Louise's Hat
Disclaimer: I do not own Bob's Burgers
"Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!"
Louise tightened her grip on the pantyhose keeping her scalp from being exposed to the world. It happened so fast. One minute, she was walking down the street minding her own business. The next minute, her beloved hat was in the hands of Logan, Louise's arch nemesis. Before she could do anything, Logan ran off with the hat, leaving Louise confused and distraught.
She ran home as fast as her legs would carry her, her hands sheltering her naked scalp from the elements. Louise rushed to her room and tore it apart looking for a replacement for her hat. The grey hoodie she used last time was in the wash so she had nothing. Louise went to the Landry room but it was too late. The hoodie was already in the washing machine. Panicked, Louise tore through the clean clothes, desperate for something to hide her scalp. At last she found her mother's pantyhose. She would look stupid but at least it was something.
That was hours ago. Now Louise stood before a drawing board, plotting her revenge as well as the rescue of her beloved hat. But so far, every idea she had seemed doomed to fail.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! This is hopeless." She screamed. "I'll never see my hat again if I don't think of something quick!"
Just then, Tina came into the room.
"Uhhhhh. Louise?" She moaned.
"What do you want Tina!? Can't you see I'm experiencing an existential crisis here!?" Louise shouted.
"Someone who I'm not allowed to reveal the identity of told me to give you this." Tina handed Louise a rock with a piece of paper taped around it. Louise removed the paper and read it
If you want your hat back, meet me in front of the pier at 10:00 tonight.
"What are going to do?" Tina asked.
Louise thought for a second then said; "I guess I have no choice." She turned to the window of her room and stared out at the buildings below. "Alright Logan. I'll play your game." She said in a serious voice.
Outside her room, Gene walked across the hall, playing a fart sound on his keyboard as he crossed Louise's room.
"Now that's comedy!"
...
"Okay. It's 9:59. He'll be here any second now." Louise, now wearing the freshly-cleaned grey hoodie, was standing before the pier. In her hand, laid a bat.
"Logan's gonna get what's coming to him. Oh yes he is."
Suddenly, a shadow appeared. It began walking toward Louise. Louise got her bat ready. But just as she as about to swing, the shadow stepped into the streetlight.
"Regular-Sized Rudy?"
Sure enough, it was Rudy, not Logan, who came into light. In his hands he held Louise's hat.
"Hi Louise. I thought you might want this back." He said has he presented the hat to Louise.
Louise was speechless. "H-How did you get the hat from Logan?"
"I saw Logan take the hat from you and I followed him. He dropped it by accident and I picked it up." Rudy wheezed and took a puff from his inhaler.
"Why didn't you return it earlier?" Louise shouted as she ripped the hat from Rudy's hands.
"I was afraid you were going to kill me or something. I mean you brought a bat with you."
"Oh." Louise looked at the bat and tossed it aside. "Well I thought you were Logan."
"Well I'm not."
"Ok"
There was an awkward silence.
"Thanks for giving my hat back."
"It's no problem. I know how important that hat is to you." Rudy said
"It is very important to me." Louise agreed.
"I never see you without it."
"No one ever does."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
Another awkward silence.
"Why?"
"What do you mean why?" Louise exclaimed. "It's my hat. I have to wear it all the time."
"Alright. I was just wondering..." Rudy trailed off.
"What's underneath?" Louise asked.
Rudy panicked. "No! I mean..uh." Rudy took another puff of his inhaler.
"Do you wanna see?" Louise asked in a serious tone.
"Well...I don't.
Louise pulled her hoodie back, revealing her secret to Rudy.
"...Wow." Rudy said.
"If you tell anybody, I'll whack your head off with a bat." Louise said as she put her hat back on.
"You mean the bat you brought with you or a different bat?" Rudy asked.
"This one. It's kinda the only one we have right now."
"Oh Ok." Rudy said.
One more awkward silence.
"Well I'll see you in school." Rudy chirped.
"Yeah. Good-bye." Louise picked up the bat and left the pier.
...
Louise laid in her bed, thinking about today's events.
"Rudy." She whispered to herself as she rubbed her hat. She felt herself blush slightly as a smile formed on her face.
"Thank You." She said as she fell into sleep.
Meanwhile, Gene walked her room and played a fart sound on his keyboard.
"Now that's comedy!"
(Welp that's it. The last story for the month. Don't worry. I will continue all of my other stories come January. I think I'll finish Return to Peach Creek first. But for now, October is around the corner and you know what that means. Horror Movie Fanfiction! So if you like horror stay tuned for that! BSC Out)