She stumbled around their house for days. Her house. She'd have to get used to saying that. Suddenly what was Donna's was now hers. Her room, her kitchen, her bathroom. She inwardly shuddered at the memory of pulling some of Bob's hair out of the shower drain that morning. She made a mental note to talk to Donna about it. Not that Donna would do anything about it, of course. She was too busy doing whatever she was doing with Eric. At his house. Where Steven was.
She tried not to think about him. She convinced herself to go out, get a job.
Whatever.
It wasn't going to happen. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get those words out of her mind. I love you, Jackie.
He lied, of course. How could someone so self-centered, so egotistical be loved? And how could someone like her love in return? It was all a lie. All of it.
She sat in the room that she shared with her best friend, wearing his old t-shirt, and the tears started to fall. He had told her that he was not going to hurt her. That all the damage that Michael had inflicted on her would be a thing of the past.
Again, he lied. Michael had cheated on her. And so did Steven. And it hurt.
It hurt because the wounds she had had due to her first heartbreak were re-opened, and all of the unseen self-esteem issues came pouring out. I must be ugly. I look fat. Maybe I'll skip breakfast today. Nah. Who am I kidding? No one will even notice if I become a stick anyway. And then came the second wave of hurt. The betrayal. He told her that he would never hurt her, never do what Michael did. And that hurt more than anything else.
Her life played out in front of her like a movie. She looked for where it went wrong. Where she went wrong. Because he was too perfect to be flawed. It had to be her. Was she too clingy? Too needy? Too pushy? She would never know. All she did know was that crying felt good, and she would do it for as long as the tears would come.