Mea Culpa
Part I: I Ran Away
Hot breath touched the sweaty skin of his stomach, creating a chill that ran up Yuu's spine. He thrust his hips forward, wanting more contact, and he was rewarded with a strangled groan from his lover. The redhead, his hair slicked down to his skull with sweat, reached behind him, grabbing the bottle of oil, stolen from Jerry, that Yuu normally used to treat his boots. Lavi's hand went out of sight for a moment, but the Japanese boy felt where it went and leaned into the touch.
It was one of the few times Yuu had let Lavi take him. But it felt damned good, he reminded himself as his redheaded lover gasped and nibbled at the junction of his neck and shoulder. It felt good, dangerously so, and the dark-haired boy wasn't sure he would last that long. He never did-not when Lavi topped. His rocking movements wrenched a strangled yell from Yuu's throat-
"Yuu-kun, are you alright?" Lenalee's concerned voice pervaded into the brightly lit room, shocking the man from his dream. The door opened, and he barely managed to cover himself and reposition so that the Chinese woman could not see his arousal.
Sighing, he managed to look her in the eye without a blush. When he spoke, there was no incriminating tremble in his voice. The Bean Sprout and Lenalee had already gotten used to his night terrors, and they had seen him in such horrible states of distress that this small potential embarrassment held no sway in Yuu's mind. "Fine," he grunted curtly, looking away as soon as he could without invoking Lenalee's worry.
Lenalee gave him an understanding look before closing the door to his room. He had been staying with them for two weeks now, as he continued his search. He had received a lead while he had been in France and had rushed to London immediately-it had been a stroke of luck when he had run into Lenalee. It had been years since they had seen each other, since the end of the war five years ago. It had surprised him just how much he had missed the Chinese girl's bubbly personality. He didn't even mind being around Moyashi. The two reminded him of times both good and bad, but reluctant as he was to admit it, he found he enjoyed their presence.
Perhaps that was why he was having the dreams with more frequency. They'd never fully stopped, but even meditating until he fell into a deep sleep couldn't keep them away anymore. Allen had figured out almost right away that some of his screams were not those of terror, some of his groans not those of fear. Yuu could only hope that Lenalee hadn't been so illusioned.
They'd both known about his curious relationship with La-Bookman Junior. It still hurt to even think his previous name. Everything made sense, the way it had all played out, but it didn't stop Yuu from hating every second he spent mooningover a lost love that hadn't been real in the first place. For the other party, at least. Perhaps to Bookman Junior, all the words were lies, all the embraces just ways to rid himself of frustration, but to Yuu, some part of him had begun to care. And, most annoying of all, they hadn't fled, not even when the old man had died and Lavi had had to take over, severing all ties.
Shaking his head, Yuu sighed again. He didn't want to think about this, to be a fucking emotional bitch. With a cursory glance toward the door to ensure Lenalee was gone, Yuu sat up and dressed himself. After a quick breakfast, the dark-haired man walked out of the small house and headed toward the Underground, intending to take it to the south part of the city. So far, he had not been able to find another lead. He knew the person he was searching for was in the city, making a steady income, but he didn't know where. His tip had been vague at best, though if he was honest with himself, Yuu knew that it was probably the clearest of the many he'd received.
Yuu tried not to jump at each person who passed, decorated in their frilly skirts and tight pants. Even after five years, crowds irked him, set him on edge. He still had trouble trusting humans, thinking that everything said to him was a trap, and though he had gotten much better, he was unable to fully assume people had his interests in mind. It didn't help that every time he saw someone with dark hair, he immediately assumed it was the person for whom he was searching.
He sipped on his tea, scanning the crowd for anything that would keep his mind off of the redhead who had so long ago discarded him. Logically, he knew he shouldn't still be dwelling on it, but Lavi's face when his Master had died stuck with him, even though the scene had occurred just over six years ago. That soulful green eye that showed emotions only for him, swirling with pain and something akin to grief, clouded with duty and with a veil of objectivity that Lavi was forced to wear when in company. The boy had looked up at him, his mouth not upturning in its usual grin, and then turned his gaze elsewhere, walking from the room as if Yuu hadn't been there at all.
At first, Yuu had thought it was just grief, but after a full week of being avoided as if he carried some type of highly contagious toxin, he had realized it was something more. In that time, Lavi had cut off his emotions, removed himself from the fake mask he wore for other people-and apparently for Yuu as well-and replaced it with his true self. Lavi was a Bookman. Bookmen didn't feel. Lavi-no, it was Bookman from the point his Master had died-had made that perfectly clear.
Grunting into his steaming cup of tea, Yuu scowled at the table, trying harder to erase the memories from his mind, even though they were carved there eternally, like a message immortalized on the trunk of a tree. It was so hard to forget when every accidental brush from passersby reminded him of the way Lavi's fingers would ghost over his shoulder, playing with the hair that hung in a dark sheet down his back, running his hands through it with equal gentleness. At the time, Yuu had scoffed, bristled as the redhead very nearly worshiped the long, black locks. Now, he knew he would do anything just to feel that touch one more time, pathetic as it sounded.
"I'll have your dark roast coffee," Yuu heard someone say. Maybe it was because of the direction of his thoughts, but the Japanese man was astounded by the voice's similarity to his former lover's. He forced himself not to look up. He would not fall to the level of some lovesick cow.
But as always, paranoia won out and Yuu looked up, examining the newest customer. His heart felt like it was being wrenched from his chest. Flaming red hair, a bit longer than it had been. There was no eye patch covering the man's damaged eye, something his former self would never have allowed. He looked just like any other person on the street, which was probably by choice, wanting to blend in and observe without being noticed; Yuu probably wouldn't have noticed him if the man hadn't spoken. But he had, and the voice, coupled with the clear, green eye that was now looking around, identified him.
Throwing money down onto the small table, Yuu stood up, table scraping stone, intending to make a hasty retreat before-
"Yuu-chan?"
Before the redhead a few tables away from him noticed.
Ignoring the horrible pain that seemed to have settled into the space where his heart was supposed to be, Yuu walked-he refused to say it was running, even though he was moving too fast for it to have been called anything but-a few blocks away, and considering the distance to be suitable, ducked into an alleyway.
He waited for a few moments, back pressed against one of the brick buildings that lined the tight corridor. Hopefully, he had been going fast enough to lose the Bookman. However, it seemed luck was not on his side today, because as soon as Yuu began to relax, the familiar redhead walked leisurely into the alley.
Yuu looked from side to side, hoping for some escape route to appear to him, but of course, there was none. The Bookman walked up to him cautiously, almost... wonderingly. Reaching up with both hands, La-Bookman placed them on either side of Yuu's face and leaned in.
"You're alive?" The redhead asked, seeming unable to believe his eye.
Yuu forced himself not to look away, he wouldn't allow the other man the satisfaction of knowing that he may still harbor feelings after all these years. He would not show that weakness, he'd given into that once, and he was not going to do it again. "Che, did you really think that some stupid war was going to kill me?"
"B-but you-you disappeared! You were just... gone!" The redhead spoke just like he used to. He slurred his words, and was an idiot.
"Surprised you noticed, Bookman." Ahh yes, there was the mask. Yuu was surprised the man was still slipping, after all these years of being objective. Some part of Yuu wondered if it was because the Bookman was around him.
"I am just surprised to see you." The redhead's voice was flat and calm. It did not even hint at the curiosity the man was most likely brimming with deep inside.
"Yes, well, I am only here because I have business. I assume that's why you're here as well?" Yuu struggled to keep his voice in check. His mind was burning with strange emotions that had long ago been discarded.
"Of course. May I ask where you are staying?"
"I'm surprised you can't guess. You know Allen and Lenalee live along the Thames." Yuu sighed, he knew were this was going to lead so he might as well be the one to initiate it, "Lenalee is... worried about you. I know you aren't supposed to have ties, but it would do her good to see you."
There was a strange light in the Bookman's eye, one that Yuu couldn't identify, and then a broad smile spread across the stranger's lips. "You know me too well, Kanda."
That hurt. It shouldn't have, but it did. Hadn't he gotten over that years ago? It was probably from spending so much time with Lenalee, having someone familiar refer to him with familiar terms. It brought back old memories that should have been locked away and forgotten, had been locked away and forgotten.
Yuu mentally shrugged off the clawing emotions and without a word, began walking back to his temporary home along the Thames. He knew the Bookman was following, so there was no need to look back. But he still wanted to. The blood raged through his vessels, pumping his heart too fast just with the man's presence, and it irked him. He had long ago rid himself of these emotions, meditated and pummeled anything in sight and doing whatever it took just to eliminate them. To have the reactions and feelings return with such ease hurt, and it made him speed his pace up, simply trying to leave the Bookman behind.
Even though all he wanted to do was turn around and bask in the sight before him, take in the changes and categorize them so he could remember them forever. He wanted to look at that hair, feel how it had grown as he pulled his hands through the soft locks, place gentle, exploratory fingers on the eye Bookman had never let him touch.
Yuu felt sickened and further lengthened his gait, trying to leave the emotions in the dust behind him, untouched and unexamined so that he would never have to feel them again. He was so upset that he missed the entrance to the Underground, instead striding on with ever-increasing velocity until-too quickly-he reached his temporary residence.
Storming inside, Yuu saw Komui, exactly as every day, sitting in the front room, drinking tea. Yuu did not acknowledge his presence, continuing straight on into the kitchen where he would undoubtedly find Lenalee. He saw the petite Chinese woman taking a tray of tarts out of the oven. Hearing Yuu enter, the dark-haired girl turned around and smiled, but noticing Yuu's obviously disgruntled expression, the smiled turned slightly downward.
"Yuu-kun, what is it?" Yuu couldn't bring himself to form a coherent response, so he merely pointed into the room he had just exited.
Curious, Lenalee set her tray onto the kitchen table and peeked into the front room. A rather stunned Komui was staring, open-mouthed, at the unexpected arrival. Lenalee was soon mirroring her brother's sentiment.
"Lav-Bookman? What are you doing here?" She rushed past Yuu and was soon standing as close as she dared to her once-friend. "I mean, this is so unexpected! How are you?"
"You're pregnant?" There was momentary pause in the Earth's rotation at that moment as a series of things happened simultaneously. Lenalee's face went from confused to shocked to embarrassed as Komui's face lit up in something that could have been rage, joy, and confusion somehow combined. Allen tripped down the stairs as he overheard the news, coming to a crashing halt at the base, as Yuu stared, flustered, at the calm and curious redhead.
The four who had not spoken suddenly regained their ability to talk, and as one their question was voiced together, "What?"
Bookman didn't even look flustered as he stared openly at Lenalee. "Well, you don't look particularly stressed, but you look quite tired anyway; your breasts seem almost swollen, judging by how tight they are against the fabric of your shirt-I'm sure you thought that was strange when you could barely fit into it. Your skin seems brighter, and though that isn't an actual sign, pregnant women are said to be 'glowing.' And the fact that you don't seem horribly surprised makes me assume that something happened a few weeks ago that would make you expect such a question from me."
The Chinese woman gaped, bringing her hands to her abdomen in what Yuu assumed was an unconscious movement as Moyashi looked simultaneously horrified and overjoyed.
"Allen also seems quite pleased with himself," Bookman added as an afterthought.
Yuu looked to the dark-haired woman's brother for a reaction, and as expected he got one.
"You defiled my sister!" The tall Chinese man shouted to the one-armed, white-haired man.
To Yuu's surprise the normally polite man simply turned to his brother-in-law, smiled, and said, "I had sex with my wife. We are going to have a baby. Be happy."
"Deal with it, Gege," Lenalee replied sweetly. The response seemed to subdue the overly-protective man, although the grumbling still continued.
As if seeing really noticing the stranger in his living room for the first time, Allen spluttered, "La-Bookman? What are you doing here?"
"Hey, Allen. I see you really did lose your arm in the final battle." Bookman replied nonchalantly. Yuu was surprised that the redhead had not known for sure that Allen had given up his Innocence to defeat the Earl. Well, Yuu hadn't know either until he had seen the Bean Sprout those two weeks prior.
"Yeah, well, you would have seen it if you had stuck around to help bring in the wounded." Yuu had never heard Allen's voice have that harsh an edge to it. Yuu wondered if Bookman had done the same thing he had and left the still burning battlefield before anyone could see. It would make sense, seeing as the war was over and as a Bookman, that meant moving on.
"I had things I needed to do." The reply was simple and non-apologetic, but there was something behind it that struck Yuu as off. There was emotion behind it, something very similar to regret and pain.
"You could have at least told us you were alive! I mean, I had expected something like that from Kanda, but why not stay and record the losses? I mean you didn't even record the fact that the Noah that survived had to be killed because their minds were completely shattered from the Earl's influence. We could have used your help in doing that, at least! Do you have any idea what it was like the see your enemies, writhing on the ground, screaming for release from their bodies as the corruption slowly ate away at their skin, melting it? You missed all the screams! Hell, you missed me having to kill Tyki, because the man had simply become too crazy. We couldn't save any of them and you weren't even there to record how they were just people who had been taken over by the Earl's destructive nature. You didn't even stay to see the last of the Akuma melt into non-existence because they were too weak to keep their forms but too strong to go onto Heaven. We had to listen for daysas the souls cried for release and were unable to help them. The only way that we could have done that was for me to stand on the battlefield and release Innocence into its incorporeal form, as it was before the Crowned Clown appeared. I had to watch as all the souls gathered around me and begged to be killed. You missed everything, we needed your help and all you have to say is, 'I had things to do'? What the hell, Bookman? I thought history was the most important thing to you? What could be more important than history? Obviously, not the 'friends' you had made while you were 'Lavi.'"
There was silence. No one had expected so much anger and betrayal to come spilling out of Allen's mouth. No one knew how to respond, and from the absolutely flabbergasted look on Bookman's face-the slack mouth that was just slightly open, and the bright green eye that had been blank and uncaring that was now wide and filled with confusion that gave way to a deep, inner turmoil-the words had hit something inside the empty heart of the redheaded Bookman.
"I-I-I'm sorry." The words came out in a stuttered jumble, and it seemed the Bookman was as surprised as the rest of the room at his own admission.
Standing up as if to leave, Bookman nodded to Lenalee and offered her his congratulations, "I'm glad that you and Allen finally got your act together. I'll be leaving now, it was unexpectedly nice to have been able to... see you all again."
The redhead made as if to walk out the front door when Lenalee grabbed his wrist. "Bookman, do you have a place to stay? I know how they don't pay you a lot, and we do have an extra room."
Moyashi made a disgruntled noise at the offer, and Yuu distinctly heard Komui complain about never having been offered a place to stay. The stranger turned toward the small Chinese woman, face giving away everything he was feeling. Which mostly consisted of shock, confusion, gratefulness, and something that could have been interpreted as relief.
"Are you... sure? I mean, I would love to stay, seeing as I have exactly no money with which to pay for a room, but after everything I have done..."
Lenalee shook her head, smiling. "It's fine, Bookman," she said calmly, ignoring Moyashi'sloud, vehement protests. "You were my friend once-everyone's friend, really-and we'd be glad to give you a place to stay."
Allen made to open his mouth, but his wife shot him a withering glare that Yuu was distinctly proud of.
"You weren't mad at Yuu-kun, and he left beforeLavi-er, Bookman," she pointed out.
Yuu didn't like where this conversation was going. He had expected the stupid, heartless brat to follow him back, maybe talk with his housemates for a while before leaving and once more walking out of his life. But the offer of a place to stay didn't sit well with him. It would make him remember times and places that he had tried to block from his mind the second Lavi had ceased to exist. It already was. He was already remembering the feel of Lavi's lips on his, the intoxicating press of sweat-slicked skin to sweat-slicked skin, the quiet days in the library when the redhead scribbled furiously at his logs while Yuu read the nearest book, the strong and sturdy hug he always received upon returning from a mission, the whisper of those elusive words tickling his ear, the...
Stalking from the room, Yuu returned to his bed and lay down. It was best not to dwell on those memories, especially when none of it had been real. It was an illusion, he supposed, sure as the Lotus that only he and one other could see.
It meant nothing. It had always meant nothing. It was only an indulgence. That was the unspoken agreement between them, though both knew it was a lie. On the battlefield, they pretended not to care and went along with their business. No one noticed the covert glances Yuu sometimes shot at Lavi, just to make sure he wasn't being stupid and getting killed.
Bullets rained down, just as they always did, but Yuu ignored them, stepping out of their way only when they were in danger of hitting him. It wasn't that he couldn't survive, but he didn't much enjoy the sensation of having his body burning from the inside out as it blackened his skin. Striking out at the nearest Akuma, Yuu silently unleashed his Hell's Insects. Independent of each other, they searched out the Level Two's weakest points and hit them. Though they didn't do much damage, Lavi's attack-a direct Fire Seal-complemented his own, bringing out a large explosion as the Akuma was destroyed and the soul purified.
Another Akuma took its place, a Level Three this time. The Japanese Exorcist activated his Second Illusion, feeling the tingling sensation as his Innocence twined around his arms and doubled itself in his left hand. Contorting his face into a raging scowl, Yuu attacked the enemy with more force than was strictly necessary. Unlike the little damage his Insects had inflicted, this attack was far stronger, even against a more powerful opponent. Jumping up high into the air, Yuu cut once more, feeling through his hilt the grating slice of Innocence through metal. As his feet hit the ground, he bounded off toward his next enemy, the explosion in his wake singing the ends of his hair.
He sought out the Noah who had started this battle and managed to find him with little difficulty. Then, a scream rent the air, and Yuu looked around wildly, needing to know where that voice had come from. It was Lavi's. It was injured. His heart stopped, icing over even though he wasn't supposed to care. The redhead was good in battle-Yuu didn't need to be worried. The apprentice Bookman was probably just lifting his hammer to slam it down on the nearest Akuma. There was no need for Yuu to assume the other boy was injured. There was no need for him to take his mind off the battle, leave his guard open as he searched frantically for the boy that occasionally shared his bed.
A writhing shape caught his attention, and Yuu found himself sprinting toward it, even though Tyki had his guard down and could be taken out with ease, even in his new, more powerful form. Still, that didn't seem to matter as the Japanese boy caught a glimpse of red hair on the ground. His heart sped up, his limbs moved faster, and abruptly, he was at the apprentice Bookman's side. Black stars were already spreading on the boy's face, and pain clouded his eye. Yuu gasped. It meant nothing, he repeated to himself, it was only an indulgence.
Lavi let out a rueful smile, his eye catching Yuu's as the Japanese boy pulled him into his lap. It was a gesture of caring, of concern, something that Yuu would never have done for anyone-and Lavi should have been included in that. But he wasn't, and Yuu took his hand from his sword, letting it deactivate as he carded his fingers through the redhead's sweaty hair, trying to sweep it from his blackening face.
This time, unlike the reality, there was no Krory. This time, Yuu watched as Lavi slowly turned black and crumbled in his hands, the wind carrying his last words away so that all the Japanese boy could hear was the faintest whisper.
"Te amo..."
Yuu screamed. It wasn't supposed to end like that. Krory was supposed to be there, to drop in at the last second and remove the virus from Lavi's veins. He screamed and screamed and screamed because he loved Lavi, goddammit, and he wasn't going to let death take that fucking rabbit away from him. He screamed, even as he realized that he couldn't possibly be on the battlefield, because he was horizontal and tangled in a bunch of sheets that hadn't been there when he'd fallen asleep. He screamed, even though the lighting of the battle had been different. He screamed, even though he knew the battle had taken place in a field, not a bedroom with white-washed walls and scarlet curtains. There was a rustle of movement outside his door, probably Lenalee or Allen coming in to make sure he wasn't being murdered. But still, he screamed.
He wasn't expecting the head that nervously poked through the door to belong to the person he had just seen dying, the person who knew more about that particular nightmare than anyone else in the house. Bookman inched into the room, coming to sit on the bed as Yuu's yells finally began to calm. He hated the warm pool of relief that blanketed his stomach at the sight of his former lover. He hated that he felt safe as Bookman took him into his arms and pressed his head against the man's shoulder. Even more, though, he despised how Lavi-esque this stranger was acting.
"Hush, Yuu, it's okay, I'm right here," the redhead cooed, rocking the two of them slightly. Vaguely, it hit Yuu that the stranger holding him probably knew exactly which terror he had just relived. Regaining his sense of self, he pushed away, determined to keep himself at a distance both physically and emotionally. He didn't need Bookman-he was just fine without him and had been for six years.
He tried not to notice the shocked expression that covered the Bookman's face before he schooled his features once more.
"Get out of my room," Yuu hissed, looking just past Bookman's ear. His gaze landed on the door, where he saw both Lenalee and her white-haired husband peeking in.
Frustrated by his own weakness, Yuu grabbed his coat that was draped over his desk chair and stormed from his room and then the house. It was already morning again, he had slept through the afternoon, evening, and night. Yuu cursed as he realized that he had had to leave his own room just to escape the redheaded stranger who bore such a close resemblance to his former lover. He cursed again when he realized that he had wasted a full day that he could have used to search another section of London.
To make up for the lost time, Yuu spent the whole day scanning the city, searching for her, the person he had spent the majority of his life seeking. The sun was already beginning to set when he returned to the quaint little house on the Thames. It appeared that Komui had come for his usual cup of afternoon tea and had left, earlier than normal, which meant that Kloud had obviously put her foot down and demanded that her husband actually eat dinner with her for once.
There was a commotion in the kitchen, and curious, Yuu decided it was best to investigate. Lenalee was shouting at the white-haired man to stop stealing pieces of her cooking, and the one-armed man was looking guiltily at his wife as the strange redhead giggled at their fight. The room sobered as the occupants noticed Yuu presence. That wasn't uncommon, especially after they had witnessed Yuu losing control like he had that morning.
Lenalee was the first to break the silence, "Any luck today, Yuu-kun?"
"Che,same as the last two weeks. Absolutely nothing."
She smiled at him softly, understanding filling her eyes, "Don't worry, you'll find them eventually. I'm sure another lead will appear soon. Bread? I just finished baking it." And just like that the conversation turned to how Lenalee had spent the whole day baking, only to have been successful in making a single loaf because Allen had been continually stealing pieces of dough. The couple bickered back and forth and Yuu was able to take his attention away, knowing he wouldn't have to contribute anything. His gaze wandered to the only other person in the room. Bookman was looking at the flirting pair with a strange expression. It was an expression Lavi would have made, contented enjoyment. There was a small smile on the stranger's lips, and his green eye was fixed on the two. It was obvious the Bookman didn't realize what his face was giving away. Deep down, it made Yuu somewhat contented to know that the man was slipping. Like the man deserved to be having trouble. But that was a stupid feeling.
Then Yuu thought back, the man had been gigglingat the couple as Yuu had walked in. That morning he had called him Yuu again. The Bookman had called him Yuu-chan yesterday in the cafe. That was far too many slips to be normal.
"What'cha starin' at, Kanda?" The redhead's voice jarred Yuu back into reality. He had been staring, and he would berate himself about that later, because right now he had to make sure he had heard that sentence right. That voice was far too Lavi-ish.
"Have you been drinking, Bookman?" He asked nonchalantly.
"Eh?" The redhead blinked several times in confusion. Yuu scoffed, resisting the urge to punch the man who was an idiot in any persona.
"I can't understand you because you're slurring your words," the Japanese man reiterated.
Bookman blinked again, and then his face became a mask of nothingness, just as it had been the moment his Master had died.
"Excuse me," the redhead mumbled, inclining his head and departing the room. A moment later, Yuu heard a door close and assumed the stranger had gone out for some air.
Allen and Lenalee stopped arguing when they heard Bookman leave. Sitting down at the table, they looked at him, as if waiting for him to explain something.
Allen was the first to speak. "Kanda, why do you think he's here? Why did he follow you? Did he say anything that may have given away what exactly his mission is in London?" The man's face was surprisingly serious, and Yuu wondered why he thought the Bookman would have told him anything.
"He just said it was for business, we all know that even though he was an idiot as Lavi; as Bookman, he won't give information. Everything he does is planned." Yuu had thought it was obvious, but he had to wonder why Moyashiwas asking.
"Well, then there must be a reason that he stopped by."
"Nostalgia? Missing the good old days? Bringing up bad memories? Who knows, but I couldn't really care less what he does, as long as he leaves me out of it." Yuu had to admit that the Moyashi was right. There was a reason Bookman was here. He was going against what it meant to be a Bookman, retying broken connections. A Bookman, once he left one life, was supposed to discard everything related to it, so why was the redhead here? Why had he even acknowledged Yuu the other day? Yuu was going to get to the bottom of this.
Standing up, he left the house, wondering just where the Bookman had gone. He didn't have to look far, as the redhead was only a block away, leaning against a rail and looking out onto the Thames. Yuu walked up quietly, standing a meter away, and waited for the man to notice his presence.
"Is there something you want?" Bookman's voice was cold, colder than his lifeless eye.
"Why are you here? What is it that you want from us?" They were simple questions, ones that he knew he wouldn't get straight answers to, but was going to ask them anyway.
"Needed a place to stay, knew Lenalee was in town, and when I saw you I knew that you would take me to her, and she, being the generous soul she is, would offer me shelter, free of charge. I am here on business, and I want nothing from you." The response was colder than the question, and it was obviously only half true.
"Well, now that I know what to tell Lenalee, why don't you tell me what you really want from me so that I can get on with my life."
The redhead didn't look at him, he continued to stare out onto the river. He was silent for a long while, and Yuu was just about to sigh and walk away when the stranger spoke. "I just wanted to see them. I thought you were dead, and I was so shocked that you weren't because-I just wanted to apologize."
Yuu didn't know what to say to that. The Bookman was lying to him, that was for sure, and from the way he had changed mid-sentence, it was obvious.
"Great, well then apologize so I don't have to see your face anymore."
Bookman opened his mouth, a weird light in his eye, and Yuu abruptly realized that he didn't want to hear it. "Don't say it," he bit out. "You don't even have to say it. Apology accepted. Now you can go back to whatever mission you're on with your not-there guilt appeased." With that, Yuu turned and stormed away, heading back to Lenalee's home, where he would tell her Bookman's "reasons for being there."
Obviously, the conversation didn't go well, though in the back of Yuu's brain, he supposed it was his own fault. He was in such a horrible mood that he nearly punched the wall-or Moyashi, who was a more tempting target-when Lenalee nodded with a rueful smile and went back to baking her cookies. When the redhead returned an hour or two later, she smiled at him and told him he was still welcome, a response that made Yuu's blood boil. The entire day had been a failure, from his ridiculous nightmare to the continued presence of the stranger. Yuu ignored him, too upset to trust himself to stand up and not hit something-Bookman had taken Allen's place as target of choice.
Finally, once the kitchen had been abandoned by the other three, Yuu got up and left the house, streaking across the dark London streets at a brisk pace, trying to clear his mind. Normally, he would have meditated, but being in such close proximity to the redheaded Bookman made him want to kill something, making the atmosphere anything but calm and peaceful. The exercise made him work off the stress of the day, and by the time he returned at dawn, he was tired enough to ignore his anger at his former lover and fall into a deep sleep that for once carried no dreams.