I dedicate this cheerful little Tortoise tale to DunnyWater who makes a very good point Cupid's matchmaking should not be Human-centric when there is a whole Planet full of Creatures, large and small who equally (if not more so since many of them are endangered) need to find their True Loves!

Note. Claire's opinion of Trevor's mental state does does not match the Author's. I know who he really is! ;)

Cupid: Trevor Saves a Tortoise.

Using the rearview mirror Claire stared at her patient/friend with eyes full of fear and reluctant admiration. "Trevor that was the most fool hearty and one of the kindest things I ever saw a Male do! You could have been killed! And for what? To save a Reptile with a brain the size of a pea when your IQ is over 300! Crossing six lanes of traffic during rush hour to save a Turtle! I'm only supposed to be taking you for a Pet Scan not helping you kill yourself! My heart almost stopped beating when you got out of the car in the middle of Long Island Express way! I wasn't even sure why you were doing it at first! Even if you are a Psychotic Mental Patient most of the time you show more common sense and instinct for self preservation than this! I didn't think I had to keep my car in Kid safe mode!"

Trevor smiled, "This little Gal is a Tortoise really, Claire Bear. Turtles are Water Tortoises and Tortoises are Land Turtles. That is if we want to be picky, picky picky!"

Claire was exasperated! "I don't care about the proper terminology! You could have been killed! You aren't supposed to be a danger to yourself and others and yet you could have been killed, could have caused a major multicar pile up that would have caused deaths and injuries and lots of People late for work to save a Reptile!

Trevor shrugged. This was one Doctor Patient lecture he really didn't deserve! "Ah, gee whiz, Claire lots of Folks both on and off of Olympus are soft touches for Animals! I couldn't just let this little old Gal get killed!"

She sighed, "I know you can actually tell me but how do you know she was a Female?"

"Is a Female, Claire Bear. She hasn't changed genders in the last few moments. The bottom of her shell isn't indented to make it easy for a Male Turtle to make love."

Claire snapped sarcastically, "Only you would what a Reptile does 'making love. Watch out that she doesn't bite you!"

Trevor was insistent. "They do make love, Claire Bear. You contemporary Mortals don't "get it," yet. But you will and even very shortly! You would be amazed at just how far down the evolutionary chain I go! And she isn't going to bite me. I am sending what I am right into her little, (very wise I must point out) 'pea brain' as you referred to it and more importantly into all the neurons that line her gut and she has calmed right down."

Claire reminded herself, Oh yes. He thinks he IS Love! Claire looked at her new Passenger in her inside rear view. She was being held on Trevor's lap and was laying there contentedly. Amazingly she didn't seem to be struggling. Neither was she turtled up.

Trevor added, "I even saw the Mono Liza look on a Female Alligator making love once. That wasn't in omnipresent mode. That was on the Discovery Channel."

Claire sighed. She had to ask! "The Mona Liza look?"

Trevor explained, "The look that comes from the insight, God, (I mean the Big God), gives almost all Females when they have righteous and holy sex, the kind that is meant to produce wanted Offspring. He lets them know intuitively that they are part of the Great Evolutionary Circle of Life that starts, (if a circle can be said to have a start), with the first Self Replicating Single Cell and ends, (if a circle can be said to have an end), with the Omega Point, with God Himself."

Claire sighed, "All very well and good. As usual your theology is wonderful even if you think you are part of it in as way that is just plain loco! But this doesn't distract me from the fact you risked your life and a lot of other Folks to save what is basically a big, dumb Lizard with a shell!"

Trevor laughed and looked at the precious treasure in his lap, "Gerty you aren't dumb! Are you?!" Then he smiled and looked at his Therapist. "Claire Bear, Tortoises and Turtles are immortal. Did you know that? Unlike most other Creatures they do not have any genetic built in obsolescence. So if nothing killed them, and sadly something always does because they can get sick and they can have accidents and they just taste too darn good, but if nothing killed them they could live until they got so big they would collapse and die under their own weight. That by the way is what killed many of the Dinosaurs though they were really Birds not Reptiles." Trevor got a distant, far away look in his eyes like he was remembering what he couldn't possibly really be old enough to remember, "They would get so big, and so old and so very wise until one day they just could not hold themselves up any more! It didn't help that every little bit of space dust and every mini-meteorite as well as all the bigger ones, and every leaf that grows on every Plant (which are made mostly, as we gods are, from Sunlight) adds to the weight of the Earth so it gets more massive and thus heavier all the time. So you see, Claire Bear even if the Big One hadn't taken a huge number of them out all at once all the little meteorites would have eventually did the Dinos in. Or at least made them have to evolve to be a whole lot smaller which is really what has happened. Birds are really Dinosaurs. Even T Rex had the most beautiful and brightly colored plumage! Yes really he did, Claire Bear! You are such a skeptic but you can look this fact up for yourself now. It is not just us gods who remember it was so any more. Mortal Paleontologists have finally figured it out. Stephen Spielberg did these three, ABSOLUTELY wonderful and fun movies about huge, plucked Chickens running around and I do so hope he does some CGIing and fixes that someday!"

Claire laughed. She could not help herself.

Then Trevor continued and proved himself as usual the possessor of a very out of touch with reality mind however hyper-competent though he was. "I kind of had to rescue this Old Gal because in a way she's a Relative. The Future Building Mortals use some of the genes from the potentially immortal Turtles and Tortoises to make us, Claire Bear."

She sighed, "I thought you said they used Dog genes?"

Trevor smiled and shook his head, "They used the genes for faithfulness and obsession with serving Mortal-manity from Dogs. They used the genes for a very long, potentially immortal life span from these cute, little, living wind up toy, Testudines. They used all sorts of genes and Artificial DNA (ADNA) and computer programming and stuff that hasn't even been conceived of in this era to make us little g gods, Claire Bear!"

Dr Claire McCrae shook her head firmly and said, "Trevor you are distracting me again! You have such a talent for that! I know full well with your incredibly high IQ and your Creativity Quotient going off the charts you can keep these Olympian confabulations going on forever, make them up with joy at the drop of a hat and then unlike other Delusionals who have to work at their confabulations night and day so they have no mental energy left to have plain old fun with you can turn around and in a perfectly healthy, normal manner pretend you are Captain Kirk or someone else for a few moments. There would have been a time when Therapists would have fallen for it and let a Patient like you go on and on but I at least am seeing right through you for the moment. You are avoiding what for now at least is the main issue, and that is plainly that you love yourself so little you valued a Reptile's life over your own!"

Trevor sighed, "Claire lots of People would have done what I just did! Look at her, Dr Claire McCrae! How can you resist a sweet, cute, little, old, wizened face like herrrrs?"

Claire spread her arms, "No! Look around you, 'Eros!' Did you see anybody else cross six lanes of traffic for a Turtle?!"

"TORTOISE!" Claire corrected herself at the same time Trevor did.

Trevor continued, "They didn't have to. They saw I was doing it. I beat everybody to it. "

She sighed. He probably was right about that.

She bit her lip and considered. It was rush hour and as usual traffic was crawling along. In a way he really hadn't been in so much danger. And for all she know he might actually have stopped an accident and that multicar pile up she was accusing him of almost starting. Someone else might have swerved to avoid the Turtle, (whoops Tortoise) and started what she had feared he would start! But she could never let him know that she was thinking this! She had to teach him to be more responsible! Or he could end up back in the mental hospital!

Suddenly there was a tap on her window. She looked up only to find still another crazy-brave Human had crossed many lanes of traffic to get to THEM!" Reluctantly for he could have been dangerous (but Trevor was big and strong and had demonstrated to the Orderlies and the Bouncer at Tres Equis that he could defend himself and her if he had to) she opened the window a crack so she could hear what he had to say.

"Excuse me Ma'am! But that was one of the bravest and kindest things I have seen in a very long time. I am a Reporter for the New York Times and I would like to interview your Passenger. Here is my Reporter's badge."

She looked at it through her car window. It looked authentic.

"May I get in the car?"

She sighed and reluctantly unlocked it.

Soon her Animal loving patient and the Animal loving Reporter were talking up a storm and Trevor had the sense not to mention one word about being from Olympus! Instead he talked about how he was an Animal Lover from way back ever since his Uncle brought him a huge, albino Tarantula named, "Sea Foam" to meet and greet for a few moments before taking her home, and how he had once put a Frog in his Sister's soup and then deeply regretted when his Mother explained that for all they knew potato soup could have killed Froggy since Potatoes are members of the Solanace family and Frogs drink through their skin, and a dozen other incidences that carefully stripped of their Olympian references sounded like a perfectly normal childhood! Maybe because of what she had taught him and having been locked up for 90 days Trevor had learned to pass for normal when he wanted to! That was for sure! And it was reassuring!

Trevor mentioned that he was managing Tres Equis and, "to come on down for food, the fun and the socializing.'

The Reporter promised to mention that.

Claire felt even more satisfaction. That would bring in quite a few more Customers and make Trevor's Boss, Felix happy, and that would make her Patient's job even more secure and the more secure his job was the less chance he had of ending up recommitted.

Trevor had said once during therapy his family had said he always "landed on his feet like his pet Tigress, Sasha."

He had this time too! Inwardly she growled, How did he always manage to do it? Turn his craziness and irresponsible antics into real magic that actually helped their suffering, dull, and hope-hungry World?

The Reporter said, "Now that you have rescued Gerty what do you plan to do with her?"

Trevor shrugged and frowned, "I admit I don't know. I live in one room in an apartment I share with my Boss in Queens. I don't have room for a Tortoise this size or any size. She should live wild and free! Or at least with more space than I can give her! And I would have to keep her by herself. That would be cruel! Nothing should ever have to live alone! I of all People..." He let his voice trial off...

Claire held her breath that he wouldn't let something about his delusion slip! But to her relief he didn't!

Instead he continued, "So I haven't thought it out that far. I just had to get her out of the middle of the roadway first!"

The Reporter said, "May I make a suggestion?"

Trevor said, "Please!''

The Reporter said, "I know a Reptile refuge and rehabilitation facility in Jersey. I think they actually have an injured Male Box Tortoise of this type they would love to find a Mate for. He can't be released but he could pass his valuable genes on if a suitable Mate could be found for him. My Cousin lives near there and I am visiting her tomorrow. I could drop Gerty off there on my way to go see my Cousin. Would that work for you, Mr Pierce?"

Trevor smiled one of his Sun-is-out grins and Claire breathed a sigh of relief ! Gerty would be out of her car before she had to do what Turtles, (ah, that is Tortoises ) had to do after they have eaten and before Trevor got too emotionally attached to her! Honestly he was more like a little kid than the 3001 year old god he claimed to be!

So a few minutes later the brave or crazy or both Reporter was high tailing it across several lanes of traffic again with the very much protesting Gerty in his hands. She was kicking and struggling instead of turtling up in her shell the way one would think a Tortoise would try to defend herself and whatever mojo Trevor had used to keep her calm apparently didn't work once she was no longer in his hands!

Trevor had his face pressed against the car window like a broken hearted little Kid, "By by, Gerty!" He exclaimed.

Claire smiled, "A little Transactional Analysis here. The Adult in you did the right and responsible thing and you do know that. But the Kid in you is already missing your new Friend!"

Trevor frowned and nodded ruefully. For once he didn't dispute Claire's analysis of him one bit. She had nailed him in fact!

A few days later during his Thursday therapy session, Trevor's cell phone rang. He flipped it open one handed, pleased to see he could do the, "Captain Kirk maneuver." As was the custom during therapy he made sure it was in speaker mode. So she overheard the Reporter from their road encounter relate how Gerty and her new Husband were hitting it off splendidly!"

*They have already made Tortoise love, Trevor. I think maybe you are going to be a god parent!*

Trevor grinned at that, "insufferably pleased with himself," as Mr. Spock would have put it.

Claire rolled her eyes. On top of it all, why did he have to use THAT term?

*So we can expect some little Tortoises to be crawling around their pen in a few months. As one Tortoise Lover to another I want to thank you for doing what you did to help preserve their species!*

Trevor's grin just got broader and broader! "I want to thank you too, Sir, for helping me get a little bit closer to paradise!"

*What do you mean by that?* The Reporter asked.

Trevor, most thankfully explained without explaining, "I believe whenever I help make two Beings happy the way I just made Gerty and her Beloved happy I get a little bit closer to my Eternal Home."

*What a lovely, healthy religious belief, Trevor! I am so glad you aren't as narrow minded as some Folks are who think that being kind is something that only counts if it is done to Humans!*

Trevor mouthed "lovely, healthy religious belief," at his frustrated Therapist and stuck his tongue out at her. Then he asked, "Maybe sometime after the Little Ones are born you would be willing to take me to go see them? I would like to snap some pictures for this web site I am working on about my experiences bringing more Love into the world. That is kind of a hobby of mine. In fact it is more than a hobby. It is the reason my and I family exist!"

*I would be delighted! And what a wonderful hobby and way of life!*

Trevor beamed.

Claire stared at the ceiling imploring Whoever or Whoevers were really in power to deliver her from Trevor's incredible ability to make his craziness other People's normalcy!

Finally the mutual admiration society broke up and Claire tried to do damage control. But Resistance was futile!"

"Cupid" just sat there beaming at her like he was a Cat who had ate a whole Pet shop full of Canaries. "And that Claire Bear, is how I got my tenth Bead!"

Claire gave him a witheringly, skeptical look. But it like trying to put out a sunshiny day! "By matching a Turt, a Tortoise?"

"Cupid" nodded. Yes! Two Claire Bear! I certainly can't match just one. Would you believe it?!"

Claire said quickly. "No!"

But Trevor just as The Big God does at disbelieving Mortals, just threw back his head and laughed and laughed and laughed!

The End

Author's Note to learn more about the paleogravity theory of Dinosaur Extinction go to my Friend Duff's page. Fanfic won't let me put urls here. So google for "Duff's paleogravity hypothesis for Dinosaur extinction."