Touch with thy lips and enkindle
This moon-white delicate body,
Drench with the dew of enchantment
This mortal one, that I also
Grow to the measure of beauty,
Fleet yet eternal.
(4)
Holly is understandably nervous about getting close to Angela, and she makes sure to leave her time and space until she is comfortable – at first, they sit on opposite sides of the couch, then they are next to each other with hands tangled together, then Angela's arm curls around Holly's back protectively, then they are lying together, knees tangled and hair intermingling.
Angela remembers their first kiss with a sharp clarity – the way Holly's body felt against hers, lips soft and nervous, the breeze that sent the goosebumps on her arms rising and the blush that rose up on Holly's cheeks. And yet, after that, she becomes more and more comfortable, and she kisses Angela with a familiarity that sets her insides on fire. They begin to orbit around each other, a certain boundary of closeness tested and tried until they reach each other only to spring back again, shy and muted affections. Kami honestly finds it a little hilarious, but then Kami knows she can't judge them – a boy in her head, a few dark-mistaken-identity makeouts, one disastrous relationship and two more spiralling down do not a good authority on healthy relationships make.
And yet, Angela feels they are fine and they are good and its working – as if she knows how this works, when she watched Kami's heart split at the seams – but she's nervous and she's scared and she knows she wants more but she doesn't know how. And Angela hates being scared and she hates feeling powerless so she does what she does best – blazes ahead.
One day, it is calm and they are safe and even happy, and they are lying on Angela's bed because her house is always too empty, and Angela can feel Holly in all the spaces that aren't her own. She has her eyes shut and her breathe is slow and she looks relaxed and happy and Angela can feel her – her breath against Angela's neck, the tickle of her hair on her skin, the weight in her arms and the little pricks of sensation where their bodies are touching.
Without thinking she leans over to kiss her, just once – and yet Holly's eyes open and she smiles in a way that is soft and loving but fierce nonetheless (the smile Angela usually wears, laced with the way love bleeds into protection for her always) and she leans back over, returns the kiss. Her whole body is moving and she is leaning over Angela, pushing her onto her back and smiling against her skin.
Angela is more than a little put out by this (all those boys she turned away) and for a second she flounders before she finds herself again (strong, dependable, always knows what she's doing) and puts her hands somewhere on Holly's back, pulling her closer and pushing herself up. She knows she's yearning for something and maybe she knows what it is and maybe she's too scared to say its name but she's happy to go along with this.
Holly pulls back for air and rests herself delicately on Angela's body, a little out of breath, pretty red in the cheeks and with a smile that is equal parts happiness and wickedness. 'Good?' she asks, and Angela can only nod and she comes back again, presses kisses against her cheek, the side of her lips, the underside of her chin and down the white column of her neck, lips grazing her clavicle and down onto the skin just above them hem of her shirt. Angela can only throw her head back and gasp, inhaling slowly and feeling the moment, the way that Holly's weight above her feels just right and her lips go from so soft she can barely feel them to warm and wet and right there. When Holly stops suddenly and sits back, now conspicuously perched on Angela's hips, she stares at her, affronted. Holly breathes out a puff of laughter and says 'You know the adage about buying me dinner first?'
Angela rolls her eyes and reaches out to pull her closer, muttering 'I'll buy you a hundred dinners if you keep going' which makes Holly laugh again, and then she's leaning down again and they are kissing and moving and wriggling and then Angela is the one leaning over Holly and Holly's shirt is riding up over her hips and her hands are linked with Angela's, thrown back over head and Angela is kissing her and kissing her and kissing her.
And it feels right.