If you asked Iris West to pinpoint the worst events of her life, she could produce an entire list, ranked and numbered from less painful to more. All the incidents that made the cut were grievous, it was just a matter of how relatively afflictive they were. Her heart seemed to break a little more with each successive tragedy until it finally shattered.

Difficult: Her mother's death.

Distressing: Barry's coma.

Harrowing: Eddie's suicide.

Agonizing: Barry's combustion.

Frightening: Wally's disappearance.

Traumatic: Her potential murder.

Unbearable: Another day without Barry.

At least she had already been accustomed to a mother-less life. At least Barry's body was concretely visible when he was comatose. At least Eddie's death was immediate and certain. At least Wally and Barry were detectable when they each ventured into the Speed Force for the first time. At least her death meant she was leaving her loved ones behind and not the opposite, because she didn't know if she could tolerate the opposite.

She can't. The present confirmed that.

This time, Barry was more than her best friend. This time, he was the man she was to commit herself to and create a life with. And this time, he really wasn't coming back.

Like all runners, he's reached his finish line, Nora Allen had said. No manifestation of the Speed Force had ever proclaimed such a statement of finality.

Perhaps what made the situation even more taxing wasn't its irrevocability, but its ambiguity. She didn't know if Barry was dead or alive, only that he wasn't with her. His message to her, what he made her promise him certainly gave the impression that he was never returning, but that didn't give Iris closure. While closure about his mortality would grant her some peace of mind, she only wanted that closure if it meant that Barry was still living. She couldn't bear it if he were deceased. Even if he could never come home to her again, the knowledge that he existed somewhere, anywhere, would be enough.

Which is why she's been arguing with Cisco often. He evidently also wants closure on the status of his friend, which Iris can't fault him for. Where Cisco varies from her is his conviction that Barry is alive, so much that he wants to scout him out, which is exactly what Iris dreads. A search for Barry might confirm her worst horror: his death. She always prided herself on being someone who took risks, who advocated for truth, no matter how brutal it might be, except when it came to Barry. She would rather live in ignorance than live with the unimaginable.

She didn't know how she was possibly going to explain that to Cisco in the midst of a heated row at STAR Labs, so she had excused herself before things escalated, really before she broke down in tears. Her voice had already started to give her away.

Her father hadn't been much help later that night either. His desire for closure was also different: he suggested they grieve Barry as though he had passed away. Iris had disputed that they had nothing to bury, but only because she feared acting as though Barry was dead might really prompt his death, like some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. She knows that's bizarre, but that cognizance doesn't do anything to suppress her fear.

Iris understands why her dad would make such a proposal. They've already had to bend the truth about Barry's disappearance anyway. Anyone who was aware of his identity as The Flash knew where he really was, but obviously a good number of individuals had no knowledge of Barry's double life and had to be fed an explanation.

As of May, Barry was officially deemed missing by the police. They spread a consistent tale about how they lost him during the chaos of the lightning storm, which wasn't really difficult to do. The Wests and Barry's friends and colleagues were already mourning his absence anyway. The only challenge Iris supposes is that she had to pretend like she didn't know where Barry was and act hopeful he might mysteriously turn up. Everyone at work treated her as though she were a widow, and really, Iris didn't mind. She might as well have been one.

Explaining The Flash's absence was easier. All it took was a published piece that Central City's hero had collectively rescued all citizens from that phenomenal lightning storm by running into it and stabilizing it.

Turns out it's easier to tell the truth.