I wrote this back in October. Enjoy.
characters belong to Hussie
I love John Egbert more than anyone in the world. Even more than my asshole brother, Dirk. That's saying something because I love that asshole a hell of a lot. I love John a thousand times more, though. I love everything about him. I love his eyes and the way he squints at me when I take off his glasses. I love his hair and how soft it is when I run my fingers through it. I love his body and the way it moves to meet my touch when we hug or kiss. I love his over bite and the little lisp it gives him.
John Egbert is perfect in every single way. I could never find a flaw in him. Everything he points out on himself I find more beautiful than the last. I know his every mole and every scar and every birthmark. I know his body better than I know my own. I explored that beautiful skin so many times and I would love to so many more.
John Egbert is my everything. He is my sunshine, who gives me light to see by the daytime. He is my lovely moon, who shines brilliantly in the night. He is my lover and my best friend. I love John Egbert.
It's a wonder John even fell in love with me. Him and his constant reassurance that he was not a homosexual. Even as a couple he insists he's not. He calls himself homoflexible. He says he doesn't want to be with a man unless that man is me. It's actually flattering, and anytime it comes up I probably turn as red as the clothes I wear,considering how much he giggles when he sees me.
God, that laugh is gorgeous. If I could listen to it forever I would. I wish I could. There hasn't been much laughter since the accident...
We had spent a weekend away together. We didn't take any calls or messages from anyone, not even family. It was nice to just be him and me with no interruptions.
I was driving. We were on a little dirt back road with no name. It was narrow, barely wide enough for our car. We were talking and laughing about everything and nothing. I was only half paying attention to the road, since who the hell was going to come down this god forsaken road? Well, us, but who else? I couldn't help it. I kept glancing over at him. He just looked so amazing in the late afternoon light. It made me smile. He said my name. It sounded so right coming from his mouth. I was so love struck at the sight of him.
He looked from the road to me and back again. He looked concerned. My brow furrowed slightly in confusion.
"Dave!" That final yell pulled me from my trance. I looked forward, slamming on my breaks as a car came barreling towards us.
I dont remember what happened after that. I know I was conscious, my phone made the phone call, but I don't remember it. Next thing I knew, I was awake in a hospital, Bro holding onto my shoulder.
"Hey, little man, you okay?" He sounded worried. Almost like he was my father or something. His eyebrows were scrunched up and I noticed I could see his amber eyes. He wasn't wearing his shades... Then I realized how harsh and bright this environment was. My hand went to touch my face. Nothing, I was grasping at air. My shades were gone, too. I noticed them on a table beside us, snapped in half. Those didn't matter, though, as I realized I was alone, aside from my brother.
"Where's John?!" I suddenly barked, my voice taking on a high tone of fright. Bro suddenly looked grim. "Dirk? Where the fuck is my boyfriend?" I still got no answer as he continued to frown. I let out a noise of frustration and tore past him out of the hospital room. My head was spinning as I began to take off down a hallway. I didn't make it far. My arms was grabbed tightly in a leathered grip I knew well.
"You'll never find him running around like a lunatic..." His voice was flat, but caring. I went weak in his grasp, trying to hold back tears as he led me through the building. I was thinking the worst and kept having to swallow the lumps forming in my throat.
We walked into a room where I saw him laying. Even now he looked beautiful. It made me cry, I couldn't hold it back.
I walked up beside his bed, wiping idly at my eyes, even though the tears fell too fast for it to make any real difference. He was de... Wait! I could still see him breathing. I can't describe the feeling of relief at knowing he was still alive.
"John..." I said his name softly and he reacted in his sleep. I smiled, hysterical with joy at him still being alive. "Babe, wake up..." I set my hand on top of his gently. He didn't listen. I felt Bro's large hand rest on my shoulder.
"He's in a coma, Dave..." My heart stopped. "I'm sorry."
After I saw John, the doctors talked to me. They asked me about the drive and about what had caused the wreck. I was still woozy, but I recollected the accident. I told them I hadn't been paying enough attention to the road and ran into the oncoming car. They said the other driver was a local, intoxicated on his way home from some bar. They asked how John had been sitting. Admittedly he hadn't been sitting correctly... He was turned sideways in his seat so he could look at me while we talked. That was the problem. They said if he hadn't been wearing his seatbelt he would have died.
Bro had to pull me away because I began to cry again. He knew I hated to be seen this way. I went back to John's room and sat beside his bed.
They tried to tell me visiting hours were over. We weren't married so I couldn't stay overnight with him. I wasn't family. Fuck them, 'I'm not family.' I wasn't leaving. I didn't move. I didn't speak. Bro talked to them and somehow bribed them into letting me stay. I was grateful. I didn't need to tell him for him to know. He ruffled my hair and said a quiet goodbye before he left.
I watched him until I passed out, head on my hands beside him on his hospital bed.
"No! You can't do this!" I was hysterical. Crying and screaming in an upset fury. "He's fine! Don't touch him!" I was stationed in front of John's hospital room door. I wouldn't let any doctors or nurses through. For weeks he'd been in his comatose state, but I was sure he'd recover. He had to.
"Mr. Strider, please. His vitals have been dropping ever since he got here. It's only logical we pull the plug." The doctor spoke calmly, but I was having none of it. I was a mess, tears running down my pale and freckled face as I glared at him.
"No. He's gonna make it-" I tried to argue back again, but was shoved aside by a person taller than me.
"Dirk...?" my elder brother opened the door and let the doctor in. I couldn't believe it. He was supposed to be on my side. "Dirk!" I screeched his name in a tone of mixed worry,confusion, and betrayal.
"Dave!" He held her back again as I tried to force my way in. "He isn't getting any better. His condition worsens every day. There's nothing to do. You can't sit by a hospital bed for the rest of your life expecting him to wake up. He won't! He's going to die anyways. Don't prolong it-"
He stopped abruptly as I screamed, collapsing in tears on the ground. I was a crumpled pile of shitty, sobbing emotion.
"He has to get better... He has to... He has to... I killed him... It's my fault..." I felt his strong arms wrap around me on the floor.
"It's going to be alright, little man... It isn't your fault... " I just cried into his shoulder, clutching him like a small child.
"I can't lose him, Dirk... I love him..." I could never find anyone as perfect as John. I didn't want to. John was the only person I ever wanted. I couldn't lose him.
He was too young to go. I cried at his funeral. I cried during the eulogy. I cried at the grave site. I cried as his casket was lowered into the ground. I cried and I cried and I cried. I don't know when I stopped. I just remember car rides, hot tears, and Bro's arms around me. It hurt so much to let him go. To let him go like that. I'll miss him so much.
I loved John Egbert more than anyone in the world.