither Sirius nor Dumbledore said anything about it bugged him.
"Black didn't even know your mother until she turned sixteen. He was actually one of the bastards that pointed and laughed." Seeing the shocked expression on his face the Potions Master smirked and nodded. "Your godfather isn't the saint that you make him out to be Potter, neither was your father although he didn't make fun of Lily he certainly didn't pay her any attention until the summer she came back after her sixteenth birthday when she came back looking completely different. In fact the whole male population of Hogwarts was seeking her out."
"But why did she change so suddenly when she turned sixteen? And why were you the only one that noticed? You couldn't expect me to believe that you didn't make fun of her! I bet you got off on that kind of thing!" He said a little to rashly instantly regretting it when he was met with a dark look from Snape.
"Watch your tongue Potter I did no such thing. I noticed because I was her only friend during that time. We were housemates. Have you ever wondered why no one talks about your mother? Why no one ever mentioned what house she was in? Why wherever her name was mentioned on a plaque her house wasn't mentioned. It's no coincidence let me assure you, it was strategically planned because of who you are and how much Dumbledore wants you to believe for his purpose."
Harry was speechless. He couldn't grasp the point that his sweet, beautiful, brave mother was a Slytherin. She was part of the snake house that turned up more evil wizards and witches than the other houses combined. But then again Peter Pettigrew came from Gryffindor. No wonder the hat wanted to place him in Slytherin! It wasn't because of his connection to the dark lord it was his mother. And then the fact that hit him like a ton of bricks was that Dumbledore had been deceiving him, he'd been lied to at the Dursley's, he'd been lied to by his teachers, he'd been lied to by his friends, he was sure that the Weasley's knew since Bill and Charlie were in school a couple years below his parents. They must have remembered them. He'd been lie to all his life by people that he considered his allies and friends but the one person that hated him with a vengeance was showing him the light. He bet even Hermione had to know, she went through more books than the library had, surely she must have ran across it?
"They all lied to me." He whispered his head suddenly becoming heavy and he looked down to his shoes not able to meet Snape's gaze.
"They lied to all of us." The other man said just as softly sympathy creeping into his voice. Sympathy that he had thought disappeared twenty years ago. He never realized he had any emotions left after Lily abandoned him for James 'pretty boy' Potter.
"But the one lie that's being dealt to you right now is deadly. I know Albus keeps telling you he'd tell you about your family when you're ready. He's held it off for five years and if he could help it he's either going to hold it off for two more, possibly until he's done using you, or until one of you is dead in which case you'll never get to know the truth."
"Why?" came the boys bewildered question.
Why did he survive the killing curse? Why had Voldemort told his mother her death wasn't necessary as long as she handed him over to him. Why didn't Dumbledore tell him the truth? Why was he concealing things? Why was he placed with the Dursleys when he could have been placed with a strong wizarding family that could protect him and that would gladly have him? Or even a good muggle foster family? Why did he have to be raised in a world of abuse? What was happening to him?
Severus had the answer to all those questions but today was not the day he would answer them. If he kept Harry any longer then someone might become suspicious. He couldn't risk anyone finding out, he was in enough danger already as he'd been semi-nice most of the year to the Gryffindor and he'd saved him from trouble with Malfoy earlier.
"We don't have time but if you are anything like Lily then you'll trust me."
At this point Harry looked up and Severus held his breath seeing tears cascade down his face and onto the floor. Some would fall on his shoes others on his black robes, while others would seep between his quivering lips. Seeing the boy crying wasn't what surprised him, what surprised him were the tiny crystalline teardrops that glistened and glittered a deep shade of crimson. He was crying tears of blood.
Great Merlin it's beginning. He thought surprised.
Harry felt the hot tears leaking from his eyes and ashamed at being caught crying he wiped them away with the back of his hand. He stopped midway of dropping his hand back to his side when he saw blood on it, a lot of blood. The strange thing was to have that much blood he would have had to have a severe injury, but he felt nothing, he just felt numb. His surprise was written all over his face and so was Severus' but the man turned a stony expression when he noticed the boy's emerald eyes on him.
"What is this?"
"You're changing, you're crying blood." Seeing the panic on the boy he tried to reassure him a little before he started ranting. "I believe it's to be expected, just stop your sniveling and wash your face once you're done here." Not the kindest words but the certainly did calm Harry a little as it was to be expected for whatever reason he didn't understand. Deciding it was time to bring their meeting to a halt the man held up the envelope to Harry but kept it out of his reach before he explained.
"Your change is the main reason Voldemort wants you, it is also the reason Dumbledore wants you on his side. Whether you decide to be after I finish explaining everything to you is your choice and yours alone. But I warn you not to fall a fool like your mother did, don't crumple under his kind words and manipulation. I have, I realized it to late to do anything but I'm trying to make amends with you. I can't tell you what it is yet because as far as I know only three people alive know about it, Dumbledore, Voldemort, and yours truly." Seeing Harry nod somewhat fascinated and curious with the situation he went on.
"Your change will occur at midnight July 31st. From what I hear it's supposed to be painful and it will drain you." Panic overcame the-boy-who- lived again and he held up a hand silencing him when he opened his mouth to say something. "Don't be alarmed! I still need to explain. Now." he tried to remember where he left off and nodded to himself remembering. "During that time when you are weakened Voldemort plans to attack you at your muggle home and take back what was rightfully his before killing you."
"What do I have that was his? And what's going to happen during the change? Why am I like this?" Harry voiced his perplexity.
"He passed on a bit of his power to you I believe, he wants it back along with your power which will increase tremendously. He will do an exchange before one simple slit of the throat and the thorn in his scaly hide, which he considers you, is gone. He won't risk Avada Kedavra again, I believe Voldemort isn't that stupid despite what you believe mister Potter." He ignored his other questions.
"How do you know he'll want to do all of this at Privet Drive? Don't you think he'd take me back to wherever his head quarters are and do the deed there? And why haven't you answered my question on what's happening and what's going to happen" It would make sense he figured to himself.
"No." the older man shook his head, his oily hair barely swaying and still ignoring the other questions. "He wants to kill your muggle family along the way, he thinks if he could get away with killing the-boy-who-lived in his own home under protections and everything then the wizarding world will lose hope and crumple. Since the wizarding world doesn't believe he's back it'll be like a fancy entrance back into the world of the living."
"What about Dumbledore? You're his spy aren't you? If he knows then how come he hasn't said anything? Why haven't you answered my other questions" His last question was met by silent ears and the boy was growing impatient.
Snape smirked sadly at the naivety of the boy and drawled. "Because Potter he thinks if Voldemort steps into your home he could ward it and capture him killing him once and for all. 'A few lost lives to save millions' is his motto I believe. I am sorry, and believe me when I say I'm sorry I truly am, that you and I are merely his pawns just like everyone else in this master game of life."
"No." the boy shook his head trying to fight off more tears that were shading his eyes red and spilling over his cheeks again. His inquiry on what was happening to him dissolved from his mind. "No." he said dejectedly. How could his only mentor, the man that he considered to be like a grandfather do that to him? How could he play him, use him as bait without a fair warning.
"Yes." Snape simply said and pointed to the envelope again but Harry didn't notice, he didn't really care what happened to him anymore. He had no one and nothing left to live for. "As for your previous query about your appearance and change I'm afraid I'll have to explain afterwards, there's no time now."
"Why didn't he warn me? Why can't he just allow me to stay at Hogwarts this summer? Voldemort wouldn't know that I'd be here! Why can't he be inside already before Voldemort shows up and fight him off? It doesn't make any sense!" he practically howled this time he was the one whom took no notice of the answer to his earlier question being answered. Due to his extreme reactions of hysteria Snape was forced to send a calming charm his way that made him momentarily sway on his feet and collapse in a conjured chair behind him.
"It makes perfect sense Potter! Voldemort has eyes everywhere! He would know if you remained here, he would know if Dumbledore arrived at Privet Drive. Our only chance would be to get Voldemort when he is weak, and that's when he's performing the ritual to steal your magic from you. Dumbledore is counting on it. I wouldn't be surprised if he told Granger and Weasley right about now, they would need to know 'for the greater good' as he once told me when explaining his scheme."
"Maybe it would be better that way." Harry said morosely. That's when the shaking started; apparently Snape wasn't very fond of hearing suicidal urges when he was trying to save someone's life. The older man got up within a flash and grabbed the teenager by the arms savagely enough to leave bruises not only on the skin but on the bone as well and started shaking him until the calming charm was nearly off and the Gryffindor Seeker had developed a headache.
"No it wouldn't be better Potter! Because you are the first of your kind! Do you know what bad luck occurs when a first of a species is killed? Forget that! Do you know what that would do to the magical community? It would kill everyone that ever looked up to you! Of course the Headmaster will probably tell everyone that you dueled Voldemort bravely and went down a hero dragging the bastard along with you but that won't make any difference!" he yelled but Harry regarded him with something akin suspiciousness.
"That doesn't make sense. What species? You're speaking about me like I'm some sort of an animal that belongs in the zoo looked in between the bars of a cage by curious spectators! There's something else. Are you going to tell me or are you going to lie and keep things from me like everyone else. If you want me to trust you like my mother did then I don't want any more lies! Why won't you let me die?" He persisted stubbornly.
Knowing it was either the truth or the boy's death Snape agreed to tell him. "Because I owe both your parents. I was to late from saving them from the Dark Lord, and I owe Lily for being a friend. It's as simple as that."
"Bullshit!" the younger of the two yelled angrily. "There's something else!" he persevered.
"Watch your mouth Potter! 20 points from Gryffindor!" he retorted ignoring the boy's irritation and dropping that case for the moment.
Harry raised a dark eyebrow at him incredulously. "School's over you can't deduct points." Was his simple reply. For a moment he even forgot their argument and indulged himself with a triumphant smirk knowing he got one over on the ex-Death Eater.
Flustered Snape thrust the yellowed enveloped at him almost letting it hit his face before Harry clumsily caught it.
"Don't open that!" He barked all of a sudden when Harry's fingers crept to the seal. "Don't open that until 11:40 pm July 30th. Twenty minutes before your birthday. There is a port key in there that will take you to an undisclosed location where I'll be waiting for you. It will activate at precisely 11:45 so make sure you're holding it then, if you can pack your things and bring them with you, if they're locked up again I'll come back for them later. Understood?" he said carefully motioning for the sitting boy to stand and leading him out the door.
"Understood." Harry replied disregarding all the offensive things Snape was saying about his godfather and before leaving he looked up and smiled a rare smile these days. "Oh and Professor." he hesitated for a moment before speaking. "Thank you."
"Don't go thanking me until this mess is over Potter. And remember tell no one of this or both our lives will be in jeopardy. Don't even tell Black, he doesn't know and he probably won't know until you tell him. He'd barge into the mess like the imbecile he is. Dumbledore isn't fool enough to tell him, because be assured I don't like that flea bitten mongrel but that idiot would go through the fires of all seven hells for you."
"I know Professor, I know because he already has." Harry replied softly and nodded his head once keeping it down until he was able to get to the nearest boys loo to wash the blood off of his face. A ghost of a smile was lingering on him despite the danger of his situation and the fact that he had just found out of a betrayal that had been going on for years now.
//It took you Snape to realize that what I've been telling you for months now is true?\\ The voice was back again and it sounded agitated. //I hope you'll miraculously grow a brain when you turn sixteen Potter because you really are pathetic.\\ It snickered and he scowled.
*Would you bloody well leave me alone already!! I don't need a voice that my imagination threw together to criticize me, I already have enough of that as it is.*
//How dare you call me a figment of your imagination? In case you were wondering if you weren't such a moron nobody would be criticizing you.\\
*Shut up!!!!*
//All right already no need to get your knickers in a twist!\\
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*ATER'S NOTE!!! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hi all! Well this is the first chapter of my new story, as if that wasn't obvious. I don't exactly consider myself such a great writer and I don't have a beta so I hope it didn't stink too much. What do you all think so far? Please REVIEW!! I live on being praised! Even if I don't get it much. LoL. Any suggestions for the next chapter will be considered, I aim to please my readers.
Summary: When all goes wrong in Harry's life he wishes he were never born. A normal life seems to be out of his league and the continuous jibes and lies thrown at him put him back at square one. But when Harry Potter gets a break the world suddenly hates him for it. HP/?? Slash!
"Fate is a sadistic mistress and we are her toys, Harry," He was told mournfully. "But when we do her bidding she rewards us, we have both served to her amusement, now it's time to be rewarded." Harry answered him slowly moving closer to chaste lips. "Fate rewards no one especially not sinners." he was gently pushed away. "Your lips are like sin, to touch is a sin." "Then we can sin together!" Harry cried out. (little snippet to get you interested!)
Rated: R
Disclaimer: I have nothing that would be worth suing me over, I own nothing in this story except for the plot and a few made up characters, so don't complain if I accidentally use some thing that's not mine.
*..word.* - thoughts //.word.\\ - the 'voice' ************************************************************************
Prologue: No Knight In Shining Armor
In the olden days, centuries back during the medieval ages turning fifteen for a young boy meant he was ready to become a knight. Turning sixteen meant he was fully mature and ready for marriage. Well at the age of fifteen Harry Potter was no knight in shining armor.
Turning fifteen was one of the most awkward and embarrassing thing that the- boy-who-lived had ever experienced. Being rather short and scrawny for his age Harry had long given up hopes of ever having his overdue growth spurt. So while Ron, Seamus, Dean, Neville, even Malfoy were growing into their bodies and acquired deepened voices and body hair Harry sprouted acne and obtained an unsteady voice that would crack and squeak whenever he tried to speak.
To say the least the experience was humiliating and it had started abruptly on the night of his fifteenth birthday. He remembered that summer after the Triwizard Tournament and night of Voldemort's resurrection he had been miserable and for once he craved number 4 Privet Drive and his abusive relatives. There he didn't have to be the savior of the wizarding world. Placed on a pedestal and groveled at or almost being murdered by Death Eaters. There he could do chores like any other child, he could do his homework in peace like any other wizard and he could be mistreated just like he'd always been just like ever since his muggle relatives took him in.
Life could finally have a constant that he could lean and depend on. There would be no surprises and nothing out of the ordinary. Life was simple and normal, or as normal as it could get between Uncle Vernon bellowing at him and slapping him around, Aunt Petunia swinging her frying pan at his head and barking orders every which direction, and cousin Dudley taunting him as usual.
That was until midnight on Sunday, July 31st, 1994 exactly fifteen years since his birth and fourteen since the death of his parents and the temporary demise of Lord Voldemort.
The rest of the summer went horribly between Harry trying to complete every chore he was given the task of doing, getting some food into him, and trying to ignore Dudley's snickering and pointing at his unfortunate situation.
Zits and pimples were popping up on his face constantly, his hair was even more unmanageable if even possible, his voice sounded like a hinge of a door that hasn't been oiled in decades, and his body became gangly and skinny almost all of the muscle from Quidditch he had gained disappeared and Harry with his thick taped up glasses looked like the class geek. Not to mention there was a strange sensation in his back, more specifically his shoulder blades. They ached like there was no tomorrow constantly forcing him to sleep on his stomach and remain ramrod straight in chairs so his sore back would never touch the back of the chairs.
Days before he was supposed to go to Hogwarts he prayed that whatever tragedy had befallen him would disappear by the time he arrived on the train. He wouldn't be able to stand people like Malfoy taunting him about it. Of course he hoped that perhaps he wasn't the only one with the problem but looking back on the years before he never remembered any of the older students looking or experiencing what he was going through.
In his desperation he had even owled Sirius whom hadn't been much help either telling him that his father James Potter had never went through anything like that. He mentioned that a wizard's magic fought off those kinds of puberty problems and helped the wizard's body grow into an adult's as quickly as possible. Not even muggle-borns had problems like that. But his godfather had at least been concerned and if it wasn't for Dumbledore's insistence that he remain hidden in risk of being caught that he didn't come to visit Harry. The old mages advice though was much like everyone else's, he was just to wait the changes out and hope they would go away soon.
That piece of information didn't help but instead made matters worse for the Gryffindor Seeker and he couldn't help but groan at the prospect of being different again! Life never seemed to give him a fair chance for the past fourteen years he'd been handed nothing but piles of shit with the occasional diamond buried somewhere in there, but to get those diamonds he had to dig through the proverbial crap pile.
As he expected that year at Hogwarts had been hell. Malfoy taunted him; the Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Slytherins taunted him, his roommates even fought hard with themselves to keep from laughing when he was around. His best friend Ron would sometimes poke fun at him and Ginny Weasley along with many of his other former admirers dropped him like a hot ember when they took one look at him. Of course Ginny remained the ever faithful little sister, always reassuring him and helping him with research about what he was going through. But like all good things that ended as well when Ginny Weasley caught the attention of Colin Creevey and began dating the Gryffindor boy leaving no time for Harry.
Strangely though someone that he expected to ridicule and snipe at him the most didn't. Severus Snape, the greasy git, the overgrown bat, Head of Slytherin house, potions master, the bane of his existence, and Death Eater gone spy looked upon him with pity. The first lesson of the year almost put Harry into the Hospital wing from a mild stroke, Snape hadn't even deducted any points from him! That still didn't mean he had to be chummy with the guy.
When he had written to Sirius about Snape's odd looks the ex-convict seemed to carry his anger through the letter. He was almost swayed to march up to Hogwarts in front of everyone and 'pluck the greasy git's eyes out' if he so much as looked at Harry again. Good thing Dumbledore stopped him from coming out of hiding otherwise he would have had only a shell of a godfather left after the Ministry caught up to him and the Dementors sucked his soul out. Either that or Hogwarts would be short one less Potions Master by the time Snuffles was done with him.
The only person that had been at all reassuring about his situation was Hermione and only because she was muggle-born, on her insistence he believed that many muggle teenagers went through these changes. The only problem was that Harry was supposed to be stronger than Voldemort, to the wizarding world he was supposed to be some kind of hunk extraordinaire.
Even worse though, when classes started he discovered his magic wouldn't cooperate as well as it used to. When he wanted to light his wand he'd create a dust storm. When he wanted to transfigure a pillow into a kitten he'd turn it into a half sponge half pigeon object. Sometimes he couldn't do a wink of magic at all. Harry was soon pondering if he should quit school early and become an assistant to Argus Filch, a fellow squib. It was quite disturbing, especially when he thought about the possibility of having to duel Voldemort like that. Voldemort wouldn't spare him like he'd offered during their past meetings, he'd go straight to turning him into toast.
Slowly the year went by and slowly Harry was growing even more desperate by the day. For his lack of physical muscle he tried to exercise as often as possible before everyone got up for the day and after everyone was asleep again. For his acne he went to Madame Pomfrey whom had rolled her eyes a bit to dramatically for his taste and gave him a salve he could use along with a separate potion that she had the potions master brew. Unfortunately once again the potion didn't work and the Gryffindor seeker perhaps speculating because Snape hated his guts with the passion of a thousand hells the potions was brewed incorrectly just to spite him and the Gryffindor was forced to go to the library and find the right potion to brew. The one he brewed didn't work either. All hope was pretty much lost and there was nothing he could do with his magic but practice and often time he would blow more things up than Seamus did in his first year.
Sadly both exercising like a madman, using a different salve Snape had concocted, nor practicing magic worked for him. Nothing about him changed and he was almost at his wits end. And his back was only getting worse giving him some sort of hump. It felt like there was something stuffed between his skin and the muscle of his back and whenever he moved he felt something flat slide underneath his skin. At Hermione's insistence he went to see the school nurse and while Madame Pomfrey was greatly concerned couldn't find anything wrong with him and instead suggested he go to Dumbledore, perhaps the aged wizard could help him. He refused telling her it was all trivial and that the Headmaster had enough to worry about between Voldemort, their incompetent Minister of Magic, and keeping the school running to have to worry about his acne problems or a kink in his back. Brushing it off he left to wallow in peace.
Closer to the end of the year something went right for him though, his hair was so unmanageable and his face looked disgusting even to himself that Harry wished for his hair to grow out so at least he could keep it in order as well hide behind a curtain of raven locks. Like he had done when Aunt Petunia gave him that unbecoming haircut years ago he grew out his hair overnight. The curtain of tresses guarded his face and cast a shadow on him better than he expected and Harry sought to isolate himself more and more to keep from the crude jokes about him and the pointed fingers. It was bad enough the whole wizarding world knew their hero was a pimpled teen that just simply wouldn't take puberty well at all, Rita Skeeter whom Hermione had released at the end of the summer and whom had registered herself made sure that she wrote a proper article with a picture enclosed via Collin in the Daily Prophet. The picture had been the breakup of Collin and Ginny's relationship. The redhead stating she wanted nothing to do with a traitor. Of course she had been bitter towards Harry as well, if it weren't for him the whole mess wouldn't have happened.
On top of everything else Harry was sure he cracked when he started hearing a voice in his head. And speaking back with it surely didn't ease his mind. Something was wrong but he didn't dare tell anyone, he'd be locked in St. Mungos before he even had a chance to run.
And so he was utterly and publicly humiliated wishing for the year to end. Due to problems with his magical currents he had barely passed fifth year and only with Hermione's help and numerous extra credit projects was he able to pass that year and earn enough points on his owls not to be at the bottom of the list of ranking owls. The 'voice' didn't help either as it constantly interfered with his studies and Harry was sure that if it weren't for it and Hermione's prefect duties and time spent snogging Ron she could have helped him get a higher position than he currently occupied, third before the end right before Crabbe and Goyle.
"Fate you bitch! Why can't you just let me be! Stop toying with me!" his cry would be heard by no one as each night the slowly darkening figure would stow into an empty classroom on the deserted side of Hogwarts castle and yell at the top of his lungs and crumpled to the floor in a heap sobbing pitifully. Inside his head he would here every time. //But you're fate's favorite plaything, you know she can't leave you be!\\ Sometimes that voice reminded him of Snape, cruel and taunting to the bittersweet end.
And every night the devil himself, Severus Snape would stand outside that door and cast a silencing charm strong enough to block the boy's screams out while silently keeping guard at the door, an anonymous surveyor, an invisible friend, and a dark guardian angel.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was the last day of term and after breakfast Hogwarts students would desert the castle for two months of summer vacation, while others would never come back after graduating. Harry had woken up briskly again to the sound of his alarm clock early in the morning while all the other boys in the dorms had been sleeping each of them content with pleasant dreams and snoring softly in peace. He had in fact not awoken from a pleasant slumber though; nightmares had always plagued him like locusts plagued Egypt at one point. Voldemort was stirring in whatever hole he was hiding in until coming back to full power like he had been fourteen years ago.
He had gotten back to his dorm rather late from one of his nightly screaming fits and just felt like going back to sleep but feeling his hearing his stomach rumble and churn Harry moved his long skinny legs off the bed and placed his feet on the floor getting up unsteadily and clumsily like always. Stretching he winced when a shock of pain went down his back and he slumped a little trying to alleviate it but only made it worse. Straightening up again he muttered darkly about how what a bitch his life undoubtedly was.
Combing his frizzy hair with his hand he decided it was time for Hogwarts ugly duckling to get up for his last day as a fifth year. Grabbing a pair of running shoes and a pair of shorts he slipped them on and made his way outside where the sun was barely beginning to rise and the morning dew on the grass tickled his legs, as it hadn't evaporated yet.
Around the Quidditch pitch he ran, in circles, forwards, backwards, and even sideways for hours before stepping off the dirt path he had worn around it and onto the soft damp grass where he began to execute a mirage of basic exercises neither which had helped him much at all that year, but he was determined. Despite being abused by his relatives and his Hogwarts classmates and other students he wasn't as easily discouraged as other people would have been in his situation. Remember Harry Potter had lived a life of humiliation before he ever knew there was a Hogwarts, he could stand a few more years of it and leave never showing his face to the world again until his puberty problem disappeared. And be sure when it did disappear he would come back with a bitter vengeance.
After his early morning ritual he ran back inside the castle with sweat pouring down his body and drenching his shirt. His heaved breathing began to ease as did the soreness in his muscles by the time he reached the entrance to the kitchens where the Gryffindor proceeded to tickle the pear on the painting guarding them. The pear tittered and the portrait swung open revealing a vast room full of little green house elves preparing breakfast and whatever else needed to be done around the castle before the students left.
Suddenly he was almost knocked over by a short creature that threw itself at him in its excitement and hugged his waste. "Oh Dobby is so sad sir Harry Potter is leaving for summer!" wailed the bursting into peals of hysterical tears and sniffling blowing his nose into the Gryffindor's shirt. Harry who had been glad to know that Dobby, unlike some people *cough* Ron, Ginny, Dean, Seamus, Neville, the whole school *cough* remained faithful to the end patted the elf on the back awkwardly and tried to pry him off before he could get any more boogies on his shirt.
"Yes Dobby I'm sad too but I'll be coming back in two months, it's really not that long." He tried to answer in his kindest voice but hearing it crack and squeak again he scowled darkly and only managed to make the elf go into further hysterics having to actually had to call upon the assistance of a couple of other house elves to pry him off before asking for something to eat.
Like usual he was treated to a king's meal. His plate loaded up so he couldn't see past the food and a whole platter full of other breakfast specialties. Like he had been doing for most of the year he easily finished what could have easily been a breakfast of ten before pushing himself to get up even if he was still abnormally hungry. If he were a normal boy then he'd be bigger than Dudley he suspected by the way he was eating but the hunger he felt was different. It wasn't coming from his stomach like it should but rather from ever single bone and tissue in his body that sang and ached for something he was obviously overlooking.
Shrugging and turning a blind eye to it as usual figuring it had something to do with puberty since he hadn't been able to find anything in the library that year about it Harry left trekking back to Gryffindor tower where he took a shower and got ready for the day before packing his trunk for the journey to Privet Drive.
"Fuck!" Harry whispered under his breath harshly and swiveled on his heel when he saw Draco Malfoy sauntering into the great hall. If he didn't leave then he'd become the butt of another joke, or worse some sort of new hex that Malfoy had 'idly' come across in the library while studying.
Too late though, Malfoy had already seen him and like a sand storm, beautiful from the distance and deadly in all entirety he sauntered over bringing chaos Harry's way. While Draco was the pale pictogram of Greek beauty, his jaw set in stone and face carved to rival those of the gods, his black robes accentuating his silvery blue eyes and silvery hair the moment the boy opened his mouth his exotic features melted away faster than butter over a fire. If it weren't for his wise crack remarks, his crude jokes and bullying Draco Malfoy the thing put on earth solely to drive Harry Potter crazy would caught the eye of even Ron Weasley, whom was considered to be as straight as one could get without being a monk devoted to chastity.
"Hey pimple face Potter!" Harry heard his deep voice yell only a few steps behind him as Draco halted his assent to the Great Hall and directed his goons Crabbe and Goyle to go after him. "Where you going in such a hurry Potter? Lost a zit along the way to breakfast?" snickers could be heard across the entire hall but Harry simply didn't care anymore as he kept his head low and kept walking on his way to the library, one of the only places he could find solace. The Professors had tired of taking points from the Slytherin and others who jeered at him and he was mostly left to his own devices.
"Mr. Malfoy if you don't cease your ridiculous jibes and hurry you'll miss breakfast. I'm sure that Potter won't go anywhere, nor will his pimples so you are safe to leave for now." Then there was Snape whom often mysteriously appeared from around the corner when Harry was about to get into sticky situations. He didn't exactly help with the jibes aimed his way as he chastised a student he added his own amusement at Harry's situation only the way Severus Snape could.
"Mr. Potter." His name was uttered in a soft drawl almost threatening as a dark shadow fell over him. Harry didn't even need to look up to know that Snape's onyx eyes were burning holes through him not with a glare this time but with this blank abyss they had acquired lately. It was a rarity these days that his potions master ever glared at him, just stared like he was staring into an empty hole.
Keeping his head down and his hair shadowing his face he nodded. "Professor." And side stepped the man. He wasn't stopped nor addressed again but he could feel the man's burning eyes on him still as he continued down the hallway. Almost at the very end he began to breath regularly when he was halted.
"Potter!" He snapped his eyes back up and lifted his face this time to see Snape's indifferent face confront him, as he seemed to be battling an inner conflict and muttering to himself.
"Yes?"
"Potter come with me to my office." That was it no explanation no dirty looks Harry was sure it had nothing to do with Voldemort, as his scar hadn't been hurting recently. At least that was one thing gone right; Voldemort had been strangely silent the whole year.
Through the damp and cool corridors he followed around familiar corners and down stone steps worn by many centuries of use. They stepped through the potions classroom which had already been cleaned of most of the materials kept on hand by students during the school year and stepped into the adjacent office where the taller of the two took a seat in a comfortable chair by his desk leaving Harry to stand fidgeting.
"You're not supposed to be here and I'm not supposed to be talking to you. Understood?" the man started off with the sharp statement boring his eyes into Harry's own green ones.
He had absolutely no idea what this was about nor if whatever was going to happen was safe but he went out on a limb and agreed to be discreet and silent about their meeting.
"I don't like you Potter." he started off and Harry had to hold himself back from scoffing. As if it wasn't obvious!
".but I don't wish you dead either." All right, Harry thought. Something is definitely wrong. //Gee wiz you think?\\ The 'voice' as he had dubbed it ever since it appeared said. *Shut up voice!*
Harry remained silent blinking owlishly in mock innocence and waited for his professor to continue.
"Potter, I at one time held great respect for your mother, I still do even after her death and it is only through this respect that I'm helping you." He paused letting it set in with the young man and idly tapped his fingers on the surface of his desk. The Potter boy was starting to realize that he knew something about his situation he speculated.
"My mother? I thought you hated Gryffindors!"
*Perhaps he hasn't guessed then.* Snape rolled his eyes and dug out a thick yellow tinted envelope obviously sealed and carrying a lump of something inside that was bulging at the bottom. The envelope had no words on the outside that indicated it important or interesting in any way. He set it aside for now fighting his growing irritation.
"I dislike Gryffindors that is true, always have and always will but that is not the point boy. The point is that you want to know what is happening to you and I have the answers. Tell anyone what I've told you and I'll have Voldemort on your arse faster than you can catch a damn snitch!"
Harry remained silent growing steadily curious by the moment. He furrowed his brows and bit his lip to keep himself from asking the thousands of questions buzzing around in his head. *He knew my mum, and there's something that people are keeping from me!* He thought glad to hear that the 'voice' hadn't taken up the opportunity to say anything.
Seeing as the boy seemed to understand Severus braced himself for the brief explanation he had planned and rethought ever since the boy came to Hogwarts.
"When your Lily was fifteen she had much the same troubles you do, save the back pains." He explained. "You're probably wondering why that mutt Black hasn't told you this in his letters?" the older man asked obviously expecting it. But Harry was thinking a much different thing.
He couldn't believe that the redheaded woman in the photographs that Hagrid had given him had once been an acne plagued ugly duckling. That beautiful creature couldn't have been something akin to him it was impossible! He speculated. However if she turned out the way she did then perhaps there was hope for him.
"Yeah I was actually wondering that." He lied but the fact that neither Sirius nor Dumbledore said anything about it bugged him.
"Black didn't even know your mother until she turned sixteen. He was actually one of the bastards that pointed and laughed." Seeing the shocked expression on his face the Potions Master smirked and nodded. "Your godfather isn't the saint that you make him out to be Potter, neither was your father although he didn't make fun of Lily he certainly didn't pay her any attention until the summer she came back after her sixteenth birthday when she came back looking completely different. In fact the whole male population of Hogwarts was seeking her out."
"But why did she change so suddenly when she turned sixteen? And why were you the only one that noticed? You couldn't expect me to believe that you didn't make fun of her! I bet you got off on that kind of thing!" He said a little to rashly instantly regretting it when he was met with a dark look from Snape.
"Watch your tongue Potter I did no such thing. I noticed because I was her only friend during that time. We were housemates. Have you ever wondered why no one talks about your mother? Why no one ever mentioned what house she was in? Why wherever her name was mentioned on a plaque her house wasn't mentioned. It's no coincidence let me assure you, it was strategically planned because of who you are and how much Dumbledore wants you to believe for his purpose."
Harry was speechless. He couldn't grasp the point that his sweet, beautiful, brave mother was a Slytherin. She was part of the snake house that turned up more evil wizards and witches than the other houses combined. But then again Peter Pettigrew came from Gryffindor. No wonder the hat wanted to place him in Slytherin! It wasn't because of his connection to the dark lord it was his mother. And then the fact that hit him like a ton of bricks was that Dumbledore had been deceiving him, he'd been lied to at the Dursley's, he'd been lied to by his teachers, he'd been lied to by his friends, he was sure that the Weasley's knew since Bill and Charlie were in school a couple years below his parents. They must have remembered them. He'd been lie to all his life by people that he considered his allies and friends but the one person that hated him with a vengeance was showing him the light. He bet even Hermione had to know, she went through more books than the library had, surely she must have ran across it?
"They all lied to me." He whispered his head suddenly becoming heavy and he looked down to his shoes not able to meet Snape's gaze.
"They lied to all of us." The other man said just as softly sympathy creeping into his voice. Sympathy that he had thought disappeared twenty years ago. He never realized he had any emotions left after Lily abandoned him for James 'pretty boy' Potter.
"But the one lie that's being dealt to you right now is deadly. I know Albus keeps telling you he'd tell you about your family when you're ready. He's held it off for five years and if he could help it he's either going to hold it off for two more, possibly until he's done using you, or until one of you is dead in which case you'll never get to know the truth."
"Why?" came the boys bewildered question.
Why did he survive the killing curse? Why had Voldemort told his mother her death wasn't necessary as long as she handed him over to him. Why didn't Dumbledore tell him the truth? Why was he concealing things? Why was he placed with the Dursleys when he could have been placed with a strong wizarding family that could protect him and that would gladly have him? Or even a good muggle foster family? Why did he have to be raised in a world of abuse? What was happening to him?
Severus had the answer to all those questions but today was not the day he would answer them. If he kept Harry any longer then someone might become suspicious. He couldn't risk anyone finding out, he was in enough danger already as he'd been semi-nice most of the year to the Gryffindor and he'd saved him from trouble with Malfoy earlier.
"We don't have time but if you are anything like Lily then you'll trust me."
At this point Harry looked up and Severus held his breath seeing tears cascade down his face and onto the floor. Some would fall on his shoes others on his black robes, while others would seep between his quivering lips. Seeing the boy crying wasn't what surprised him, what surprised him were the tiny crystalline teardrops that glistened and glittered a deep shade of crimson. He was crying tears of blood.
Great Merlin it's beginning. He thought surprised.
Harry felt the hot tears leaking from his eyes and ashamed at being caught crying he wiped them away with the back of his hand. He stopped midway of dropping his hand back to his side when he saw blood on it, a lot of blood. The strange thing was to have that much blood he would have had to have a severe injury, but he felt nothing, he just felt numb. His surprise was written all over his face and so was Severus' but the man turned a stony expression when he noticed the boy's emerald eyes on him.
"What is this?"
"You're changing, you're crying blood." Seeing the panic on the boy he tried to reassure him a little before he started ranting. "I believe it's to be expected, just stop your sniveling and wash your face once you're done here." Not the kindest words but the certainly did calm Harry a little as it was to be expected for whatever reason he didn't understand. Deciding it was time to bring their meeting to a halt the man held up the envelope to Harry but kept it out of his reach before he explained.
"Your change is the main reason Voldemort wants you, it is also the reason Dumbledore wants you on his side. Whether you decide to be after I finish explaining everything to you is your choice and yours alone. But I warn you not to fall a fool like your mother did, don't crumple under his kind words and manipulation. I have, I realized it to late to do anything but I'm trying to make amends with you. I can't tell you what it is yet because as far as I know only three people alive know about it, Dumbledore, Voldemort, and yours truly." Seeing Harry nod somewhat fascinated and curious with the situation he went on.
"Your change will occur at midnight July 31st. From what I hear it's supposed to be painful and it will drain you." Panic overcame the-boy-who- lived again and he held up a hand silencing him when he opened his mouth to say something. "Don't be alarmed! I still need to explain. Now." he tried to remember where he left off and nodded to himself remembering. "During that time when you are weakened Voldemort plans to attack you at your muggle home and take back what was rightfully his before killing you."
"What do I have that was his? And what's going to happen during the change? Why am I like this?" Harry voiced his perplexity.
"He passed on a bit of his power to you I believe, he wants it back along with your power which will increase tremendously. He will do an exchange before one simple slit of the throat and the thorn in his scaly hide, which he considers you, is gone. He won't risk Avada Kedavra again, I believe Voldemort isn't that stupid despite what you believe mister Potter." He ignored his other questions.
"How do you know he'll want to do all of this at Privet Drive? Don't you think he'd take me back to wherever his head quarters are and do the deed there? And why haven't you answered my question on what's happening and what's going to happen" It would make sense he figured to himself.
"No." the older man shook his head, his oily hair barely swaying and still ignoring the other questions. "He wants to kill your muggle family along the way, he thinks if he could get away with killing the-boy-who-lived in his own home under protections and everything then the wizarding world will lose hope and crumple. Since the wizarding world doesn't believe he's back it'll be like a fancy entrance back into the world of the living."
"What about Dumbledore? You're his spy aren't you? If he knows then how come he hasn't said anything? Why haven't you answered my other questions" His last question was met by silent ears and the boy was growing impatient.
Snape smirked sadly at the naivety of the boy and drawled. "Because Potter he thinks if Voldemort steps into your home he could ward it and capture him killing him once and for all. 'A few lost lives to save millions' is his motto I believe. I am sorry, and believe me when I say I'm sorry I truly am, that you and I are merely his pawns just like everyone else in this master game of life."
"No." the boy shook his head trying to fight off more tears that were shading his eyes red and spilling over his cheeks again. His inquiry on what was happening to him dissolved from his mind. "No." he said dejectedly. How could his only mentor, the man that he considered to be like a grandfather do that to him? How could he play him, use him as bait without a fair warning.
"Yes." Snape simply said and pointed to the envelope again but Harry didn't notice, he didn't really care what happened to him anymore. He had no one and nothing left to live for. "As for your previous query about your appearance and change I'm afraid I'll have to explain afterwards, there's no time now."
"Why didn't he warn me? Why can't he just allow me to stay at Hogwarts this summer? Voldemort wouldn't know that I'd be here! Why can't he be inside already before Voldemort shows up and fight him off? It doesn't make any sense!" he practically howled this time he was the one whom took no notice of the answer to his earlier question being answered. Due to his extreme reactions of hysteria Snape was forced to send a calming charm his way that made him momentarily sway on his feet and collapse in a conjured chair behind him.
"It makes perfect sense Potter! Voldemort has eyes everywhere! He would know if you remained here, he would know if Dumbledore arrived at Privet Drive. Our only chance would be to get Voldemort when he is weak, and that's when he's performing the ritual to steal your magic from you. Dumbledore is counting on it. I wouldn't be surprised if he told Granger and Weasley right about now, they would need to know 'for the greater good' as he once told me when explaining his scheme."
"Maybe it would be better that way." Harry said morosely. That's when the shaking started; apparently Snape wasn't very fond of hearing suicidal urges when he was trying to save someone's life. The older man got up within a flash and grabbed the teenager by the arms savagely enough to leave bruises not only on the skin but on the bone as well and started shaking him until the calming charm was nearly off and the Gryffindor Seeker had developed a headache.
"No it wouldn't be better Potter! Because you are the first of your kind! Do you know what bad luck occurs when a first of a species is killed? Forget that! Do you know what that would do to the magical community? It would kill everyone that ever looked up to you! Of course the Headmaster will probably tell everyone that you dueled Voldemort bravely and went down a hero dragging the bastard along with you but that won't make any difference!" he yelled but Harry regarded him with something akin suspiciousness.
"That doesn't make sense. What species? You're speaking about me like I'm some sort of an animal that belongs in the zoo looked in between the bars of a cage by curious spectators! There's something else. Are you going to tell me or are you going to lie and keep things from me like everyone else. If you want me to trust you like my mother did then I don't want any more lies! Why won't you let me die?" He persisted stubbornly.
Knowing it was either the truth or the boy's death Snape agreed to tell him. "Because I owe both your parents. I was to late from saving them from the Dark Lord, and I owe Lily for being a friend. It's as simple as that."
"Bullshit!" the younger of the two yelled angrily. "There's something else!" he persevered.
"Watch your mouth Potter! 20 points from Gryffindor!" he retorted ignoring the boy's irritation and dropping that case for the moment.
Harry raised a dark eyebrow at him incredulously. "School's over you can't deduct points." Was his simple reply. For a moment he even forgot their argument and indulged himself with a triumphant smirk knowing he got one over on the ex-Death Eater.
Flustered Snape thrust the yellowed enveloped at him almost letting it hit his face before Harry clumsily caught it.
"Don't open that!" He barked all of a sudden when Harry's fingers crept to the seal. "Don't open that until 11:40 pm July 30th. Twenty minutes before your birthday. There is a port key in there that will take you to an undisclosed location where I'll be waiting for you. It will activate at precisely 11:45 so make sure you're holding it then, if you can pack your things and bring them with you, if they're locked up again I'll come back for them later. Understood?" he said carefully motioning for the sitting boy to stand and leading him out the door.
"Understood." Harry replied disregarding all the offensive things Snape was saying about his godfather and before leaving he looked up and smiled a rare smile these days. "Oh and Professor." he hesitated for a moment before speaking. "Thank you."
"Don't go thanking me until this mess is over Potter. And remember tell no one of this or both our lives will be in jeopardy. Don't even tell Black, he doesn't know and he probably won't know until you tell him. He'd barge into the mess like the imbecile he is. Dumbledore isn't fool enough to tell him, because be assured I don't like that flea bitten mongrel but that idiot would go through the fires of all seven hells for you."
"I know Professor, I know because he already has." Harry replied softly and nodded his head once keeping it down until he was able to get to the nearest boys loo to wash the blood off of his face. A ghost of a smile was lingering on him despite the danger of his situation and the fact that he had just found out of a betrayal that had been going on for years now.
//It took you Snape to realize that what I've been telling you for months now is true?\\ The voice was back again and it sounded agitated. //I hope you'll miraculously grow a brain when you turn sixteen Potter because you really are pathetic.\\ It snickered and he scowled.
*Would you bloody well leave me alone already!! I don't need a voice that my imagination threw together to criticize me, I already have enough of that as it is.*
//How dare you call me a figment of your imagination? In case you were wondering if you weren't such a moron nobody would be criticizing you.\\
*Shut up!!!!*
//All right already no need to get your knickers in a twist!\\
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*ATER'S NOTE!!! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hi all! Well this is the first chapter of my new story, as if that wasn't obvious. I don't exactly consider myself such a great writer and I don't have a beta so I hope it didn't stink too much. What do you all think so far? Please REVIEW!! I live on being praised! Even if I don't get it much. LoL. Any suggestions for the next chapter will be considered, I aim to please my readers.