AD Oneshots
Summary: A series of oneshots about Arrested Development. In the first one, Gob attempts to explain a food product. Warnings: Language, sexual content, drug use, incest, slash, randomness and stuff that makes no sense.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything!
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Chapter 1: The Origin of Ketchup Lays Chips
"How the hell did they come up with ketchup flavoured chips?" Michael wondered out loud, "Did some guy put ketchup on a chip and decide to put the two together?" Lindsay was currently going through a phase of stress eating due to her divorcing Tobias and had gone to the store today, coming back with bags of junk food. Michael had just suffered an unfortunate mishap at his mother's once again leading him to ask, "Why haven't I shot myself yet?" and decided to grab a bag of chips and plant himself in front of the tv for a few hours like a normal person usually did.
The only problem was Gob, who had been hanging around him all day, and Gob, thinking Michael was asking that question seriously, decided to explain his theory, "Well I guess it happened like this. Hold on" he went into the kitchen and got a bottle of ketchup out of the fridge, returning to the living room and picking up the bag of Lays Ketchup chips, "So Lays went to a party one night and got (bleep)faced and had too much angel dust" he said, holding up the bag of chips, "And Ketchup was also (bleep)faced, and since she just got out of a bad relationship with Dijon Mustard she wanted to 'explore her options'"
"What is he doing?" Michael thought, though he couldn't help but be a little amused as Gob proceeded to act out the scenario with the bag of chips and the ketchup bottle.
"So they get to talking, and then to making out and all that other stuff," Gob continued, smashing the bag and the bottle against each other, "And the next morning they don't talk much because Lays is kind of a 'player' and just wanted some ass. Then a week later Ketchup calls Lays saying that she's pregnant, and Lays says to abort it," "Story of my life..." he thought momentarily before continuing to act out his little performance, "But Ketchup is Catholic, so she keeps the baby and then nine months later we have Lays Ketchup chips"
He put the bag and the bottle down on the coffee table and sat down beside Michael again. For a moment his brother's expression was blank, before Michael did the most unexpecting thing ever. He smiled a real smile, and not just smiled, but laughed to. All of a sudden Michael was doubled over with laughter, "Oh my God, thanks to you I'm not going to be able to even look at chips or ketchup for a week" strangely enough, something about how Gob used that sort of scenario for food was... hilarous.
As for Gob, he was overjoyed that he was able to make his brother laugh. Michael hadn't laughed in years, "Wow, the robot's actually showing emotion" he joked before throwing his arms around Michael and hugging him. For once, Michael didn't mind this.
"You know, this would pretty much make you the chips a few hundred times over, huh?" Michael chuckled.
"Yeah, I know"
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lol. It's 1:30 in the morning. It was kind of based off of a comic strip on deviantArt, except there it was Lays and ramen noodles. I believed that something that random and odd would be enough to make Michael laugh, especially if it was Gob.