When I walked home from the Christmas Mass last week, suddenly this story came to me. It wasn't easy to write. And I know it's no great literature, but somehow this thought seemed important to me in the holy night, so I just wrote it down as fast as I could.
Please enjoy and I hope you like it.
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For you, too
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Kitty sat on the windowpane and stared into the night. It was cold in her tiny flat. Too cold to have happy thoughts. Especially when one sat in a dark room all alone and watched through the windows how the neighbours' Christmas trees sparkled and gleamed as if they were paid for it.
Kitty hated Christmas. All that fake happiness and those damn songs and all the lights...all just to make those who had nothing feel even more miserable.
Stop it, she scolded herself and leaned her forehead against the cold window glass. There are people who are much more miserable than you.
"And it's not as if I had no friends" she said aloud, to convince herself. She thought of Bartimaeus. Old, sarcastic Bartimaeus. She could guess what the cynic djinni had to say about all the Christmas fuss, and suddenly she wanted to speak to him. The loneliness made her crazy.
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The usual tugging and pulling. I knew that it had to be Kitty who called me, as she was the only human who knew that I was still alive. But the call was strangely harsh and impatiently, nothing like her usual summonings that were soft and friendly. I wondered what had gotten into her and didn't resist the call.
"Care not to vent your wrath on me?" I asked dryly when I materialized in the human world. "What's wrong with you?"
"It's Christmas" she said, as if that was an explanation. "So?" I said and stepped out of my pentacle. "It's the time for love and peace, what's wrong with that?"
"Not you too" she groaned and tore at her hair.
Ah. So Kitty was one of the humans who hated Christmas with a passion. Well, I could guess why she didn't like it.
Christmas...I had to smile when I thought of that night so long ago...
"What's so funny?" she snapped irritated. "I called you because I-"
"Because it's Christmas and you're lonely." I interrupted her. "Any idiot can see that. So, what do you want me to do? Shall I entertain you? I know how to juggle and can dance on my hands. Or how about..."
"Forget it" she said and had to grin. "I just want you to keep me company tonight."
"All right" I said. "How about we take a walk? London must be quite a sight at Christmas eve."
She sighed. "Why not. In here it's too cold anyway."
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Silent night.
Hardly. The streets were surprisingly full, and there seemed to be parties in most of the pubs we passed. Everywhere lights and songs. It could have been really nice, if it weren't for all the drunken people staggering from one pub into the next.
"A pity" I mumbled barely audibly, but Kitty heard me.
"What's a pity?"
I made a wide gesture. "Those people. I mean, look at them. They're drinking, others are stuffing their faces or fighting about who got the biggest present. And they don't even know anymore why they're celebrating in the first place."
"So?" Kitty said. "You mean the child in the crib, I suppose. I think they once told us something about it in school. But what would you know about it?" She added.
"I know all about it" I said calmly. "Because I was there."
She stared at me. "What?"
I smiled. "Let's go somewhere more calmly" I suggested. "And I'll tell you a Christmas story."
We left the turbulent streets of the city centre.
"So, tell me" Kitty said curiously.
"All right" I said. "The night that they called me was calm and peaceful..."
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...but the three men were anything but. Great, just great. And there I had hoped that I could be left in peace for a few hundred years.
I watched the men who had summoned me. Their garments were kingly and precious, but their expressions lacked the lordly grandeur that I was used to see on the usual nobleman's face. They were excited and their eyes shone with joy and agitation.
Not so long ago that I had seen a similar expression, but I forced myself not to think about him. It still hurt.
"What's up?" I asked rather disrespectful, but they didn't even bother to punish me.
"Everything's up, demon" the one with dark skin said happily. "We need your assistance in the most important journey of our lives."
I looked up, my interest slightly sparked. Either they were extraordinarily silly to tell me something personal about them, or they weren't so bad after all and intended to treat me respectful. I decided to give them a chance.
"So, what kind of journey?" I asked. "What do you want me to do?"
"We'll tell you all you need to know" the bearded one said solemnly. "Tonight, we discovered the star that we all have been waiting for for all of our lives."
"The star that our fathers and grandfathers and their fathers and grandfathers and their ..." added the third man. "The star that our people waited for as long as we can remember" the beard said. "The star that tells us that our Saviour will arrive on this earth soon."
Oh great. And I had hoped they were clever people. "Aaaallright" I said slowly. "Your Saviour. Well, congratulation. And now you need me because...?"
"Because now we need to search for him and greet him!" the dark one boomed.
"And you will assist us on our journey."
"And did the star tell you where you can find your dear Saviour?" I asked politely.
The beard coughed. "We will just follow the star until we find him" he mumbled.
They couldn't be serious! Follow a star? I ask you!
"You know that could well take a few years?" I said dryly.
"Then so be it" the third one said.
Oooh great.
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And so we followed their star. The farer we went, the more their excitement grew. I had not much to do, except serve them and tend to their camels. So I had time to think.
Nearly two hundred years had passed since my last visit on earth. A pretty long time, actually. But now I felt that it hadn't been long enough to make me forget what had happened.
Still I had to think of Ptolemy all the time. And it made me crazy.
In the Other Place I had been not only me but also everyone else, and my grief had been bearable as it had become the grief of everyone, and in return their happiness had become a small part of me. But now I was on my own again, and the pain grew with every day that I spent on this earth that reminded me of my friend so much.
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In the third week of our journey, it happened.
"Look, my friends" the beard cried. "The star came to a halt!" He was right, as became clear when the night came. The star remained still as if this place in the sky had been his for all eternity.
We looked at it devotionally. Then...was it just me, or did it really shine brighter the longer I looked? No, it...
Suddenly, the darkness of the sky exploded and the night was as bright as day. We were blind for a moment. There was a hole in the firmament, and for a moment I thought that the light of the Other Place came through it and I felt as if I were at home. Then we were bathed in a soft golden shimmer and somewhere in the distance beautiful voices sounded.
"He's here" the dark man said, and then his voice broke and they all cried silently.
I watched them skeptically. I mean, come on, there are surely dozens of explanations for such a phenomena that make more sense than the sudden arrival of a mysterious Saviour of some kind. But well, not my problem.
"I could...go ahead and look if it's really him" I proposed, eager to leave the embarrassing situation. They agreed, and off I went.
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I met some shepherds on my way towards wherever the star wanted me to look. I took the guise of a little boy and went up to them, pretending to be scared of the sudden darkness that fell upon us again now.
"What's happening?" I whined. They didn't even care that they had never seen me before, as they were crying too.
"Boy, didn't you see the angels?" they sobbed. Angels? Wow. Um, no.
I shook my head.
"Come on boy" one of the shepherds said. "Tonight will be the best night of your life. Come on."
I followed them silently. Somehow their excitement was infectious, and I felt exhilarated and yearned to know what waited for us.
Then we saw it. A little hut in the middle of nowhere. Right under the star.
We broke into a run and stormed into the doorless barn. And stared.
A tired man. A tired woman. A little newborn baby in a crib.
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When we stormed in like a herd of barbarians the woman had taken the baby into her arms as if to protect it from us, but when she saw us remaining still, she relaxed and gave us a tired smile.
The baby just looked at us.
And then the shepherds sank on their knees and bowed their heads, one after another, until I, in the guise of the little boy, was the only one still standing. I looked the child in the eye, and it looked back.
I opened my mouth, but couldn't think of anything to say. The child had this look in the eye...
"Boy, would you like to hold him for a while?" the young mother asked softly.
Still I felt mesmerized and so I just stretched out the boy's short arms and let her place her child in my awkward embrace.
Just the kid and me then. Just the two of us. And the understanding in our eyes.
His eyes, man, his eyes were just like Ptolemy's. Dark and wise. Innocent and trusting.
The child reached out one tiny hand and touched my nose. I closed my eyes, for his aura was almost blinding me.
Just so you know, I'm really not the sentimental guy who's moved to tears by everything, and of course I can't even cry in the first place. But there was something about this little person that really shut me up for once. I was disarmed. He drew me in, and in this moment I wanted nothing more than to protect him forever. And in return he seemed to promise me the same.
"Protect me, hu?" I whispered. "I'd like to see that." He blinked and sneezed.
"And I'd like you to grow older than him." I added.
Don't worry, his eyes said.
"Worry? Me?" I snorted. "Never."
It will be all right, he said. Everything will be all right some day. For everyone. For you too. Promise.
And in this moment I believed it.
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A soft hand on my shoulder brought me back. The young mother smiled at me.
"When you're older, do something great all right? Then maybe I'll find you again." I said into the baby's ear. He giggled.
"Look how smart he is" his mum said lovingly as she took him in her arms again. "He knows already how to laugh."
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"It's the right one." I told the three kings when I met them again. "You'll find him in a small hut, with his mum and dad, and maybe a few shepherds who can't stop crying."
I led them to the hut. But before they sent me home I asked them not to tell anyone about the child.
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"Call it intuition, but I thought he would be safer this way." he ended and grinned at Kitty.
She shook her head unbelievingly. "And here you go boasting 'Hey, I spoke to Solomon' and 'Dude, I built Jericho and Prague all on my own', when you got that story up your sleeve?"
She shook her head again and then smiled sadly.
Everything will be alright.
For you, too.
Did he still believe it?
Could she believe it?
"Even if you thought all this up, it's a good story." she said quietly.
"It's a Christmas story" the djinni said. "There shouldn't be bad stories when it's Christmas."
He suddenly stopped and placed his hand on Kitty's shoulder, causing her to look up and take in her surroundings for the first time since he had started to speak.
"And there shouldn't be tears" Bartimaeus said softly, when Kitty opened her mouth slightly and her eyes became suspiciously glassy.
Slowly she walked up to the nearest window that was lit in the house and looked inside.
Her parents were sitting on the old couch, sipping tea in silence. They didn't look happy. They looked as if nothing could ever be alright again.
Bartimaeus walked up behind her. "Why don't you just go in?" he asked.
A single tear slid down Kitty's pale cheek. "I told them I never wanted to see them again" she whispered.
"But that was then, and now is now" the djinni said and brushed the tear away. "And it's Christmas."
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Kitty turned to look at me, and finally she smiled. The golden light from the window behind her fell on her dark hair and suddenly her aura shone even brighter.
Boy, she was beautiful.
"Thank you" she whispered. She leaned forward and softly kissed my cheek.
"Merry Christmas" I said.
She smiled again and then knocked on the window glass, while I became a robin and sat on her shoulder. She knocked again, louder this time.
"Mum" she said hoarsely. "Dad. It's me."
Silence.
Then a choked cry came from the inside and then the front door was torn open and her parents stormed out. "Kitty!" her mum cried.
Time to go.
From the roof I watched how they buried Kitty in their embrace.
Silently, snow started to fall. It would be a white Christmas.
It would be a merry Christmas.
For everyone.
For you, too.
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And those are my belated Christmas wishes for you. Now it's already time to wish you a happy new year. All the best for you!
I hope you forgive the mistakes as it isn't beta-ed, (and as always corrections and constructive criticism is welcomed with a kiss) and also the sappiness in the end, which I hope passes as Christmas-induced sentimentality :)