A/N: this is a song-fic/one shot, and is taking place after my other story 'The New Beginning' this story is assuming that Suze ends up with Paul. Now note that I have only written to chapter 6 of that story and needed a break. I have no idea what will happen and who Suze will really end up with (be it Seth, or Paul, or maybe Jesse comes back-I have no idea it is whatever my wacky mind and finger's come up with and type) I don't want you to think that because this end's with a happy ending or a sad ending that The New Beginning will end the same way. Because it most certainty will not.
Disclaimer: Meg Cabot knows all the characters and some of their past I know the rest and 'The New Beginning. One of the best bands in the world Simple Plan owns the song 'Untitled' now please don't sue oh yeah and the quotes are from The New Beginning chapter 2 (these would be what she remembers Jesse saying).
I
open my eyes
I
try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I
can't remember how
I
can't remember why
I'm
lyin' here tonight
And
I can't stand the pain
And
I can't make it go away
No
I can't stand the pain
'Ugh where am I?' I thought. I was lying on something hard and the thing that I was lying on was wet, I think it may be water but I can't tell. It's dark out but yet I can see flashing lights off in the distance. Over me is some bushes but I can faintly see the stars and the moon twinkling down at me. I was trying to remember where I was, nothing was coming to me. I couldn't even remember my name, I think it started with an 'S' but I can't be sure. Was it Samantha, Susan, Sam, Suzanne, no that didn't sound right… Susannah… that's it, that's my name. I can hear in my head an accented voice saying 'Susannah, I love you so much and always will' followed by, 'I love you Susannah, mi querida,' and the last one –the one that I could remember the best– was 'I will be gone and will be waiting for you in the afterlife Susannah.' I couldn't place the voice that said that but somehow I knew that the voice was talking to me, and that voice cared for me very much. I felt that the person was a presence that was right here and talking to me telling me to hold on, but hold on for what? What is happening to me? I felt very sleepy, but I had a feeling that I shouldn't go to sleep, yet I still felt sleepy. Just closing your eyes for one second isn't going to do anything I thought so just for a second I closed my eyes.
I woke up and the air around me felt very different; there was sense of panic all around. My legs and arms hurt. But my head hurt the most; it felt like a thousand shifter headaches all in one. I could here people yelling. Nothing was coming out clear, but they sounded like they were running around and searching for someone. The voices sounded anxious and I wanted to yell something out. 'Shut-up' was the first thing that popped into my head. The yelling really wasn't helping my headache. I wanted to go back to sleep but the pain stopped me, that's all that I could concentrate on; it felt like every time my heart beat it was saying
Pain...
Pain...
Pain...
Pain...
Pain... over and over again.
How
could this happen to me
I've
made my mistakes
Got
no where to run
The
night goes on
As
I'm fading away
I'm
sick of this life
I
just wanna scream
How
could this happen to me
As I layed there and listened to my heart going pain...pain and the yelling of the people that were running around I remembered everything that happened today.
FLASHBACK
I got up and did my normal routine in the bathroom (had a shower and blow dried my hair). I then went over to see my boyfriend Paul. I know it's hard to believe that after all that has happened to us we ended up dating. It was weird at first but now after a year it got a lot better. When I got there he came out and greeted me with a kiss on the mouth and then led me to his car and we left to go shopping. Yes shopping I know, me with my mallophobia, but really when you're with your boyfriend and you're shopping for college stuff, well it really isn't that bad. You see, me and Paul decided to go to the same college in Seattle where he used to live. He got some old friends from there to get an apartment for him and I am going to stay in a dorm for the first year and then I might find my own apartment for me or with any friends that I might make there. Cee Cee was going to some important college –I really don't remember the name but it's far away from Seattle and Carmel– and Adam is planning on proposing to her on her birthday, which is a week before she goes (he isn't trying to keep her here –he told us that he just wants her to wait for him to be done with his college and then he's moving up to be with herb– isn't that so sweet?). He took me to help him find the ring but my efforts were wasted because he found the most beautiful ring all on his own.
We shopped for a few hours then went out to lunch and then shopped some more and put our purchases in his car then he took me to a movie. Then we crashed back at his house. As Paul led me into his house (well his gramp's house) I noticed that he had a picnic all set up in his living room with candles and the fire in the fire place going, and the best part was he had rose petals spread out on the floor. It was truly beautiful. I asked Paul what the special occasion was and he just looked at me and said "Do I need a special occasion to treat my girl to a lovely supper?" I laughed and he led me to a seat on the floor and then brought out a silver platter that had food (at least I assumed because it was covered) and told me that he had the food all made up and then asked Mark (his gramp's day attendant) to put it in the oven for him so it would be done when we got back. He placed the tray in front of me and removed the lid, underneath was steak and roasted potatoes; he had rolls and carrots, and red wine. It was a perfect meal. We sat and talked and ate until Paul got up and got desert, he came back out and asked me to follow him. We went outside on the balcony and ate our desert watching the sun go down. It was a perfect night just watching the sun go down and the moon and stars come out. When we were in total blackness with only the moon and stars for light Paul turned on these little lights that cast the whole balcony in a dim light. I was thinking that this was one of the best nights of my life, when Paul said that he loved me, and that he had something that he had to ask me. I was nervous the last time someone said that Jesse left me and went on to his after life. And now here Paul is saying the same thing to me.
What did he only like me for the chase and now that he has me it's not fun anymore? Thoughts like those were going though my head while I waited for Paul to go on. "Suze" Paul said to me. I remember every single word that he used, "I was talking to my dad yesterday, and he told me that he has been talking to a friend from Harvard and apparently my dad had sent him an application form for me and guess what?" and of course I said, "What?" to him.
"I got in"
"What?" I said again
"Suze I got in to Harvard, the best school for me to become a lawyer," he answered, looking excited and yet scared at the same time.
"Well that's good Paul" I said and tried to put on a smile, a fake smile but I was hoping that he wouldn't see that part, because if my calculations are correct Harvard isn't in Seattle, which would mean that he wouldn't be able to live in his apartment and that would mean that all of our plans to go to the same school and to be together wouldn't be able to work out.
"I know Suze that this means that things wouldn't go as planned but this is really a once in a life time opportunity for me. And I will get better jobs if I can say that I went to Harvard," he told me looking at me with pleading eyes. "We will still get to see each other and talk to each other over the phone and we can make visits to each other."
"No really that's great Paul I am very happy for you, I really am," I said "but I think I should leave now," I said as I turned around and practically ran out the door. I heard Paul yelling behind me but I didn't turn to look at him, I didn't stop until I was about a mile from my home. The whole time I was thinking that if Paul left would he still want to see me? Would he still like me? Or would he find someone better, someone smarter, someone prettier? But when I pulled into a gas station to fill up my car I realized that, no matter what happened, this was, like he said a good opportunity for him to get a very good job and to go to a very good school. After my car was filled up I turned it around and went back towards Paul's house. On my way I was thinking that I was so stupid for acting the way that I did; Paul claims to love me and you know what, I believe him. Even if he does find someone better then I'll know that he wasn't the one for me because Jesse told me that he knew someone that loved me. So if Paul does find someone else that he loves then, well, Paul wasn't the one for me. But I do think that Paul is the one for me and that he doesn't love anyone else or would never cheat on me. And plus doing what I did, running away it reminded me of Heather, she killed herself because her boyfriend freaked out. I really didn't want to turn into Heather. That's when I turned and saw a car coming fast on the road, swerving everywhere. I pressed down my horn and tried to move out of the way but the guy was swerving too much and the last thing I remember was the impact of the two cars colliding and have this feeling that I was flying and then I saw darkness.
End of Flashback
Everybody's
screaming
I
try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm
slipping off the edge
I'm
hanging by a thread
I
wanna start this over again
That was all I remember before waking up. I now realize that the yelling and the lights are probably police and an ambulance. They are probably looking for me. I tried to yell but when I opened my mouth all I could feel was a warm trickle of something coming out. I have watched enough movies to realize that it was probably blood that was coming up. I tried to move but my legs and arms, but they didn't seem to move. I lifted my head and saw that they were all at odd angles which probably meant that they were broken. Everyone is still yelling, I can here them close by but yet I could do nothing to tell them that I was right here and that I needed to talk to Paul. I had to have him forgive me for just running out on him like that. I started to feel sleepy again and the last thing that I remember before the blackness was a voice screaming 'NO MY BABY, NOT MY BABY' and that voice belonged to my mother. I remember thinking how did she get here? And then the blackness claimed me.
So
I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And
I can't explain what happened
And
I can't erase the things that I've done
No
I can't
Paul's POV:
As Suze ran off I tried to call her back, but she wouldn't listen to me. She just kept on running. I ran after her but she had already made it to her car and was off down my drive way. I went back in and called her cell phone number but it went straight to her answering machine probably meaning that her phone was turned off. I sat and waited for a bit then called her house. Her little brother David, or Doc, as she likes to call him answered and said that she didn't make it home yet. I tried her phone again but still no answer. So I hopped in my car and started to drive to her house. I say started because half way there right before this sharp turn there were police cars blocking the way with an ambulance and the lights flashing.
As I pulled up a police officer came up and told me that there was an accident. My first thought was 'Oh my God' Suze is she ok?' Because I really didn't think that I could handle it if Suze was hurt, and all because of me. So instinctively, I asked the officer what happened and if the people were alright. He told me that a drunk driver coming from the same direction as I was came and collided with another vehicle that was coming in this direction. I gave a sigh of relief because Suze was would have been going in the same direction as I was and she was no where near drunk, she only had one small glass and definitely wasn't showing signs of drunkenness. The officer also said that the drunk was fine but they had yet to find the driver from the other car. In my head I was wondering how you lost a victim but didn't say anything. The officer told me that it could be awhile before I was able to pass though here and suggested that I go back home now, and then walked away. I noticed other people standing around so I pulled over my car and went to go stand and watch with them. It wasn't like I could go to Suze now that the roads were blocked. The scene looked like something out of a horror movie. The car in front was flipped over and had a smashed in roof and front end, the way that it was positioned and angled made me think that it was the drunk driver's car. The other car had the side smashed in and the other side was right up against the cliff over looking the sea below it. You could see blood on the windshield which was broken and a skid mark behind it that made it look like the car turned several times before it finally stopped. I looked back to the car and noticed that it was the same make as Suze's car and the same color. Then I noticed in a spot that there were no other dents, there was only this one dent that looked like the same dent that Suze made in her car when she threw a ghost up against 3 months ago. Then it sort of clicked and I was like, 'Hey it's in the same spot that Suze's dent is in' and then in that moment, I knew it was her car. It had to be. And that's when I lost it.
How could this happen to me
I've
made my mistakes
Got
no where to run
The
night goes on
As
I'm fading away
I'm
sick of this life
I
just wanna scream
How
could this happen to me
I ran over to the officer that came to my car and asked him if he had an id on the victim yet. He told me that they did and were trying to contact her family but until then they weren't allowed to give out any information on it. I told him that it looked like my girlfriend's car and asked that if I gave him a name if he would be able to tell me if I was right or wrong, he said he would and I said two words and he shook his head yes. Those two words were 'Susannah Simon'. I suddenly know what Suze had felt like when Jesse moved on, I felt like my world had turned upside down. The officer looked at me and asked me if I was going to be alright, I looked at him like he was nuts and told him Suze's home phone number and left to go back to my car. Once inside I started to cry. I stayed like that until I saw Suze's step dad's car pull up on the other side and then I got up to go meet them. When her mom saw me she ran over and gave me a big hug and screamed 'NO MY BABY, NOT MY BABY' I hugged her and started to cry over again. We stayed like that with a police chief who kept asking if we wanted to go to the station and wait there, but every time we declined his offer. We were probably sitting there for about an hour when one of the police officers yelled out I found her. We got up and walked over and saw a stretcher being brought up from a ledge on the side of the cliff.
I've
made my mistakes
Got
no where to run
The
night goes on
As
I'm fading away
I'm
sick of this life
I
just wanna scream
How
could this happen to me
I walked over to the stretcher and looked down at Suze all covered in blood. She opened her eyes and looked around before they rested on me. Her mom was waiting over by the ambulance waiting to see Suze, so no one else was around but me and the paramedic who was wheeling her over. Suze gave a smile, but it was a pained smile. She opened her mouth but I hushed her telling her over and over again that I was sorry. She opened her lips to say something, but in the end only mouthed 'me too.' Though I told her not to say anything, she did say, barely above a whisper "I love you," in a tone full of emotion and pain. I reciprocated the words, telling her that I always have and always will before she fell back into a deep sleep.
Suze's POV:
When I finally awoke I was still lying on a hard surface in what I thought was water. I was feeling tired again but I wanted to know if my mom was still here. I tried to move again but nothing would move. I was about to fall back into a deep sleep but someone close by yelled 'I found her,' and then I felt hands all over me. I was lifted on to a soft surface and moved upwards. I closed my eyes because the moving was making me feel nauseated. When I opened my eyes I looked all around to see my new surroundings I still could only see the stars and the moon above me but to the side was Paul. I felt safe as soon as I saw him and knew that if in some way I could just say I'm sorry, then this could be better. I opened my mouth to tell him but he told me to be quiet and then he said that he was sorry. Before he could object I opened my mouth to try and say me too but I still couldn't talk so I settled for mouthing the words. Then I forced out 'I love you' which really hurt but I felt that I might die and this was the last time that I could tell him. I would always love him along with Jesse and my family, I would always love Paul. It was ironic: who would have thought that I Susannah Simon would die in a car crash? I sure didn't, I always thought that it would be a ghost that took me off this planet. Crazy world isn't it? He smiled down and said, "I always have and always will love you," and then I closed my eyes and fell into what I thought was sleep but when I opened my eyes I was in Shawdowland. It was just like before, but only this time, it was final. I wouldn't ever return. Looking up ahead, standing casually by one of those forbidden doors was Jesse. Waiting for me. Just like he said he would.
THE END
A/N: Hope you guys liked. Now please review and note that I just came up with this story and needed a break from my other stories so this has nothing to do with the ending of The New Beginning ok. If you still don't get it email me (you can find my email on my profile page)
P.s. this is sort of another authors note: I just have to say 'Don't be dumb guys don't drink and drive, because anything can happen even to the nicest people. Just remember it could happen to you'
And special thanks to my editer Angel in the shawdows37-I thank you so much non of this would happen without you :)