Ok, so this is my first fic which I have ever publiched, and in English also, so I warn that there can and will be some grammatical mistakes and so on... but I hope I don't screw myself up badly at the first time x3 I really try my best ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach and it's characters even if I wanted (don't have so much money and even though wouldn't want to put down the great Tite Kubo).

Warnings: Possible yaoi, angst, suicide attempt and some cutting, etc...

Beta: My dear mminnahh! Thank you so much~

Chapter 1

/"So, how can I help you Mr. Kurosaki?" a friendly looking doctor asked after letting in a orange haired boy, closing the door and sitting on behind his work table.

"I-" the orangette gulped and took one deep breath to calm his shaking body.

"I need help with something serious… but I want it to be kept as a secret…" he said in a quiet voice.

The doctor's smile fell from his face and he leaned forwards to rest on his elbows.

"Okay, maybe I can do that. But what is it that you need my help for?" he asked seriously but a little bit worried now.

"I need you to do me a blood test…"/

Ichigo laid on the bed, crying quietly. His eyes hurt from all of the tears that had come for some time now but he couldn't stop them from falling, even if he tried. His chest hurt unbelievably much and his throat was dry. The berry was curled into a ball, hugging himself, he had sank his nails slightly to his upper arms. He was biting his lips, so any sound that wanted to come out, wouldn't. All he could think was his blue haired boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend now, who had left away from their common house a few hours ago because he had hurt him dearly.

'It's all my fault… I'm such an useless idiot…' Ichigo thought after some time, when he finally had managed to stop the tears, wiping the last ones off his cheeks and rose to sat on the edge of the bed. He watched the big, black hoodie that was laying on the floor which no doubt belonged to Grimmjow. Slowly Ichigo picked the fabric in his hands and hugged it close to him, burying his face to it. He breathed the blue haired man's scent deep within, which some strange way has always calmed him but now it only brought him a penetrating feeling through his heart.

"I'm so sorry Grimmjow", he murmured, his voice hoarse from the hours of crying.

"It's my fault… All my fault that you're in this mess with me… And probably dying now too…" he whispered, feeling the tears threatening to spill again. 'No, if I now start again I may not be able to stop this time at all…' Ichigo thought, rising to stand up slowly before he took a hesitated step forward, letting the hoodie to slide on the floor.

Grimmjow stormed to his sister's house, kicking his shoes off and threw his jacked somewhere without looking or caring about it. He stomped into a living room and started to walk back and forth frustrated.

"Why the hell this happened to me? I'm young and everything just started to look great in my life and- and… Fuck!" he shouted to the empty room and took a pillow from top of the couch's seat, throwing it in one of the corners. Then he sat on the couch and buried his face into his hands, trying to calm his rage boiling nerves.

"Why Ichigo, why? Why didn't you tell me sooner? You know this all along, didn't you? How could you endanger my life like that also? I don't fucking deserve this!" Grimmjow grumped.

'And Ichigo deserves this? You saw his worry and his sorrow, he didn't do it on purpose' his mind claimed him.

"Yeah, well, he still should have told me sooner", the blunette contradicted.

'So you could what? Run away from him sooner? You say that you love him but the one moment he needs you more then anything, you abandon him. He even doesn't know for sure yet and you still ran away from him. You're pathetic.'

"Shut up…" Grimmjow growled at his own mind but deep within himself, he knew that it was true. But his own hurt was so great that it had turned him away from the boy that he loved more than anything, it had made him a coward.

'What have I done?' the blunette thought as he felt tears coming up to his eyes but he didn't allow them to fall.

'I'm so sorry Ichigo… How could I betray your trust like that when you tried to make me understand… I really am pathetic.'

The front door opened and his sister Neliel stepped in to a hallway and saw Grimmjow's shoes and jacket laying on the floor.

"Grimmy?" she called surprised but didn't get any answer. Neliel frowned and took off her own jacket before she picked up Grimmjow's and put it on its right place. Then she walked further in to find her brother, starting to worry about his lack of response which weren't usual to him.

"Grimmjow, why are you h-"

Her question was cut when she came to the living room and saw her little brother sitting on the couch. Nel walked carefully to Grimmjow and slowly sat beside him.

"Grimm? What happened?" she asked gently and put her arm around his shoulders.

Grimmjow sighted quietly and slowly put his hands down to rest them on his knees, showing his sad and agonized face.

"Nel, I have done something terrible… And I don't know if I can fix it this time…"

A/N: Yeah, I know, it's short. But it's kind of prologue and at the same time not, but it's necessary for the rest story (or necessary and necessary but I just made it that way). But I'm evil and leave you to guess what's wrong between the two hothead x3 And what's wrong with Ichi-berry? You can find it out from next chapter~

But please reviews! Tell me how is it? All kind of comments are welcome but please, don't be too harsh :3 Thanks!

Then see ya later!

- Panther Tenebrae