I don't own guacamole or any of its spices.
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One day Sans and his good old chum Papyrus Scroll were eating spaghetti ($45) at Grillby's Authentic Mexican Food (and People). Sans shot the Mexican waiter as he pleaded for his life over a bowl of spaghetti. No one was there to watch. Sans loved the Surface, with all of its great treasures and eateries. Sans watched on TV as the building of the Great Wall of America was completed. Shit. That meant no more Mexican food for Sans. Donald had already banned that years ago, but illegal shops still ran strong under the radar.
Sans looked down at the bowl of guacamole at his feet. He saw that Papyrus Scroll was using the guacamole to burn off his pants. Sans looked at naked Papyrus scroll and exclaimed,"I am Chip da Ripper!" before using an interior crocodile alligator to kill Papyrus Scroll behind a Chevrolet movie theater. He then watched Komali smash a rose pot on the ground. He killed him too, but this time with guacamole. The cops were onto him now. But Megalomania was playing, and Sans got over the state border, where the cops no longer had jurisdiction to arrest his skeletal ass.
Upon getting over the border, he saw Donald giving a speech about blockades. Donald said to Sans," What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate." Sans knew what he meant, so he went back and twisted Papyrus into an x shape because X gonna give it to ya. He then broke a rose pot on Komali to make sure he was dead and twisted his neck like Donald said.
Sans knew that if he was caught, he would face life in prison because Capitol Punishment would be a Human Rights Violation. He was also a celebrity on the Surface, and he owned a strip club named "No Boners, just Bones." What would he do if all of his money and freedom were taken away? He would slaughter all of his friends and acquaintances and anyone he found smashing pots.
In order to vent his rage, Sans went to Cheddar's, where he shot up Mowgli and Baloo with a battle worn, airbrushed colt 911. Everyone in Cheddar's had blinked when this happened, so no one noticed. Sans then rubbed the last of his guacamole on his eyebrows in order to remove them. Then, to his horror, Sans realized that he didn't have eyebrows, and the liberal amount of guacamole he had placed on his head would eat through it and cause him to be rejected by Donald. Sans couldn't stand the thought, so he did the unthinkable. He caged the rage and wiped the guacamole off his head before saying "Donald!" ten times in order to ward off the liberal guacamole. The guac exploded in a fiery ball as Donald appeared and built a wall around its grave. Donald then said, " Sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war," before disappearing in a puff of smoke Sans was dying, but Donald had slowed his demise. He felt the pull of the liberal guacamole and began to lose hope, but he soon realized what Donald meant. He would have to lose in order to win. But he had to declare war on China first. He also needed to twist his previous victims some more.
Sans fell asleep to regain strength, but as he awoke, he saw Donald again. "They are taking our jobs. China is taking our jobs," Donald said. Sans knew what he must do. He ran back to Grillby's and saw that both his victims were dead. Donald was right, China was taking twisty anal jobs from the U.S.A.! Sans knew that he had to melt China with Donald's private jet, but he had lost the strength to go on. Then Donald appeared to him one last time."No, I'm not into anal," he said, "give them some of the ol' Trump bullshit."
Sans then jumped into Donald's private jet and used the rear thruster to melt China, killing 336,544,420 people in the process and ruining China's economy. This sent jobs back to the U.S.A. Donald was very happy with Sans, so Sans received the 2020 Nobel Peace Prize.
Sans had served Donald well, but he knew that he could not go on much longer. He then expelled all of his remaining energy in order to assure Donald's re-election. Donald was so overjoyed that, as he watched Sans dying before him, he couldn't help but shed a tear for the massive loss of Chinese life. However, he quickly got over it. But as his tear fell on Sans, San's energy was renewed. He stood up and smashed a piñata of Komali, finally getting revenge for the roses that were killed in the pot. Blood began to drip from the piñata, the blood of the rose murderer. Everyone cheered. Sans was a hero!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ End of chapter 1 All Trump quotes used above are 100% real (Don't believe me, just look it up)
Also, the ARG starts on the next chapter. It is hard to miss it.