It is true that when Suyin met Baatar she was intrigued by his enthusiasm for his job. She had grown up around people who were obsessed with work, but his interest was different. Everybody knew her mother was an absent one, and Lin soon followed into her steps, also becoming an absent sister. Truth be told, at first it was easy for Su to blame them for her rebellious attitude, but that excuse had been over as soon as she left Republic City.
Her grandparents weren't bad people, but they were too… elegant for her taste. Two weeks within their overprotective reach had been enough for her to remember every single time she had irked her sister on purpose. She didn't necessarily regret her past, but she could see the advantages of being with her own family. It took her months of insistence and wild behavior to finally make her grandparents run out of patience and let her -beg her to- leave and roam the world.
When she met Baatar, her family experience made her indifferent to even consider him as a potential partner. In fact, all she saw was a dedicated architect. To her, the concept of family had a different meaning than what was usually taught. If she closed her eyes pondering the issue, she saw the faces of her friends from the circus. The acrobat twins who taught her the art of swinging in the heights, or the juggler who almost peed himself the first time she tried to mimic him. She never knew their names. The circus was a gathering place for runaways and, although she had left her grandparents' house with their blessing, she still had demons haunting her.
Leaving the circus had been one of the hardest decisions she had ever made. Suyin treasured the nights around a bonfire, sharing old stories -at least the ones they felt comfortable sharing; or the thrill that ran down her spine every single night right before performing, when she would look down at the audience and read their faces. It wasn't her life, though. As much as she loved the careless rhythm and its carpe diem tone, she felt she still had great things ahead of her. She knew having people she could lean on was a priceless gift that she probably didn't deserve, but she wanted to have a place she could call home as well.
That was why she had decided to leave and search for the people who would help her work on her goals.
Now, here she was, waiting for the man who would help her shape her home. She had looked everywhere for renown architects, but each of them laughed at her as soon as she mentioned she intended metal to be one of the main materials used in the construction.
All of them except for the silent, focused man she was waiting for right now. Su hadn't planned to meet with him, but one architect had set their meeting at a bar in a town not far away from Ba Sing Se. The architect drank too much too quickly -which already had Suyin decide she wouldn't work with him- and soon started mocking her loudly. She had ended up alone in the bar, gathering her rough drafts with such anger that she almost ripped the papers. That was when she heard his voice behind her back, asking if she was a metalbender. According to him, that was the only explanation for her to desire a city made of metal.
He glanced at the drawings she still hadn't picked up and took one in his hands, studying it closely. "I assume you are aware you'll need metalbenders to build this place" he said simply, looking at Su while fixing his glasses, "and money. This will certainly be expensive."
"I've got all that covered" had answered Su, taking the paper from his hands. Her brows were furrowed and her mouth pursed in a pout. All she wanted was to leave the place and go to her hotel room to cry in peace. Yet he had simply smiled at her and offer his hand for a shake, "My name's Baatar. I may not be a famous architect, but I have experience. It would be a privilege to join such an ambitious project."
She hadn't been able to sleep that night, spending it tossing and turning instead. What if it was a bad idea? What if the architect wasn't good enough? She hadn't even been able to see some of his previous work. What if they had trouble finding more people to join them? It was true she knew many metalbenders - her mother used to have an academy, after all- but what guarantee did she have that they would want to work for her?
That last fear had ended up being an unfortunate reality. It seemed to Su that everyone was skeptic to the idea of metal, and they couldn't just hire anyone to work with it. After months of studying her chosen land, buying the lot, and working over and over on prints and designs, she now had to face Baatar and admit she had no one else.
She probably wasn't even sure why the idea of telling him scared her so much. After all, he was just her architect. Still, the idea of having the young man be even slightly disappointed added a weight to her stomach that she hadn't experienced before. A part of her -the reasonable one which she was used to ignoring- knew exactly what was happening to her, but the other part refused to believe it. It might be a crush, but nothing else. Before her thoughts kept studying that possibility, she heard a knock on the door that made her sigh.
Suyin glanced at the clock on the bedside table and chuckled. The world would end the day Baatar was late for an appointment, and she was discovering how much she loved consistency.
Wasting no time, she stood from the couch she had been sitting on, grabbed her bag and walked out of the small house she had been renting to see Baatar standing next to his vehicle, opening the passenger's door for her. She tried with all her will to suppress the smile threatening to escape, but it was impossible and she focused on, at least, making it look amicable. It seemed to work, as he reached out his hand for her to shake.
"Morning, miss Beifong" he greeted with a lopsided smile, making her roll her eyes at him.
"Please, just call me Su" she asked, as usual, although the man seemed to have an unbreakable sense of professionalism that prevented him from seeing her as anything other than his boss. He shrugged and looked down with a small grin on his lips. Then he gestured at the vehicle with his head and walked up to his own side to start the car. The weight on her stomach appeared again as she stepped inside and closed the door.
"Baatar…" came out of her lips without her even knowing what to keep saying.
"Hmm?" he asked vaguely, tilting his head towards her as a sign of attention, even though he kept his eyes focused on the road. Before she could keep going, he reached to her side of the car to grab something from the glove box. It was a small paper package that he handed to Suyin with an excited smile, "I spent awake most of the night working on these" he explained simply pushing his glasses up his nose with his index finger.
She found herself biting on her lower lip as she played with the small envelope in her hands.
"Baatar…" she said once more, sounding even more doubtful than before, "There's something we need to talk about."
"Sure thing, we have much time to talk on the way to the lot" he noted, shooting her a quick, fearful glance, "Just… give those a chance and then we'll talk."
Su shook her head and put the envelope back in the glove box before turning to look straight at Baatar. Taking a deep breath, she finally gathered the courage to tell him the truth.
"We can't keep going with this project" she announced, relieved that her voice didn't break in the middle of her sentence.
She kept her eyes on him, studying his reaction. He frowned and pursed his lips. His back tensed and she could see his veins pop on his hands as he gripped the steering wheel with more strength than necessary. In silence, he drove to the side of the road and stopped the car. Then he slowly turned around to look at her.
If she thought she would see anger or disappointment, she was mistaken. His eyes were sad, but not accusing, and he had trouble keeping his eyes on her, as if he were ashamed for some reason.
"Listen…" he started, taking off his glasses to rub his closed eyes, "I know I am young and that someone more experienced would already have something built, but I truly want to stay in the project…"
His words stopped making sense for Suyin as he kept talking. She opened her mouth in surprise, trying to make sense of the assumption he was making. She couldn't help the warmth she felt spreading through her body as she watched him talk and almost plead, fearing she would fire him. Shaking her head, she placed a hand on top of his to interrupt his babbling.
"Baatar, I've loved working with you" she assured him, which caused a confused expression to appear on his face. She let go of his hand to nervously play with her fingers instead, "You are marvelous at your job and I am fortunate to have met you, but… The truth is I can't find anyone else who wants to join us in this enterprise."
It was a simple admission, but saying it out loud made the facts feel like a slap to her face. All of a sudden, she felt a lump in her throat and tears welling up her eyes. She looked away, embarrassed by the seemingly out of nowhere reaction, furious that she was being weak in front of Baatar.
Still, now that the door was open, there was no way of stopping the avalanche of emotions she had been pushing to the deepest corners of her mind and heart.
"I've looked everywhere!" she kept saying against her will, furiously wiping her tears away, "But it's no different than with the architects. They only laugh at me as if I was planning something ludicrous and impossible!"
In spite of his silence, she could feel him staring at her, which only made the knot in her throat tighten.
"I honestly thought I could do this" her voice was now broken, with some words being impossible to hear, "Not only that, I needed to do it. You may think I'm just being stubborn and proud, but I wasn't doing it to show others that I could… I was doing this for myself, because I… I have changed so much in the past few years that I hoped I'd get to also build my home from scratch. Just wanted to have a place that meant something to me… But I failed."
A long, unyielding silence fell upon them. The only sound being the occasional sobs coming from Suyin. She could feel her own shoulders shake uncontrollably as she tried to take deep breaths, but the more she tried, the more her breathing broke, making her stomach and head ache. She kept her face down while trying to collect herself.
Eventually, she felt a firm hand sliding up and down her back before gently pulling her to her side so she could lean into Baatar. She was too tired to let her pride rule over her and willingly allowed herself to give in to the hug. He spent a few minutes simply holding her and stroking her arm until she -finally- started breathing regularly.
It was then when she became highly aware of his proximity. Against her will, she took a deep breath and moved away from him to sit straight in her seat. Then she clumsily cleaned her face with her sleeves.
"I'm sorry Baatar" she apologized in a whisper, "I… wasn't expecting such an…"
Her speech was interrupted when Baatar's hand gently landed on top of hers, making her look straight into his eyes. She was surprised to find his lips were curved into a small smile, as if he found hers an amusing sight.
"I may not be the strongest man around, but I'm sure I can help move one thing or two around as long as you also help with your metalbending" he offered. His voice was low and soft, which made her heart skip a beat, overtaken by his tenderness.
"Baatar, we can't build a city on our own" she complained, sporting her characteristic pout, not without rolling her eyes first. Still, he only placed a hand under her chin and shook his head.
"We don't need to build the whole city" he had leaned close to her as she complained, and was then realizing how inappropriate he was being. Slowly, he moved back, also letting go of her hand. For a moment, he thought he saw a glimpse of disappointment in her eyes, but when he blinked, she was simply shooting him a skeptical glance. He cleared his throat and started the engine once more, "We start building your house ourselves. When they finally witness what we'll achieve, they'll be lining up to join us! Everyone will want to be part of this, Suyin! You just need to be patient."
She saw it there again. The unwavering enthusiasm that filled him whenever he talked about her dreamed home. Suyin couldn't help but wonder where he would go once they were done. The look he had in his face and the fact he had actually called her by her name, made her stomach flutter and she wished he could be by her side for a long time.
He started driving, focusing his eyes on the road once more while smiling, as if he knew his words had had a calming effect on her. With hesitation, she reached out towards the hand he had on the gear stick and placed hers over it, glancing at his face to see his reaction. When all he did was smile softly, she allowed herself to relax on her seat.
"Do you really think it will work?" she asked, her voice still shaky.
He took his eyes away from the road for a second to look in her direction.
"Suyin, I believe when you set your eyes on something, there is no way you won't get it."
She looked at their hands, then back at him… and she prayed to the spirits that he was right.