A/N hey guys sorry I've been m.I.A for a while I just got out if hospital sometimes my own life isn't all that great. I'll try to update my other stories tomorrow I just need to find my laptop charger. This is coming off of my phone it's just something I've had stuck in my head. I'm nor sure if it will be a Rose/Christian story or a Rose/Dimitri story yet but just read and let me know what you think. Love you guys heaps and thanks for the support :) xxx
Maybe just one little cut will help me through all this pain and heartbreak. One little cut could make a small smile appear on my grim face. But it never stopped as one little cut, that one little cut turned into several little cuts, those several little cuts turned into several deep cuts. That one little razor blade became my lifeline. The only way for me to truly be able to feel something other then the horrible numbness that is left behind after all the hurt.
When you have no one left you realize how much you truly don't matter. After my best friend, my sister, basically told me she wanted nothing to do with me because I was a selfish bloodwhore who didn't give a damn about anyone else's life, I ran to my room. That hurt only added to the pieces of my shattered heart after my Russian god told me love fades and that he didn't want me anymore. The two people who I would do anything for were deserting me to be with each other. They didn't know that I knew but how couldn't i? As much as Lissa and I don't want to be bonded we still are and I still get sucked into her head even when I don't want to. I was pulled into her head that day and there they were both topless on her bed pulling back from a steamy make out session. My heart shattered further at that. It was bearable that they weren't talking to me but watching them on her bed as he touched her the way he once touched me was absolutely soul shattering, heart consuming, unbearable. What was worse was watching Christian's face crumple, the hurt shone brightly in his eyes, as he watched what was supposed to be the love of his life getting hot and heavy with what was supposed to be the love of my life. He stood frozen in shock as they pulled back and Lissa was the first to break the silence.
"Christian can never know about this." She whispered, her lips just centimeters aways from my Russian god's.
"Nor can Rose." He mumbled, hammering another nail into my heart.
"Don't worry about me finding out since I'm standing right here!" Christian boomed. "No doubt that Rose is watching this all right now because as much as she doesn't want to be in your head she can't get out of it." He snarled. Damn fire boy new everything.
Lissa tried to apologize and say it wasn't what it looked like, but Christian new better. He grabbed his bag and started packing his stuff. The look on his face crushed my heart a little bit more. He looked so broken. Who new the two hardest people you knew would be the two who were broken. In Lissa's mind I could feel that she blamed me. If I had of been a good friend I would've stopped Christian from entering the room, if I was a good friend I would've stopped pursuing Dimitri and let her have him, if I was such a good friend I wouldn't be here anymore. That last thought destroyed whatever was left of me.
That was how I became a fragile shell of myself. How I hardly left my room or ate or changed out of my sweats or spoke to anyone. That was how there was hardly a part of my body that didn't have a scar or cut. The only time I did leave was to train and when I did I put my earphones in and ignored everyone. That was how Christian Ozera found me broken and crying in the woods.
I ripped myself out of Lissa's head and put the mental blocks up. I didn't want to feel anymore of her emotions after what just happened. I made my way to my bathroom catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I stopped and looked at myself for a while. I was broken inside and out anyone who just looked at me could tell. My hair was just thrown into a bun on top of my head, I wore a pair of black tights and baggy hooded jumper, my eyes were lifeless and a fresh stream of tears were flowing from them. I studied myself a bit more. Under the clothes were the scars from last week when Dimitri broke my heart and Lissa just stood on it. The old Rose would've never let herself cry this much but the old Rose never expected pain of this magnitude. I swung out and smashed the mirror, I couldn't look at my broken reflection if I could I'd never look at it again, the mirror shattered just like my heart and a piece of the glass embedded into knuckles and another cut my arm. I walked backwards until my back hit the wall behind me, slowly I lowered myself down the wall holding the small razor blade from my pocket as if it was the key to life.
I rolled up the sleeve of my jumper and made several more cuts across the already damaged skim there. This time it was more desperate, clumsy even. I was just trying to find some sort of release some sort of outlet for all this pain inside me. After ten cuts across my arm and still nothing I stood up on my shaky legs and waked towards my cabinet. I pulled out the bottle of pills and swallowed to handfuls. After a few minutes I surveyed the destruction that I once again left behind, seems that's all I ever do is leave destruction on my wake, and decided to take I walk. I rolled my sleeve back down in an attempt to cover the new cuts and put my headphones in effectively blocking out the world. I left my apartment door open, not like there was anything worth taking, and walked to the forest just inside the wards. I say down and my body slumped against the tree, my world was slowly becoming dizzy. I didn't mean for this to happen but I guess it's better this way right? If I finally take myself out of this earth everything will be better right? The world of the dead has been calling me for too long, I don't know if I'd survive death, or near death, again. Honestly how many chances did someone get? Maybe it's time I let everyone else be happy and the only way for that to happen was if I took my last breathe. My eyes became heavy and I saw a figure approaching me. I could see their arms moving around and lips moving as if they were talking but I heard nothing. I watched sleepily as they applied pressure to my arm and tried to shake me awake.
Maybe they were too late. But they were better off without me anyway, they didn't need me in their life to cause anymore heartache. This was it now it was time for me to go.
A/N remember to read and review. Let me know what you think. I'll update my other stories hopefully tomorrow :) love you guys and please stay strong xx