I've Never Seen

I was going to kill them.

I was going to kill every single one of those bastard Norse assholes that thought they could just kidnap me and keep me hostage in this palace of a jail. The place looked great, yes. There was more food and stuff in general than I would have had in my life on Earth, yes. But that doesn't solve my problem of how the hell I'm going to take care of the kids I kept watch over while still alive.

I was going to just tell this story to the noobs that make it into Valhalla, but it seems like too damn complicated to have to remember every single detail, so I'll be writing it down for whoever wants to read it. (And yes, we have wifi in Valhalla. Sucks for those living demigods down in New York who have to live without the Internet. SUCK IT, SOUTHERNERS! Sorry, that's what I call people anywhere south of Denmark. Because you know, Norse stuff.) Shit, I got distracted!

Whatever, not a big deal. Anyways, this first chapter of the story of my bullshit life is going to be about how I was kidnapped by an angel girl with a hijab who basically cursed me out in Arabic while I threw more profanities back at her face in Spanish and English and whatever other languages I can curse in.

It was, actually, a peaceful day in the shitty foster home I lived in. Unlike usual, which consists of a lot of screaming and annoying kids and teenage girls whining about how their phones reached the max data limit, so they can't use Snapchat and the other social media things on cellular. (Not my fault you have no self control, bitch.) I had just finished making cinnamon roll pancakes for the littlest ones, who begged me since seven in the morning to make them breakfast. I had just started on making those pancakes for myself when I heard the news channel on the TV make the breaking news that some kind of electrical problems had been spreading throughout the neighborhood.

Being the safety-obsessed person I am, I rushed to make sure there were no electrical hazards in the house (after turning off the stove, of course) and told all the children, about eight total excluding me, that they had to stay away from the electrical outlets. No child was going to get hurt on my watch.

And I assumed the worst would happen, but literally nothing happened the entire day until when I went into the city to get groceries for my foster parents, both of whom were doctors, and I got into a fight with some guy who tried to steal my wallet.

He'd been reaching for it even since I was in line to pay for the bags of food stuffs and health products the kids needed. I turned around and glared at him until he backed off. And then when I was walking back to the bus station, he grabbed me and practically ran off with my wallet. (Sucks for that bitch, I only keep cash!) But the wallet was the only important thing in there.

And when was I kidnapped, you ask? I got kidnapped at school. The shithole that is academic jail. I just hated that the girl took me with no real notice or explanation. Just stole me.

I actually was having quite a pleasant day thus far because I'd done great on the two most recent tests I had and I was going to finally be able to meet my friends and go out with them for dinner that night. I was just excited to get ready to go to college next year and have fun learning my favorite subject and my career of choice, obstetrics and gynecology.

Mind you, it was wintertime and cold as hell (despite the fact that it was in Atlanta), so I'd bundled up all my siblings in the warmest clothes they had. We all left for school perfectly on time and I had prepared really damn well for the presentation I had for my AP European History class. I was gonna ace that thing!

The entire school was in shock when there was a code red lockdown because of an intruder in the school. I didn't even know people targeted Atlanta schools in the first place! What's in Atlanta?! Nothing! Just the Coke Factory and the CNN headquarters! I digress. That has no real connection to my point, but you get what I'm trying to say.

Everyone had been ordered to stay in their classrooms while the school resources officer tried to find the intruder and take them down. Due to my misfortune and bullshit, the armed intruder had actually entered through a side entrance and my classroom, among others, was on the hall through which the intruder passed to get inside. And somehow, due to even more misfortune, the guy broke through our door, which was locked, and grabbed me by the neck as some kind of hostage.

Don't know why anyone would want me as a hostage because I literally hold no value whatsoever, but whatever. Not my deal what people think of me. I was dragged to the hallway, until I got into a rage. I know, it is so convenient that a true bad guy comes to my school and takes me specifically as a hostage instead of anyone else, who is probably more valuable, and I get angry and fight him and then go to Valhalla, but just hear me out.

When we were informed of the intruder situation, I was terrified for my life. And then I was terrified for the lives of my beloved friends, who are my entire life and give me purpose. Taking care of them and my siblings is my only reason to live. I just wanted to keep them safe. So, to hear that some asshole intruder could hurt them and possibly kill them, I went into a murderous rage. (I'll explain the origins of this rage later on.)

I wasn't going to let anyone hurt my friends. So, like the fool that I am, I turned around and body-slammed the guy into a wall and then grabbed his hair and smashed it into the wall a few times until he was bleeding and knocked out. At this point, I found some kind of rope th ing in his jacket and tied his hands together. Thankfully, I somehow still had my gloves on at this point (I was in a healthcare class and we were learning about how to dress wounds and I had to wear gloves.) and I grabbed his gun just so he wouldn't have anything to kill me with. I hoped he didn't have anything else.

I dragged the guy by his neck to the front entrance of the school and waited there for law enforcement. I only realized I had been stabbed a few moments after it happened because I was so shocked by the sensation of pain and the fact that the guy had an accomplice.

How was I to know there was someone else working with this asshole?! All I remember was falling to the ground and leaning against the wall for support. Once the guy was arrested, I was somehow suddenly surrounded by my friends. My darling, beloved friends that I only lived to take care of and protect. They cried awhile. They sobbed and tried to get me to accept some kind of medical attention. I know this sounds dumb, but I didn't want that. I could literally feel myself dying.

I just told them how much I cared for them and how much I'm honored they even let me be their friend. I'll probably tell you guys more details about that later on if I'm not too depressed by how I lost my purpose in life in a matter of less than an hour.

I closed my eyes and slept as my more musical friends sang to me and as the others just hugged me.

I woke up a moment later to that same girl with the hijab that stole me from my family and friends. I heard no other sound than my sobs as she carried me to the Warrior Heaven of the Norse...